[Fic] For Always - 8/24
Mar. 17th, 2009 06:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine
***
Chapter Eight
***
Kyuhyun was not entirely sure how it was arranged that he would be the one driving Zhou Mi to the restaurant. It had once upon a time been the three of them, until Hankyung had texted that he would be riding with Siwon instead. And that fact made it very hard to be perturbed with him. Zhou Mi had taken a seat nearest the door a good five minutes before Kyuhyun would have normally locked up, as if Kyuhyun would have left without him if he weren’t ready at the exact moment. Zhou Mi didn’t know where the restaurant was, so it made sense for him to ride with Kyuhyun, and there was little point in taking two cars. He expected some chatter at least, but no, not even that.
Kyuhyun opened the restaurant door for an anxious Zhou Mi, who was more out of sorts than he had any right being. From all he’d seen of Zhou Mi, he was nothing but charm when he wanted to be, so it couldn’t be that he was anxious about meeting Hankyung’s mother. He was not meeting in-laws or any such thing, so why...? He’d been quiet all through the trip over, and it was even starting to freak Kyuhyun out a little bit.
They were hit with the scents first, and his stomach growled. It had been what, four, five months? Since he had last been here. It was a crime, considering that it was really not that far away. Though, when he had asked Hankyung, he hadn’t been in to sit and eat in nearly as long. They could hardly scold each other for it...
They were spotted immediately.
“Ah, Mama!”
“My other baby!” He was caught in a tight hug by the woman he truly did consider his second mother. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” he said, squeezing her hand.
“And who’s this handsome one you bring with you?”
“This is Zhou Mi. He’s...”
“Ah, the book man! Hankyung told me a little.” And then she switched into rapid Mandarin.
Zhou Mi smiled with some hesitation, replying in kind before he too received a hug.
“Come on back, both of you,” she said. “My Geng is giving Siwon and his daughter a little tour, so they should be ready to sit soon.”
“Okay. Thanks for having us, Mama.”
“Come more often! I’ll feed you.”
She hurried off to see to a signaling waiter, and Kyuhyun felt as if he were sixteen again.
“I spent a lot of time here in high school,” he said, half in explanation, half in reminiscence. “Let’s go sit.”
He stopped at a hand on his shoulder. Puzzled, he looked back at Zhou Mi.
“Kui Xian... This seems like a family gathering. If you’d rather not have me here, I can go. Siwon’s here, and Hankyung won’t mind.”
Zhou Mi looked so serious as he offered to leave, and that tinge of unhappiness tugged at him. He wanted to cuddle him, not make him go. Not a good sign.
“Don’t be silly,” he said, reaching for Zhou Mi’s hand and grasping it. “Despite appearances, Siwon isn’t family yet. And if I have to hear questions about why I haven’t found a nice boy, so do you. Come on.”
He truly tried to ignore the flipping in his stomach as Zhou Mi’s fingers tightened on his hand. He forced Zhou Mi into the booth ahead of him, no one having arrived yet to notice. Or so he thought, anyway, as Yunjee emerged from the kitchen, followed by Hankyung and then Siwon. At least then, it would not just be him and Zhou Mi. And he could relax.
Hankyung, however, had other ideas. He gave a mostly veiled shout as Hankyung’s hand went to his waist...and tickled. He twisted and moved in the only direction available to him -- away, swatting and churning all the while. Hankyung was nearly crying with laughter on the end of the bench, and Zhou Mi, whose hand was braced on the table in front of him, was laughing softly against his neck. The only place to get away had brought him to having his spine pressed to the wall, his ribs painfully digging into the table, and the rest of him...
“Are you okay Kui Xian?” Zhou Mi asked with some concern as Kyuhyun made some kind of sound of distress as he tried to extract himself from Zhou Mi.
“Fine,” he said breathlessly, finding himself sitting again on nice, solid plush bench instead of the man’s thighs.
He shot Hankyung a very dirty look, who held up his hands in mock truce. There was no regret in that action. If he ended up half in Zhou Mi’s lap because Hankyung thought tickling was a good appetizer, well, all the better in Hankyung’s eyes. He tried to will the heat out of his face.
“Boys,” Hankyung’s mother scolded, and they both sat demurely after that. Yunjee thought it all particularly hilarious, and Siwon couldn’t hide his grin. Yes, Kyuhyun thought darkly, that is what you’re getting yourself into, Siwon.
Too bad he looked so happy about it. He shot another look at Hankyung for good measure, but he was chatting at Yunjee as they waited for his mother to come to sit.
“So... Am I not a nice boy?” Zhou Mi whispered as glasses were set in front of them.
The corners of Kyuhyun’s mouth twitched terribly as he leaned toward him, though he did not turn his head.
“No!” he whispered back.
“Ah, Mama, you have to sit on the inside. If she doesn’t,” Hankyung explained to the others, “she’ll be up and down all night and never relax.”
Yunjee was pulled in after her, and Siwon after that... On purpose, if he had eyes, as that put Siwon directly across from Hankyung. She immediately cuddled Yunjee to the girl’s delight.
“I always wanted a little girl,” Hankyung’s mother said. “Not that I don’t love my little boy. I’ll just take this one to China with me and we’ll open a restaurant there.”
Hankyung looked thoroughly embarrassed.
“Mama,” he warned, a little tense. “Be careful Siwon. She’ll try and steal her.”
“Steal who?” she asked, all innocence. Then she added something in Mandarin that Hankyung immediately translated, muttering in Kyuhyun’s direction.
“She just asked him if he wanted to live in China for a while.”
“Does your mom?”
“No!”
He wasn’t sure if Siwon knew that the implied “live with us in China” wasn’t just his daughter and Hankyung’s mother, but that Hankyung was being included in that little scene of domestication, too. Hankyung clearly did.
“You can’t speak Chinese too, can you?” Zhou Mi asked Yunjee as Siwon chuckled.
“Wo ai ni!” she replied, grinning.
Kyuhyun groaned. Even he could that understand. “I’m outnumbered.”
“You have lots of people to translate,” Siwon said with a smile. So obvious why Hankyung had fallen head over heels for him. He probably bled rainbows.
Everyone sat back as the food arrived, and the food was, as always, amazing. Even if there were the usual interviews - he could only call them that - during the meal.
“How do you like Geng’s new puppy?” Hankyung’s mother asked Yunjee.
“I love her!” Yunjee exclaimed. “She’s the cutest thing ever.”
“Puppy?” Kyuhyun asked, feeling out of the loop. “You got a puppy?”
“Yeah,” Hankyung said, sounding partly embarrassed, partly excited. “We came across her on the way back from Yunjee’s school.”
“We, Yunjee and I, couldn’t take her because of our apartment,” Siwon said. “so we were really happy Geng could take her. It would have been sad if she had been put out into the street. We were happy, weren’t we Yunjee?”
Geng? Kyuhyun mouthed at Hankyung, who rolled his eyes to make him drop it.
“Yeah!” Yunjee said. “And Geng said we can come visit her any time. And visit Geng, too,” she amended, as Siwon raised his eyebrows at her.
“Replaced by a puppy in her affections?” Kyuhyun asked, grinning.
“I’d be more excited by a puppy if I were her, too,” Hankyung said wryly, to his mother’s disgust.
“Are you more excited with the puppy, Siwon?” she asked him.
“I’m very happy with both,” Siwon said. He was all charm and sincerity, his smile all for the reddening Hankyung.
They were so goo goo for each other it was almost sickening. Zhou Mi, he could see, was some sort of hopeless romantic as well, his smile glowing in his eyes as he saw the two subtly flirting. His grin broke free when he caught Kyuhyun looking at him. He rolled his eyes at Zhou Mi, but it didn’t make the cuteness fade.
Attention was then turned to Zhou Mi by the woman across from them, politely inquiring and wanting to know about this new person in their midst. (Siwon was spared too many in depth questions. He wondered how many pleas it had taken Hankyung to accomplish that.) Zhou Mi was not off guard by her questions, it seemed, settling into his normal charming set as Kyuhyun had expected him to be before all the quiet nervousness.
But he was startled as the conversation rapidly switched to Mandarin. Suddenly Zhou Mi was shaking his head rather violently, an emphatic no if he ever saw one as his face absolutely turned ruddy. Hankyung started laughing, and Siwon looked interested, which shouted all sorts of danger.
He could’ve been wrong, but he was certain some sort of dating information had been exchanged. And while he had not actually heard his name, somehow he had been involved just from Hankyung’s reaction. Should he have stood up and shouted “No!”? Zhou Mi seemed to have taken good care of it himself. The laughter from Hankyung stopped as she said something to him which not only quieted him but made him inspect his plate with some degree of intensity. That made Kyuhyun curious, more so than the question to Zhou Mi... He knew what that was. “Are you dating Kyuhyun?” To which obviously the answer was no. Hankyung being quieted by his mother in front of Siwon was a different thing entirely.
“Hey,” he said, elbowing Hankyung, bringing some of the focus to himself. “Why didn’t you teach me more Mandarin so I could understand?”
“Zhou Mi is the teacher,” Hankyung said. “I just teach dance.”
“I never learned to teach languages,” Zhou Mi clarified. “I’d be happy to help though...”
He snorted. “I think you have enough to do without trying to drill Mandarin into my brain.”
Hankyung’s mother very subtly sent Siwon and Hankyung together to fetch their dessert, listening as Yunjee whispered loudly at her.
“Excuse us girls for a moment,” she said with a smile, taking the little girl’s hand and leading her toward the bathroom.
Kyuhyun collapsed back against the seat with a sigh. “They seem to be getting along well.”
“They do. It’s been fun. I know I’d gain weight if I keep eating here.”
Kyuhyun eyed him. “Where?”
The pretenses were all there, as he slid closer, stretching, relaxing. Zhou Mi’s knuckles were white against the table and he imagined smoothing them, lacing his fingers with Zhou Mi’s. Did he have warm hands? Probably... The side of his head had barely brushed Zhou Mi’s shoulder, when Hankyung slid in beside him. Zhou Mi let out a rather awkward chuckle, which distracted Kyuhyun a moment longer.
“Where’s Mama?”
He blinked ponderously at Hankyung. “Right there.”
Siwon, and he hadn’t notice him even sitting down, stood, graciously helping both females into the seat.
“I don’t know how we can do without you, Siwon,” Han Mama said.
Siwon murmured something somewhat self deprecating, but his eyes were all for Hankyung. Hankyung, who had reached halfway over the table to pop some morsel of food into his daughter’s mouth.
Kyuhyun hadn’t missed the softening of Siwon’s eyes. Neither had the woman with them.
***
Hankyung tried to pay attention the girl chattering in his ear, while he watched his mother talking to Siwon off by themselves. He did. But it was terribly difficult, seeing the two interacting so easily.
His mother winked at him when she saw him looking and then he really did turn away, focusing instead on Kyuhyun who was trying to find the end of his scarf in his coat and Zhou Mi who was trying to help and failing at it. Zhou Mi had a big stupid smile on his face as Kyuhyun pushed his arm away, making some snide remark about him being in the way that clearly wasn’t meant as anything but a time filler.
He turned his head just in time to see Siwon extracting himself from his mother’s embrace and bee-lining towards him.
“Thanks for inviting us,” Siwon said softly, bringing his head close.
“It was nothing. My mom was glad to have you...”
Hankyung hid the gasp well as Siwon’s arms closed around him, pulling him tight to the strong and slender body. His hands fit naturally in the curve of Siwon’s back, all heat and muscle against him. He sucked in a breath as the arms squeezed tighter. And with his chin lightly brushing Siwon’s shoulder, he fell utterly, irreversibly in love.
***
Nala had been taken outside for a quick trip as soon as Hankyung had made it into the door. She followed at his heels, weaving between his feet almost like a cat as he got ready to sleep. Seeing her, he was reminded all too well of Siwon holding his hand, Siwon’s arms, his smile... He had a tiny, doggy reminder of everything he couldn’t have.
“But we have each other, don’t we?” he said, depositing her in her little nest and stroking her gently.
He tried to relax, honestly, and could not. Siwon hugging his mother. Yunjee hugging his mother. Siwon joking with Kyuhyun as Yunjee snuggled against Hankyung’s shoulder. Everything fit. Siwon slid into his life like he belonged there, and he couldn’t even...
That was when the whimpering started. A puppy used to the company of other dogs, of people. He wondered if she would settle in, go to sleep. Minutes ticked by and the whimpering continued.
“Sleep, okay?” he told her, and the whimpering loudened.
It was such a pitiful sound.
“Just for tonight, I swear,” he said, dragging his blanket off of the bed with him. She followed him to the living room, huddled beside his foot as he tossed the couch cushions onto the floor. He stretched out with a groan, dragging the blanket over him and scooping the puppy up with him.
“You stay with me, and I’ll even feed you once in a while, okay?” he asked her, kissing the top of her head and nearly getting her tongue in his mouth for his effort.
A wide canine yawn broke the silence as she settled beneath his arm.
He wasn’t sure which of them were comforted more.
***
Zhou Mi stood patiently beside him as he fumbled to unlock the back door of the store. They had just come from dropping a quiet Hankyung off at his house. The ride back had been considerably cheerier, even with Hankyung sitting like a stone statue in the back seat for the first half of the trip. Zhou Mi had at least been louder, playing with the radio after having asked permission, and nearly giving them all heart attacks at the blaring at least once.
All of Zhou Mi’s things had been left inside for when they returned, and then Kyuhyun thought that he could possibly drown himself after a tiring people-filled excursion.
“Kui Xian...” He stared down at the hand so easily placed on his arm. “Do you smell smoke?”
“Wha...”
He did, rich and hanging in the air like a promise.
He yanked the door open, recoiled as a cloud of smoke wafted straight into them. The store. The store was on fire. He could see it dancing on the kitchen walls. Where else? Where else was it? The books? His books? He stepped forward, ready to run inside.
Zhou Mi moved in front of him.
“Call for help first, Kui Xian. A fire truck, anything.”
“I have to...”
His hand was trembling with nerves as he dialed, and yet he spoke calmly to the woman who answered the phone, he needed a fire truck at this address, yes, no...
“They’re on their way,” he said, and stepped inside of the door, reaching for the fire extinguisher kept in the back room.
“You shouldn’t go in!” Zhou Mi said, gripping his coat.
He could see smoke curling, licking out from the kitchen door. He turned. “I have to. I have to! Help me,” he said. “Please.”
Zhou Mi nodded his assent, not without reservation, following him closely. “If it’s too much we go back,” he said.
“There’s another extinguisher behind the register. Could you get it?”
“Okay.”
He could hear the crackle of flames, the quiet, soothing sound of heat and air devouring fuel. He did not know what to expect... Flame creeping up walls, along the ceiling... Some monster that threatened everything he loved. What he saw were books, piled nearly to his knees on the kitchen floor, flame lazily licking along spines, biting into pages...
He nearly dropped the extinguisher on the first spray, turning away his face as white ate gold and red, stopping the spread of fire before it could leap onto the cabinets, the counters.
“I checked the rest of the store,” Zhou Mi said near him, nearly stopping his heart. “I didn’t see anything else. They broke one of the windows in the back room to get in.”
They stared at the wet, blackened pile on the floor, and he wondered if it was possible for his heart to simply beat out of his chest.
***
He massaged his temples as the fire department fans blowing out the wood-pulp smoke roared. He told himself he could breathe, that feeling as though he couldn’t was a lie, so he focused instead on the simple action of doing so. Zhou Mi sat silent and close beside him on the steps.
“If that was some kind of prank... If we hadn’t come back, the whole store could’ve gone up.”
“Or if it had been when you were sleeping,” Zhou Mi said, voice troubled.
Zhou Mi’s hand rested lightly on his back and it seemed to leech just a bit of the worry from him.
“That’s a comforting thought. Burned alive above my own bookstore.”
“The alarms would have alerted you. You have separate ones upstairs?”
“Of course... But to have disabled the ones in the store. It can’t have been some kind of prank. Not like that. It’s all wrong.”
“Is it... Do you think it might be related to someone breaking in to your apartment?”
He sat up a little straighter. “Why?”
“If this wasn’t a prank... If they really wanted to burn the store, why pile books in the kitchen where the least damage would be done? Why not where the books were, in the stacks? If it wasn’t a prank, then it feels a lot like a warning.”
“It’s okay,” Dad said, patting Mom’s cheek. “Don’t worry, babe, they won’t come back here if I’m gone.”
“Hey, you too, kiddo. Look after your mom for me, k? Love you bunches, but you probably won’t see me again. Take care of those books right.”
And his father walked away, as his mother sobbed into his neck, kneeling on the hard pavement and nearly pulling him down with her. The air stank of smoke, the glass inside the store smoggy with it. They had cleaned it up. They had kept going.
It had happened before, right before his father left. Someone had called the store looking for his father. They had broke into his apartment. Set fire to a stack of books inside the store. Just like ten years ago.
“I have to go check something upstairs, so...”
“I’ll come with you,” Zhou Mi said, and followed when he got no argument.
It took only seconds to realize that the secret hiding place was still secure, and he relaxed, just a bit. And saw the folded note that he had placed by the door. Silently he handed it to Zhou Mi, who frowned at it.
“”Beware,”” Zhou Mi said, reading the hanja written there. “Where did you get this?”
“It was on my door handle a few nights ago. I...I thought you had left it at first, but the way my family name is crossed out...”
“Did you tell anyone about this?”
“No. I didn’t even think... If it was a warning for what happened downstairs? I don’t even know.”
He turned to the kitchen, setting out cups, juice to distract himself.
“I have something to tell you. I can’t tonight. I don’t...” It was too much to process. “Another day?”
“Okay,” Zhou Mi said, sounding unsure even as he held the threatening note in his hands. “Are you going to be okay here tonight? I could sleep in the living room, or..?”
“I’ll be fine.” He was only living with the ghost of the past.
“Let me call someone for you. If you won’t let me stay... Hankyung? Ryeowook? Do you have any family nearby?”
Kyuhyun smiled at the rim of his cup. “No. No family. I’m fine. Nothing will happen tonight. Stop nagging.”
“Give me your phone.”
Kyuhyun did so without thought, staring as Zhou Mi flipped it opened and started pressing buttons.
“If you don’t feel like you can call one of the others, then call me? I can come over if you need someone, or if you just need to talk.”
Kyuhyun blinked at the phone was handed back to him. He read the display.
“”Zhou Mi (Anytime)”?” he asked, laughing a little. “Sounds like an advertisement for something. Should I start calling you that? “Hey, Anytime!””
“I don’t care what you call me. Just call if you need anything.”
The insistence made him smile. “I didn’t know you were such a worrywart.”
Zhou Mi ducked his head a bit, but looked up, steady. And inside he trembled.
“I only worry because I care,” Zhou Mi said, quiet, deafeningly loud, a rumble of thunder and the patter of rain all at once.
They heard the fans turn off below.
He put his cup down, and focused on walking instead.
***
The firemen left, leaving him with a damaged, filthy kitchen, clear air, and a soggy, stinking pile of books. He stepped in, and his boots crunched down on something hard. A shard. Pottery, he wondered, bending down. And picked up the torso of a small, shattered clay figure. A cow. He shot to his feet, staring with horrified eyes at the empty spot in the kitchen pass, wider than a man’s hand, where several small animals had stood. The rest were there, undamaged, but the others... He gathered the pieces, head of a pig, mane of a lion, and gripped them tightly in his fist. They were symbolic of everything he had nearly lost, these broken, innocent things.
He felt Zhou Mi’s hand squeeze his shoulder. “It’s okay, Kui Xian...”
He stood, throwing the broken pieces at the burnt books with a low cry, letting his forehead rest against the point of Zhou Mi’s shoulder without shame.
“I could have lost everything,” he whispered.
“You didn’t. You can fix this.”
“Not everything can be fixed.” He chuckled as he said it, but there was no humor in it. “Some things never get better.”
Zhou Mi stroked a hard line along his spine, up and down as though he were encouraging life back into him.
“What can we do tonight that will help? We can do something. You can, Kui Xian.”
“I can’t leave it like this,” he said, completely unable to form a thought of what to do next. “I just can’t.”
“Do you have aprons? Gloves? Maybe something to put over our faces? I’ll get the garbage can. We can get this out of here tonight. Get this smell out before morning.”
He stared at Zhou Mi in something like awe. An undertaking... Zhou Mi didn’t even wait for his answer, turning to retrieve the large metal garbage can.
They worked, oh, they worked. Scraping up charred books with his tiny snow shovel, armed in frilly aprons, dishwashing gloves and bandanas. They looked like dishwashing bandits. The cupboards and counters were wiped down with pungent vinegar solution, emptied of dishes into sudsy water, and throwing out what food that was open. The floor was mopped, and Zhou Mi walked along beside him as he stood on the counters, wiping down the ceiling, scrubbing up one side and down the other. If there was one inch of wall, of flat surfaces untouched by them, it wasn’t for lack of trying. They taped up the broken window that had been the entry point. Few words were exchanged but for discussion of what was done and what next to do.
He felt like smoke and vinegar was imprinted into his nose before they were done. It was 2a.m. before he dropped his rag. Zhou Mi looked up from where he was crouched beside the counter. His eyes were red, a telltale streak of soot on his cheekbone. He wondered if they hadn’t just stuffed themselves hours before, if they would be faint with hunger.
“We should stop for tonight,” he said, voice sounding odd to his own ears. “I’m about to fall into my bucket.”
“Okay,” Zhou Mi said, standing and wincing as his body unfolded. “We got a lot done.”
“We got so much done... I didn’t even know where to start.”
“You would have. You’ll be able to sleep okay?”
“I’m tired enough. Yeah.”
Zhou Mi shrugged into his coat. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“You’ll be okay getting home?”
Should he ask him to stay? There was nowhere. He didn’t know if he could have done it on his own.
“Yeah, no problem. It’s not far.”
“Thank you... I... Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome, Kui Xian.” His eyes closed as Zhou Mi touched his cheek. “Sleep well.”
His body had the energy only to strip his clothes before he fell into his bed. He had no way to thank Zhou Mi for his help. Not even if he wanted to. How long before he was gone and he no longer could... He did not know if they were tears of exhaustion, of relief, or sorrow, but they heralded him into sleep.
***
His muscles screamed under the hot spray. He woke up at his normal time, anxious to finish, to continue downstairs. He wanted to spend some time in the stacks, to see what stink of smoke there was, what damage was done. The fire had not burned long, smoke moving toward the open, sucking window and not toward the store. In that he had been lucky. But still he worried. The books smelled wonderful, perfect. No acrid scent at all. A warning, he thought.
A warning.
He left the door propped open as he worked, airing out what lingered of vinegar and smoke. He brewed coffee jut to get another smell going... Wanted the smell of baking muffins to overpower the scent. He taped down the peeling linoleum, finding the largest throw rug he had on hand to cover the damage and make it safer for Ryeowook to do what needed to be done. While the dishes were soaking again he cleaned in the store. Every surface he could reach, tables, exposed wood of the armchairs, counters and floors. Dishes were put away and lacking any knowledge of what to do next, he began to wipe down the windows. It would not be perfect, but they would be open. It would be okay.
When Ryeowook arrived, he was shocked to see Zhou Mi at his heels.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Ryeowook wailed as soon as he was close enough to pull Kyuhyun into a hug. “I would have come!”
Zhou Mi had clearly filled him in on the events of the night before, and he smiled a bit over Ryeowook’s shoulder. Zhou Mi looked tired, but was peering around the store in interest.
“I needed one of us to be awake this morning. And it’s not me,” he said to Ryeowook. “Come back to the kitchen and I’ll show you what I did.”
He listened to Ryeowook’s exclamations as Zhou Mi came up to stand behind him. They watched together as he patted at the scorched cabinet fronts, peeling up the rug to see the blackened but mostly whole floor.
“I’ll get ahold of our contractor,” he said. “See when we can get someone in to fix the floor. If it bothers you like it is, we’ll work something else out.”
“No, it’s fine,” Ryeowook said, smiling at the two of them. “I hate to think of what it looked like last night.”
Like a nightmare, he wanted to say. But this nightmare had faded, if only slightly in the light of day.
They left Ryeowook to his kitchen duties, Zhou Mi following behind silently as he prepared the register for the day, counting money and tidying it.
“You’re okay?” Zhou Mi asked quietly.
“Just tired. I’ll last until Ryeowook is done in the kitchen. What about you?”
“I’m okay. I went to sleep half dressed.”
“I almost did too,” he joked. “I could hardly stand to smell myself this morning.”
“You got a lot more done this morning.”
“I had to... Can you tell? Very much?”
The air in the store was cool from the open door, but the scents were not so readily apparent. He sniffed, trying to catch the smell of apple muffin batter from the kitchen.
“When everything is back in order, I don’t think you’ll be able to tell after a while.”
“I’ll erase every trace, if I can,” Kyuhyun vowed. “Did you...want something to drink? Coffee or tea?”
“I’m good. I’ll get some work done for a while. Might leave early. You checked the book closet?”
Thoroughly.
“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I cleaned the table carefully, so you should be fine.”
“Okay. Take a break when you can?”
He nodded at Zhou Mi’s suggestion, and propped himself against the counter, waiting with eagerness for Ryeowook to be done as he began to droop.
He shut the door to the back room when Ryeowook took his place, standing beside his chair and staring at Zhou Mi.
“Do you mind if I...?” He trailed off, realizing what a stupid question that was. It was his store, his place. He could ask Zhou Mi to leave if he wanted. That had been their agreement. He was tired, that was all.
“Will you sleep?” Zhou Mi asked, standing as Kyuhyun sank down, curling over.
“I hope...”
“Good,” Zhou Mi said. The familiar weight of Zhou Mi’s coat was spread over him, and he clutched it, feeling it begin to reflect back his body heat. “Is that okay?”
“Mmhmm,” he answered.
A warm hand covered the one that rested beside his face, curling over his fingers and holding lightly. It was rough, dry from their labors the night before, and so comforting as he squeezed back.
“Sleep well,” Zhou Mi said. He listened to the sound of Zhou Mi’s breathing for a long moment, and tumbled into sleep.
***
He ached all over when he woke, felt like he had been tumbled around in a cement truck for a few years. And his hand was sweaty. The why to that was obvious, as he opened his eyes and saw a pale hand still curved around his. The clock told him he’d been out nearly an hour, and he stared hard at that hand.
“Is your arm asleep yet?” he croaked, clearing his throat as he sat up.
The fingers wiggled in investigation. “Nope, I guess I can still feel my shoulder. I got a little sleep, too.”
He laughed, letting their fingers slide apart. Zhou Mi stood with him, accepting back his coat and putting it on. He raised his eyebrows in question as it wasn’t yet lunchtime.
“I have an errand to run... I’ll put these books away, but I’ll be back to work some more a little later.”
“Okay.”
He had, if not verbally, asked for that answer. And cared more than a little about what answer he would receive.
***
When Zhou Mi returned an hour later, his smile was considerably cheerier.
“Could I bother you for a minute, Kui Xian?”
Ryeowook waved him away from where he was wiping bookshelves. “I’ll be fine out here.”
He followed Zhou Mi into the back room, eying the paper sack he held with some curiosity. Clearly he had something to show, but he couldn’t figure out what.
Until Zhou Mi began to set out his prizes, one at a time. The whimsical cow, the roaring lion, the stretching pig. Almost the same as the others, with little marks here and there to distinguish them as different.
“I called the shop I found them at, and they were able to get me new ones,” Zhou Mi explained.
Kyuhyun didn’t realize how close he was to tears until he blinked, feeling wetness at the edge of his lashes. He blinked hard, holding out his hands automatically as Zhou Mi stretched to place something in them. It was a figurine that he hadn’t seen before, a small brown owl with wide eyes.
“You remind me of this owl, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said, looking down at the figure with him. “He can play and sing, but so often he sits and watches with his wise eyes.”
He could see it in his kitchen window, greeting him when he woke. The loyal, playful puppy beside the wise, sad-eyed owl. A metaphor for them both?
“I... Thank you,” he said finally. Had he ever thanked Zhou Mi for any of the original animals? No... He had been too busy trying to ignore him. He had taken them to heart far more than he realized. He wanted to hug the man, see if the warmth existed there that he felt inside. He settled for curving his fingers tight around the little owl and smiling up through lidded eyes.
“You’re welcome,” Zhou Mi said, smiling back. “Did you...want to put them back up?”
They carried the animals into the kitchen, spacing the others so that the new animals could return to their original spots. Zhou Mi did not mention that the owl did not join the others there, just smiling, clearly pleased with the world that he had been able to replace what had been broken.
Kyuhyun went upstairs immediately after, setting the owl on the sill beside the puppy. Neither looked quite so alone.
He told himself that it was only sentiment that had him nudging the owl a little closer.
***
Hankyung woke with a clearer head than he had in weeks. Nala was gone, off exploring her new territory, but he was absolutely certain what he needed to do. Last night, whatever last night had been, was not something he felt he could survive much longer. Need all but eked from him when he was around Siwon, and he was not sure that could be hidden much longer without doing some kind of harm to himself. He was curled with Nala on the couch when the knock on the door came, and he cuddled her close to stem any barking. He sat through the second, more tentative knock and could visualize Siwon on the other side of the door so clearly. It could be no one else.
Hankyung was jittery when he walked into the bookstore that afternoon, for so many reasons. For once Siwon, while the underlying cause, wasn’t the main one. Not even when he saw the smile on Siwon’s face brighten as he stood up from the chair he’d been lounging in.
“Hey...” Siwon said. “Do you have a minute...?”
“Sorry,” he said, eyes fixed on the counter. “I don’t, actually. I have to talk to Kyuhyun real quick before my date tonight. Is it urgent?”
“Oh,” Siwon said softly. “No. Sorry.”
He did not dare look at the man for fear that the misery would somehow leak out of his eyes, and he would wrap himself around that solid chest and beg him not to let go.
“Sorry,” he repeated, and stiffly walked to Kyuhyun.
“Congratulate me, I have a date,” he said, as if he were announcing his imminent death. He had the slightest hope that Kyuhyun could fix this.
Kyuhyun balked.
“You just talked to Siwon for two seconds. Quickest asking out ever?”
“Not with Siwon. With one of the dance instructors. She...”
Kyuhyun half pulled him over the counter by his arm to furiously whisper at him. “I am not hearing this. A date with a woman when the man you’ve been fantasizing about is single and all but in your lap?”
“He hasn’t given me any indication he likes me. He could just as easily like you.”
“He doesn’t drag me out of here on barely concealed dates. He doesn’t hug me. Or visit me at my place. Or...”
“But he comes here, where you are, to the place you own,” Hankyung argued. He didn’t actually believe any of this that was coming out of his mouth. Siwon liking Kyuhyun? It was the only thing he could grasp onto. It would be easier if he could believe it.
“He likes books! His daughter likes books! I just happen to be here. He doesn’t just happen to look for you.”
“He may like women.”
“Oh, good,” Kyuhyun said, all sarcasm. “So you pretending to be straight is a great way to suss him out. He’ll secretly give himself away by going “Ew, girls.” and then you know you have him. If, of course, you hadn’t been paying attention to the longing, puppy dog looks he sends you every time you meet.”
“He’s very nice.”
“He is. Very nice doesn’t make him want to lick you.”
And he had run out of excuses and explanations. The only thing left was Siwon, and his own lack.
“Kyuhyun.”
“You’re young and fit and smart and nice, too. He doesn’t seem to find your lack of ovaries to be a problem.”
“I have to do this. I have to move on. Kyu... You don’t understand. Seeing them all together last night, my mom and... Seeing what it could be like?”
“You love him,” Kyuhyun breathed. “You are such a moron, Hankyung.”
“I know.” He had a knot inside of himself to prove it.
***
Kyuhyun pondered not meddling for about five seconds, holding himself back from shouting at Hankyung as he pushed out the door. Siwon, who clutched his daughter to him, looked somewhere south of glum. And he bet Hankyung hadn’t seen that.
“Don’t be sad, Daddy,” he heard Yunjee say as he sat down.
“Sorry, baby.”
“So apparently Hankyung is going out with one of the dance instructors at the school,” Kyuhyun said, as though that was an appropriate topic starter. “First date jitters and all that.”
“Ah,” Siwon said, frowning at him in confusion.
“Daddy, don’t people date people they “like?””
“Yeah, they do.”
“Doesn’t he like you? Why is he dating someone who isn’t you?”
Kyuhyun nearly laughed. From the mouth of babes. Instead of trying to run away from his feelings, Hankyung should’ve spent five minutes with the kid instead.
“Because sometimes people take a long time to figure out what they want,” Kyuhyun interrupted before Siwon could speak and staring hard at him. “And sometimes other people need to ask.”
“He... I saw him with one of the teachers once. They seemed close. She seemed nice,” Siwon said, realizing that Kyuhyun knew. As if Siwon hadn't made it completely obvious.
“And sometimes, people are stupid. That counts double for both of you.”
“Maybe we need to know each other better first.”
“Siwon... That’s what dating people does. Lets you know them. Sweetheart, go see if Henry will get you a cookie, okay?” Kyuhyun sighed, waiting for the little girl to run to Henry. “He’s going out with someone not you? What does that make you feel?”
“Angry. Confused. Sad.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Mostly angry.”
“You’re jealous. You wouldn’t be jealous if he was going out with you. The worst he could say is no.”
“I was going to,” Siwon insisted, flushing with the confession. “Today. I’ve tried before. And then he said he has a date.... Just imagining it. It’s too important to me.”
“You two are so similar, it’s annoying. If you won’t ask him and he dates this woman, you set yourself up for it, that’s all. You’ve eaten together and gone on date-like outings, and you never had any problems asking about those.”
“It means more now.”
“Of course it does. Which means you both will be spasmically happy when he says yes. Seriously, if it weren’t so pathetic and if he would believe me, I’d ask him out for you. But really, be a man. Put both of you out of your misery. If you thought he was excited about that date, you need more than glasses. “Will you go on a date with me?” Is that so hard to say?”
***
He collapsed into the armchair.
“Why do stupid people exist?”
Zhou Mi stared at him, the tip of his pen lightly grasped in his teeth.
“So you can ask rhetorical questions?”
“Good answer. Why do I know so many of them? I hope it isn’t catching.”
“Hankyung?”
“He thinks showing Siwon he can date will help himself move on. Or something equally ridiculous. He’s absolutely freaked out that Siwon does like him, more so than if he doesn’t. Because then he could screw it up or something. He was supposed to be the emotionally stable one. I don’t get it.”
“You’re a good friend for worrying,” Zhou Mi said, attempting to be comforting. He shook his head and leaned back.
“I know. I’m meddling so hard that I’m shocked they don’t think there is an earthquake every time I open my mouth. I just meddled with Siwon this time, which is a heck of a lot different than just talking to Hankyung. I’ve done everything but tell Siwon that Hankyung is absolutely stupid in love with him, because some things are sacred. You’re different since you’re not trying to date them. Neutral ground. But then, they’re not trying to date each other! Argh! Desperate measures. They’ll thank me later.”
“You have a plan?”
“I’ll drag both of them out to eat tomorrow and then ditch them. If Siwon can’t work up the nerve to say something then, I wash my hands of it.”
“Dinner?” Zhou Mi’s eyes brightened.
“No, you can’t come. It would make it seem like a double date and Hankyung would really be suspicious. He really is stupid. I have no idea why I bother.”
Zhou Mi chucked. “We all know why.”
***
“Are you leaving?” Hankyung asked, slightly surprised as Kyuhyun going anywhere voluntarily at night was not a common occurrence. And especially after the fire... Even if he had been called over here, he expected Kyuhyun to stay in. And he had a terrible feeling that what Kyuhyun wanted was to try and pump up his ego, try and get him to see things his way about Siwon. He wasn’t sure he was up to hearing it after the laughable date the night before. (Seriously, laughable. He hadn’t even been the one to ask her to dinner. She had picked up on the fact he wasn’t invested before they’d even sat down, and tried her hand at couple’s counseling, too.)
If anything, it had illustrated the futility of running away. If he couldn’t make it five minutes into a date, then what chance did he have? All he wanted was Siwon. To trace the dimples on his face, to feel just one more hug. He had been building himself up for hours. At Yunjee’s next class, when Siwon came to pick her up, maybe he could suggest that they go somewhere together, all three of them. Some way to let Siwon know he wanted to be near him. If Siwon gave him that happy smile, if it meant what Kyuhyun swore it did... Perhaps Kyuhyun could give him a pep talk right before that class.
“Yeah, going out tonight,” Kyuhyun finally answered, voice muffled. “Hang on a moment and we’ll…”
“I’m heading home,” he called back. “Bye!”
“Wait, Han…”
He closed the door and sighed. Freedom in the frozen air.
“Hey,” he heard as he trudged slowly down the steps.
He started, stared at Siwon’s smiling face. And at the finely textured gray scarf wound to his chin, and the handsome leather jacket, and pressed black slacks. And then he saw the pinkened nose, and his heart stumbled again.
“Hey,” he said, a little more breathlessly than he intended. “Hot date?” he joked, squirming inside. Say no, say no, say no…
Siwon chuckled nervously. “Well, Kyuhyun…”
“Hey, sorry to make you wait,” Kyuhyun said, flushed and harried as he closed and locked the door behind him and looking absolutely thrilled with himself as he smiled at Hankyung.
There was a moment of awkward silence as Siwon looked between the two of them, and Hankyung stared between Siwon and Kyuhyun and the math equation suddenly added up in the negatives on his end and to a perfect “2” on the other. He was absolutely, spectacularly, in the way. “Well, Kyuhyun...”
“Nice to see you,” he said with fake cheer. “Got to be getting home.”
“Have you eaten?” Siwon said, voice hitching awkwardly before Hankyung could fully pass him by. And oh no, he was not being dragged along like the largest loser in the universe because someone was too nice to let him go home alone.
“Actually, the thought of food doesn’t sit well right now.” That much was true. “I think I’ll just rest a while. Have a good evening.”
He didn’t say “Have a good time” or “Have a good dinner” or heaven forbid “Have a nice date.” He kind of wanted to hit Kyuhyun in his smiling mouth right now, because this was exactly why Fantasy Guy never became Real Guy. Fantasy Guy never, ever, started dating his best friend.
Even if Kyuhyun was making some kind of point, it was not... If he had known Zhou Mi’s number, he might have called him so they could commiserate. Though Zhou Mi didn’t know yet that the object of his affection was on a date with the man he… The man he had considered taking a chance on. He heard Siwon’s voice as he spoke softly to Kyuhyun and hummed a low tone to block it out. He considered running as he turned the corner, out of sight. But that just felt like giving in.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine
***
Chapter Eight
***
Kyuhyun was not entirely sure how it was arranged that he would be the one driving Zhou Mi to the restaurant. It had once upon a time been the three of them, until Hankyung had texted that he would be riding with Siwon instead. And that fact made it very hard to be perturbed with him. Zhou Mi had taken a seat nearest the door a good five minutes before Kyuhyun would have normally locked up, as if Kyuhyun would have left without him if he weren’t ready at the exact moment. Zhou Mi didn’t know where the restaurant was, so it made sense for him to ride with Kyuhyun, and there was little point in taking two cars. He expected some chatter at least, but no, not even that.
Kyuhyun opened the restaurant door for an anxious Zhou Mi, who was more out of sorts than he had any right being. From all he’d seen of Zhou Mi, he was nothing but charm when he wanted to be, so it couldn’t be that he was anxious about meeting Hankyung’s mother. He was not meeting in-laws or any such thing, so why...? He’d been quiet all through the trip over, and it was even starting to freak Kyuhyun out a little bit.
They were hit with the scents first, and his stomach growled. It had been what, four, five months? Since he had last been here. It was a crime, considering that it was really not that far away. Though, when he had asked Hankyung, he hadn’t been in to sit and eat in nearly as long. They could hardly scold each other for it...
They were spotted immediately.
“Ah, Mama!”
“My other baby!” He was caught in a tight hug by the woman he truly did consider his second mother. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” he said, squeezing her hand.
“And who’s this handsome one you bring with you?”
“This is Zhou Mi. He’s...”
“Ah, the book man! Hankyung told me a little.” And then she switched into rapid Mandarin.
Zhou Mi smiled with some hesitation, replying in kind before he too received a hug.
“Come on back, both of you,” she said. “My Geng is giving Siwon and his daughter a little tour, so they should be ready to sit soon.”
“Okay. Thanks for having us, Mama.”
“Come more often! I’ll feed you.”
She hurried off to see to a signaling waiter, and Kyuhyun felt as if he were sixteen again.
“I spent a lot of time here in high school,” he said, half in explanation, half in reminiscence. “Let’s go sit.”
He stopped at a hand on his shoulder. Puzzled, he looked back at Zhou Mi.
“Kui Xian... This seems like a family gathering. If you’d rather not have me here, I can go. Siwon’s here, and Hankyung won’t mind.”
Zhou Mi looked so serious as he offered to leave, and that tinge of unhappiness tugged at him. He wanted to cuddle him, not make him go. Not a good sign.
“Don’t be silly,” he said, reaching for Zhou Mi’s hand and grasping it. “Despite appearances, Siwon isn’t family yet. And if I have to hear questions about why I haven’t found a nice boy, so do you. Come on.”
He truly tried to ignore the flipping in his stomach as Zhou Mi’s fingers tightened on his hand. He forced Zhou Mi into the booth ahead of him, no one having arrived yet to notice. Or so he thought, anyway, as Yunjee emerged from the kitchen, followed by Hankyung and then Siwon. At least then, it would not just be him and Zhou Mi. And he could relax.
Hankyung, however, had other ideas. He gave a mostly veiled shout as Hankyung’s hand went to his waist...and tickled. He twisted and moved in the only direction available to him -- away, swatting and churning all the while. Hankyung was nearly crying with laughter on the end of the bench, and Zhou Mi, whose hand was braced on the table in front of him, was laughing softly against his neck. The only place to get away had brought him to having his spine pressed to the wall, his ribs painfully digging into the table, and the rest of him...
“Are you okay Kui Xian?” Zhou Mi asked with some concern as Kyuhyun made some kind of sound of distress as he tried to extract himself from Zhou Mi.
“Fine,” he said breathlessly, finding himself sitting again on nice, solid plush bench instead of the man’s thighs.
He shot Hankyung a very dirty look, who held up his hands in mock truce. There was no regret in that action. If he ended up half in Zhou Mi’s lap because Hankyung thought tickling was a good appetizer, well, all the better in Hankyung’s eyes. He tried to will the heat out of his face.
“Boys,” Hankyung’s mother scolded, and they both sat demurely after that. Yunjee thought it all particularly hilarious, and Siwon couldn’t hide his grin. Yes, Kyuhyun thought darkly, that is what you’re getting yourself into, Siwon.
Too bad he looked so happy about it. He shot another look at Hankyung for good measure, but he was chatting at Yunjee as they waited for his mother to come to sit.
“So... Am I not a nice boy?” Zhou Mi whispered as glasses were set in front of them.
The corners of Kyuhyun’s mouth twitched terribly as he leaned toward him, though he did not turn his head.
“No!” he whispered back.
“Ah, Mama, you have to sit on the inside. If she doesn’t,” Hankyung explained to the others, “she’ll be up and down all night and never relax.”
Yunjee was pulled in after her, and Siwon after that... On purpose, if he had eyes, as that put Siwon directly across from Hankyung. She immediately cuddled Yunjee to the girl’s delight.
“I always wanted a little girl,” Hankyung’s mother said. “Not that I don’t love my little boy. I’ll just take this one to China with me and we’ll open a restaurant there.”
Hankyung looked thoroughly embarrassed.
“Mama,” he warned, a little tense. “Be careful Siwon. She’ll try and steal her.”
“Steal who?” she asked, all innocence. Then she added something in Mandarin that Hankyung immediately translated, muttering in Kyuhyun’s direction.
“She just asked him if he wanted to live in China for a while.”
“Does your mom?”
“No!”
He wasn’t sure if Siwon knew that the implied “live with us in China” wasn’t just his daughter and Hankyung’s mother, but that Hankyung was being included in that little scene of domestication, too. Hankyung clearly did.
“You can’t speak Chinese too, can you?” Zhou Mi asked Yunjee as Siwon chuckled.
“Wo ai ni!” she replied, grinning.
Kyuhyun groaned. Even he could that understand. “I’m outnumbered.”
“You have lots of people to translate,” Siwon said with a smile. So obvious why Hankyung had fallen head over heels for him. He probably bled rainbows.
Everyone sat back as the food arrived, and the food was, as always, amazing. Even if there were the usual interviews - he could only call them that - during the meal.
“How do you like Geng’s new puppy?” Hankyung’s mother asked Yunjee.
“I love her!” Yunjee exclaimed. “She’s the cutest thing ever.”
“Puppy?” Kyuhyun asked, feeling out of the loop. “You got a puppy?”
“Yeah,” Hankyung said, sounding partly embarrassed, partly excited. “We came across her on the way back from Yunjee’s school.”
“We, Yunjee and I, couldn’t take her because of our apartment,” Siwon said. “so we were really happy Geng could take her. It would have been sad if she had been put out into the street. We were happy, weren’t we Yunjee?”
Geng? Kyuhyun mouthed at Hankyung, who rolled his eyes to make him drop it.
“Yeah!” Yunjee said. “And Geng said we can come visit her any time. And visit Geng, too,” she amended, as Siwon raised his eyebrows at her.
“Replaced by a puppy in her affections?” Kyuhyun asked, grinning.
“I’d be more excited by a puppy if I were her, too,” Hankyung said wryly, to his mother’s disgust.
“Are you more excited with the puppy, Siwon?” she asked him.
“I’m very happy with both,” Siwon said. He was all charm and sincerity, his smile all for the reddening Hankyung.
They were so goo goo for each other it was almost sickening. Zhou Mi, he could see, was some sort of hopeless romantic as well, his smile glowing in his eyes as he saw the two subtly flirting. His grin broke free when he caught Kyuhyun looking at him. He rolled his eyes at Zhou Mi, but it didn’t make the cuteness fade.
Attention was then turned to Zhou Mi by the woman across from them, politely inquiring and wanting to know about this new person in their midst. (Siwon was spared too many in depth questions. He wondered how many pleas it had taken Hankyung to accomplish that.) Zhou Mi was not off guard by her questions, it seemed, settling into his normal charming set as Kyuhyun had expected him to be before all the quiet nervousness.
But he was startled as the conversation rapidly switched to Mandarin. Suddenly Zhou Mi was shaking his head rather violently, an emphatic no if he ever saw one as his face absolutely turned ruddy. Hankyung started laughing, and Siwon looked interested, which shouted all sorts of danger.
He could’ve been wrong, but he was certain some sort of dating information had been exchanged. And while he had not actually heard his name, somehow he had been involved just from Hankyung’s reaction. Should he have stood up and shouted “No!”? Zhou Mi seemed to have taken good care of it himself. The laughter from Hankyung stopped as she said something to him which not only quieted him but made him inspect his plate with some degree of intensity. That made Kyuhyun curious, more so than the question to Zhou Mi... He knew what that was. “Are you dating Kyuhyun?” To which obviously the answer was no. Hankyung being quieted by his mother in front of Siwon was a different thing entirely.
“Hey,” he said, elbowing Hankyung, bringing some of the focus to himself. “Why didn’t you teach me more Mandarin so I could understand?”
“Zhou Mi is the teacher,” Hankyung said. “I just teach dance.”
“I never learned to teach languages,” Zhou Mi clarified. “I’d be happy to help though...”
He snorted. “I think you have enough to do without trying to drill Mandarin into my brain.”
Hankyung’s mother very subtly sent Siwon and Hankyung together to fetch their dessert, listening as Yunjee whispered loudly at her.
“Excuse us girls for a moment,” she said with a smile, taking the little girl’s hand and leading her toward the bathroom.
Kyuhyun collapsed back against the seat with a sigh. “They seem to be getting along well.”
“They do. It’s been fun. I know I’d gain weight if I keep eating here.”
Kyuhyun eyed him. “Where?”
The pretenses were all there, as he slid closer, stretching, relaxing. Zhou Mi’s knuckles were white against the table and he imagined smoothing them, lacing his fingers with Zhou Mi’s. Did he have warm hands? Probably... The side of his head had barely brushed Zhou Mi’s shoulder, when Hankyung slid in beside him. Zhou Mi let out a rather awkward chuckle, which distracted Kyuhyun a moment longer.
“Where’s Mama?”
He blinked ponderously at Hankyung. “Right there.”
Siwon, and he hadn’t notice him even sitting down, stood, graciously helping both females into the seat.
“I don’t know how we can do without you, Siwon,” Han Mama said.
Siwon murmured something somewhat self deprecating, but his eyes were all for Hankyung. Hankyung, who had reached halfway over the table to pop some morsel of food into his daughter’s mouth.
Kyuhyun hadn’t missed the softening of Siwon’s eyes. Neither had the woman with them.
***
Hankyung tried to pay attention the girl chattering in his ear, while he watched his mother talking to Siwon off by themselves. He did. But it was terribly difficult, seeing the two interacting so easily.
His mother winked at him when she saw him looking and then he really did turn away, focusing instead on Kyuhyun who was trying to find the end of his scarf in his coat and Zhou Mi who was trying to help and failing at it. Zhou Mi had a big stupid smile on his face as Kyuhyun pushed his arm away, making some snide remark about him being in the way that clearly wasn’t meant as anything but a time filler.
He turned his head just in time to see Siwon extracting himself from his mother’s embrace and bee-lining towards him.
“Thanks for inviting us,” Siwon said softly, bringing his head close.
“It was nothing. My mom was glad to have you...”
Hankyung hid the gasp well as Siwon’s arms closed around him, pulling him tight to the strong and slender body. His hands fit naturally in the curve of Siwon’s back, all heat and muscle against him. He sucked in a breath as the arms squeezed tighter. And with his chin lightly brushing Siwon’s shoulder, he fell utterly, irreversibly in love.
***
Nala had been taken outside for a quick trip as soon as Hankyung had made it into the door. She followed at his heels, weaving between his feet almost like a cat as he got ready to sleep. Seeing her, he was reminded all too well of Siwon holding his hand, Siwon’s arms, his smile... He had a tiny, doggy reminder of everything he couldn’t have.
“But we have each other, don’t we?” he said, depositing her in her little nest and stroking her gently.
He tried to relax, honestly, and could not. Siwon hugging his mother. Yunjee hugging his mother. Siwon joking with Kyuhyun as Yunjee snuggled against Hankyung’s shoulder. Everything fit. Siwon slid into his life like he belonged there, and he couldn’t even...
That was when the whimpering started. A puppy used to the company of other dogs, of people. He wondered if she would settle in, go to sleep. Minutes ticked by and the whimpering continued.
“Sleep, okay?” he told her, and the whimpering loudened.
It was such a pitiful sound.
“Just for tonight, I swear,” he said, dragging his blanket off of the bed with him. She followed him to the living room, huddled beside his foot as he tossed the couch cushions onto the floor. He stretched out with a groan, dragging the blanket over him and scooping the puppy up with him.
“You stay with me, and I’ll even feed you once in a while, okay?” he asked her, kissing the top of her head and nearly getting her tongue in his mouth for his effort.
A wide canine yawn broke the silence as she settled beneath his arm.
He wasn’t sure which of them were comforted more.
***
Zhou Mi stood patiently beside him as he fumbled to unlock the back door of the store. They had just come from dropping a quiet Hankyung off at his house. The ride back had been considerably cheerier, even with Hankyung sitting like a stone statue in the back seat for the first half of the trip. Zhou Mi had at least been louder, playing with the radio after having asked permission, and nearly giving them all heart attacks at the blaring at least once.
All of Zhou Mi’s things had been left inside for when they returned, and then Kyuhyun thought that he could possibly drown himself after a tiring people-filled excursion.
“Kui Xian...” He stared down at the hand so easily placed on his arm. “Do you smell smoke?”
“Wha...”
He did, rich and hanging in the air like a promise.
He yanked the door open, recoiled as a cloud of smoke wafted straight into them. The store. The store was on fire. He could see it dancing on the kitchen walls. Where else? Where else was it? The books? His books? He stepped forward, ready to run inside.
Zhou Mi moved in front of him.
“Call for help first, Kui Xian. A fire truck, anything.”
“I have to...”
His hand was trembling with nerves as he dialed, and yet he spoke calmly to the woman who answered the phone, he needed a fire truck at this address, yes, no...
“They’re on their way,” he said, and stepped inside of the door, reaching for the fire extinguisher kept in the back room.
“You shouldn’t go in!” Zhou Mi said, gripping his coat.
He could see smoke curling, licking out from the kitchen door. He turned. “I have to. I have to! Help me,” he said. “Please.”
Zhou Mi nodded his assent, not without reservation, following him closely. “If it’s too much we go back,” he said.
“There’s another extinguisher behind the register. Could you get it?”
“Okay.”
He could hear the crackle of flames, the quiet, soothing sound of heat and air devouring fuel. He did not know what to expect... Flame creeping up walls, along the ceiling... Some monster that threatened everything he loved. What he saw were books, piled nearly to his knees on the kitchen floor, flame lazily licking along spines, biting into pages...
He nearly dropped the extinguisher on the first spray, turning away his face as white ate gold and red, stopping the spread of fire before it could leap onto the cabinets, the counters.
“I checked the rest of the store,” Zhou Mi said near him, nearly stopping his heart. “I didn’t see anything else. They broke one of the windows in the back room to get in.”
They stared at the wet, blackened pile on the floor, and he wondered if it was possible for his heart to simply beat out of his chest.
***
He massaged his temples as the fire department fans blowing out the wood-pulp smoke roared. He told himself he could breathe, that feeling as though he couldn’t was a lie, so he focused instead on the simple action of doing so. Zhou Mi sat silent and close beside him on the steps.
“If that was some kind of prank... If we hadn’t come back, the whole store could’ve gone up.”
“Or if it had been when you were sleeping,” Zhou Mi said, voice troubled.
Zhou Mi’s hand rested lightly on his back and it seemed to leech just a bit of the worry from him.
“That’s a comforting thought. Burned alive above my own bookstore.”
“The alarms would have alerted you. You have separate ones upstairs?”
“Of course... But to have disabled the ones in the store. It can’t have been some kind of prank. Not like that. It’s all wrong.”
“Is it... Do you think it might be related to someone breaking in to your apartment?”
He sat up a little straighter. “Why?”
“If this wasn’t a prank... If they really wanted to burn the store, why pile books in the kitchen where the least damage would be done? Why not where the books were, in the stacks? If it wasn’t a prank, then it feels a lot like a warning.”
“It’s okay,” Dad said, patting Mom’s cheek. “Don’t worry, babe, they won’t come back here if I’m gone.”
“Hey, you too, kiddo. Look after your mom for me, k? Love you bunches, but you probably won’t see me again. Take care of those books right.”
And his father walked away, as his mother sobbed into his neck, kneeling on the hard pavement and nearly pulling him down with her. The air stank of smoke, the glass inside the store smoggy with it. They had cleaned it up. They had kept going.
It had happened before, right before his father left. Someone had called the store looking for his father. They had broke into his apartment. Set fire to a stack of books inside the store. Just like ten years ago.
“I have to go check something upstairs, so...”
“I’ll come with you,” Zhou Mi said, and followed when he got no argument.
It took only seconds to realize that the secret hiding place was still secure, and he relaxed, just a bit. And saw the folded note that he had placed by the door. Silently he handed it to Zhou Mi, who frowned at it.
“”Beware,”” Zhou Mi said, reading the hanja written there. “Where did you get this?”
“It was on my door handle a few nights ago. I...I thought you had left it at first, but the way my family name is crossed out...”
“Did you tell anyone about this?”
“No. I didn’t even think... If it was a warning for what happened downstairs? I don’t even know.”
He turned to the kitchen, setting out cups, juice to distract himself.
“I have something to tell you. I can’t tonight. I don’t...” It was too much to process. “Another day?”
“Okay,” Zhou Mi said, sounding unsure even as he held the threatening note in his hands. “Are you going to be okay here tonight? I could sleep in the living room, or..?”
“I’ll be fine.” He was only living with the ghost of the past.
“Let me call someone for you. If you won’t let me stay... Hankyung? Ryeowook? Do you have any family nearby?”
Kyuhyun smiled at the rim of his cup. “No. No family. I’m fine. Nothing will happen tonight. Stop nagging.”
“Give me your phone.”
Kyuhyun did so without thought, staring as Zhou Mi flipped it opened and started pressing buttons.
“If you don’t feel like you can call one of the others, then call me? I can come over if you need someone, or if you just need to talk.”
Kyuhyun blinked at the phone was handed back to him. He read the display.
“”Zhou Mi (Anytime)”?” he asked, laughing a little. “Sounds like an advertisement for something. Should I start calling you that? “Hey, Anytime!””
“I don’t care what you call me. Just call if you need anything.”
The insistence made him smile. “I didn’t know you were such a worrywart.”
Zhou Mi ducked his head a bit, but looked up, steady. And inside he trembled.
“I only worry because I care,” Zhou Mi said, quiet, deafeningly loud, a rumble of thunder and the patter of rain all at once.
They heard the fans turn off below.
He put his cup down, and focused on walking instead.
***
The firemen left, leaving him with a damaged, filthy kitchen, clear air, and a soggy, stinking pile of books. He stepped in, and his boots crunched down on something hard. A shard. Pottery, he wondered, bending down. And picked up the torso of a small, shattered clay figure. A cow. He shot to his feet, staring with horrified eyes at the empty spot in the kitchen pass, wider than a man’s hand, where several small animals had stood. The rest were there, undamaged, but the others... He gathered the pieces, head of a pig, mane of a lion, and gripped them tightly in his fist. They were symbolic of everything he had nearly lost, these broken, innocent things.
He felt Zhou Mi’s hand squeeze his shoulder. “It’s okay, Kui Xian...”
He stood, throwing the broken pieces at the burnt books with a low cry, letting his forehead rest against the point of Zhou Mi’s shoulder without shame.
“I could have lost everything,” he whispered.
“You didn’t. You can fix this.”
“Not everything can be fixed.” He chuckled as he said it, but there was no humor in it. “Some things never get better.”
Zhou Mi stroked a hard line along his spine, up and down as though he were encouraging life back into him.
“What can we do tonight that will help? We can do something. You can, Kui Xian.”
“I can’t leave it like this,” he said, completely unable to form a thought of what to do next. “I just can’t.”
“Do you have aprons? Gloves? Maybe something to put over our faces? I’ll get the garbage can. We can get this out of here tonight. Get this smell out before morning.”
He stared at Zhou Mi in something like awe. An undertaking... Zhou Mi didn’t even wait for his answer, turning to retrieve the large metal garbage can.
They worked, oh, they worked. Scraping up charred books with his tiny snow shovel, armed in frilly aprons, dishwashing gloves and bandanas. They looked like dishwashing bandits. The cupboards and counters were wiped down with pungent vinegar solution, emptied of dishes into sudsy water, and throwing out what food that was open. The floor was mopped, and Zhou Mi walked along beside him as he stood on the counters, wiping down the ceiling, scrubbing up one side and down the other. If there was one inch of wall, of flat surfaces untouched by them, it wasn’t for lack of trying. They taped up the broken window that had been the entry point. Few words were exchanged but for discussion of what was done and what next to do.
He felt like smoke and vinegar was imprinted into his nose before they were done. It was 2a.m. before he dropped his rag. Zhou Mi looked up from where he was crouched beside the counter. His eyes were red, a telltale streak of soot on his cheekbone. He wondered if they hadn’t just stuffed themselves hours before, if they would be faint with hunger.
“We should stop for tonight,” he said, voice sounding odd to his own ears. “I’m about to fall into my bucket.”
“Okay,” Zhou Mi said, standing and wincing as his body unfolded. “We got a lot done.”
“We got so much done... I didn’t even know where to start.”
“You would have. You’ll be able to sleep okay?”
“I’m tired enough. Yeah.”
Zhou Mi shrugged into his coat. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“You’ll be okay getting home?”
Should he ask him to stay? There was nowhere. He didn’t know if he could have done it on his own.
“Yeah, no problem. It’s not far.”
“Thank you... I... Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome, Kui Xian.” His eyes closed as Zhou Mi touched his cheek. “Sleep well.”
His body had the energy only to strip his clothes before he fell into his bed. He had no way to thank Zhou Mi for his help. Not even if he wanted to. How long before he was gone and he no longer could... He did not know if they were tears of exhaustion, of relief, or sorrow, but they heralded him into sleep.
***
His muscles screamed under the hot spray. He woke up at his normal time, anxious to finish, to continue downstairs. He wanted to spend some time in the stacks, to see what stink of smoke there was, what damage was done. The fire had not burned long, smoke moving toward the open, sucking window and not toward the store. In that he had been lucky. But still he worried. The books smelled wonderful, perfect. No acrid scent at all. A warning, he thought.
A warning.
He left the door propped open as he worked, airing out what lingered of vinegar and smoke. He brewed coffee jut to get another smell going... Wanted the smell of baking muffins to overpower the scent. He taped down the peeling linoleum, finding the largest throw rug he had on hand to cover the damage and make it safer for Ryeowook to do what needed to be done. While the dishes were soaking again he cleaned in the store. Every surface he could reach, tables, exposed wood of the armchairs, counters and floors. Dishes were put away and lacking any knowledge of what to do next, he began to wipe down the windows. It would not be perfect, but they would be open. It would be okay.
When Ryeowook arrived, he was shocked to see Zhou Mi at his heels.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Ryeowook wailed as soon as he was close enough to pull Kyuhyun into a hug. “I would have come!”
Zhou Mi had clearly filled him in on the events of the night before, and he smiled a bit over Ryeowook’s shoulder. Zhou Mi looked tired, but was peering around the store in interest.
“I needed one of us to be awake this morning. And it’s not me,” he said to Ryeowook. “Come back to the kitchen and I’ll show you what I did.”
He listened to Ryeowook’s exclamations as Zhou Mi came up to stand behind him. They watched together as he patted at the scorched cabinet fronts, peeling up the rug to see the blackened but mostly whole floor.
“I’ll get ahold of our contractor,” he said. “See when we can get someone in to fix the floor. If it bothers you like it is, we’ll work something else out.”
“No, it’s fine,” Ryeowook said, smiling at the two of them. “I hate to think of what it looked like last night.”
Like a nightmare, he wanted to say. But this nightmare had faded, if only slightly in the light of day.
They left Ryeowook to his kitchen duties, Zhou Mi following behind silently as he prepared the register for the day, counting money and tidying it.
“You’re okay?” Zhou Mi asked quietly.
“Just tired. I’ll last until Ryeowook is done in the kitchen. What about you?”
“I’m okay. I went to sleep half dressed.”
“I almost did too,” he joked. “I could hardly stand to smell myself this morning.”
“You got a lot more done this morning.”
“I had to... Can you tell? Very much?”
The air in the store was cool from the open door, but the scents were not so readily apparent. He sniffed, trying to catch the smell of apple muffin batter from the kitchen.
“When everything is back in order, I don’t think you’ll be able to tell after a while.”
“I’ll erase every trace, if I can,” Kyuhyun vowed. “Did you...want something to drink? Coffee or tea?”
“I’m good. I’ll get some work done for a while. Might leave early. You checked the book closet?”
Thoroughly.
“Yeah. Everything’s fine. I cleaned the table carefully, so you should be fine.”
“Okay. Take a break when you can?”
He nodded at Zhou Mi’s suggestion, and propped himself against the counter, waiting with eagerness for Ryeowook to be done as he began to droop.
He shut the door to the back room when Ryeowook took his place, standing beside his chair and staring at Zhou Mi.
“Do you mind if I...?” He trailed off, realizing what a stupid question that was. It was his store, his place. He could ask Zhou Mi to leave if he wanted. That had been their agreement. He was tired, that was all.
“Will you sleep?” Zhou Mi asked, standing as Kyuhyun sank down, curling over.
“I hope...”
“Good,” Zhou Mi said. The familiar weight of Zhou Mi’s coat was spread over him, and he clutched it, feeling it begin to reflect back his body heat. “Is that okay?”
“Mmhmm,” he answered.
A warm hand covered the one that rested beside his face, curling over his fingers and holding lightly. It was rough, dry from their labors the night before, and so comforting as he squeezed back.
“Sleep well,” Zhou Mi said. He listened to the sound of Zhou Mi’s breathing for a long moment, and tumbled into sleep.
***
He ached all over when he woke, felt like he had been tumbled around in a cement truck for a few years. And his hand was sweaty. The why to that was obvious, as he opened his eyes and saw a pale hand still curved around his. The clock told him he’d been out nearly an hour, and he stared hard at that hand.
“Is your arm asleep yet?” he croaked, clearing his throat as he sat up.
The fingers wiggled in investigation. “Nope, I guess I can still feel my shoulder. I got a little sleep, too.”
He laughed, letting their fingers slide apart. Zhou Mi stood with him, accepting back his coat and putting it on. He raised his eyebrows in question as it wasn’t yet lunchtime.
“I have an errand to run... I’ll put these books away, but I’ll be back to work some more a little later.”
“Okay.”
He had, if not verbally, asked for that answer. And cared more than a little about what answer he would receive.
***
When Zhou Mi returned an hour later, his smile was considerably cheerier.
“Could I bother you for a minute, Kui Xian?”
Ryeowook waved him away from where he was wiping bookshelves. “I’ll be fine out here.”
He followed Zhou Mi into the back room, eying the paper sack he held with some curiosity. Clearly he had something to show, but he couldn’t figure out what.
Until Zhou Mi began to set out his prizes, one at a time. The whimsical cow, the roaring lion, the stretching pig. Almost the same as the others, with little marks here and there to distinguish them as different.
“I called the shop I found them at, and they were able to get me new ones,” Zhou Mi explained.
Kyuhyun didn’t realize how close he was to tears until he blinked, feeling wetness at the edge of his lashes. He blinked hard, holding out his hands automatically as Zhou Mi stretched to place something in them. It was a figurine that he hadn’t seen before, a small brown owl with wide eyes.
“You remind me of this owl, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi said, looking down at the figure with him. “He can play and sing, but so often he sits and watches with his wise eyes.”
He could see it in his kitchen window, greeting him when he woke. The loyal, playful puppy beside the wise, sad-eyed owl. A metaphor for them both?
“I... Thank you,” he said finally. Had he ever thanked Zhou Mi for any of the original animals? No... He had been too busy trying to ignore him. He had taken them to heart far more than he realized. He wanted to hug the man, see if the warmth existed there that he felt inside. He settled for curving his fingers tight around the little owl and smiling up through lidded eyes.
“You’re welcome,” Zhou Mi said, smiling back. “Did you...want to put them back up?”
They carried the animals into the kitchen, spacing the others so that the new animals could return to their original spots. Zhou Mi did not mention that the owl did not join the others there, just smiling, clearly pleased with the world that he had been able to replace what had been broken.
Kyuhyun went upstairs immediately after, setting the owl on the sill beside the puppy. Neither looked quite so alone.
He told himself that it was only sentiment that had him nudging the owl a little closer.
***
Hankyung woke with a clearer head than he had in weeks. Nala was gone, off exploring her new territory, but he was absolutely certain what he needed to do. Last night, whatever last night had been, was not something he felt he could survive much longer. Need all but eked from him when he was around Siwon, and he was not sure that could be hidden much longer without doing some kind of harm to himself. He was curled with Nala on the couch when the knock on the door came, and he cuddled her close to stem any barking. He sat through the second, more tentative knock and could visualize Siwon on the other side of the door so clearly. It could be no one else.
Hankyung was jittery when he walked into the bookstore that afternoon, for so many reasons. For once Siwon, while the underlying cause, wasn’t the main one. Not even when he saw the smile on Siwon’s face brighten as he stood up from the chair he’d been lounging in.
“Hey...” Siwon said. “Do you have a minute...?”
“Sorry,” he said, eyes fixed on the counter. “I don’t, actually. I have to talk to Kyuhyun real quick before my date tonight. Is it urgent?”
“Oh,” Siwon said softly. “No. Sorry.”
He did not dare look at the man for fear that the misery would somehow leak out of his eyes, and he would wrap himself around that solid chest and beg him not to let go.
“Sorry,” he repeated, and stiffly walked to Kyuhyun.
“Congratulate me, I have a date,” he said, as if he were announcing his imminent death. He had the slightest hope that Kyuhyun could fix this.
Kyuhyun balked.
“You just talked to Siwon for two seconds. Quickest asking out ever?”
“Not with Siwon. With one of the dance instructors. She...”
Kyuhyun half pulled him over the counter by his arm to furiously whisper at him. “I am not hearing this. A date with a woman when the man you’ve been fantasizing about is single and all but in your lap?”
“He hasn’t given me any indication he likes me. He could just as easily like you.”
“He doesn’t drag me out of here on barely concealed dates. He doesn’t hug me. Or visit me at my place. Or...”
“But he comes here, where you are, to the place you own,” Hankyung argued. He didn’t actually believe any of this that was coming out of his mouth. Siwon liking Kyuhyun? It was the only thing he could grasp onto. It would be easier if he could believe it.
“He likes books! His daughter likes books! I just happen to be here. He doesn’t just happen to look for you.”
“He may like women.”
“Oh, good,” Kyuhyun said, all sarcasm. “So you pretending to be straight is a great way to suss him out. He’ll secretly give himself away by going “Ew, girls.” and then you know you have him. If, of course, you hadn’t been paying attention to the longing, puppy dog looks he sends you every time you meet.”
“He’s very nice.”
“He is. Very nice doesn’t make him want to lick you.”
And he had run out of excuses and explanations. The only thing left was Siwon, and his own lack.
“Kyuhyun.”
“You’re young and fit and smart and nice, too. He doesn’t seem to find your lack of ovaries to be a problem.”
“I have to do this. I have to move on. Kyu... You don’t understand. Seeing them all together last night, my mom and... Seeing what it could be like?”
“You love him,” Kyuhyun breathed. “You are such a moron, Hankyung.”
“I know.” He had a knot inside of himself to prove it.
***
Kyuhyun pondered not meddling for about five seconds, holding himself back from shouting at Hankyung as he pushed out the door. Siwon, who clutched his daughter to him, looked somewhere south of glum. And he bet Hankyung hadn’t seen that.
“Don’t be sad, Daddy,” he heard Yunjee say as he sat down.
“Sorry, baby.”
“So apparently Hankyung is going out with one of the dance instructors at the school,” Kyuhyun said, as though that was an appropriate topic starter. “First date jitters and all that.”
“Ah,” Siwon said, frowning at him in confusion.
“Daddy, don’t people date people they “like?””
“Yeah, they do.”
“Doesn’t he like you? Why is he dating someone who isn’t you?”
Kyuhyun nearly laughed. From the mouth of babes. Instead of trying to run away from his feelings, Hankyung should’ve spent five minutes with the kid instead.
“Because sometimes people take a long time to figure out what they want,” Kyuhyun interrupted before Siwon could speak and staring hard at him. “And sometimes other people need to ask.”
“He... I saw him with one of the teachers once. They seemed close. She seemed nice,” Siwon said, realizing that Kyuhyun knew. As if Siwon hadn't made it completely obvious.
“And sometimes, people are stupid. That counts double for both of you.”
“Maybe we need to know each other better first.”
“Siwon... That’s what dating people does. Lets you know them. Sweetheart, go see if Henry will get you a cookie, okay?” Kyuhyun sighed, waiting for the little girl to run to Henry. “He’s going out with someone not you? What does that make you feel?”
“Angry. Confused. Sad.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Mostly angry.”
“You’re jealous. You wouldn’t be jealous if he was going out with you. The worst he could say is no.”
“I was going to,” Siwon insisted, flushing with the confession. “Today. I’ve tried before. And then he said he has a date.... Just imagining it. It’s too important to me.”
“You two are so similar, it’s annoying. If you won’t ask him and he dates this woman, you set yourself up for it, that’s all. You’ve eaten together and gone on date-like outings, and you never had any problems asking about those.”
“It means more now.”
“Of course it does. Which means you both will be spasmically happy when he says yes. Seriously, if it weren’t so pathetic and if he would believe me, I’d ask him out for you. But really, be a man. Put both of you out of your misery. If you thought he was excited about that date, you need more than glasses. “Will you go on a date with me?” Is that so hard to say?”
***
He collapsed into the armchair.
“Why do stupid people exist?”
Zhou Mi stared at him, the tip of his pen lightly grasped in his teeth.
“So you can ask rhetorical questions?”
“Good answer. Why do I know so many of them? I hope it isn’t catching.”
“Hankyung?”
“He thinks showing Siwon he can date will help himself move on. Or something equally ridiculous. He’s absolutely freaked out that Siwon does like him, more so than if he doesn’t. Because then he could screw it up or something. He was supposed to be the emotionally stable one. I don’t get it.”
“You’re a good friend for worrying,” Zhou Mi said, attempting to be comforting. He shook his head and leaned back.
“I know. I’m meddling so hard that I’m shocked they don’t think there is an earthquake every time I open my mouth. I just meddled with Siwon this time, which is a heck of a lot different than just talking to Hankyung. I’ve done everything but tell Siwon that Hankyung is absolutely stupid in love with him, because some things are sacred. You’re different since you’re not trying to date them. Neutral ground. But then, they’re not trying to date each other! Argh! Desperate measures. They’ll thank me later.”
“You have a plan?”
“I’ll drag both of them out to eat tomorrow and then ditch them. If Siwon can’t work up the nerve to say something then, I wash my hands of it.”
“Dinner?” Zhou Mi’s eyes brightened.
“No, you can’t come. It would make it seem like a double date and Hankyung would really be suspicious. He really is stupid. I have no idea why I bother.”
Zhou Mi chucked. “We all know why.”
***
“Are you leaving?” Hankyung asked, slightly surprised as Kyuhyun going anywhere voluntarily at night was not a common occurrence. And especially after the fire... Even if he had been called over here, he expected Kyuhyun to stay in. And he had a terrible feeling that what Kyuhyun wanted was to try and pump up his ego, try and get him to see things his way about Siwon. He wasn’t sure he was up to hearing it after the laughable date the night before. (Seriously, laughable. He hadn’t even been the one to ask her to dinner. She had picked up on the fact he wasn’t invested before they’d even sat down, and tried her hand at couple’s counseling, too.)
If anything, it had illustrated the futility of running away. If he couldn’t make it five minutes into a date, then what chance did he have? All he wanted was Siwon. To trace the dimples on his face, to feel just one more hug. He had been building himself up for hours. At Yunjee’s next class, when Siwon came to pick her up, maybe he could suggest that they go somewhere together, all three of them. Some way to let Siwon know he wanted to be near him. If Siwon gave him that happy smile, if it meant what Kyuhyun swore it did... Perhaps Kyuhyun could give him a pep talk right before that class.
“Yeah, going out tonight,” Kyuhyun finally answered, voice muffled. “Hang on a moment and we’ll…”
“I’m heading home,” he called back. “Bye!”
“Wait, Han…”
He closed the door and sighed. Freedom in the frozen air.
“Hey,” he heard as he trudged slowly down the steps.
He started, stared at Siwon’s smiling face. And at the finely textured gray scarf wound to his chin, and the handsome leather jacket, and pressed black slacks. And then he saw the pinkened nose, and his heart stumbled again.
“Hey,” he said, a little more breathlessly than he intended. “Hot date?” he joked, squirming inside. Say no, say no, say no…
Siwon chuckled nervously. “Well, Kyuhyun…”
“Hey, sorry to make you wait,” Kyuhyun said, flushed and harried as he closed and locked the door behind him and looking absolutely thrilled with himself as he smiled at Hankyung.
There was a moment of awkward silence as Siwon looked between the two of them, and Hankyung stared between Siwon and Kyuhyun and the math equation suddenly added up in the negatives on his end and to a perfect “2” on the other. He was absolutely, spectacularly, in the way. “Well, Kyuhyun...”
“Nice to see you,” he said with fake cheer. “Got to be getting home.”
“Have you eaten?” Siwon said, voice hitching awkwardly before Hankyung could fully pass him by. And oh no, he was not being dragged along like the largest loser in the universe because someone was too nice to let him go home alone.
“Actually, the thought of food doesn’t sit well right now.” That much was true. “I think I’ll just rest a while. Have a good evening.”
He didn’t say “Have a good time” or “Have a good dinner” or heaven forbid “Have a nice date.” He kind of wanted to hit Kyuhyun in his smiling mouth right now, because this was exactly why Fantasy Guy never became Real Guy. Fantasy Guy never, ever, started dating his best friend.
Even if Kyuhyun was making some kind of point, it was not... If he had known Zhou Mi’s number, he might have called him so they could commiserate. Though Zhou Mi didn’t know yet that the object of his affection was on a date with the man he… The man he had considered taking a chance on. He heard Siwon’s voice as he spoke softly to Kyuhyun and hummed a low tone to block it out. He considered running as he turned the corner, out of sight. But that just felt like giving in.
***
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Date: 2009-04-02 01:06 am (UTC)