coley_merrin | [Fic] After the Show

Title: After the Show
Author: Coley Merrin
Pairing: Siwon/Han Geng
Rating: R-NC-17
Warning: Smut~

***

Set loosely in the same universe as Black Satin (QMi) but this is completely independent.

***

Han Geng had played several roles at Satin. Even if it was a club for men to spend time with other men who were dressed like women, it had been a good job for him. Starting first as one of the attendants who sat for conversation or music. Occasionally helping at the bar. Watching the others, men carefully dressed and coifed. It wasn’t that they all particularly looked overly feminine. But it was a fantasy, an illusion. Some pulled off the dresses and earrings better than others. But he had never heard a man complain that the person paying attention to him wasn’t womanly enough. Small favors.

He had worked there over a year when he was recruited to a new role, when the weekend entertainment was changed to a small play two nights a week. Just a little extra special entertainment. A little higher admission. A love story, was basically what it was. Historical, with one of the men dressed as women playing the female role, and a male actor management had found filling in as the man. Finding an actor who didn’t mind acting opposite another man - even if he was dressed as a woman - was one thing.

It didn’t take that many double takes to figure out the actor that they’d chosen was good looking. Handsome almost classically, and tall. He really had to be, since Han Geng was tall enough himself. Out of all the men he knew who worked at Satin, who dressed up, he only knew of two others besides himself who were actually attracted to men. He almost regretted that, as he was introduced to Siwon. Having to act, to pretend to fall in love, and hold Siwon two nights a week? He just hoped his costume was going to hide any evidence of him getting distracted by the dimples in Siwon’s cheeks. There was no harm in admiring his handsome, likely straight co-actor. Even as they rehearsed, dressed in sweats, and practicing a mock kiss that was pressed into his cheek as they embraced. All of them shared a drink when they finished, and he watched as Siwon laughed with one of the other actors. Ah, handsome and so unattainable.

The first performance came too quickly, in his estimation, even if they were ready. They’d practiced once in full costume, but he was glad they’d had no more than that. The historical wig was as itchy as they came, he thought, determined to soldier through.

“You don’t know who I am!” he told Siwon, his character sinking down.

“I know everything about you,” Siwon assured him. Kneeling to cup Han Geng’s cheek. And as they embraced, the kiss. Waiting until the curtains fell in front of them to break apart, laughing softly and jostling each other in congratulations for making it through.

“It’s still so nerve wracking, even without many people,” Siwon whispered.

“I know.”

Oh, how he knew. He’d done little bits of acting, dancing, performing. But it still sent his heart thumping in his chest. Siwon helped him to his feet, and they did their bows. Finally escaping into the back to change. It wasn’t as though he had Siwon to himself, because the manager was there, thanking Siwon, giving him a little first-performance bonus and making sure he got away safely. And of course Han Geng received the same bonus and accolades. They would repeat it again the next day, and for three weekends more. Seven more performances with Siwon hugging him, hoisting him into the air, and verbally sparring with him. And playing with the fake hair of the long wig.

Maybe he went home after that performance and spent time in the shower imagining Siwon stripping for him on that stage. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t had that thought before.

Six performances left.

Four performances left.

Three.

And they stalled in the only free room there was, unable to get free of their costumes because of a shift change and people dashing around.

“Hard to imagine it’s halfway over,” he said, as Siwon eased beside him.

“I know. I won’t get to see you in that outfit any more,” Siwon joked.

“The regular dresses are so much easier,” he said, moving the heavy cloth of the overly ornate traditional outfit.

“It suits you. I don’t think I ever though I’d be telling a man that. But it’s—“

“Rooms are ready!” the manager called, and Han Geng wrenched himself away from the wall, and from Siwon, and wondered what exactly it was that Siwon had been going to say. They saw each other two days per week. He knew more about Siwon than he had. In the time after they were ready, waiting, they talked. At first he’d been quiet, thinking Siwon wanted time to center himself, but it had been Siwon who’d spoken first. Turning to Han Geng and laughing over what had happened the performance before, or some anecdote of the week. Nearly losing his ipod, or getting dinner with his parents. Han Geng didn’t bother asking if his parents approved of the job Siwon was doing. He was fairly positive that they didn’t know. But if he’d thought that Siwon was attractive at first meeting, and seeing him so stiffly, elegantly dressed in their costume? Each week that passed didn’t help that fade, not from his fantasies, and not from his dreams.

***

“I know everything about you,” Siwon said, reciting the last line of their dialogue. All they had to do was move together. Siwon’s mouth pressing beside his. Pause, and wait. Maybe it was the thud of a chair, or a glass. Something that had his head turning as Siwon drew him in. Something that had the almost-kiss turning into a real one. His eyes popped open in shock, before realizing he couldn’t. Pressing closer. Holding Siwon’s shoulder. To the audience, it could look like nothing different had happened. Nothing different in the “passion” their characters were supposedly displaying. To hint at what might have happened after the curtain fell on the two imaginary lovers who had found each other again.

He was breathing hard by the time the curtain released them, sliding his mouth from Siwon’s with a gasp. Expecting to be let go, to apologize, to laugh about a silly mistake. And gasping, his whole body on fire as Siwon gripped him closer.

“Beautiful,” Siwon breathed into the hollow beneath his jaw. Both hands sliding up the back of Han Geng’s neck.

He felt both proud and dismayed. The roles they played on stage were of man, and man dressed as woman. What if Siwon didn’t remember, or just ignored, that he was really a man?

“Come home with me tonight,” Siwon urged him, pulling him to his feet.

It could mean so many things. That Siwon wanted to eat, to talk. To have sex. And he shook his head. Two shows left. He couldn’t risk it.

“After the last show,” he whispered.

“I’ll take that as a promise,” Siwon told him, and bowed with him.

***

It was a promise that Han Geng didn’t expert to have to keep. Going through the week as he always did, dressing in dresses or skirts. Paying attention to lonely or indulging men. Fielding compliments and being confident in what he did. At least that was something he did feel confident in.

And when Siwon held him, as the curtains fell, the fake kiss going as it should have, he tried to keep himself from stiffening.

“Tomorrow?” Siwon whispered to him.

He closed his eyes, even if he couldn’t see a thing.

“Yes.”

***

Yes. He made it through the congratulatory after party, at a restaurant nearby. They’d been asked to keep on their costumes, and he was placed beside Siwon as they feasted. Tense in the jovial atmosphere. Not enough to be noticed, thankfully, but he kept his eyes far away from the man at his elbow, and kept himself busy telling stories to the others.

“Ready to go?” Siwon asked him.

He breathed out. Ready as he ever would be. He had no reason to see Siwon again after that night, so it made sense that they got to it then. Whatever it was that Siwon had planned. It was to Han Geng’s apartment they went, and by taxi since they were still dressed in costume. They got few funny looks, but there wasn’t much to be done about it. The ride more tense than the restaurant had been, Siwon gripping his hand and talking about ridiculous things from his past. His first acting job, nearly falling into a lake. Forgetting his lines, and getting hit in the face by a coworker on accident.

His skin was almost itching by the time he’d unlocked his apartment door. Siwon not helping by breathing almost in his ear.

“Finally. Finally,” Siwon muttered, kicking the door closed behind them.

“What—“

The question never got asked, Siwon cupping the back of his neck and holding him still. The kiss warm, but not forward, and he could almost feel the smile.

“I’m glad you had the sense to wait. We won’t have to go back up there and act and be thinking about this all the time,” Siwon told him, kissing along his jaw, his neck. He groaned, clutching at Siwon’s waist through their clothes. So little. A few words, a few kisses? Not enough. Not enough, and he pulled Siwon’s mouth back to his, tasting him as they stumbled toward the bedroom. He sucked at Siwon’s earlobe, guiding him back toward the bed. Almost not caring what Siwon thought of him, who he was, what he looked like. The makeup, the mask of it. The clothes. He was a man, still, and— Siwon pulled away, breath puffing as he stared down Han Geng’s body.

“Did you want to shower and get out of those clothes? You should. I can wait.” Though as quickly as he pushed Han Geng away, he pulled him back again, kissing him, holding him. “Please don’t make me wait very long?”

He laughed, leaving Siwon at the side of the bed. He was surprised that Siwon had sent him away. Not only to wash, but Siwon would know that his makeup would come off, the clothes. He would just be Han Geng, and not Han Geng-the-woman. In the tank top and boxers that he liked to sleep in, dressing reluctantly, quickly. There wasn’t any pretending like that. If he walked out there, and Siwon saw him, was turned off by him, then at least it was before they had really started anything. Siwon could make his excuses and go, without dragging him through some theatrical sex. He dressed like a woman for his job, but he didn’t intend to have sex dressed like one.

Siwon’s shirt was off, which seemed cruel, because he seemed to be nothing more in the dim light than bronzed skin over perfectly formed muscle and bone. He blew out a breath, wishing he had something to bite on that was better than his thumbnail to keep himself from molesting Siwon with his eyes. And the button of his pants was undone, socks gone. He swallowed hard, and willed confidence into his walk. He guessed he could’ve just come out in a towel, but he wanted that armor. And it wasn’t like shedding two loose articles of clothing took effort. He could be naked as quick as Siwon could say “boo.”

“Quick enough?” he asked, standing artlessly in front of Siwon. Wanting to touch. He bet Siwon would be warm. He just bet he would be.

Siwon’s fingers dipped along the neckline of his tank top, loose, just a little big, dipping low onto his chest. His breathing jumped as Siwon brushed his nipple, And he thought he saw Siwon’s lips curve. Maybe he imagined it.

And then those hands skimmed his shoulders, his upper arms, and it was Siwon who blew out an unsteady breath, the tip of his nose brushing Han Geng’s.

“How is it possible that you’re ten times more gorgeous like this? I knew it.”

Was he staring, he wondered. He’d told himself about every possible bad outcome, prepared himself to be left, deserted, insulted, hurt. But this? He wasn’t going to do something stupid like ask if Siwon was talking about him, but he did the next best thing. He lifted the tank top over his head, threw it, and pressed his hands to Siwon’s chest.

And yes, he was warm.

He got his hands to Siwon’s shoulder blades, just barely having time to hold on before Siwon nearly knocked him off balance. He couldn’t even laugh, mouth occupied by Siwon’s. And then he most certainly didn’t want to laugh. Nothing compared to the warmth of Siwon’s mouth, the fist that was holding his lower back as they bumped together. Never away. Content with kiss after kiss, a hand in his hair, his back, sliding under his waistband. It took that long to find his equilibrium, pushing at Siwon’s pants, hoping the zipper would just give on its own. Too much between them. But it gave, and so did the cloth. Pushing it down thighs that had him huffing to keep his concentration.

“You have—?” Siwon panted at him.

“Drawer,” he answered, tongue nearly tied by Siwon’s hands sliding down his ass.

Somehow he knew, not like it was a mystery, what Siwon was wanting. Scooting back onto the cool sheets, Siwon almost predatory above him. He moaned, unable to do more, as Siwon’s teeth scraped his collar bone.

“Want you,” Siwon murmured.

Not destined for length of time, but there was no limit being put on intensity. Not as he clutched the sheet at Siwon’s fingers, and panted as Siwon himself slid into him. Siwon urged him to move with him, and he did. Hands roaming Siwon’s shoulders, his back, his neck. The recipient of urgent, quick and desperate kisses. Siwon’s hand on his thigh making him shudder, and and when Siwon touched him? There was only the barest threads of control holding him from bucking and losing everything, right then. This man. This man, gorgeous and moaning his name, and coming for him. And Han Geng for him. His heart pounded, the luxurious feelings oozing through him. And Siwon still above him.

“We need to do that again. I think this was just a dress rehearsal,” Siwon rasped.

He laughed. And thought that the year was starting out with so many possibilities.

***