[Fic] More Than This - 11/15
Dec. 20th, 2011 04:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: More Than This
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Tablo/Eunhyuk
Other: various
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crime, romance
Warnings: violence, death (not of main characters)
Summary: Zhou Mi’s focus is Heartstrings, a dating company where love is more than just a guarantee - it's in Zhou Mi’s blood. A matchmaking gift he’s used with gladness, until a series of murders has it shaping his nightmares.
Eunhyuk, his business partner, can’t let go of his tumultuous past. But finding a man he’s been looking for over half his life has repercussions not only for him, but for Zhou Mi and their future.
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine * Chapter Ten * Chapter Eleven * Chapter Twelve
***
Kyuhyun’s visit bothered Zhou Mi for a solid hour after he’d left, turning his supposedly early night of sleep into a fest of wondering. Especially when Kyuhyun didn’t respond to his text, or his call. He’d wanted to be sure Kyuhyun was all right, for one thing. That and it just felt wrong. Like Kyuhyun had come for another reason. Asking if Zhou Mi was alone, he got that. It had been obvious what he’d left for. But getting that answer wouldn’t have been reason for Kyuhyun to leave. Zhou Mi would’ve run after him if he’d been in more than just shorts. And as it was, he’d been tempted.
Sleeping with someone else became problematic, when he let a man buy him a drink, flirt with him. Touch his hand.
Only to see Kyuhyun’s hands, Kyuhyun’s face as they’d touched. Kyuhyun lazing beside him, smile curling.
He could’ve done anonymous sex, but the hunger wasn’t in it for him like it had been. The fear of that realization half led him to reach for it anyway. But his gut had him walking away. Kyuhyun showing up was so odd, so appropriate to his mental state. There was something he wasn’t seeing, some block he wasn’t getting past. But his stomach was still knotting when he made it to work, and then waited for Eunhyuk to arrive. He was nonchalant about it, he thought, walking out to lean against Eunhyuk’s desk.
There hadn’t been any emails from Kyuhyun, and he was burning to know.
“Have your heard from Kyuhyun this morning?”
“No,” Eunhyuk said, looking up at him. “He doesn’t usually call unless he’ll be late or sick. Why?”
It was hardly a secret, Zhou Mi thought. And it was his best friend. “He came by my place last night. Didn’t say much. Just knocked and when he saw I was there, left.”
Eunhyuk blinked. “That’s weird.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. I texted him but didn’t get any response.”
There was a thoughtful sound from Eunhyuk. “Was he making sure you got home okay from finding a boytoy?”
Eunhyuk’s protective nature was showing, and it lit all the fondness inside of him. They both did things, were their own people. But he never doubted that Eunhyuk cared. And what he had to say, he knew would make Eunhyuk happy.
“About that… I didn’t, last night. For the first time in a long time, it just felt like I shouldn’t.”
“And you have Kyuhyun on your doorstep looking in on you. Does you not getting laid have something to do with Kyuhyun?”
The sound died in Zhou Mi’s throat, brain scrabbling for something to say. Some excuse, deflection, rebuttal. Because, that was what he was looking for. Denial. The last time he’d gone out, he’d slept with a man who reminded him physically of Kyuhyun. Imagined in too many ways that it was him. That was simple, basic lust. That part he felt he had control of. It was everything beyond that, that made him uneasy.
“I’m matching him,” Zhou Mi said. “That doesn’t mean matching him with me.”
Eunhyuk nodded, but he’d have been a fool to think that was the end. “But you’ve been taking quite a while to do it, haven’t you? He’s been on what, three, four dates? I know you told him you’d fit it in, but you’re usually jumping at a shot like this. Fixing up someone close to you so you can see them fall in love.”
“But we have been busy. And vacation, and the thing with Tablo, the open house, and the nightmares.”
Cheap shot. Bringing those up to divert Eunhyuk. But it was the truth. All of those certainly contributed to why Kyuhyun hadn’t been suitably matched yet. He had Kyuhyun’s file. He’d thought about it, gone over Kyuhyun’s dates, and what Kyuhyun had said about them. Every time he reached for Kyuhyun’s file, it seemed like his hand was taken in another direction. There was always something else to do.
“Straightening his tie, the way you played together in the water at the beach. Touching him.”
“Friendly things,” Zhou Mi protested “We’ve done the same!”
“The hammock. Him sleeping in your bed? Movie night. It’s like you’re trying to make yourself remember what you could have without pigeonholing yourself to one night stands. But with your employee. Someone safe.”
“I don’t think I need to avoid him just because—“
“I didn’t say you had to avoid him,” Eunhyuk said, his voice short of patience. “I just don’t know what’s in your head. It’s not the end of the world if you like him, but it’s like you’re trying to tell me that you don’t.”
“Of course I like him. He’s a good guy.“
His throat felt too tight to continue and Eunhyuk sighed, his head falling back against his chair.
“I was afraid of this, being too late. You spent so much time with him when I was busy with Tablo.”
“There isn’t any kind of too late,” Zhou Mi protested. “What you’re describing could be little more than a crush. Which aren’t illegal, and probably good. Means I’m healing.”
“And you think Kyuhyun would be the best choice? His file said he could be a little emotionally distant. Do you think that really matches well with you?”
“You looked at his file?”
“Oh course. When I realized… When I saw you together at the beach. If it was going anywhere, I needed to know. I was worried. Some of your choices have been… You know.”
Not so wonderful, as they’d already demonstrated. But trying to acknowledge Kyuhyun in any lasting way was so odd and new, that he couldn’t even manage it. Yes, he was attracted. Yes, he found Kyuhyun fun to be with. He was their employee, close to him in age, unattached, smart. If Zhou Mi tried, he could probably win a crush back. Certainly make Kyuhyun want him.
And that was the problem with being unable to feel his intuition for himself. He could look at others and know, but for himself, all he had was logic and feelings. Logic and Eunhyuk’s worried face said stay the hell away, and protect himself.
His feelings were somewhere on the other side. Maybe he was healing, but he wasn’t sure if he trusted himself yet. He drew in a breath.
“Do you think… Do you think he’s interested in me, though?”
“I really don’t know. He does seem very interested in your wellbeing and unnaturally willing to put up with you,” Eunhyuk said, his lips quirking to show he was teasing. “But showing up last night? It’s possible.”
Possible. Kyuhyun’s face outside his door, his hasty retreat. He wondered what would’ve happened if Kyuhyun had stayed. If he’d been quicker, reaching to grab Kyuhyun’s arm. Drawing him in close, and getting answers. He felt like he’d missed something, like closing his eyes during an important part of a movie. He needed to spend time, consult with himself. Possible. So many thing were possible. But steps could be taken in the meantime.
“Maybe we should keep matching him, until something changes. Maybe you should take over.”
Eunhyuk nodded. “That’s a good idea, I think.”
He could nearly hear Eunhyuk’s voice telling him he deserved the best, in that placating and pragmatic tone Eunhyuk had sometime. And Zhou Mi knew it, how he had begun to slide. And maybe there was the option of correcting, before he began to wonder if there was any turning back.
***
The laugh felt wonderful, fading into nothing more than a smile as he reached for his lover’s back. Just to see his smile, feel the curve of his mouth meeting Zhou Mi’s. They loved laughing together. Seeing who could make the other laugh more. Just being together, tangled in bed. Comfort. Need. They had both.
Zhou Mi’s hand curved over his lover’s waist, and urged him back. Urged him to turn, so he could look on the face that moved him. Waiting with held breath as the man’s shoulder tipped back as though he were about to turn.
Zhou Mi’s eyes dipped, awash with love as fingers reached for his.
Maybe that was the knowledge he was waiting for. The man he was meant to take a risk on.
And Zhou Mi woke without seeing what it was he needed.
***
There were some clients that Zhou Mi didn’t have to feign excitement with. Which meant most of his clients. In fact, almost all, if Kyuhyun weren’t included. But Zhou Mi was glad to get out of the office for a little while, even though it was probably cowardly. Telling Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk he’d be back after his meeting with Siwon. Kyuhyun had glanced up with a nod, small smile, and Zhou Mi hadn’t lingered. He had questions, so many of them, but the work came first, and Kyuhyun wasn’t going anywhere. The meeting itself was somewhat odd. After the first couple of dates, Zhou Mi liked to check in personally, face-to-face if possible. Depending on the situation, maybe three or four, taking into account how well it was going. After, he liked to let his clients run with it, coming to him with any comments or concerns. He still kept in touch with them, but not so much as training wheels, and more as backup.
Siwon had been dating the same woman for almost a month. He’d gone to see Siwon once, and had spoken to him on the phone all the other times. But it was Siwon who had initiated the meeting he was going to. Meeting Siwon in a coffee shop, and waiting eagerly for news. An other person, he’d have wondered if it would go either way - good or bad. But Siwon had seemed so upbeat on the phone, that Zhou Mi couldn’t help his excitement.
“Thank you so much for meeting me here,” Siwon said, sitting down with him with a drink. “I know you like to meet with people in person when you can. Like I said on the phone, things are going really well with Yuri. I introduced her to my parents this weekend. And they approved”
“Wow!” Zhou Mi said. He’d known that it would be good news, but that was almost better news that he’d expected. “That’s wonderful. I know when I spoke with her, she was bubbling after your date. So your family liked her. Your sister also?”
Siwon nodded, beaming. “She and Sooyoung seem to get along really well. They talked, while I was with my parents. I think— I know we haven’t been going out that long, but I think she’s the one.”
Siwon stopped, almost surprised with himself if his face had anything to say about it.
“I didn’t expect this. She just makes me so happy.”
Siwon was in love. It was easy to see that, and Zhou Mi’s heart squeezed with how precious it was, and how much it made him want to run out onto the sidewalk and shout in triumph. That intuition he’d had, had led them to that moment. He reached and squeezed Siwon’s hand across the table.
“I’m so happy for you. Hearing that is just wonderful. Just, keep in touch, okay? Continue getting to know each other. I think the two of you together are just beautiful.”
“Thank you. When Sooyoung suggested this, I wasn’t sure. But… Thank you. Do you think I’m going too fast? I wanted to introduce her to my parents after our first date, so—“
Zhou Mi laughed. “Sounds like you’re taking your time, then. No one can tell you what is too fast or too slow. Sometimes you just know. And getting good feedback from your family is just another step in that. Trust yourself.”
Zhou Mi sighed with contentment as Siwon said goodbye, and hugged him in thanks before walking away. Siwon and Yuri, he mused. They would give him pretty babies. Though they’d get to the wedding first.
And he laughed at himself as he turned to go the other way.
He did not get halfway down the block before stopping. News being piped into the street from a single TV monitor. Funeral images, flower arrangements.
Images of the crime scenes.
Hunt for a killer.
It wasn’t sensational, it simply was. There was no one on the sidewalk waving a knife and raving about it.
The image of a child, with her father.
He’d had fear, and anger, and sickness.
What he felt then was only sorrow.
***
It was proof that Tablo had two eyes, if nothing else, that he caught onto the fact that Eunhyuk had something on his mind. Maybe that he was becoming wise to Eunhyuk’s moods, or that there was something magical happening between them. Probably just the first one.
“Let me guess, something to do with Zhou Mi,” Tablo said, sitting across from his as they ate dinner.
“Are you psychic, or am I just that transparent?” Eunhyuk asked.
“Not psychic. Even if it wasn’t Zhou Mi directly, probably something with the business? Family? Friends? Me? Though, I hope not me. Unless you’re wanting to break up with me this soon after getting together.”
Tablo’s eyebrows waggled as though he was pretty sure that wasn’t the case, mouth thinning as smiled in the way that had Eunhyuk’s stomach clutching.
“No,” he sputtered. “But yeah. Him. He’s having…relationship issues. For a relationship that isn’t. It kind of blew up on us today.”
“I know you were worried about him and Kyuhyun at the beach.”
And that Tablo remembered his angst even from then had him sitting back. “Yeah. I know it’ll work itself out. I’d just rather no one get hurt. Sorry. That’s not exactly date conversation.”
“I think anything is date conversation if it needs to be talked about. I’d rather you say it, and get it off your chest than not be able to enjoy being here. And hey, it’s better than when I thought you and Zhou Mi were into each other.”
“Jealous?”
Tablo glanced aside. “Maybe less jealous than disappointed. Even before I knew who you were, well. Look at you.”
Heat burned his face, and he fished for his drink, taking a long draw off of it like that would help cool it down. And give him a chance to think about how to respond.
“I am looking?” he said, but clearly not at himself. He looked up from Tablo’s mouth to meet his eyes. Something kind of unholy in that look, as Tablo set down his chopsticks.
“You ready?” Tablo asked.
For a lot of things.
“Yeah,” he answered. “Let’s go.”
***
It was like a birthday morning, or before some amazing event, that itchy feeling of anticipation. Tablo insisting on paying, sitting next to each other on the subway. Laughing as they looked over movie times for the weekend, and trying to decide what to see. A built in second date.
And it didn’t matter if his subway stop was in another direction, he followed Tablo up onto the street and into his building, with express invitation.
“Thirsty?” Tablo asked, as they got out of their shoes.
“I’m fine, thanks,” he said.
“Music?”
“Sure.” But as he stepped further into Tablo’s apartment, he could see the tension in Tablo’s shoulders. “Is this where you tell me to step into your parlor?”
“Is it that obvious?”
Because Tablo had stopped, he let his body bump close. “Only because I want it to be.”
It didn’t require conversation, or even much thought. The tension from the restaurant, the breathless anticipation and knowledge that they’d been holding back, all stacking together and waiting to fall. It was fascination to watch Tablo talk and think, movement of his mouth, his eyes.
Tablo’s hand curled around the back of his arm, anchor and urging both. Remembering to breathe, to retain some control, so their faces didn’t bump hard. The soft brushing of lips, dampening against each other.
Smiles at tiny sounds and the shiver as Tablo’s hand left his arm to slide hot up his neck.
If he had imagined finding a way to want Tablo less, it hadn’t appeared. As Tablo chuckled against his mouth, and cinched him closer. He wished they were horizontal, that he could pin Tablo down and angle back his head, and take his mouth as he really wanted. And the vision of it had him gasping as Tablo kissed along his jaw, forcing Eunhyuk to grab Tablo’s head just to grasp at some control. Sliding his fingers through Tablo’s hair, tracing his ears. Groaning as Tablo nipped at his skin, and making an interesting discovery.
“You had your ears pierced?” he asked, voice almost unrecognizable.
“For a brief period, when I was trying to show the world who was boss.”
He let his fingers brush over the lobes of Tablo’s ears again. “That’s kind of hot.”
“I won’t argue with you,” Tablo said. “You’d have been too young for me during my rebel phase.”
There was only one thing to do to that statement. And he got his response, Tablo’s hand tightening at his waist as he ran the tip of his tongue up the edge of Tablo’s ear. And his voice was soft. “Glad I’m not now.”
“Couch,” Tablo bit out, and towed Eunhyuk with him.
And he got half his wish, pressing Tablo back into the couch cushions. Tablo’s arm anchored him around his neck, pulling him close until he shuddered. Kissing Tablo until he felt a smile, until he could get his arm behind Tablo’s back. It made him think of the night in the hotel room, talking from their respective beds, waking to see Tablo’s tousled hair. Then, it’d had his mind leaping to a bunch of other scenarios that ended with Tablo looking like that. One day.
He shivered at Tablo’s fingers against his neck, trying not to deprive them both of air. But it was him who was struggling to breath as Tablo nuzzled along his jaw. Doing just what Eunhyuk had - teasing Eunhyuk’s ear with his tongue. It tickled and heated him through, and his gasp wasn’t in the least bit subtle. Nor was Tablo’s little moan of defeat, as he urged Eunhyuk to kiss him again.
They were some awkward tangle of limbs, panting a bit and trading kisses and breaths. Tablo was smirking at him when Eunhyuk finally got his leg twisted out from under him, more comfortably against Tablo’s side, head propped on Tablo’s shoulder.
“I could get used to this,” Tablo murmured against his face.
Eunhyuk let his answer be a kiss.
***
Stupid, was what he was, Kyuhyun thought. He’d had impulses before and reined them in, but going to Zhou Mi’s apartment had been one he should’ve known would haunt him. Not because Zhou Mi said anything, or acknowledged it besides the one text and voicemail asking if he was okay. That Zhou Mi had contacted him at all was reason enough for embarrassment. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if Zhou Mi hadn’t been alone. Or if he hadn’t even been home. He told himself not knowing was better, but half knowing was proving to be hell. Because he had no idea if Zhou Mi had gotten laid, and on top of it, he had a vision of Zhou Mi shirtless in his head. Shorts gaping to reveal the impossibly slender waist, and the underwear band that clung at his hips. Zhou Mi’s hair, un-styled, and curious face. All of those things kept at him, gnawing at him. Sure, okay, Zhou Mi was attractive. It floated around him in the way he spoke, and laughed, and walked. The way his face caught the light like he was some kind of mystical creature. It was all fantasy, and he knew it.
Zhou Mi had gone through shitty relationships, and still seemed ridiculously nice about it. Dedicated to his work, and the belief in his ability. Traumatized by bad things that happened in his dreams. It simultaneously made Kyuhyun want to pet him, or be petted in return. Kind of awkward, wanting to protect a man older than he was. But Eunhyuk was the same age, and seemed inclined to it as well. Zhou Mi could probably chatter anyone’s ear off, and he only had so much patience for it. He liked his time alone. And beyond all of that, Zhou Mi still appealed.
He held his breath the first day back at work. He’d had enough to occupy himself, and Zhou Mi had been busy in meetings. It was possible they could discuss it. He could text Zhou Mi after work, suggest they meet up sometime. Ask how he was, if he’d eaten. Maybe bring a drink he knew Zhou Mi liked to work the next day. It brightened his thoughts considerably, when he allowed himself to think about it.
Zhou Mi cleared his throat, getting Kyuhyun’s attention from several feet away from his desk.
“Are you in the middle of something? Or do you have a few minutes.”
“Nothing I can’t come back to,” Kyuhyun said, half standing and wondering if that was it. If Zhou Mi was calling him back to talk. In a good way, or bad.
“Sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk yesterday,” Zhou Mi said. “I was glad to see you were okay. I was a bit worried after you came by.”
“I was concerned. So was Eunhyuk,” Kyuhyun nearly blurted, with a jerk of one shoulder.
He’d had that answer rehearsed since the moment he’d left Zhou Mi’s apartment, just in case he was asked. Such a tiny portion of why he’d gone, thrown himself out of his comfort zone. That should’ve been the moment he stepped up, and grabbed Zhou Mi’s waist, and just kissed him. So cool and uninvolved.
“Ah. I thought so,” Zhou Mi said. “And thank you, for your concern, but it turned out you didn’t have to be. I didn’t sleep with anyone that night. And I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.”
“Oh,” Kyuhyun said dumbly. His first reaction was to think, That’s not really my business. And he realized within the heartbeat, that it had started to become his business. Some kind of relief, followed. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think it’s good. It’s a step forward for me, moving forward. Maybe I’ll even get Eunhyuk to match me on the site soon,” Zhou Mi joked. “I can chronicle my adventures in dating.”
A bit of Kyuhyun’s hope sort of slipped out of his fingers, at how cavalierly Zhou Mi spoke. He could argue that maybe Zhou Mi was seeing if Kyuhyun would object. He wished he knew what he could object with.
“I also wanted to talk with you about getting you matched,” Zhou Mi said, smiling at somewhere beyond him. And the words almost made Kyuhyun pause. “You know how crazy it’s been around here. I wanted to do it myself, but it’s look more like perhaps Eunhyuk will take over for me. He’ll be able to set you up well.”
“Okay,” Kyuhyun said.
Of course. Of course. He could feel his stomach sinking, thoughts still scrambled from following Zhou Mi and his designer jeans into the office.
“I wanted to tell you myself,” Zhou Mi told him, sincere and direct. “Eunhyuk will let you know when he’s ready. It should be soon, though. I’m really sorry it’s taken this long, without much progress.”
“No. That’s fine. I’m just grateful…” For something. He wasn’t sure what. He popped onto his feet. “Thanks for all your help. I’ll get back to work, then.”
Zhou Mi’s expression was nothing but encouraging, and Eunhyuk met his eyes as though knowing what had been talked about. They exchanged nods, and Kyuhyun worked to get the tightness out of his chest.
***
But Zhou Mi had been telling the truth. It wasn’t a day later when Eunhyuk scheduled time into Kyuhyun’s calendar for them to meet, Eunhyuk not wanting to stay late to get it accomplished. It was hardly a trek, ten feet across the office.
“Oh, I had the program print out your matches. I need to get them,” Eunhyuk said, shuffling his laptop back onto its dock.
“I’ll get it,” Kyuhyun said, waving Eunhyuk back. Two steps was hardly a problem, and he was used to it. He remembered what the process was like with Zhou Mi.
He caught his reflection in the glass of the hanging picture, and snatched up the papers out of the printer’s deck. He had to school his face before he did anything that mortified him more than what he’d done already.
He sat back in the chair by Eunhyuk’s desk and trying not to hold his breath. Hoping his fingers weren’t sweating onto the papers in his hand, the ones he straightened against his knee. Glancing down to see what Eunhyuk had printed and frowning. Frowning more as he saw his name at the top of the sheet, his match statistics, and the possible matches underneath.
Eunhyuk was mumbling to himself as he was clearly finishing up an email to send, but Kyuhyun couldn’t wait. He didn’t know if it was a mistake, or what it was. If it had been Zhou Mi, he might’ve wondered if it was a confession. But it didn’t seem like something Eunhyuk would do.
“Is this a joke?”
Eunhyuk blinked over at him. “What? What do you mean?”
“You said you printed out matches from the program?”
“Yes,” Eunhyuk said frowning, and accepting the papers from Kyuhyun. And Kyuhyun knew what he’d see. The little images beside the names.
Cho Kyuhyun.
Best Match based on parameters: Zhou Mi
Eunhyuk made a small sound, rifling through the pages. What Kyuhyun saw as some kind of summary, a chart labeling the match breakdown.
“I don’t know— I didn’t—“ Eunhyuk sounded shocked.
“Then it’s not a joke?”
Eunhyuk shook his head, the papers crumpling slightly in his left hand as he furiously clicked on his screen. Kyuhyun leaned forward, and it showed the exact same thing as on the paper. Zhou Mi’s picture in Kyuhyun’s profile.
“How did that…”
Eunhyuk stood, skirting Kyuhyun and rushing into the inner office. To Zhou Mi.
“Look at this,” he heard Eunhyuk tell Zhou Mi. Showing him Kyuhyun’s profile.
Kyuhyun didn’t move, still frozen to his chair. He’d though Eunhyuk was going to match him to some random guy, that he’d have to turn Eunhyuk’s offerings down, and seeing Zhou Mi’s picture, and Eunhyuk’s shock, had him unable even to think of what he was doing. If he should move, apologize, demand what was going on when he wasn’t even sure Eunhyuk or Zhou Mi knew. Zhou Mi’s program matched countless others. Both Zhou Mi and Eunhyuk seemed to trust its results. And if the results that Eunhyuk printed were real, and not some kind of joke, then he didn’t even know what to think.
“How long have you had yourself in the system?” Eunhyuk asked, both him and Zhou Mi coming back into the office.
“I’ve always had myself in the version on our local server,” Zhou Mi said, his voice brisk. “I’m able to run tests that way.”
“So all your information is accurate?”
“Of course, or else I’m just gaming the system,” Zhou Mi said, sounding insulted as both men huddled over the computer, ignoring Kyuhyun entirely.
“Maybe it deals with proximity. But Kyuhyun doesn’t show up on your matching?”
“I don’t know,” Zhou Mi said, voice still strained and mystified. “I haven’t run myself in a while, because we weren’t looking to upgrade. I’d just downloaded all the new information from the server today. If you had run him on the site, I wouldn’t have been there because my file is flagged.”
They mused out loud about running a search on Zhou Mi to see if Kyuhyun popped up, or switching to the site to see what popped up instead. Kyuhyun sat there like a statue, words he didn’t know how to say trapped inside. He didn’t have anything to contribute besides confusion, and he wasn’t sure that was helpful at all.
There seemed to be plenty enough of that going around in the room without him adding to it.
“If you hadn’t been so stubborn about running yourself for real?” Eunhyuk complained. “Maybe you’d have gotten—“
“And if my profile calls up the same results?” Zhou Mi argued. “You call me stubborn, but you don’t let me run your file.”
They’d forgotten he was there, that was clear. He stood up, and cleared his throat.
“I’m going to get back to work, if that’s okay?” he asked.
Zhou Mi looked stricken, and Eunhyuk considered him.
“Of course. Sorry to drag you into this,” Eunhyuk said.
“Yes. Kyuhyun, I’m sorry,” Zhou Mi said.
And the reticent sound of Zhou Mi’s voice, and wondering why Zhou Mi had any reason to be sorry if the results were real, snarled inside him. He typed, and listened to them argue and muse, and blocked it with his earbuds to save his own sanity for at least another minute.
When Eunhyuk left, he apologized again to Kyuhyun. For some reason it made him angry, still not sure if there was even a reason to be. There was a good chance there was no reason for Eunhyuk to apologize. It was one thing for his bosses to have a hand in his dating life. It was another for them to withhold information. Zhou Mi hadn’t, yet. Probably as confused as he was. It was easy for Eunhyuk to apologize since he wasn’t involved. It hadn’t been his name on the page. And whether Eunhyuk even approved of a possible match, that was another question. But he had never given up on a relationship because of a third party. His parents were one thing. A friend was another.
***
Ryeowook came by with extra cake from his work, some kind of box that extruded light beams of joy as Kyuhyun popped it open and saw the cream and fruit. He could’ve made any number of comments about that being why he kept Ryeowook around, and quite a night for delivery, but Ryeowook had heard them all. And Kyuhyun just really wanted that cake.
“How are things at work?” Ryeowook asked, watching him make his plan of attack to thoroughly demolish the dessert.
“Good,” Kyuhyun said, taking a taste of the cream. “I’m getting tossed new things every so often. Otherwise it’s about the same, both places.”
“That’s good. I wish I got to go to the beach paid for by my work.”
“Yeah, but you get food,” Kyuhyun pointed out.
“Food I get to make,” Ryeowook told him, sticking out his tongue. “So what happened after last week? Or are you hiding a boyfriend from me?”
Kyuhyun avoided Ryeowook’s narrowed eyes and swallowed his cake. Right. That.
“So, pretend this isn’t about me. But just imagine this. Imagine you work for a matchmaking company, and your bosses offer to match you with someone. And you think, okay, great! But the computer matched you up with your boss.”
Ryeowook’s face twisted. “Ew.”
“Not your boss,” Kyuhyun said exasperated, knowing Ryeowook’s boss was older, and…older.
“Oh,” Ryeowook’s face brightened. “Wait, but that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? It was the right boss, right? So he asked you out?”
“Yeah, Zhou Mi. And no, of course he didn’t. He’s my boss. That would’ve been weird. They just wrote it off as a mistake.”
The frown Ryeowook gave echoed Kyuhyun’s internal feelings more than Ryeowook could know. It wasn’t something he’s just been able to set aside and forget.
“It sounds like they want to get me set up with some other guy.”
“So? You don’t have to go.”
“Maybe it’ll be a great guy. Hot and interesting,” Kyuhyun offered. “A better choice.”
“Or you’ll figure out that Zhou Mi was better? Again?”
Kyuhyun stabbed at the cake in front of him. “I don’t know.”
For a moment he relived the hammock, Zhou Mi against him in the ocean breeze. Zhou Mi’s ankles.
If he did know, if he knew for sure, it’d be easier. If Zhou Mi was just hanging to propriety or some kind of fear, he could push against it. He wasn’t the kind to hang back, more like a puppy with a bone when he snagged something he wanted. He just hadn’t got his teeth into it yet. Or figured out if he had a right to, and really didn’t mean it to sound kinky in his head.
There was a part of him screaming about what was right or wrong, and he shut it down. Not a little afraid himself.
“So have you and Jongwoon actually gone on a date?” Kyuhyun asked instead. If Ryeowook got to poke into his life, it was only fair. And the little bit of panic on Ryeowook’s face made it all worth it.
***
Letting the matching results sit for a day didn’t make them sit any easier. The cake had certainly helped, and Ryeowook allowing him to think through what had happened. Everything seemed normal in the office. Eunhyuk was lobbying for a full-scale organization, and Zhou Mi had an endless string of meetings. Maybe he’d left the day before feeling like he’d been brushed aside, but he knew he wasn’t leaving again without answers. Not from Eunhyuk, who hadn’t had much to say anyway, but from Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi, who had invested his time, and health into seeing the matching program was as accurate as possible. He wanted to know why the match had been dismissed. And if there really was anything to be apologetic about.
Kyuhyun’s heart was thumping as he approached Zhou Mi’s door, once Eunhyuk left for a date. Tapping on the frame and pushing the slightly open door in. Zhou Mi didn’t seem surprised, looking up at him with a nod.
“Come, sit,” Zhou Mi said. “I’m sorry about yesterday.“
“You don’t have to apologize. But I do want to know what happened.”
Zhou Mi’s face was grim, and he nodded as Kyuhyun sat. The silence wrapped them for several moments before Zhou Mi sighed.
“I don’t know. When it ran you, it looked through all possible matches. I’ve run a lot of men on the version on the server, and never gotten myself back, so it’s not a glitch. The computer genuinely made the match. I’m really sorry for surprise, and the awkwardness. I can imagine what you must have thought.”
The regret was written all over Zhou Mi’s posture, and the way he gripped his hands. But he hadn’t come in for regret. “I thought your program gives the best result. Did you see why it chose you?”
“It’s possible that the best match for you isn’t there yet,” Zhou Mi hedged. “So I think we should ignore the results. Eunhyuk will run you again, and see what he comes up with.”
He wasn’t sure why Zhou Mi wouldn’t look at him, instead running his thumb over a dent on the edge of his desk.
“You told me the other day that you might be ready for Eunhyuk to match you soon. If Eunhyuk hadn’t run me like he did, then he’d have seen me on your dating profile. Right?”
“Yes,” Zhou Mi agreed immediately. “As it should be. A reciprocal match.”
Kyuhyun needed to hear it from Zhou Mi’s mouth. “Then if you’d seen me on your profile, you’d have rejected me as an option?”
“I— Careful consideration would’ve been given, as it always is.“
Kyuhyun felt like he was speaking and listening in riddles. “So careful consideration was why both of you apologized like it was a terrible mistake? Like my opinion about it didn’t matter. Was it a bad match, or am I not your type?”
“I didn’t say that,” Zhou Mi said, his voice sharp, and more of a response than Kyuhyun had expected.
“That’s what it seems like,” Kyuhyun said, cautious and resigned.
“I’ve asked myself if someone was right for me before. And I’ve been wrong.” Zhou Mi shook his head again, hands tight. “I can’t see for me, the way I can for others. And unfortunately, I can’t for you either, because in this case it has to do with me. And it’s even more complicated because we work together. You understand that, right?”
It felt like there was a hysterical madness rising up in him. The computer wasn’t enough for Zhou Mi. Maybe even his own feelings weren’t enough. He wasn’t sure why he’d expected Zhou Mi to believe wholeheartedly in the results he had worked so hard to make sure were close to perfect. It was always different when it wasn’t for someone else.
Zhou Mi was pleading as though he wanted Kyuhyun to see. He did see. He wanted to hide from it. And there were words he couldn’t leave unsaid any longer.
“I would’ve accepted the match with you,” Kyuhyun said, standing. “I don’t know if that matters to you. Or if that’s even something you take into account.”
He’d stunned Zhou Mi enough that he actually looked up at Kyuhyun. But it was Kyuhyun who looked away that time, unable to look at Zhou Mi’s face after that confession.
“Thanks for explaining it to me. I need to…go. Have a good night,” Kyuhyun said, and almost rammed into the edge of the door as he walked back out. Everything was in his bag, quick to grab as he made for the door. He didn’t look back to see if Zhou Mi had moved, or come after him.
Zhou Mi had always meant to match him with someone else, right from the start, and that was something he had to remember. And Zhou Mi’s resistance to the report told him a few other things. Maybe Zhou Mi didn’t trust himself, or want Kyuhyun enough to try, but in the end the result was the same.
Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. If dating Kyuhyun came up as more of a joke or technical error, then he wasn’t even in the realm of possibility in Zhou Mi’s estimation. More about Zhou Mi’s fear, than anything else. It didn’t help that he’d been feeling progressively worse as the day went on. He had just enough energy to eat, before falling into an exhausted sleep.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun, Tablo/Eunhyuk
Other: various
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crime, romance
Warnings: violence, death (not of main characters)
Summary: Zhou Mi’s focus is Heartstrings, a dating company where love is more than just a guarantee - it's in Zhou Mi’s blood. A matchmaking gift he’s used with gladness, until a series of murders has it shaping his nightmares.
Eunhyuk, his business partner, can’t let go of his tumultuous past. But finding a man he’s been looking for over half his life has repercussions not only for him, but for Zhou Mi and their future.
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven * Chapter Eight * Chapter Nine * Chapter Ten * Chapter Eleven * Chapter Twelve
***
Kyuhyun’s visit bothered Zhou Mi for a solid hour after he’d left, turning his supposedly early night of sleep into a fest of wondering. Especially when Kyuhyun didn’t respond to his text, or his call. He’d wanted to be sure Kyuhyun was all right, for one thing. That and it just felt wrong. Like Kyuhyun had come for another reason. Asking if Zhou Mi was alone, he got that. It had been obvious what he’d left for. But getting that answer wouldn’t have been reason for Kyuhyun to leave. Zhou Mi would’ve run after him if he’d been in more than just shorts. And as it was, he’d been tempted.
Sleeping with someone else became problematic, when he let a man buy him a drink, flirt with him. Touch his hand.
Only to see Kyuhyun’s hands, Kyuhyun’s face as they’d touched. Kyuhyun lazing beside him, smile curling.
He could’ve done anonymous sex, but the hunger wasn’t in it for him like it had been. The fear of that realization half led him to reach for it anyway. But his gut had him walking away. Kyuhyun showing up was so odd, so appropriate to his mental state. There was something he wasn’t seeing, some block he wasn’t getting past. But his stomach was still knotting when he made it to work, and then waited for Eunhyuk to arrive. He was nonchalant about it, he thought, walking out to lean against Eunhyuk’s desk.
There hadn’t been any emails from Kyuhyun, and he was burning to know.
“Have your heard from Kyuhyun this morning?”
“No,” Eunhyuk said, looking up at him. “He doesn’t usually call unless he’ll be late or sick. Why?”
It was hardly a secret, Zhou Mi thought. And it was his best friend. “He came by my place last night. Didn’t say much. Just knocked and when he saw I was there, left.”
Eunhyuk blinked. “That’s weird.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. I texted him but didn’t get any response.”
There was a thoughtful sound from Eunhyuk. “Was he making sure you got home okay from finding a boytoy?”
Eunhyuk’s protective nature was showing, and it lit all the fondness inside of him. They both did things, were their own people. But he never doubted that Eunhyuk cared. And what he had to say, he knew would make Eunhyuk happy.
“About that… I didn’t, last night. For the first time in a long time, it just felt like I shouldn’t.”
“And you have Kyuhyun on your doorstep looking in on you. Does you not getting laid have something to do with Kyuhyun?”
The sound died in Zhou Mi’s throat, brain scrabbling for something to say. Some excuse, deflection, rebuttal. Because, that was what he was looking for. Denial. The last time he’d gone out, he’d slept with a man who reminded him physically of Kyuhyun. Imagined in too many ways that it was him. That was simple, basic lust. That part he felt he had control of. It was everything beyond that, that made him uneasy.
“I’m matching him,” Zhou Mi said. “That doesn’t mean matching him with me.”
Eunhyuk nodded, but he’d have been a fool to think that was the end. “But you’ve been taking quite a while to do it, haven’t you? He’s been on what, three, four dates? I know you told him you’d fit it in, but you’re usually jumping at a shot like this. Fixing up someone close to you so you can see them fall in love.”
“But we have been busy. And vacation, and the thing with Tablo, the open house, and the nightmares.”
Cheap shot. Bringing those up to divert Eunhyuk. But it was the truth. All of those certainly contributed to why Kyuhyun hadn’t been suitably matched yet. He had Kyuhyun’s file. He’d thought about it, gone over Kyuhyun’s dates, and what Kyuhyun had said about them. Every time he reached for Kyuhyun’s file, it seemed like his hand was taken in another direction. There was always something else to do.
“Straightening his tie, the way you played together in the water at the beach. Touching him.”
“Friendly things,” Zhou Mi protested “We’ve done the same!”
“The hammock. Him sleeping in your bed? Movie night. It’s like you’re trying to make yourself remember what you could have without pigeonholing yourself to one night stands. But with your employee. Someone safe.”
“I don’t think I need to avoid him just because—“
“I didn’t say you had to avoid him,” Eunhyuk said, his voice short of patience. “I just don’t know what’s in your head. It’s not the end of the world if you like him, but it’s like you’re trying to tell me that you don’t.”
“Of course I like him. He’s a good guy.“
His throat felt too tight to continue and Eunhyuk sighed, his head falling back against his chair.
“I was afraid of this, being too late. You spent so much time with him when I was busy with Tablo.”
“There isn’t any kind of too late,” Zhou Mi protested. “What you’re describing could be little more than a crush. Which aren’t illegal, and probably good. Means I’m healing.”
“And you think Kyuhyun would be the best choice? His file said he could be a little emotionally distant. Do you think that really matches well with you?”
“You looked at his file?”
“Oh course. When I realized… When I saw you together at the beach. If it was going anywhere, I needed to know. I was worried. Some of your choices have been… You know.”
Not so wonderful, as they’d already demonstrated. But trying to acknowledge Kyuhyun in any lasting way was so odd and new, that he couldn’t even manage it. Yes, he was attracted. Yes, he found Kyuhyun fun to be with. He was their employee, close to him in age, unattached, smart. If Zhou Mi tried, he could probably win a crush back. Certainly make Kyuhyun want him.
And that was the problem with being unable to feel his intuition for himself. He could look at others and know, but for himself, all he had was logic and feelings. Logic and Eunhyuk’s worried face said stay the hell away, and protect himself.
His feelings were somewhere on the other side. Maybe he was healing, but he wasn’t sure if he trusted himself yet. He drew in a breath.
“Do you think… Do you think he’s interested in me, though?”
“I really don’t know. He does seem very interested in your wellbeing and unnaturally willing to put up with you,” Eunhyuk said, his lips quirking to show he was teasing. “But showing up last night? It’s possible.”
Possible. Kyuhyun’s face outside his door, his hasty retreat. He wondered what would’ve happened if Kyuhyun had stayed. If he’d been quicker, reaching to grab Kyuhyun’s arm. Drawing him in close, and getting answers. He felt like he’d missed something, like closing his eyes during an important part of a movie. He needed to spend time, consult with himself. Possible. So many thing were possible. But steps could be taken in the meantime.
“Maybe we should keep matching him, until something changes. Maybe you should take over.”
Eunhyuk nodded. “That’s a good idea, I think.”
He could nearly hear Eunhyuk’s voice telling him he deserved the best, in that placating and pragmatic tone Eunhyuk had sometime. And Zhou Mi knew it, how he had begun to slide. And maybe there was the option of correcting, before he began to wonder if there was any turning back.
***
The laugh felt wonderful, fading into nothing more than a smile as he reached for his lover’s back. Just to see his smile, feel the curve of his mouth meeting Zhou Mi’s. They loved laughing together. Seeing who could make the other laugh more. Just being together, tangled in bed. Comfort. Need. They had both.
Zhou Mi’s hand curved over his lover’s waist, and urged him back. Urged him to turn, so he could look on the face that moved him. Waiting with held breath as the man’s shoulder tipped back as though he were about to turn.
Zhou Mi’s eyes dipped, awash with love as fingers reached for his.
Maybe that was the knowledge he was waiting for. The man he was meant to take a risk on.
And Zhou Mi woke without seeing what it was he needed.
***
There were some clients that Zhou Mi didn’t have to feign excitement with. Which meant most of his clients. In fact, almost all, if Kyuhyun weren’t included. But Zhou Mi was glad to get out of the office for a little while, even though it was probably cowardly. Telling Kyuhyun and Eunhyuk he’d be back after his meeting with Siwon. Kyuhyun had glanced up with a nod, small smile, and Zhou Mi hadn’t lingered. He had questions, so many of them, but the work came first, and Kyuhyun wasn’t going anywhere. The meeting itself was somewhat odd. After the first couple of dates, Zhou Mi liked to check in personally, face-to-face if possible. Depending on the situation, maybe three or four, taking into account how well it was going. After, he liked to let his clients run with it, coming to him with any comments or concerns. He still kept in touch with them, but not so much as training wheels, and more as backup.
Siwon had been dating the same woman for almost a month. He’d gone to see Siwon once, and had spoken to him on the phone all the other times. But it was Siwon who had initiated the meeting he was going to. Meeting Siwon in a coffee shop, and waiting eagerly for news. An other person, he’d have wondered if it would go either way - good or bad. But Siwon had seemed so upbeat on the phone, that Zhou Mi couldn’t help his excitement.
“Thank you so much for meeting me here,” Siwon said, sitting down with him with a drink. “I know you like to meet with people in person when you can. Like I said on the phone, things are going really well with Yuri. I introduced her to my parents this weekend. And they approved”
“Wow!” Zhou Mi said. He’d known that it would be good news, but that was almost better news that he’d expected. “That’s wonderful. I know when I spoke with her, she was bubbling after your date. So your family liked her. Your sister also?”
Siwon nodded, beaming. “She and Sooyoung seem to get along really well. They talked, while I was with my parents. I think— I know we haven’t been going out that long, but I think she’s the one.”
Siwon stopped, almost surprised with himself if his face had anything to say about it.
“I didn’t expect this. She just makes me so happy.”
Siwon was in love. It was easy to see that, and Zhou Mi’s heart squeezed with how precious it was, and how much it made him want to run out onto the sidewalk and shout in triumph. That intuition he’d had, had led them to that moment. He reached and squeezed Siwon’s hand across the table.
“I’m so happy for you. Hearing that is just wonderful. Just, keep in touch, okay? Continue getting to know each other. I think the two of you together are just beautiful.”
“Thank you. When Sooyoung suggested this, I wasn’t sure. But… Thank you. Do you think I’m going too fast? I wanted to introduce her to my parents after our first date, so—“
Zhou Mi laughed. “Sounds like you’re taking your time, then. No one can tell you what is too fast or too slow. Sometimes you just know. And getting good feedback from your family is just another step in that. Trust yourself.”
Zhou Mi sighed with contentment as Siwon said goodbye, and hugged him in thanks before walking away. Siwon and Yuri, he mused. They would give him pretty babies. Though they’d get to the wedding first.
And he laughed at himself as he turned to go the other way.
He did not get halfway down the block before stopping. News being piped into the street from a single TV monitor. Funeral images, flower arrangements.
Images of the crime scenes.
Hunt for a killer.
It wasn’t sensational, it simply was. There was no one on the sidewalk waving a knife and raving about it.
The image of a child, with her father.
He’d had fear, and anger, and sickness.
What he felt then was only sorrow.
***
It was proof that Tablo had two eyes, if nothing else, that he caught onto the fact that Eunhyuk had something on his mind. Maybe that he was becoming wise to Eunhyuk’s moods, or that there was something magical happening between them. Probably just the first one.
“Let me guess, something to do with Zhou Mi,” Tablo said, sitting across from his as they ate dinner.
“Are you psychic, or am I just that transparent?” Eunhyuk asked.
“Not psychic. Even if it wasn’t Zhou Mi directly, probably something with the business? Family? Friends? Me? Though, I hope not me. Unless you’re wanting to break up with me this soon after getting together.”
Tablo’s eyebrows waggled as though he was pretty sure that wasn’t the case, mouth thinning as smiled in the way that had Eunhyuk’s stomach clutching.
“No,” he sputtered. “But yeah. Him. He’s having…relationship issues. For a relationship that isn’t. It kind of blew up on us today.”
“I know you were worried about him and Kyuhyun at the beach.”
And that Tablo remembered his angst even from then had him sitting back. “Yeah. I know it’ll work itself out. I’d just rather no one get hurt. Sorry. That’s not exactly date conversation.”
“I think anything is date conversation if it needs to be talked about. I’d rather you say it, and get it off your chest than not be able to enjoy being here. And hey, it’s better than when I thought you and Zhou Mi were into each other.”
“Jealous?”
Tablo glanced aside. “Maybe less jealous than disappointed. Even before I knew who you were, well. Look at you.”
Heat burned his face, and he fished for his drink, taking a long draw off of it like that would help cool it down. And give him a chance to think about how to respond.
“I am looking?” he said, but clearly not at himself. He looked up from Tablo’s mouth to meet his eyes. Something kind of unholy in that look, as Tablo set down his chopsticks.
“You ready?” Tablo asked.
For a lot of things.
“Yeah,” he answered. “Let’s go.”
***
It was like a birthday morning, or before some amazing event, that itchy feeling of anticipation. Tablo insisting on paying, sitting next to each other on the subway. Laughing as they looked over movie times for the weekend, and trying to decide what to see. A built in second date.
And it didn’t matter if his subway stop was in another direction, he followed Tablo up onto the street and into his building, with express invitation.
“Thirsty?” Tablo asked, as they got out of their shoes.
“I’m fine, thanks,” he said.
“Music?”
“Sure.” But as he stepped further into Tablo’s apartment, he could see the tension in Tablo’s shoulders. “Is this where you tell me to step into your parlor?”
“Is it that obvious?”
Because Tablo had stopped, he let his body bump close. “Only because I want it to be.”
It didn’t require conversation, or even much thought. The tension from the restaurant, the breathless anticipation and knowledge that they’d been holding back, all stacking together and waiting to fall. It was fascination to watch Tablo talk and think, movement of his mouth, his eyes.
Tablo’s hand curled around the back of his arm, anchor and urging both. Remembering to breathe, to retain some control, so their faces didn’t bump hard. The soft brushing of lips, dampening against each other.
Smiles at tiny sounds and the shiver as Tablo’s hand left his arm to slide hot up his neck.
If he had imagined finding a way to want Tablo less, it hadn’t appeared. As Tablo chuckled against his mouth, and cinched him closer. He wished they were horizontal, that he could pin Tablo down and angle back his head, and take his mouth as he really wanted. And the vision of it had him gasping as Tablo kissed along his jaw, forcing Eunhyuk to grab Tablo’s head just to grasp at some control. Sliding his fingers through Tablo’s hair, tracing his ears. Groaning as Tablo nipped at his skin, and making an interesting discovery.
“You had your ears pierced?” he asked, voice almost unrecognizable.
“For a brief period, when I was trying to show the world who was boss.”
He let his fingers brush over the lobes of Tablo’s ears again. “That’s kind of hot.”
“I won’t argue with you,” Tablo said. “You’d have been too young for me during my rebel phase.”
There was only one thing to do to that statement. And he got his response, Tablo’s hand tightening at his waist as he ran the tip of his tongue up the edge of Tablo’s ear. And his voice was soft. “Glad I’m not now.”
“Couch,” Tablo bit out, and towed Eunhyuk with him.
And he got half his wish, pressing Tablo back into the couch cushions. Tablo’s arm anchored him around his neck, pulling him close until he shuddered. Kissing Tablo until he felt a smile, until he could get his arm behind Tablo’s back. It made him think of the night in the hotel room, talking from their respective beds, waking to see Tablo’s tousled hair. Then, it’d had his mind leaping to a bunch of other scenarios that ended with Tablo looking like that. One day.
He shivered at Tablo’s fingers against his neck, trying not to deprive them both of air. But it was him who was struggling to breath as Tablo nuzzled along his jaw. Doing just what Eunhyuk had - teasing Eunhyuk’s ear with his tongue. It tickled and heated him through, and his gasp wasn’t in the least bit subtle. Nor was Tablo’s little moan of defeat, as he urged Eunhyuk to kiss him again.
They were some awkward tangle of limbs, panting a bit and trading kisses and breaths. Tablo was smirking at him when Eunhyuk finally got his leg twisted out from under him, more comfortably against Tablo’s side, head propped on Tablo’s shoulder.
“I could get used to this,” Tablo murmured against his face.
Eunhyuk let his answer be a kiss.
***
Stupid, was what he was, Kyuhyun thought. He’d had impulses before and reined them in, but going to Zhou Mi’s apartment had been one he should’ve known would haunt him. Not because Zhou Mi said anything, or acknowledged it besides the one text and voicemail asking if he was okay. That Zhou Mi had contacted him at all was reason enough for embarrassment. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if Zhou Mi hadn’t been alone. Or if he hadn’t even been home. He told himself not knowing was better, but half knowing was proving to be hell. Because he had no idea if Zhou Mi had gotten laid, and on top of it, he had a vision of Zhou Mi shirtless in his head. Shorts gaping to reveal the impossibly slender waist, and the underwear band that clung at his hips. Zhou Mi’s hair, un-styled, and curious face. All of those things kept at him, gnawing at him. Sure, okay, Zhou Mi was attractive. It floated around him in the way he spoke, and laughed, and walked. The way his face caught the light like he was some kind of mystical creature. It was all fantasy, and he knew it.
Zhou Mi had gone through shitty relationships, and still seemed ridiculously nice about it. Dedicated to his work, and the belief in his ability. Traumatized by bad things that happened in his dreams. It simultaneously made Kyuhyun want to pet him, or be petted in return. Kind of awkward, wanting to protect a man older than he was. But Eunhyuk was the same age, and seemed inclined to it as well. Zhou Mi could probably chatter anyone’s ear off, and he only had so much patience for it. He liked his time alone. And beyond all of that, Zhou Mi still appealed.
He held his breath the first day back at work. He’d had enough to occupy himself, and Zhou Mi had been busy in meetings. It was possible they could discuss it. He could text Zhou Mi after work, suggest they meet up sometime. Ask how he was, if he’d eaten. Maybe bring a drink he knew Zhou Mi liked to work the next day. It brightened his thoughts considerably, when he allowed himself to think about it.
Zhou Mi cleared his throat, getting Kyuhyun’s attention from several feet away from his desk.
“Are you in the middle of something? Or do you have a few minutes.”
“Nothing I can’t come back to,” Kyuhyun said, half standing and wondering if that was it. If Zhou Mi was calling him back to talk. In a good way, or bad.
“Sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk yesterday,” Zhou Mi said. “I was glad to see you were okay. I was a bit worried after you came by.”
“I was concerned. So was Eunhyuk,” Kyuhyun nearly blurted, with a jerk of one shoulder.
He’d had that answer rehearsed since the moment he’d left Zhou Mi’s apartment, just in case he was asked. Such a tiny portion of why he’d gone, thrown himself out of his comfort zone. That should’ve been the moment he stepped up, and grabbed Zhou Mi’s waist, and just kissed him. So cool and uninvolved.
“Ah. I thought so,” Zhou Mi said. “And thank you, for your concern, but it turned out you didn’t have to be. I didn’t sleep with anyone that night. And I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.”
“Oh,” Kyuhyun said dumbly. His first reaction was to think, That’s not really my business. And he realized within the heartbeat, that it had started to become his business. Some kind of relief, followed. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think it’s good. It’s a step forward for me, moving forward. Maybe I’ll even get Eunhyuk to match me on the site soon,” Zhou Mi joked. “I can chronicle my adventures in dating.”
A bit of Kyuhyun’s hope sort of slipped out of his fingers, at how cavalierly Zhou Mi spoke. He could argue that maybe Zhou Mi was seeing if Kyuhyun would object. He wished he knew what he could object with.
“I also wanted to talk with you about getting you matched,” Zhou Mi said, smiling at somewhere beyond him. And the words almost made Kyuhyun pause. “You know how crazy it’s been around here. I wanted to do it myself, but it’s look more like perhaps Eunhyuk will take over for me. He’ll be able to set you up well.”
“Okay,” Kyuhyun said.
Of course. Of course. He could feel his stomach sinking, thoughts still scrambled from following Zhou Mi and his designer jeans into the office.
“I wanted to tell you myself,” Zhou Mi told him, sincere and direct. “Eunhyuk will let you know when he’s ready. It should be soon, though. I’m really sorry it’s taken this long, without much progress.”
“No. That’s fine. I’m just grateful…” For something. He wasn’t sure what. He popped onto his feet. “Thanks for all your help. I’ll get back to work, then.”
Zhou Mi’s expression was nothing but encouraging, and Eunhyuk met his eyes as though knowing what had been talked about. They exchanged nods, and Kyuhyun worked to get the tightness out of his chest.
***
But Zhou Mi had been telling the truth. It wasn’t a day later when Eunhyuk scheduled time into Kyuhyun’s calendar for them to meet, Eunhyuk not wanting to stay late to get it accomplished. It was hardly a trek, ten feet across the office.
“Oh, I had the program print out your matches. I need to get them,” Eunhyuk said, shuffling his laptop back onto its dock.
“I’ll get it,” Kyuhyun said, waving Eunhyuk back. Two steps was hardly a problem, and he was used to it. He remembered what the process was like with Zhou Mi.
He caught his reflection in the glass of the hanging picture, and snatched up the papers out of the printer’s deck. He had to school his face before he did anything that mortified him more than what he’d done already.
He sat back in the chair by Eunhyuk’s desk and trying not to hold his breath. Hoping his fingers weren’t sweating onto the papers in his hand, the ones he straightened against his knee. Glancing down to see what Eunhyuk had printed and frowning. Frowning more as he saw his name at the top of the sheet, his match statistics, and the possible matches underneath.
Eunhyuk was mumbling to himself as he was clearly finishing up an email to send, but Kyuhyun couldn’t wait. He didn’t know if it was a mistake, or what it was. If it had been Zhou Mi, he might’ve wondered if it was a confession. But it didn’t seem like something Eunhyuk would do.
“Is this a joke?”
Eunhyuk blinked over at him. “What? What do you mean?”
“You said you printed out matches from the program?”
“Yes,” Eunhyuk said frowning, and accepting the papers from Kyuhyun. And Kyuhyun knew what he’d see. The little images beside the names.
Cho Kyuhyun.
Best Match based on parameters: Zhou Mi
Eunhyuk made a small sound, rifling through the pages. What Kyuhyun saw as some kind of summary, a chart labeling the match breakdown.
“I don’t know— I didn’t—“ Eunhyuk sounded shocked.
“Then it’s not a joke?”
Eunhyuk shook his head, the papers crumpling slightly in his left hand as he furiously clicked on his screen. Kyuhyun leaned forward, and it showed the exact same thing as on the paper. Zhou Mi’s picture in Kyuhyun’s profile.
“How did that…”
Eunhyuk stood, skirting Kyuhyun and rushing into the inner office. To Zhou Mi.
“Look at this,” he heard Eunhyuk tell Zhou Mi. Showing him Kyuhyun’s profile.
Kyuhyun didn’t move, still frozen to his chair. He’d though Eunhyuk was going to match him to some random guy, that he’d have to turn Eunhyuk’s offerings down, and seeing Zhou Mi’s picture, and Eunhyuk’s shock, had him unable even to think of what he was doing. If he should move, apologize, demand what was going on when he wasn’t even sure Eunhyuk or Zhou Mi knew. Zhou Mi’s program matched countless others. Both Zhou Mi and Eunhyuk seemed to trust its results. And if the results that Eunhyuk printed were real, and not some kind of joke, then he didn’t even know what to think.
“How long have you had yourself in the system?” Eunhyuk asked, both him and Zhou Mi coming back into the office.
“I’ve always had myself in the version on our local server,” Zhou Mi said, his voice brisk. “I’m able to run tests that way.”
“So all your information is accurate?”
“Of course, or else I’m just gaming the system,” Zhou Mi said, sounding insulted as both men huddled over the computer, ignoring Kyuhyun entirely.
“Maybe it deals with proximity. But Kyuhyun doesn’t show up on your matching?”
“I don’t know,” Zhou Mi said, voice still strained and mystified. “I haven’t run myself in a while, because we weren’t looking to upgrade. I’d just downloaded all the new information from the server today. If you had run him on the site, I wouldn’t have been there because my file is flagged.”
They mused out loud about running a search on Zhou Mi to see if Kyuhyun popped up, or switching to the site to see what popped up instead. Kyuhyun sat there like a statue, words he didn’t know how to say trapped inside. He didn’t have anything to contribute besides confusion, and he wasn’t sure that was helpful at all.
There seemed to be plenty enough of that going around in the room without him adding to it.
“If you hadn’t been so stubborn about running yourself for real?” Eunhyuk complained. “Maybe you’d have gotten—“
“And if my profile calls up the same results?” Zhou Mi argued. “You call me stubborn, but you don’t let me run your file.”
They’d forgotten he was there, that was clear. He stood up, and cleared his throat.
“I’m going to get back to work, if that’s okay?” he asked.
Zhou Mi looked stricken, and Eunhyuk considered him.
“Of course. Sorry to drag you into this,” Eunhyuk said.
“Yes. Kyuhyun, I’m sorry,” Zhou Mi said.
And the reticent sound of Zhou Mi’s voice, and wondering why Zhou Mi had any reason to be sorry if the results were real, snarled inside him. He typed, and listened to them argue and muse, and blocked it with his earbuds to save his own sanity for at least another minute.
When Eunhyuk left, he apologized again to Kyuhyun. For some reason it made him angry, still not sure if there was even a reason to be. There was a good chance there was no reason for Eunhyuk to apologize. It was one thing for his bosses to have a hand in his dating life. It was another for them to withhold information. Zhou Mi hadn’t, yet. Probably as confused as he was. It was easy for Eunhyuk to apologize since he wasn’t involved. It hadn’t been his name on the page. And whether Eunhyuk even approved of a possible match, that was another question. But he had never given up on a relationship because of a third party. His parents were one thing. A friend was another.
***
Ryeowook came by with extra cake from his work, some kind of box that extruded light beams of joy as Kyuhyun popped it open and saw the cream and fruit. He could’ve made any number of comments about that being why he kept Ryeowook around, and quite a night for delivery, but Ryeowook had heard them all. And Kyuhyun just really wanted that cake.
“How are things at work?” Ryeowook asked, watching him make his plan of attack to thoroughly demolish the dessert.
“Good,” Kyuhyun said, taking a taste of the cream. “I’m getting tossed new things every so often. Otherwise it’s about the same, both places.”
“That’s good. I wish I got to go to the beach paid for by my work.”
“Yeah, but you get food,” Kyuhyun pointed out.
“Food I get to make,” Ryeowook told him, sticking out his tongue. “So what happened after last week? Or are you hiding a boyfriend from me?”
Kyuhyun avoided Ryeowook’s narrowed eyes and swallowed his cake. Right. That.
“So, pretend this isn’t about me. But just imagine this. Imagine you work for a matchmaking company, and your bosses offer to match you with someone. And you think, okay, great! But the computer matched you up with your boss.”
Ryeowook’s face twisted. “Ew.”
“Not your boss,” Kyuhyun said exasperated, knowing Ryeowook’s boss was older, and…older.
“Oh,” Ryeowook’s face brightened. “Wait, but that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? It was the right boss, right? So he asked you out?”
“Yeah, Zhou Mi. And no, of course he didn’t. He’s my boss. That would’ve been weird. They just wrote it off as a mistake.”
The frown Ryeowook gave echoed Kyuhyun’s internal feelings more than Ryeowook could know. It wasn’t something he’s just been able to set aside and forget.
“It sounds like they want to get me set up with some other guy.”
“So? You don’t have to go.”
“Maybe it’ll be a great guy. Hot and interesting,” Kyuhyun offered. “A better choice.”
“Or you’ll figure out that Zhou Mi was better? Again?”
Kyuhyun stabbed at the cake in front of him. “I don’t know.”
For a moment he relived the hammock, Zhou Mi against him in the ocean breeze. Zhou Mi’s ankles.
If he did know, if he knew for sure, it’d be easier. If Zhou Mi was just hanging to propriety or some kind of fear, he could push against it. He wasn’t the kind to hang back, more like a puppy with a bone when he snagged something he wanted. He just hadn’t got his teeth into it yet. Or figured out if he had a right to, and really didn’t mean it to sound kinky in his head.
There was a part of him screaming about what was right or wrong, and he shut it down. Not a little afraid himself.
“So have you and Jongwoon actually gone on a date?” Kyuhyun asked instead. If Ryeowook got to poke into his life, it was only fair. And the little bit of panic on Ryeowook’s face made it all worth it.
***
Letting the matching results sit for a day didn’t make them sit any easier. The cake had certainly helped, and Ryeowook allowing him to think through what had happened. Everything seemed normal in the office. Eunhyuk was lobbying for a full-scale organization, and Zhou Mi had an endless string of meetings. Maybe he’d left the day before feeling like he’d been brushed aside, but he knew he wasn’t leaving again without answers. Not from Eunhyuk, who hadn’t had much to say anyway, but from Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi, who had invested his time, and health into seeing the matching program was as accurate as possible. He wanted to know why the match had been dismissed. And if there really was anything to be apologetic about.
Kyuhyun’s heart was thumping as he approached Zhou Mi’s door, once Eunhyuk left for a date. Tapping on the frame and pushing the slightly open door in. Zhou Mi didn’t seem surprised, looking up at him with a nod.
“Come, sit,” Zhou Mi said. “I’m sorry about yesterday.“
“You don’t have to apologize. But I do want to know what happened.”
Zhou Mi’s face was grim, and he nodded as Kyuhyun sat. The silence wrapped them for several moments before Zhou Mi sighed.
“I don’t know. When it ran you, it looked through all possible matches. I’ve run a lot of men on the version on the server, and never gotten myself back, so it’s not a glitch. The computer genuinely made the match. I’m really sorry for surprise, and the awkwardness. I can imagine what you must have thought.”
The regret was written all over Zhou Mi’s posture, and the way he gripped his hands. But he hadn’t come in for regret. “I thought your program gives the best result. Did you see why it chose you?”
“It’s possible that the best match for you isn’t there yet,” Zhou Mi hedged. “So I think we should ignore the results. Eunhyuk will run you again, and see what he comes up with.”
He wasn’t sure why Zhou Mi wouldn’t look at him, instead running his thumb over a dent on the edge of his desk.
“You told me the other day that you might be ready for Eunhyuk to match you soon. If Eunhyuk hadn’t run me like he did, then he’d have seen me on your dating profile. Right?”
“Yes,” Zhou Mi agreed immediately. “As it should be. A reciprocal match.”
Kyuhyun needed to hear it from Zhou Mi’s mouth. “Then if you’d seen me on your profile, you’d have rejected me as an option?”
“I— Careful consideration would’ve been given, as it always is.“
Kyuhyun felt like he was speaking and listening in riddles. “So careful consideration was why both of you apologized like it was a terrible mistake? Like my opinion about it didn’t matter. Was it a bad match, or am I not your type?”
“I didn’t say that,” Zhou Mi said, his voice sharp, and more of a response than Kyuhyun had expected.
“That’s what it seems like,” Kyuhyun said, cautious and resigned.
“I’ve asked myself if someone was right for me before. And I’ve been wrong.” Zhou Mi shook his head again, hands tight. “I can’t see for me, the way I can for others. And unfortunately, I can’t for you either, because in this case it has to do with me. And it’s even more complicated because we work together. You understand that, right?”
It felt like there was a hysterical madness rising up in him. The computer wasn’t enough for Zhou Mi. Maybe even his own feelings weren’t enough. He wasn’t sure why he’d expected Zhou Mi to believe wholeheartedly in the results he had worked so hard to make sure were close to perfect. It was always different when it wasn’t for someone else.
Zhou Mi was pleading as though he wanted Kyuhyun to see. He did see. He wanted to hide from it. And there were words he couldn’t leave unsaid any longer.
“I would’ve accepted the match with you,” Kyuhyun said, standing. “I don’t know if that matters to you. Or if that’s even something you take into account.”
He’d stunned Zhou Mi enough that he actually looked up at Kyuhyun. But it was Kyuhyun who looked away that time, unable to look at Zhou Mi’s face after that confession.
“Thanks for explaining it to me. I need to…go. Have a good night,” Kyuhyun said, and almost rammed into the edge of the door as he walked back out. Everything was in his bag, quick to grab as he made for the door. He didn’t look back to see if Zhou Mi had moved, or come after him.
Zhou Mi had always meant to match him with someone else, right from the start, and that was something he had to remember. And Zhou Mi’s resistance to the report told him a few other things. Maybe Zhou Mi didn’t trust himself, or want Kyuhyun enough to try, but in the end the result was the same.
Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. If dating Kyuhyun came up as more of a joke or technical error, then he wasn’t even in the realm of possibility in Zhou Mi’s estimation. More about Zhou Mi’s fear, than anything else. It didn’t help that he’d been feeling progressively worse as the day went on. He had just enough energy to eat, before falling into an exhausted sleep.
***
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 12:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:07 am (UTC)I am so happy that Blohyuk is sweet and is going well without too many problems (for now? are you planning some stuff for them? I kinda hope not) because that whole situation between Kyuhyun and Zhoumi is so messed up. So happy that Kyu finally confessed. At least Zhoumi now knows he has a chance. Just go on and take it!!
And Wookie :D You make me hungry :)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 01:34 am (UTC)Sigh. It'd be hard to mess up Blohyuk with as little time as there is. Not every relationship has to have a big jolt to start with~ XD~~
All of them having to reach out and grab it. *___*
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 12:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 01:37 am (UTC)snark filled glitter covered happiness ;~~~; That sounds so wonderful for them! XD Especially Zhou Mi with his sneaky jabs... XD
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 12:58 am (UTC)I love the kind of...push and pull QMi don't even realise they're doing. Like Kyuhyun pushes at Zhou Mi and a bit and he retreats, and vice versa. I just really enjoy that. But I hope the way this is going means something will happen soon (not that it's not, but I mean more in the realm of real-and-actual-QMi. If that makes sense?)
<3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 01:43 am (UTC)Both of them never really quite noticing how close they're getting before pulling away. It's really fun to watch them discover that~ <3 ;~; But yes, I know exactly what you mean~ <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:54 am (UTC)T_T
щ(ಥДಥщ)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 01:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:12 am (UTC)Kyus confession and Zhou Mi... Can't you see you're loving him already >.<
At least Tablo and Eunhyuk are doing more than just fine *heheheh*
I'm sorry I'm not able to comment in a proper way u_u
But I read these chapters at 1-2am and during the day I can't comment, because I'm preparing a research topic to reply for a scholarship from University to visit Japan for one month =P
Bit Christmas-break will be soon and I hope I can write more then!
Btw: I love this story so much! You're wonderful <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 01:55 am (UTC)They really are so close. So close. ;~~;
But no worries~ I hope everything goes well with the scholarship! :) :) <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 02:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:23 am (UTC)I'm so glad Kyu stuck up for himself you go KYU! tell that ZhouMi he's being an idiot!
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 02:05 am (UTC)But finally Kyuhyun sticking to what he feels and not backing away~ <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:31 am (UTC)(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✿♥♥
... /calm
*:･ﾟ✿♥♥ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
QMI ON THE OTHER HAND. ZHOU MI AND EUNHYUK YOU DOUCHEBAGS APOLOGIZING FOR THE "ERROR" HOW DARE BOTH OF YOU (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻
Fix it, I beg you ლ(́ಢ.◞౪◟ಢ‵ლ)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 02:20 am (UTC)Like it was an error. D: They should know better. ;~~; It's just too close to them both. They can't see. ;;;
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 02:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 02:05 am (UTC)By the way, I loved Kyu's speech at the end. It was so heartbreaking and honest. I hope he gets his happy ending soon.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:02 am (UTC)<3 /pats Kyuhyun for taking a step~~ :)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 03:19 am (UTC)On the other hand, blohyuk (●´∀｀●)
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:02 am (UTC)\o/ Blohyuk~~ <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 03:20 am (UTC)SO MAD. SO. MAD.
AT ZHOU MI RIGHT NOW.
I should save some of the blame for Eunhyuk because that was cruel about how he brought up that Kyu's profile said he was emotionally distant because they are supposed to be like friends now, too, but I get that his friendship with Zhou Mi and wanting to take care of Zhou Mi is infinitely stronger than his work friendship.
ARGHHHHH. Wae u do dis to meeeee?
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 03:39 pm (UTC)ZHOUMI YOU BETTER SHOW SOME HUSSLE AND TAKES KYU BACK LIKE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! FOR GOD SAKE HE'S ALREADY CONFESSEEEDDDDDDD D':
And you Eunhyuk,, sweet honey Eunhyuk,, you already have your own happy ending with Tablo why didnt you let Mimi and Kyu have their own Happy ending too!! gaaaaahhhhh DD':
C'monnn I wanna know what will happen nexttt,, updating faster pleaaseeeee xDD
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:06 am (UTC)Took a big risk confessing too ;~~;
Yeah he needs to see how happy they'd be ;~~;
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 04:11 am (UTC)EVEN TECHNOLOGY SAYS THEY WERE MEANT TO BE!!
and we all know technology fails
(I love you Henry /pets laptop)
HOORAY FOR KYU NOT BEING DENSE
though in my mind he should have gotten Mi a puppy and then while he was distracted by all the cuteness he should have just kissed him...and never let him go :D
they are just sooooo
ugh
waiting till the last possible second
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:07 am (UTC)hehe him using a puppy to kiss Zhou Mi would've been cute. XD~~ But can't wait that long~~ <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 05:19 am (UTC)but that is so epic that zhou mi came up on kyuhyun's profile! i really didn't see that coming!
hopefully zhou mi will stop trying to push aside his feelings for kyuhyun now that his own program said that they're compatible and now that kyuhyun at least kind of confessed.
such a cliffhanger though! i need to know what happens! /squirms around impatiently
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:10 am (UTC):3 I had that planned for a long time, hehe. Giving them that little kick~ /shoves Zhou Mi out of the nest~
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 07:40 am (UTC)And i woke up at 4am just to read then goes back to sleep again haha
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 08:15 am (UTC)Eunhyuk and Tablo, well I must say there relationship is going quite swell :P
Love this story oh so much <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:14 am (UTC)But so glad that at least blohyuk is happy in the meantime. :D :D <3
no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 09:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:15 am (UTC)/shoves qmi to get to it ;~;
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Date: 2011-12-21 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-21 10:19 pm (UTC)but on the other side its so thrilling now. Everytime i think something will finally happen between them, you turning everything upside down.
i like this slow progressing, its so much better, than being lovey dovey right away from the start !!!
and wookie as a cook makes me always grinning :-)
did i got it right? did zhou mi knew from the beginning that he would match with kyu ?
(excusing herself for deficient english knowledge)no subject
Date: 2011-12-28 03:17 am (UTC)One day they had to catch hold and hang on. XD~~ One step at a time \o/// I think Zhou Mi didn't even think to look at Kyuhyun as a possibility for him. So he really was surprised. XD
...I'd keep Ryeowook. XD
no subject
Date: 2011-12-29 03:36 pm (UTC)It will work out in the end. Yay for Kyuhyun and stepping up once again.