[Fic] For Always - 14/24
Apr. 2nd, 2009 04:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen
***
Chapter Fourteen
***
It wasn’t something he could go running to Hankyung about. Nearly kissing Zhou Mi because he couldn’t get his face out of his damn neck.
That he couldn’t blame on Zhou Mi. He had always complained that it was Zhou Mi doing the pursuing, and Zhou Mi sticking himself in his face, but who was it that was the one asking for contact, asking for his presence? Zhou Mi had the restraint of a saint. It was no wonder they had nearly kissed when Kyuhyun had been rubbing his face against Zhou Mi like a scenting cat.
Avoidance felt like a good idea. A day or two to get his bearings. But on second thought, it sounded like a terrible idea. There was a terrible thought that if he did not see Zhou Mi, if he did not touch Zhou Mi, there would be a lack. He felt it like a tangible thing.
But the store, when they closed, was spotless. Absolutely spotless. There was no dust to be found on any book or flat surface. He had scaled ladders like a demented monkey, crawled around on the floor to reach every crevice. When he took a look at himself in a mirror, it looked like he’d been in some sort of war, wide eyed and crazy.
He sent off Ryeowook without fanfare, though speculative looks were to be had. The shop was quickly closed up, and he sighed. One thing down.
The one place he had not been was the back room. He carried Zhou Mi’s presence around with him like an extra body, and there was nothing to do but ignore it, until he couldn’t any longer. There had been no sound, no movement that he noticed from Zhou Mi for the whole of the day. Not even for lunch had he left the store. And when Kyuhyun sucked in a fortifying breath, not sure exactly what he would find, he considered the scene in front of him. Zhou Mi’s sleeves were rolled to his elbows, his hair mussed as though his hands had been scraping through it. The laptop in front of him was almost hidden between books and papers. And he gave no sign that he had noticed Kyuhyun’s presence whatsoever.
“I’m calling for takeout. Did you want anything?’
“Um. Sure. Anything,” Zhou Mi said absently, not looking up.
He kept himself from scowling, turning for the phone as he decided what he wanted, and what to order extra of for the absent minded professor.
If he was going to be ignored, then he was going to do so out of Zhou Mi’s sight, and wait for the food by the door. That’d show him. One of them, anyway. The one who was in the funk, and not the one doing the ignoring.
Food in hand, he unpacked it very deliberately at the other end of the table. Finally he gave up his subtle tactics and leaned over the back of Zhou Mi’s chair. His notes were… somewhat illegible. In Chinese, which didn’t help. Apparently he could read them, though.
“Are you going to eat while the food is hot?” he asked in Zhou Mi’s ear, nearly having his head taken off as Zhou Mi rocketed out of the chair.
“What?! What?” He stared across the table at the food. “When did that get here?”
“Five minutes ago. After someone knocked loudly on the door, and I paid them, and brought it in here, and set it out. And waited for His Highness to grace us with his attention.”
“Didn’t you ask me if I wanted to eat five minutes ago?”
“No, that was more like 30.”
“Oh.” This time he actually focused on Kyuhyun’s face, and he hoped that any traces of feeling put out were gone. “Sorry... I got into a groove. I... You’re closed already?”
Kyuhyun snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah, genius. For a while now. You really were out of it.”
“Yeah...” Zhou Mi’s stomach growled loudly. “Ah. I...missed lunch.”
“Then let’s eat before the food grows legs.”
He was glad he ordered as much as he had as Zhou Mi took on a rather predatory look. There was barely half left before the eating machine began to slow, probably actually tasting his food finally. Kyuhyun just sat back and watched it happen, eating his own meal sedately.
Zhou Mi sighed with pleasure for about the fifth time. “I didn’t eat much for breakfast this morning, too hyped for the meeting, and... I think if I’d waited much longer you’d have had to haul me out on a stretcher.”
“I’d have poured some coffee into you and you’d have been fine.”
Zhou Mi chuckled, and kept on eating.
“Where is that going?” Kyuhyun inquired.
“You don’t want to know.”
No... He probably didn’t. But his curiosity demanded something else.
“So, besides the obvious... Why are all your notes in Chinese?”
“The book will be in Chinese, like the original books are,” Zhou Mi said. “I thought of doing it in Korean as well but I don’t have the fine language skills needed. Or the knowledge, really.”
“So find someone who does.”
Zhou Mi blinked, considering him.
“Oh no, not me,” Kyuhyun declared.
“Why not? You know Korean literature, and literature in general. We could work well together.”’
“I don’t have a degree in whatever it is you’re doing, for one thing. And I don’t really want any other reason to be tied to those books.”
“Why? What is so wrong with them, really? They’re just books. What harm ever came from reading...”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes. “Those books took everything from me. My father left because of them. My mother left because he was gone. What more do I lose because of that?”
“But it wasn’t the books.”
“I know,” he said, standing and grabbing the bag. “That’s why I didn’t burn them.”
“Kui Xian... I didn’t mean to upset you,” Zhou Mi said quickly, reaching for and gripping Kyuhyun’s hand.
He squeezed back. “You didn’t. But you’re right. They are just books. And I lay too much on them, but... I don’t know why my father left. Not really. Blaming them has been easier for me.”
The garbage disposed of, he watched Zhou Mi begin to pack up his things, the books already securely back in their closet.
“Do you want to come upstairs for a while?”
Zhou Mi, who had just lifted up his coat, looked surprised.
“Uh. Sure.”
He gripped his satchel tighter as they climbed the stairs. He absolutely wasn’t inviting Zhou Mi to stay, just to come up and relax. The fact that he hadn’t figured out how he was going to accept him leaving was clearly immaterial.
He collapsed beside Zhou Mi on the tiny couch and groaned in relief as his back popped and muscles released.
“Long day?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Eons long. I am never cleaning the store in one day again. Too many ladders.”
“Why did you?”
To take his mind off of their almost-kiss, was the easy answer to that. Not that he could say that. He grumbled a bit and turned, letting his head slide into the hollow of Zhou Mi’s shoulder. He could have sworn Zhou Mi didn’t breathe for a full five seconds, until his arm settled lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
“Not enough to do,” he said softly, watching his fingers spread against Zhou Mi’s stomach.
“O-oh.”
It seemed neither of them knew what to say after that, and he drowsed to the sound of the TV and Zhou Mi’s breathing and the gentle touch that stroked the skin between his fingers.
A hand squeezing his shoulder brought him out of it.
“You should go sleep,” Zhou Mi said.
“Am sleeping.”
The body shook with laughter beneath him.
“If we sleep like this, we might not be walking tomorrow. Come on, your bed isn’t far.”
“Will you stay? Please?”
“I shouldn’t…”
His grip tightened on Zhou Mi’s sweater.
“Please.”
“I don’t have anything…” He sighed. “Okay. I can’t say no to you, Kui Xian.”
By the time Kyuhyun had exited the bathroom, Zhou Mi seemed to be asleep. He stared at his profile for a long moment in the light before turning it off, and crawling beneath the covers. Zhou Mi couldn’t say no to him?
“Then stay…” he said out loud and cursed himself for it.
He didn’t mean tonight.
***
Zhou Mi, the world’s soundest sleeper, Kyuhyun thought wryly, and turned toward him as he woke. Zhou Mi lay as if he had been shot, arms awkwardly sprawled in front of him, but all very carefully behind the invisible line that separated his side from Kyuhyun’s. He couldn’t help himself, as he reached out, straightening the awkwardly cocked wrist, running his fingers along the slender arm. Seriously, where did the food go? All toward keeping him running at such high energy, he supposed, that even sitting at a table could not really disguise.
He scooted closer, sliding his hand beneath Zhou Mi’s, until his fingers rested against Kyuhyun’s skin. Wide palmed and long fingered, still it was not a robust hand. It could be equally as awkward or graceful as the man himself. He loved to watch them work... How long after after he had been given his Chinese name had it been? Zhou Mi... Was there some sort of nickname...
“Mimi,” he murmured, tasting it, testing it.
He ghosted a kiss, half against a knuckle, half on a finger, lazily peering at Zhou Mi’s face. And jerked, as dark eyes were looking back at him. Couldn’t he have bitten his hand instead? He would have felt, seen, heard, every embarrassing action. He was frozen with it, horrified as Zhou Mi lifted his opposite hand, and fingers touched his brow, his nose, hesitating over his lips before Kyuhyun captured his hand, pressing his face down into it as he would a pillow. The contact was warm… comforting even, so much so that as moments wore on he nearly felt that he could fall asleep again.
“Say it again,” Zhou Mi said, disturbing him.
Kyuhyun huffed against his palm, feeling a bit self conscious. “Mimi.”
He listened to the shallow breathing from beside him.
“You… You have no idea, do you? No idea.”
He didn’t. He had no idea why he felt like this, with Zhou Mi’s hand against his face. Why his hand still gripped the pale wrist to hold him there. Zhou Mi tickled the tip of his nose with his thumb and Kyuhyun laughed, almost unconsciously pressing his lips to Zhou Mi’s skin. Ah, but it was so deliberate. And it could be taken as nothing less. He could not lie to himself about that.
“I need to get ready.”
He rolled himself upright before he could do something stupid like taste him. He walked blindly into the bathroom, knowing if he looked back there would be a languid man, waiting, staring after him.
Zhou Mi stood as he exited the bathroom, unusual in itself from his last experience. He did not think anything short of a crane would be lifting Zhou Mi from the bed before another hour was up.
“So, we’ll see you downstairs?” he asked, taking a rather purposeful line toward his door.
Unfortunately for him, Zhou Mi had long arms, and he was being held against a warm body even as he attempted to prop his chin on Zhou Mi’s shoulder. He found himself holding him back as well.
“Why are you so tall?” he asked, a little disgruntled.
“Still, you seem to fit, don’t you?”
Too well, was the problem.
“You’ll make me let you go again this morning, won’t you?” Zhou Mi asked with a slight pout in his voice.
“You’re too heavy to cart around all day. And no, you can’t carry me.”
“You’ll make me cry.”
“You…” He tried to stop, he did, as he inhaled against Zhou Mi’s neck. “Make me happy.”
Zhou Mi’s hands tightened almost to the point of pain on his ribs.
“Warn me before you say something like that. Damn it, Kui Xian.”
He might have laughed, except that Zhou Mi’s hands had slid up his neck, thumbs tracing his cheekbones. He pressed his forehead gently to Kyuhyun’s.
He could feel the tremble in Zhou Mi’s hands, and it should have scared him. What it must have cost him to hold himself back. He wanted to ask, ‘do you want to kiss me?’ But he knew the answer. But why, why could he not just tilt his face up and do it himself? It would mean admitting that he wanted to. No… Even that he needed to. He…To Zhou Mi, he… His eyes snapped open as Zhou Mi patted his cheek.
“Go be happy opening the store before your customers riot in the street.”
“For want of a book?”
“Because they come from these hands, you know.”
His hands were squeezed, his back patted, sent along like a little boy late to school. He’d just been hustled out of his own apartment.
He sank down inside of the back door of the shop, suddenly unsure of anything at all. He could not run up the stairs and grab Zhou Mi back… He didn’t even know what he wanted.
Ryeowook, in for early baking, paused inside the door, hurrying over when he saw Kyuhyun.
“Are you all right, Kyuhyun?”
“I’m fine,” he said, and looked to Ryeowook. You make me happy. What did that even mean? “If someone told you that you made them happy, what would you think?”
“Hmm.” Ryeowook let his chin rest on a knee. “From someone I loved?”
“Er…”
“It would make me happy, too… To hear it would make me really glad, because that’s what you want, isn’t it? If you can make someone happy, it would really make love glow… And want to protect that happiness.”
“But it’s not the same as love, I mean… not the same as saying to someone you love them.”
“No? I guess not. But… If you want them to know you’re happy, that they’re making you that way… Surely there would be love behind it?”
He let his head fall back. That was suspiciously like what his brain was telling him. Love… That word. He had not told anyone he loved them in years. Not since, he knew, before his father had left. If love did not make people stay, what was the point in telling them? If his father could kiss him on the forehead, tell him and his mother he loved them, and leave…
He could see Ryeowook very much wanted to ask about his question. It did not take any great detective to figure out he spoke either of Zhou Mi or himself. What disturbed him was that from there, who could tell? For all appearances, he was happy… He smiled and chatted and kept the store. And Zhou Mi was rarely without a sunny grin, no matter what, as he sat there with his glasses and his computer and notes day in and day out.
Happy didn’t equal love. Happy didn’t mean you couldn’t live without someone, because people did it every day. Happy didn’t explain why he had nearly begged Zhou Mi not to go last night. No, he had begged. The third time he had let Zhou Mi into his bed. He had moved willingly and purposely into his arms, into his presence. He had been so long in his eyes, that imagining the store without Zhou Mi, no not the store… His life. In his kitchen, his chair.
He pushed himself up.
“Thanks, Ryeowook. And I’m okay… Just. Figuring stuff out.”
“Sure… Any time.”
Ryeowook still looked a bit worried, but Kyuhyun hoped his smile said something to assure him. If he was worried about love, how bad could it be?
***
They got utterly lost at least twice on the way to purchase Yunjee’s new bed. It mattered little that Hankyung had driving directions in his lap. They had missed just one turn and spent a good half hour just getting back to the street they had missed.
Siwon was a good driver, if not a little tense because he was driving a truck that wasn’t his own. Integrity, he thought, admiring Siwon’s fingers against the wheel. But they had made it, all the way back to this house.
All for the bed Yunjee had seen in a catalogue and told Siwon she wanted for her birthday. That she was getting it a little early was no matter. A new room in a new house was event enough.
They stared at the pile of plastic and foamy material-wrapped pink pipes, long metal slats, bags of bolts and nuts and the little porcelain balls that would adorn the corners. The demolished box was in one corner. And there was all of this...stuff.
“This is a bed?” Siwon asked, a little incredulous as he made a slow circle. “And it goes together somehow?”
They knew it was a bed because the mattress and box spring were sitting in the hallway waiting for a frame. He knelt down, spotting a booklet in with the bolts with a triumphant cry.
“Yes! We have instructions.”
“Are these as good as the instructions to the store? Because we could be putting this together until she’s ready for college.”
“It’s simple instructions,” Hankyung told him, sitting and staring at the diagrams with the arrows and letters and numbers that said where everything went. “It’ll definitely be done before she goes to high school.”
It took them a little over an hour, and cost Siwon only a bit of skin from several knuckles as he tightened a bolt. Siwon manned the tools, and Hankyung helpfully handed him pieces, holding things steady and butting in when it looked like the wrong piece was going on.
“It’s exactly the same as the other one,” Siwon argued.
“If you put the wrong one on now, we’ll just get confused later. It’s D-7, not D-6.”
“But it’s the same thing.”
“I teach dance, not engineering,” he told the sulky-mouthed man. “And there are instructions for a reason.”
“It didn’t ask for my blood and we gave it that anyway.”
“A small sacrifice to the poor writers who had to put these instructions together and made sure to label each piece for a reason.”
“Geng?”
“Yeah?”
“I really love you.”
He kissed the top of Siwon’s head. “Yeah, yeah. You just know I’m right. Love you, too.”
He collapsed to the carpet with relief as the frame was done, the mattress set solidly in it. It was solid and sturdy, a little pink daybed with pink flowers painted on white porcelain, and accented in very fake gold. Yunjee knew how to pick them.
“We probably should have tried out this room before Yunjee’s bed was set up in it,” Siwon said a little apologetically.
“That’s o...”
Siwon grabbed his hand, tugging him to his feet.
“Come with me,” he said, and led them out the door.
“Oh, we should wash off your cuts...” Hankyung said as they passed the kitchen sink.
“It can wait a while,” Siwon said, pushing the pantry door open ahead of them.
“Are you hungry?”
Siwon reached up and tugged on the chain that turned on the light.
“Kind of. You remember the day you brought Nala home, when we were in here talking. Before there was a puppy pee emergency?”
Hankyung stared down at their joined hands, and remembered very clearly. The bowl of dog food in one hand, the feel of Siwon’s fingers holding his. Siwon’s fumbling words, and the question he had been unwilling or unable to pose.
“Oh. Yes.”
“I wanted to ask you out on a date. I would have... I went over it a hundred times in my head, how I should have just said it. You looked so happy, so handsome. Could you want me?”
“Too much. Maybe not too much. What else did you want?”
“I wanted...” He let Hankyung’s hand go, taking a gentle grip on his waist so that they were close beneath the shine of light. “I wanted to kiss you so much that it was almost hurting me. Watching you smile, seeing that little smirk you get... I wanted to feel your mouth against mine, and taste it. And do terrible and wonderful things to it. And to you. With you.”
“That was a lot of want for as long as we were in here.” Siwon just smiled and he cocked his head in thought. “You have this pretty bowed mouth... Those lips and your dimples are enough to drive anyone wild.”
“Do you know what that means?”
“What?” he asked, almost without breath.
“It’s just one more way we fit together. You were Han Geng, from China...” Siwon said, bringing up his awkward words from their first meeting. “And you laughed with me, and danced with me. You had these incredible hips, and this cute little butt. And your legs... Now that I know what they feel like wrapped around me, I really do think we have to keep them forever.”
He grunted as his backside hit the floor, dropping the last several inches unexpectedly. All through Siwon’s incredibly distracting speech, Siwon had been maneuvering them down. And he could say without question that they had arrived. Siwon kissed him in apology for the bumpy landing.
“Sounds like you wanted me for my body,” he said, as Siwon smiled and pressed closer.
“That was all just really attractive packaging for your heart,” Siwon said, pausing to press a quick kiss to his mouth. “And your able-to-follow-directions mind. And that, Geng...”
When their lips met this time, there was no parting them, Siwon’s words chasing around in his mind only so long as he had thoughts to hold onto them with. He traced the firm planes of Siwon’s back, knowing Siwon knew it was the same for him. These bodies would not last. But he could cherish his love long beyond that.
It did not hurt that he wanted Siwon. It did not hurt at all.
They fought for the best access to each other’s necks and Siwon seemed determined not to lose, his lips firm on Hankyung’s skin, pushing him and pushing... There was a loud crunch as his back leaned heavily on the bag of dog food.
“Hungry?” he asked Siwon again as they giggled helplessly.
Siwon hitched him closer. “Only for you.”
***
It was a funny world, he mused, staring out at the drab, rainy weather outside. He had done little but evaluate and obsess, ringing up customers with only half his head together. He’d been lucky he hadn’t served someone coffee when they asked for tea. He raised his cup, the heated rim pressed to his lips as his mind wandered, seeing Zhou Mi’s face, close and hazy, the wide, mobile mouth... His eyes drifted closed, hand drifting as his mind spun a tale where the only place there was to go was toward him, pressing his lips to…
“Erm.”
The coffee in his cup sloshed but did not spill, a decent foot away from where it had begun at his mouth a minute before and thankfully still upright.
“Siwon. Hi.”
Siwon leaned over the coffee bar, his eyebrow cocked as he considered Kyuhyun. He could feel his face growing hot from his jaw to his hairline. His neck. His ears. His imagination was running wild in the middle of the day. At his place of work. Something was wrong with him.
“Looked like you were thinking happy thoughts,” Siwon said with a laugh, flashing an innocent smile.
Happy. That word seemed to be going around today.
“Really.” It was not a question. “Did you want something? Coffee? Tea?”
“Tea sounds good,” Siwon said, before continuing as though Kyuhyun had actually asked a question. “And yeah, looked like you were waiting to be kissed.”
“Tea!” he said, shoving a bag toward Siwon. “Coffeecake? Cookie? Where’s Yunjee?”
“She’s with Geng picking out a book,” Siwon said, apparently taking a clue. “We’ll own half of your store pretty soon.”
“I never thought about taking on partners. I’ll keep that in mind.”
He prepared a second cup, knowing Hankyung would be wanting tea as well. He left the two cups with him, moving to ring up a purchase. The little girl was on Siwon’s lap when he turned around, happily eating a banana as a conference was being held between the two adults. And, Siwon had not take a clue after all as Hankyung narrowed his eyes and fixed them on Kyuhyun. Nothing was sacred.
“Kissing?”
“Who would I be doing that with? Drink your tea.”
“It’s hot.”
“You like hot tea.”
“Hey Zhou Mi,” Siwon said around him.
Kyuhyun closed his eyes for a moment and leaned toward Hankyung with threat in his eyes.
“If you are my friend...”
He turned, seeing Zhou Mi play with the little dangling book charms by the cash register. The sweater looked just as good on him as it had the day before, even if he hadn’t bothered with the tie this morning.
“Hey, what’s up?”
Zhou Mi smiled, and the heat in his face from before rose again. “Wanted to say good morning.”
“Because you rushed me out too fast to say it during the actual morning.” Feeling a bit devilish, he reached out and pinched Zhou Mi’s sleeve, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. “I feel like I’ve seen these clothes before.”
Zhou Mi laughed softly, pushing Kyuhyun’s hand. “You’ll have to come to my place next time so I can tell you that.”
Next time. Locking the doors from the outside and leaving the store, turning with Zhou Mi and going to his mysterious apartment, sleeping in Zhou Mi’s bed. Waking in a different place. Ah. That was a problem. That was a bigger problem than he wanted to face. He shook himself mentally, realizing he had drifted again. And there was a customer waiting.
“I’d make sure to bring a bag,” he said with a smirk, and leaned to the side to address the woman behind Zhou Mi. “Sorry, can I help you?”
Zhou Mi scooted to the side and Kyuhyun smiled automatically at the customer, agreeing that the book on gardening looked very interesting and it was never too early to prepare.
His hand was grabbed immediately after the woman left, and Zhou Mi leaned most of the way over the counter. Kyuhyun blinked at the sudden intrusion on his space and listened as Zhou Mi spoke softly, his eyes focused on the distracting lips.
“Pack your bag for tonight, then. I’ll wait till you’re through.”
“What?” he asked, startled. “I…I have to get here early, and you don’t like mornings, and…”
“I’ll wait. I’ll be back by later. I’ll see you then, Kui Xian.”
He hadn’t actually agreed, he realized, as his hand was squeezed and the space in front of him vacated. Zhou Mi had not asked him at all.
He turned back to Hankyung, who had a very scrutinizing eye.
“Were you flirting with him again?”
“I… was not! I don’t flirt. We were just making plans. I’m going to his house tonight.”
He said it in a rush, as if getting out the words would convince him it was true. That he could do it.
Hankyung grinned. “Oh! So you’ll get to see his place… He’ll bring you back tonight? You won’t have to walk, will you?”
“He’ll bring me back in the morning,” Kyuhyun half said, half wheezed.
His cheek stung where his mother slapped him. “Mom, what are you...”
“You said you’d be home half an hour ago!”
“Hankyung wanted me to stay!”
“Why do you listen to that boy?” she asked, shaking him. “Don’t you care that I’m here worrying about you? I want you home straight from school for the next month. Don’t bother arguing, Kyuhyun.”
“He’s my friend! That’s the only place I have to go...”
“You’re just like you’re father, want to go out and leave all the time. Always looking for something. Why isn’t home good enough for you?! It’s not safe out there. Don’t you know what could happen?”
She sobbed into his shoulder, fragile and weak, and he complied, as he had always complied. He came straight home from school for that month, helped in the store, pretended he didn’t notice her checking that he was in bed, over and over, hours into the night. He didn’t know how to convince her he would be there, or to make sure that she would be...
Hankyung’s hand tightened on Siwon’s, and he knew why. In all the years they had known each other, Kyuhyun had never stayed over. Several times a year, after his mother had married and gone, he would try on purpose. Anything to prove to himself that he was not tied here. He had ended up walking home every time in failure, after waking in a cold sweat, feeling the walls shrink around him, unable to breathe.
Hankyung’s face instantly turned wary and concerned.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I… I have to, don’t I? If I don’t… He might think it’s because of him.”
And that was the last thing he wanted, he realized. He did not want Zhou Mi to think it was his fault. It was nothing anyone had done. At least not for many years.
***
***
A/N: I hope you will forgive my reference to The Mummy. Couldn't help myself. Did you catch it?
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen
***
Chapter Fourteen
***
It wasn’t something he could go running to Hankyung about. Nearly kissing Zhou Mi because he couldn’t get his face out of his damn neck.
That he couldn’t blame on Zhou Mi. He had always complained that it was Zhou Mi doing the pursuing, and Zhou Mi sticking himself in his face, but who was it that was the one asking for contact, asking for his presence? Zhou Mi had the restraint of a saint. It was no wonder they had nearly kissed when Kyuhyun had been rubbing his face against Zhou Mi like a scenting cat.
Avoidance felt like a good idea. A day or two to get his bearings. But on second thought, it sounded like a terrible idea. There was a terrible thought that if he did not see Zhou Mi, if he did not touch Zhou Mi, there would be a lack. He felt it like a tangible thing.
But the store, when they closed, was spotless. Absolutely spotless. There was no dust to be found on any book or flat surface. He had scaled ladders like a demented monkey, crawled around on the floor to reach every crevice. When he took a look at himself in a mirror, it looked like he’d been in some sort of war, wide eyed and crazy.
He sent off Ryeowook without fanfare, though speculative looks were to be had. The shop was quickly closed up, and he sighed. One thing down.
The one place he had not been was the back room. He carried Zhou Mi’s presence around with him like an extra body, and there was nothing to do but ignore it, until he couldn’t any longer. There had been no sound, no movement that he noticed from Zhou Mi for the whole of the day. Not even for lunch had he left the store. And when Kyuhyun sucked in a fortifying breath, not sure exactly what he would find, he considered the scene in front of him. Zhou Mi’s sleeves were rolled to his elbows, his hair mussed as though his hands had been scraping through it. The laptop in front of him was almost hidden between books and papers. And he gave no sign that he had noticed Kyuhyun’s presence whatsoever.
“I’m calling for takeout. Did you want anything?’
“Um. Sure. Anything,” Zhou Mi said absently, not looking up.
He kept himself from scowling, turning for the phone as he decided what he wanted, and what to order extra of for the absent minded professor.
If he was going to be ignored, then he was going to do so out of Zhou Mi’s sight, and wait for the food by the door. That’d show him. One of them, anyway. The one who was in the funk, and not the one doing the ignoring.
Food in hand, he unpacked it very deliberately at the other end of the table. Finally he gave up his subtle tactics and leaned over the back of Zhou Mi’s chair. His notes were… somewhat illegible. In Chinese, which didn’t help. Apparently he could read them, though.
“Are you going to eat while the food is hot?” he asked in Zhou Mi’s ear, nearly having his head taken off as Zhou Mi rocketed out of the chair.
“What?! What?” He stared across the table at the food. “When did that get here?”
“Five minutes ago. After someone knocked loudly on the door, and I paid them, and brought it in here, and set it out. And waited for His Highness to grace us with his attention.”
“Didn’t you ask me if I wanted to eat five minutes ago?”
“No, that was more like 30.”
“Oh.” This time he actually focused on Kyuhyun’s face, and he hoped that any traces of feeling put out were gone. “Sorry... I got into a groove. I... You’re closed already?”
Kyuhyun snorted, shaking his head. “Yeah, genius. For a while now. You really were out of it.”
“Yeah...” Zhou Mi’s stomach growled loudly. “Ah. I...missed lunch.”
“Then let’s eat before the food grows legs.”
He was glad he ordered as much as he had as Zhou Mi took on a rather predatory look. There was barely half left before the eating machine began to slow, probably actually tasting his food finally. Kyuhyun just sat back and watched it happen, eating his own meal sedately.
Zhou Mi sighed with pleasure for about the fifth time. “I didn’t eat much for breakfast this morning, too hyped for the meeting, and... I think if I’d waited much longer you’d have had to haul me out on a stretcher.”
“I’d have poured some coffee into you and you’d have been fine.”
Zhou Mi chuckled, and kept on eating.
“Where is that going?” Kyuhyun inquired.
“You don’t want to know.”
No... He probably didn’t. But his curiosity demanded something else.
“So, besides the obvious... Why are all your notes in Chinese?”
“The book will be in Chinese, like the original books are,” Zhou Mi said. “I thought of doing it in Korean as well but I don’t have the fine language skills needed. Or the knowledge, really.”
“So find someone who does.”
Zhou Mi blinked, considering him.
“Oh no, not me,” Kyuhyun declared.
“Why not? You know Korean literature, and literature in general. We could work well together.”’
“I don’t have a degree in whatever it is you’re doing, for one thing. And I don’t really want any other reason to be tied to those books.”
“Why? What is so wrong with them, really? They’re just books. What harm ever came from reading...”
Kyuhyun closed his eyes. “Those books took everything from me. My father left because of them. My mother left because he was gone. What more do I lose because of that?”
“But it wasn’t the books.”
“I know,” he said, standing and grabbing the bag. “That’s why I didn’t burn them.”
“Kui Xian... I didn’t mean to upset you,” Zhou Mi said quickly, reaching for and gripping Kyuhyun’s hand.
He squeezed back. “You didn’t. But you’re right. They are just books. And I lay too much on them, but... I don’t know why my father left. Not really. Blaming them has been easier for me.”
The garbage disposed of, he watched Zhou Mi begin to pack up his things, the books already securely back in their closet.
“Do you want to come upstairs for a while?”
Zhou Mi, who had just lifted up his coat, looked surprised.
“Uh. Sure.”
He gripped his satchel tighter as they climbed the stairs. He absolutely wasn’t inviting Zhou Mi to stay, just to come up and relax. The fact that he hadn’t figured out how he was going to accept him leaving was clearly immaterial.
He collapsed beside Zhou Mi on the tiny couch and groaned in relief as his back popped and muscles released.
“Long day?” Zhou Mi asked.
“Eons long. I am never cleaning the store in one day again. Too many ladders.”
“Why did you?”
To take his mind off of their almost-kiss, was the easy answer to that. Not that he could say that. He grumbled a bit and turned, letting his head slide into the hollow of Zhou Mi’s shoulder. He could have sworn Zhou Mi didn’t breathe for a full five seconds, until his arm settled lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
“Not enough to do,” he said softly, watching his fingers spread against Zhou Mi’s stomach.
“O-oh.”
It seemed neither of them knew what to say after that, and he drowsed to the sound of the TV and Zhou Mi’s breathing and the gentle touch that stroked the skin between his fingers.
A hand squeezing his shoulder brought him out of it.
“You should go sleep,” Zhou Mi said.
“Am sleeping.”
The body shook with laughter beneath him.
“If we sleep like this, we might not be walking tomorrow. Come on, your bed isn’t far.”
“Will you stay? Please?”
“I shouldn’t…”
His grip tightened on Zhou Mi’s sweater.
“Please.”
“I don’t have anything…” He sighed. “Okay. I can’t say no to you, Kui Xian.”
By the time Kyuhyun had exited the bathroom, Zhou Mi seemed to be asleep. He stared at his profile for a long moment in the light before turning it off, and crawling beneath the covers. Zhou Mi couldn’t say no to him?
“Then stay…” he said out loud and cursed himself for it.
He didn’t mean tonight.
***
Zhou Mi, the world’s soundest sleeper, Kyuhyun thought wryly, and turned toward him as he woke. Zhou Mi lay as if he had been shot, arms awkwardly sprawled in front of him, but all very carefully behind the invisible line that separated his side from Kyuhyun’s. He couldn’t help himself, as he reached out, straightening the awkwardly cocked wrist, running his fingers along the slender arm. Seriously, where did the food go? All toward keeping him running at such high energy, he supposed, that even sitting at a table could not really disguise.
He scooted closer, sliding his hand beneath Zhou Mi’s, until his fingers rested against Kyuhyun’s skin. Wide palmed and long fingered, still it was not a robust hand. It could be equally as awkward or graceful as the man himself. He loved to watch them work... How long after after he had been given his Chinese name had it been? Zhou Mi... Was there some sort of nickname...
“Mimi,” he murmured, tasting it, testing it.
He ghosted a kiss, half against a knuckle, half on a finger, lazily peering at Zhou Mi’s face. And jerked, as dark eyes were looking back at him. Couldn’t he have bitten his hand instead? He would have felt, seen, heard, every embarrassing action. He was frozen with it, horrified as Zhou Mi lifted his opposite hand, and fingers touched his brow, his nose, hesitating over his lips before Kyuhyun captured his hand, pressing his face down into it as he would a pillow. The contact was warm… comforting even, so much so that as moments wore on he nearly felt that he could fall asleep again.
“Say it again,” Zhou Mi said, disturbing him.
Kyuhyun huffed against his palm, feeling a bit self conscious. “Mimi.”
He listened to the shallow breathing from beside him.
“You… You have no idea, do you? No idea.”
He didn’t. He had no idea why he felt like this, with Zhou Mi’s hand against his face. Why his hand still gripped the pale wrist to hold him there. Zhou Mi tickled the tip of his nose with his thumb and Kyuhyun laughed, almost unconsciously pressing his lips to Zhou Mi’s skin. Ah, but it was so deliberate. And it could be taken as nothing less. He could not lie to himself about that.
“I need to get ready.”
He rolled himself upright before he could do something stupid like taste him. He walked blindly into the bathroom, knowing if he looked back there would be a languid man, waiting, staring after him.
Zhou Mi stood as he exited the bathroom, unusual in itself from his last experience. He did not think anything short of a crane would be lifting Zhou Mi from the bed before another hour was up.
“So, we’ll see you downstairs?” he asked, taking a rather purposeful line toward his door.
Unfortunately for him, Zhou Mi had long arms, and he was being held against a warm body even as he attempted to prop his chin on Zhou Mi’s shoulder. He found himself holding him back as well.
“Why are you so tall?” he asked, a little disgruntled.
“Still, you seem to fit, don’t you?”
Too well, was the problem.
“You’ll make me let you go again this morning, won’t you?” Zhou Mi asked with a slight pout in his voice.
“You’re too heavy to cart around all day. And no, you can’t carry me.”
“You’ll make me cry.”
“You…” He tried to stop, he did, as he inhaled against Zhou Mi’s neck. “Make me happy.”
Zhou Mi’s hands tightened almost to the point of pain on his ribs.
“Warn me before you say something like that. Damn it, Kui Xian.”
He might have laughed, except that Zhou Mi’s hands had slid up his neck, thumbs tracing his cheekbones. He pressed his forehead gently to Kyuhyun’s.
He could feel the tremble in Zhou Mi’s hands, and it should have scared him. What it must have cost him to hold himself back. He wanted to ask, ‘do you want to kiss me?’ But he knew the answer. But why, why could he not just tilt his face up and do it himself? It would mean admitting that he wanted to. No… Even that he needed to. He…To Zhou Mi, he… His eyes snapped open as Zhou Mi patted his cheek.
“Go be happy opening the store before your customers riot in the street.”
“For want of a book?”
“Because they come from these hands, you know.”
His hands were squeezed, his back patted, sent along like a little boy late to school. He’d just been hustled out of his own apartment.
He sank down inside of the back door of the shop, suddenly unsure of anything at all. He could not run up the stairs and grab Zhou Mi back… He didn’t even know what he wanted.
Ryeowook, in for early baking, paused inside the door, hurrying over when he saw Kyuhyun.
“Are you all right, Kyuhyun?”
“I’m fine,” he said, and looked to Ryeowook. You make me happy. What did that even mean? “If someone told you that you made them happy, what would you think?”
“Hmm.” Ryeowook let his chin rest on a knee. “From someone I loved?”
“Er…”
“It would make me happy, too… To hear it would make me really glad, because that’s what you want, isn’t it? If you can make someone happy, it would really make love glow… And want to protect that happiness.”
“But it’s not the same as love, I mean… not the same as saying to someone you love them.”
“No? I guess not. But… If you want them to know you’re happy, that they’re making you that way… Surely there would be love behind it?”
He let his head fall back. That was suspiciously like what his brain was telling him. Love… That word. He had not told anyone he loved them in years. Not since, he knew, before his father had left. If love did not make people stay, what was the point in telling them? If his father could kiss him on the forehead, tell him and his mother he loved them, and leave…
He could see Ryeowook very much wanted to ask about his question. It did not take any great detective to figure out he spoke either of Zhou Mi or himself. What disturbed him was that from there, who could tell? For all appearances, he was happy… He smiled and chatted and kept the store. And Zhou Mi was rarely without a sunny grin, no matter what, as he sat there with his glasses and his computer and notes day in and day out.
Happy didn’t equal love. Happy didn’t mean you couldn’t live without someone, because people did it every day. Happy didn’t explain why he had nearly begged Zhou Mi not to go last night. No, he had begged. The third time he had let Zhou Mi into his bed. He had moved willingly and purposely into his arms, into his presence. He had been so long in his eyes, that imagining the store without Zhou Mi, no not the store… His life. In his kitchen, his chair.
He pushed himself up.
“Thanks, Ryeowook. And I’m okay… Just. Figuring stuff out.”
“Sure… Any time.”
Ryeowook still looked a bit worried, but Kyuhyun hoped his smile said something to assure him. If he was worried about love, how bad could it be?
***
They got utterly lost at least twice on the way to purchase Yunjee’s new bed. It mattered little that Hankyung had driving directions in his lap. They had missed just one turn and spent a good half hour just getting back to the street they had missed.
Siwon was a good driver, if not a little tense because he was driving a truck that wasn’t his own. Integrity, he thought, admiring Siwon’s fingers against the wheel. But they had made it, all the way back to this house.
All for the bed Yunjee had seen in a catalogue and told Siwon she wanted for her birthday. That she was getting it a little early was no matter. A new room in a new house was event enough.
They stared at the pile of plastic and foamy material-wrapped pink pipes, long metal slats, bags of bolts and nuts and the little porcelain balls that would adorn the corners. The demolished box was in one corner. And there was all of this...stuff.
“This is a bed?” Siwon asked, a little incredulous as he made a slow circle. “And it goes together somehow?”
They knew it was a bed because the mattress and box spring were sitting in the hallway waiting for a frame. He knelt down, spotting a booklet in with the bolts with a triumphant cry.
“Yes! We have instructions.”
“Are these as good as the instructions to the store? Because we could be putting this together until she’s ready for college.”
“It’s simple instructions,” Hankyung told him, sitting and staring at the diagrams with the arrows and letters and numbers that said where everything went. “It’ll definitely be done before she goes to high school.”
It took them a little over an hour, and cost Siwon only a bit of skin from several knuckles as he tightened a bolt. Siwon manned the tools, and Hankyung helpfully handed him pieces, holding things steady and butting in when it looked like the wrong piece was going on.
“It’s exactly the same as the other one,” Siwon argued.
“If you put the wrong one on now, we’ll just get confused later. It’s D-7, not D-6.”
“But it’s the same thing.”
“I teach dance, not engineering,” he told the sulky-mouthed man. “And there are instructions for a reason.”
“It didn’t ask for my blood and we gave it that anyway.”
“A small sacrifice to the poor writers who had to put these instructions together and made sure to label each piece for a reason.”
“Geng?”
“Yeah?”
“I really love you.”
He kissed the top of Siwon’s head. “Yeah, yeah. You just know I’m right. Love you, too.”
He collapsed to the carpet with relief as the frame was done, the mattress set solidly in it. It was solid and sturdy, a little pink daybed with pink flowers painted on white porcelain, and accented in very fake gold. Yunjee knew how to pick them.
“We probably should have tried out this room before Yunjee’s bed was set up in it,” Siwon said a little apologetically.
“That’s o...”
Siwon grabbed his hand, tugging him to his feet.
“Come with me,” he said, and led them out the door.
“Oh, we should wash off your cuts...” Hankyung said as they passed the kitchen sink.
“It can wait a while,” Siwon said, pushing the pantry door open ahead of them.
“Are you hungry?”
Siwon reached up and tugged on the chain that turned on the light.
“Kind of. You remember the day you brought Nala home, when we were in here talking. Before there was a puppy pee emergency?”
Hankyung stared down at their joined hands, and remembered very clearly. The bowl of dog food in one hand, the feel of Siwon’s fingers holding his. Siwon’s fumbling words, and the question he had been unwilling or unable to pose.
“Oh. Yes.”
“I wanted to ask you out on a date. I would have... I went over it a hundred times in my head, how I should have just said it. You looked so happy, so handsome. Could you want me?”
“Too much. Maybe not too much. What else did you want?”
“I wanted...” He let Hankyung’s hand go, taking a gentle grip on his waist so that they were close beneath the shine of light. “I wanted to kiss you so much that it was almost hurting me. Watching you smile, seeing that little smirk you get... I wanted to feel your mouth against mine, and taste it. And do terrible and wonderful things to it. And to you. With you.”
“That was a lot of want for as long as we were in here.” Siwon just smiled and he cocked his head in thought. “You have this pretty bowed mouth... Those lips and your dimples are enough to drive anyone wild.”
“Do you know what that means?”
“What?” he asked, almost without breath.
“It’s just one more way we fit together. You were Han Geng, from China...” Siwon said, bringing up his awkward words from their first meeting. “And you laughed with me, and danced with me. You had these incredible hips, and this cute little butt. And your legs... Now that I know what they feel like wrapped around me, I really do think we have to keep them forever.”
He grunted as his backside hit the floor, dropping the last several inches unexpectedly. All through Siwon’s incredibly distracting speech, Siwon had been maneuvering them down. And he could say without question that they had arrived. Siwon kissed him in apology for the bumpy landing.
“Sounds like you wanted me for my body,” he said, as Siwon smiled and pressed closer.
“That was all just really attractive packaging for your heart,” Siwon said, pausing to press a quick kiss to his mouth. “And your able-to-follow-directions mind. And that, Geng...”
When their lips met this time, there was no parting them, Siwon’s words chasing around in his mind only so long as he had thoughts to hold onto them with. He traced the firm planes of Siwon’s back, knowing Siwon knew it was the same for him. These bodies would not last. But he could cherish his love long beyond that.
It did not hurt that he wanted Siwon. It did not hurt at all.
They fought for the best access to each other’s necks and Siwon seemed determined not to lose, his lips firm on Hankyung’s skin, pushing him and pushing... There was a loud crunch as his back leaned heavily on the bag of dog food.
“Hungry?” he asked Siwon again as they giggled helplessly.
Siwon hitched him closer. “Only for you.”
***
It was a funny world, he mused, staring out at the drab, rainy weather outside. He had done little but evaluate and obsess, ringing up customers with only half his head together. He’d been lucky he hadn’t served someone coffee when they asked for tea. He raised his cup, the heated rim pressed to his lips as his mind wandered, seeing Zhou Mi’s face, close and hazy, the wide, mobile mouth... His eyes drifted closed, hand drifting as his mind spun a tale where the only place there was to go was toward him, pressing his lips to…
“Erm.”
The coffee in his cup sloshed but did not spill, a decent foot away from where it had begun at his mouth a minute before and thankfully still upright.
“Siwon. Hi.”
Siwon leaned over the coffee bar, his eyebrow cocked as he considered Kyuhyun. He could feel his face growing hot from his jaw to his hairline. His neck. His ears. His imagination was running wild in the middle of the day. At his place of work. Something was wrong with him.
“Looked like you were thinking happy thoughts,” Siwon said with a laugh, flashing an innocent smile.
Happy. That word seemed to be going around today.
“Really.” It was not a question. “Did you want something? Coffee? Tea?”
“Tea sounds good,” Siwon said, before continuing as though Kyuhyun had actually asked a question. “And yeah, looked like you were waiting to be kissed.”
“Tea!” he said, shoving a bag toward Siwon. “Coffeecake? Cookie? Where’s Yunjee?”
“She’s with Geng picking out a book,” Siwon said, apparently taking a clue. “We’ll own half of your store pretty soon.”
“I never thought about taking on partners. I’ll keep that in mind.”
He prepared a second cup, knowing Hankyung would be wanting tea as well. He left the two cups with him, moving to ring up a purchase. The little girl was on Siwon’s lap when he turned around, happily eating a banana as a conference was being held between the two adults. And, Siwon had not take a clue after all as Hankyung narrowed his eyes and fixed them on Kyuhyun. Nothing was sacred.
“Kissing?”
“Who would I be doing that with? Drink your tea.”
“It’s hot.”
“You like hot tea.”
“Hey Zhou Mi,” Siwon said around him.
Kyuhyun closed his eyes for a moment and leaned toward Hankyung with threat in his eyes.
“If you are my friend...”
He turned, seeing Zhou Mi play with the little dangling book charms by the cash register. The sweater looked just as good on him as it had the day before, even if he hadn’t bothered with the tie this morning.
“Hey, what’s up?”
Zhou Mi smiled, and the heat in his face from before rose again. “Wanted to say good morning.”
“Because you rushed me out too fast to say it during the actual morning.” Feeling a bit devilish, he reached out and pinched Zhou Mi’s sleeve, looking up at him from under his eyelashes. “I feel like I’ve seen these clothes before.”
Zhou Mi laughed softly, pushing Kyuhyun’s hand. “You’ll have to come to my place next time so I can tell you that.”
Next time. Locking the doors from the outside and leaving the store, turning with Zhou Mi and going to his mysterious apartment, sleeping in Zhou Mi’s bed. Waking in a different place. Ah. That was a problem. That was a bigger problem than he wanted to face. He shook himself mentally, realizing he had drifted again. And there was a customer waiting.
“I’d make sure to bring a bag,” he said with a smirk, and leaned to the side to address the woman behind Zhou Mi. “Sorry, can I help you?”
Zhou Mi scooted to the side and Kyuhyun smiled automatically at the customer, agreeing that the book on gardening looked very interesting and it was never too early to prepare.
His hand was grabbed immediately after the woman left, and Zhou Mi leaned most of the way over the counter. Kyuhyun blinked at the sudden intrusion on his space and listened as Zhou Mi spoke softly, his eyes focused on the distracting lips.
“Pack your bag for tonight, then. I’ll wait till you’re through.”
“What?” he asked, startled. “I…I have to get here early, and you don’t like mornings, and…”
“I’ll wait. I’ll be back by later. I’ll see you then, Kui Xian.”
He hadn’t actually agreed, he realized, as his hand was squeezed and the space in front of him vacated. Zhou Mi had not asked him at all.
He turned back to Hankyung, who had a very scrutinizing eye.
“Were you flirting with him again?”
“I… was not! I don’t flirt. We were just making plans. I’m going to his house tonight.”
He said it in a rush, as if getting out the words would convince him it was true. That he could do it.
Hankyung grinned. “Oh! So you’ll get to see his place… He’ll bring you back tonight? You won’t have to walk, will you?”
“He’ll bring me back in the morning,” Kyuhyun half said, half wheezed.
His cheek stung where his mother slapped him. “Mom, what are you...”
“You said you’d be home half an hour ago!”
“Hankyung wanted me to stay!”
“Why do you listen to that boy?” she asked, shaking him. “Don’t you care that I’m here worrying about you? I want you home straight from school for the next month. Don’t bother arguing, Kyuhyun.”
“He’s my friend! That’s the only place I have to go...”
“You’re just like you’re father, want to go out and leave all the time. Always looking for something. Why isn’t home good enough for you?! It’s not safe out there. Don’t you know what could happen?”
She sobbed into his shoulder, fragile and weak, and he complied, as he had always complied. He came straight home from school for that month, helped in the store, pretended he didn’t notice her checking that he was in bed, over and over, hours into the night. He didn’t know how to convince her he would be there, or to make sure that she would be...
Hankyung’s hand tightened on Siwon’s, and he knew why. In all the years they had known each other, Kyuhyun had never stayed over. Several times a year, after his mother had married and gone, he would try on purpose. Anything to prove to himself that he was not tied here. He had ended up walking home every time in failure, after waking in a cold sweat, feeling the walls shrink around him, unable to breathe.
Hankyung’s face instantly turned wary and concerned.
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I… I have to, don’t I? If I don’t… He might think it’s because of him.”
And that was the last thing he wanted, he realized. He did not want Zhou Mi to think it was his fault. It was nothing anyone had done. At least not for many years.
***
***
A/N: I hope you will forgive my reference to The Mummy. Couldn't help myself. Did you catch it?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 12:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 03:34 am (UTC)Shihan are so perfect it should be infuriating but it's just adorablee and heart warming, it makes me so happy.
Poor Kyuhyun, I hope Mi can help him overcome his fears T-T
He could have sworn the other man didn’t breathe for a full five seconds, until his arm settled lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
“Not enough to do,” he said softly, watching his fingers spread against Zhou Mi’s stomach.
“O-oh.”
I lovedd this part. and everything, of course :3
no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 06:43 am (UTC)I'm glad SiHan aren't infuriating. XD I'm genuinely trying to keep myself in check with them and pfffft. XD So, hopefully that'll keep working.
Ah, little cuddles. <3 ^__^ Thanks so much~! <3
no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 12:29 am (UTC)(I always see a new chapter when I try to do some physics stuff XD)
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Date: 2009-04-03 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 01:24 am (UTC)First, I missed the "The Mummy" reference. And I went back and looked for it too :/ -FAILED-
ON TO THE CHAPTER.
The Sihan<3 Oh, they are they just so perfect and cute and fail at the same time??
“It’s exactly the same as the other one,” Siwon argued.
“If you put the wrong one on now, we’ll just get confused later. It’s D-7, not D-6.”
“But it’s the same thing.”
“I teach dance, not engineering,” he told the sulky-mouthed man. “And there are instructions for a reason.”
“It didn’t ask for my blood and we gave it that anyway.”
LOVE IT. And hate it. Cause I've been then. Easy assembly my ass, Ikea --;
THEN THE QMI.
Just so you know, this chapter made me practically melt into a puddle of goo as Kyu is finally(FINALLY!!!) coming to terms with himself and the feelings he has toward Mimi(YAY FOR NICKNAMES!). Perhaps I shall be singing to another chapter soon???
“Please.”
“I don’t have anything…” He sighed. “Okay. I can’t say no to you, Kui Xian.” This is where I started to melt
He was frozen with it, horrified as Zhou Mi lifted his opposite hand, and fingers touched his brow, his nose, hesitating over his lips before Kyuhyun captured his hand, pressing his face down into it as he would a pillow. The contact was warm… comforting even, so much so that as moments wore on he nearly felt that he could fall asleep again.
“Say it again,” Zhou Mi said, disturbing him.
Kyuhyun huffed against his palm, feeling a bit self conscious. “Mimi.” And this is where my coherency started to falter....
"You…” He tried to stop, he did, as he inhaled against Zhou Mi’s neck. “Make me happy.”LAKSDHFLKASJL!!! lsdjhksdflkjsh~~~!
Yeah. ^ still feeling like now :D
(btw....I started to write the KiHae I mentioned....hopefully it comes out the way it is in my head? and may appear on miracle at some point? >>;? )
EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER AND THE QMI SLEEPOVER(though I hope Kyu's ok with everything :( -pets him- )
no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 06:52 am (UTC)No harm ever came from reading a book...
Why is furniture so difficult to us? Bless the people who do write those instructions when they're clear. Otherwise it's like trying to put makeup on in a tornado. -_-
Melting and incoherency and keyboard smashing, yay! :D I had a pretty wild reaction to the happy line myself, so if I had to pick a favorite bit of the story from a "Hey in my brain" standpoint... That's up there. <3 So, very glad it worked. <3
(And yay! *waves the pom poms of writing go~~*)
*pets Kyu* We'll work on that. :D Thank you~~~!! <3
no subject
Date: 2009-04-06 04:48 am (UTC)And yes those people are amazing, I wish there were more like them --;;
And I believe that key-smashing and melting is good for the soul. So I can't wait to do some more of both of them :P
(*waves pom-poms as well?* I haven't written in so long DX....but it feels good to not be writing for school but to be writing for myself <3)
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Date: 2009-04-03 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 06:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 01:48 am (UTC):o this is my I love you and your fic so freaking much it makes my jaw drop face.
:) this is my i'll do my best to be patient for more face.
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Date: 2009-04-03 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 02:31 am (UTC)QMI.♥♥♥♥♥♥ OMFG i was dying from before because i was spazzing my head off from that recent kyuhyun-on-star-king cut, and then i spazzed some more. and. it's been a very kyuhyun-ish day XD (don't i sound like the biggest creepy fangirl ever?)
and poor bb! =( *pats kyu on head* (oh right. i also lol'd at the sihan. again. they're just too jokes <3)
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Date: 2009-04-03 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 04:46 am (UTC)lmao this is why im glad i dont need any other sciences :D otherwise i'd be swamped with work.. well. more than i already am
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Date: 2009-04-06 04:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-06 10:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 02:59 am (UTC)(BTW. I LOVE YOUR ICON AND ALWAYS STARE AT IT WHEN I SEE IT......just thought you'd like to know :3 )
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Date: 2009-04-08 03:46 am (UTC)lmfao it's so pretty~ i can't bear to change it
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Date: 2009-04-03 07:05 am (UTC)Ack, the star king cut. And the singing on the challenge good song thingy? And... Yes. I have spazzed with you. If he gets any cuter, I swear...
*pats Kyu's head with you* Mi to the rescue? (XD SiHan. No idea what to do with them.)
*waves go go project pom poms* Thanks~~!! <3
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Date: 2009-04-03 09:38 pm (UTC)omg the song cut. <3 *beats off other fangirls so i can abduct him... again XD*
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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Date: 2009-04-03 03:24 am (UTC)meZhou Mi help you out. :/ T^T kyuuuu~“I teach dance, not engineering,” he told the sulky-mouthed man. “And there are instructions for a reason.”
“It didn’t ask for my blood and we gave it that anyway.”
“A small sacrifice to the poor writers who had to put these instructions together and made sure to label each piece for a reason.”
-DYING- xD I love Siwon's matter-of-fact-ness and Geng's matter-of-fact answer.The second "for a reason" is unnecessary repetitive wording, but other than that!!! The SiHan in this is like the ultimate pick-me-up balance to the developing!butARGHHHH!QMi going on :|
I love how Kyu is slowly letting MiMi in, but still hesitating, and that Mi sort of KNOWS that it's gradual and he's getting his hopes up. But... GAH. The plot is developing so slowly, but it all unfurls so quickly at the same time... IDEK how to describe it, but I have the rare feeling that this'll be worth it T^T
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Date: 2009-04-03 07:20 am (UTC)You all are very good at catching my repetitive and flawed wording. Way better than I am. XD
of course I didn't write most of that scene today last second and couldn't read over it twice, why?Will fix on that.We can imagine SiHan bickering about the driving directions... Siwon's manhood is in question. XD
The slow development/quick unfurling thing is something that I worried quite a bit over. Like people will be laughing at my snore-inducing ways. It gets us where we're going, anyway. <3 *pets the mostly-patient Zhou Mi* Thanks again~~! XD XD
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Date: 2009-04-03 03:37 am (UTC)Omg when kyuhyun called zhoumi 'mimi' was soooo sweet. Esp when Zhoumi asked kyu to repeat it xD
I hope kyuhyun will be okay in mimi's house....
I think I love qmi more than shihan. I thought it was impossible for anything to replace shihan but your fic did it lol
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Date: 2009-04-03 04:01 am (UTC)“Mimi,” he murmured, tasting it, testing it.
...I think I just lost my ability to speak. Here, have a keyboard smash instead:
AKLJFSDJAOIJRTIOHGN;AJFAAFHOI128U9483Hhuiyurqlowihr
I'll try to be back with something coherent later, my heart is too busy melting right now.
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Date: 2009-04-03 07:40 am (UTC)OMFG I love you!! I really do!!! The cute, kinda sorta still tension but now is probably just flirting (yes, Kyuhyun... you DO flirt!!) between MiMi (squee! Nickname is SET!!) and Kyu is just fan-fucking-tastic. I think if they do kiss, bells will start ringing and the trumpets shall sound and oh happy day, that it will be!!
I love the little KyuWook conversation about happiness. I thought it was insightful and cute at the same time.
Siwon... you kinky little freak you. XDDDDD I knew he had it in him... not such a good little Christian boy when tempted by a fine Chinese nymph now are ya? XDDDDD Keep writing them as you do. I can't get enough of them.
Kyu totally was spacing out and daydreaming so much about MiMi, I flailed extra hard over that. I don't care what he says. That was most definitely flirting in the bookstore... and in front of ShiHan no less! Shame!! Only not really! XD But his staying over at Mi's may be a big deal. Poor thing... I really hope he can triumph over that bad memory and make it the whole night. MiMi! You're on duty, kiddo! Better help him if he needs you!
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Date: 2009-04-03 08:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-03 09:44 am (UTC)And Hannie's mind, who doesn't ♥ it too? Sihan putting the bed together with 'sweat & blood' and 'instructions' ...♥♥♥
I hope Kyuhyun will be able to move on from the past, from his books and walk into the sunlight that is Zhoumi... LOLz... sorry that sounds cheesy >_<...
I'm always so happy to see an update, I can't wait for the next part! Fighting!
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Date: 2009-04-03 09:01 am (UTC)but yeah i wonder what kyu will do now ~ if he tell mimi i hope he won't be to upset!
and shihan is just love as always ♥
they are both so adorable and i have no more words for them xD
and siwon seems as clueless as hannie sometimes haha ~
thank you!
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Date: 2009-04-03 12:03 pm (UTC)And ShiHan, oh ShiHan fjadlal so adorable one moment, and then hot the next! *~*
Like someone else commented, this, too, makes me happy :D
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Date: 2009-04-03 09:51 pm (UTC)PS I loved the mummy reference :]
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Date: 2009-04-04 04:26 am (UTC)such a lovely morning for kyumi!!!!!!!!! <333
i have now words to describe how amazing that scene was...
way too sweet ~
kyu's sad past!!!!! o___o
ahfkjdhflakshdflahsdlkjfhlskdjf
and he'll have to go to mimi's house!!!!!!!!
homfg too much to think about xD
and girl you write fast O.o
god bless you for that! XD
can't wait for more! <3
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Date: 2009-04-08 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-20 02:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-28 04:33 am (UTC)but it's not even like a fic. it's a novel. it's got everything i could ever want to read, and if it was a book in Kyuhyun's store...it'd be my favorite.
=D
P.S. christ, i'm starting to sound as cheesy as Siwon. :D
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Date: 2009-05-22 01:54 am (UTC)Will you stay? Please?”
“I shouldn’t…”
His grip tightened on Zhou Mi’s sweater.
“Please.”
Omo, Kyuhyun has now resorted to begging? I never thought I'd see the day! How pleasant! I'm glad Zhoumi can't say no, and that Kyuhyun pretty much resigned himself to doing everything to be with Zhoumi without actually saying anything. Their relationship is complicated, but it's sweet.♥
Zhou Mi tickled the tip of his nose with his thumb and Kyuhyun laughed, almost unconsciously pressing his lips to Zhou Mi’s skin.
That image of Zhoumi sprawled on the bed, Kyuhyun softly ghosting over his hand, the face-palming, everything, it's just so beautiful, and a bit tragic. Who will cross the bridge first? Kyuhyun has taken a lot of initiatives, but I think Zhoumi will make the first move. He should. QMi Jaiyou~ (and yay for nicknames~♥)
“You…” He tried to stop, he did, as he inhaled against Zhou Mi’s neck. “Make me happy.”
I'm as much in shock and elated as Zhoumi is right now. OMG. Dying! Why does he say stuff like this??! Kills me! Zhoumi better smack him a good one on the lips! NOW! OMG WHAT? holding himself back? AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIISH these guys! They just can't be happy and in love huh. I guess, like Kyuhyun said, just because you love them, doesn't mean you can be with them. But still! It's totally possible with them! That self-analyzing session was emotional, but I think he figured things out, right? He found out what he wanted. I hope he goes for it now! Heaven knows, Zhoumi just waiting for him to come. Frustration!!
“It didn’t ask for my blood and we gave it that anyway.”
“A small sacrifice to the poor writers who had to put these instructions together and made sure to label each piece for a reason.”
They should mass produce this couple so we can look at them whenever we feel down. My jaw is hurting from smiling! The cute snark, and the witty comments are just so much ♥!
“Sounds like you wanted me for my body,” he said, as Siwon smiled and pressed closer. Can I love them anymore? That scene in the closet is to die for. How romantic! How sensual and wonderful!♥
So Kyuhyun will have to expose another part of his vulnerable self to Zhoumi huh...I hope everything will be alright, and that he'll find safety and a new home in his arms.♥