[Fic] For Always - 12/24
Mar. 28th, 2009 04:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen
***
Chapter Twelve
***
Police visited the store, a follow-up to the investigation of all of the events. There were no fingerprints. No one saw anything. Probably some teenagers playing a prank. And really, everything they said was what he expected. This stretch of street was hardly well traveled at night, so who really would have seen anything? Even while upstairs, he would have been unlikely to. The notes were a prank, the fire was a prank... The break in was a coincidence? Even he could not see the logic in that. But with better security, he was unlikely to see a repeat, the assured him. How apologetic they were as they left, telling him that everything that could be done had been. It still made his stomach turn when he thought about it too hard.
All the anxiety he had pushed away because of the dinner invitation came roaring back by the time the store was locked, and Zhou Mi was gone for the day - having left with a shy sort of grin that he had never before seen. It had raised his apprehension about twofold, before Hankyung peered in and tapped on the door.
And without a hello or a how do you do, the whole story came tumbling out of him.
“I am such an idiot. What possessed me to agree to go to dinner with him?”
Hankyung, sitting on the counter, looked amused.
“What possessed you to suggest it?”
“There were glasses, and I don’t even know.” The whys were piling up on him like the book from his t-shirt. “And like you can talk, master of ‘he really doesn’t like me, duh’ 101.”
“Zhou Mi in glasses? I see where your mind was.”
“I hate you,” he said without heat.
“You know how I felt when you were teasing me about Siwon, then.”
“Surely I wasn’t that cruel.”
“I spent a whole night thinking he was dating you.”
“Okay. You have a point.” Ouch. Of course if Hankyung had just answered his phone...
“You want to go, though? Really want to? You weren’t just distracted by his face, or feeling sorry, or...”
A small part of him that was scared out of his mind shouted No! But every other part of him...
“Yeah. I really want to go.”
Hankyung grinned, hearing apparently what he wanted to hear. “Good. You know, Siwon is bringing food over to my place. Come over and we’ll talk some more?”
“Oh, you guys don’t need me...”
“Yunjee will love to see you. She’ll get to interrogate you about those clay animals of yours. I think she’s secretly hoping Zhou Mi will give her one.”
He chuckled. “I’ll have to tell him that.”
“Then get your coat. Maybe Siwon will help me bully you if he doesn’t know that’s what I’m doing.”
“You’re really weird, Hankyung.”
“I know,” Hankyung told him airily. “I think my mom told me that when I was born.”
***
Kyuhyun watched as Siwon’s hand brushed Hankyung’s jaw as he turned back to the stove. There was such affection in the gesture, in the quiet laugh Hankyung shared with him. And he wasn’t they only one who saw it.
“They’re silly,” Yunjee whispered to him from her place in his lap.
“Yes, they are.”
“They’re in lo~~ve. Daddy says he’ll love me forever and ever. Will he love Geng forever and ever, too?”
He hoped so, but surely wouldn’t tell her that.
“Doesn’t that happen in fairy tales?”
“Daddy said they’re the “Prince and the Pea.” Geng just stayed long enough until he had to climb down and find him.
Kyuhyun laughed and Siwon turned to them, looking a bit pained.
“Are you telling my secrets?”
“How did I get to be the pea, anyway?” Hankyung wondered.
Pea-brained, Kyuhyun mouthed at Hankyung and received an eye roll in return.
“Did Zhou Mi get you the dolphin yet?” she asked, clearly having imparted the information she needed.
“Not yet. I’ll have to ask where it is, huh?”
“He’ll remember,” she said, confident.
Dinner conversation was split between listening to recitation of Yunjee’s school project, origami cranes and the antics of the begging puppy beneath the table.
“One pair of shoes have been lost to the mighty dog’s teeth,” Hankyung said, petting the quivering-with-glee Nala with a foot. “Yunjee scolded her on the poor sole’s behalf.”
They all groaned at the terrible pun.
Of course, Hankyung had told him later as they cleaned in the kitchen, while Yunjee and Siwon wrestled with the the dog on the floor, that Yunjee had sat Nala down and given her a very solemn, sad-faced talking-to on. One that Hankyung thought was terribly reflective of how Siwon was with Yunjee herself. That thought was enough to make Hankyung all soft in the eyes, especially as the laughter rolled in from the living room.
Hankyung had not, despite his threat, prodded him very much about Zhou Mi at all, having apparently gotten what he needed out of their earlier conversation.
What was he supposed to do on the date? he wondered. What would they talk about? And did Zhou Mi have friends like these to distract him from worrying as well?
***
Siwon hadn’t even had to ask the night before whether Hankyung would see him the next day... At Siwon’s apartment, or his house, it made little difference. Walking Siwon back to his apartment after Kyuhyun had left had been... Wonderful. They walked slowly, hands clasped as Yunjee dozed against Siwon’s shoulder, and all around them was dark and quiet. They could even see a few stars peeking through the persistent winter clouds.
“See you tomorrow,” Siwon had whispered, and Hankyung had nodded. It was understood now. They needed that. Needed each other. And parting like this, watching Siwon climb the stairs with the sleeping child, knowing his place was somewhere else... It was harder than he had ever imagined.
So he had come by during the afternoon, fresh from his classes, expecting that they would go together to pick up Yunjee from school. Siwon was on the phone when he walked in, giving him the briefest peck in acknowledgement. The same frown was on his face that he had seen in the dance studio, a frown not often crossing Siwon’s face. It worried him. And he could not help but eavesdrop, Siwon pacing only feet from him.
“No. You know I’m not married. I’m in love with... No.” A pause. “I’m not alone. No. I love her! You know I do. I would love any child. I don’t... No, I will not marry. I have someone who loves her. It doesn’t matter if there were two or ten of her. I love him. I’m doing my best for her. He’s best for both of us, don’t worry. I know you love her, too. I want to see you more. Mom and Dad want to... Will you call again? Is there a number... Hello? Hello?”
The phone was tossed down with a flick of his wrist, and Siwon sank into the cushions, curling around him with a sigh.
“Oh Geng,” he said, pressing his face to Hankyung’s neck. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Hankyung felt cold creep down his spine, words echoing in his ears, his head.
“Your sister?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” Siwon said, making a sound of disgust. “She decided it would be fun to interrogate me... She’s done it a few times over the last six months. It gets crazier every time. ‘When are you getting married, Siwon?’ and ‘Why do you want to take care of a kid on your own?’ I’ve been doing just fine, haven’t I? And that if I wanted more kids, I surely couldn’t do that on my own... And why not? She drives me crazy.”
“Would she... Try to take Yunjee back?”
“I’d like to see her try. She’s so pleased living her own life... Maybe there’d be an argument, an easier time trying because I wasn’t married, but she couldn’t...”
“Then maybe it would be best for you and Yunjee if you did get married. So she couldn’t.”
“What?” Siwon asked, half joking. He shook his head. “And push myself into a loveless marriage? What kind of father would I be to Yunjee then, if I left someone I loved, and made myself miserable? I’d never even think of it. I don’t think she...”
“Then maybe it would have been better if we’d never met.”
Siwon recoiled, clearly shocked. “How could you say that?”
“If we’d never met, you wouldn’t have someone dragging you back. You need Yunjee, and she needs you. If you took a wife, you would love her, Siwon. It’s written all over you.”
“Geng… You’re not dragging me back. I love you.”
“And if you lose Yunjee because of me?”
“I won’t lose her. I won’t lose you either.”
Who would deny a woman her child? And what chance did an unmarried man, a man with no intention to marry, stand against the mother? If she could show she intended to take good care of Yunjee, even if she had been away? The law favored women; favored mothers. It was only human nature to soften at the love of a mother, and had always been that way. He could not have imagined being raised by his father. But Siwon? He and Yunjee were so close, unbelievably, adorably so. She was so secure in him, so in adoration of him. And Siwon returned that, always aware of her, caring for her, feeding her that love and security with a firm but patient hand. What place was there for him there? And if he would endanger it?
He could see it, the little girl tearfully waving goodbye at Siwon, calling back for him, “Daddy! Daddy!” The tears on Siwon’s face, the sorrow. The regret. He saw everything they had crumble. Suddenly in his imagination it was real, Siwon’s sister was waiting for that opportunity, pressing Siwon on it. Waiting for it.
“I’m sorry, Siwon,” he said, pushing the hand off of his knee and standing.
“Sorry? For what?”
“I don’t know if I can watch you do this. I think we need to take some time, make sure this is right. For you. For Yunjee. Maybe it will be and maybe it won’t be.”
He pulled on his coat, fastening with increasingly awkward fingers.
“Watch me do what? What are you... Are you trying to break up with me?” Siwon asked, suddenly beside him.
“I’m not trying to. I think I am. Don’t come after me. Take some time, think it through, okay?”
His last words echoed in his ears as he shut the door. He wished desperately that he hadn’t looked up, as all he saw was Siwon’s stricken face, and it followed him down the stairs and onto the street.
***
Kyuhyun looked up as the bells rang nearly at closing time, about to call a welcome when he saw Hankyung’s reddened, shocked face. Kyuhyun was out from behind the counter in a moment.
“Hankyung? What have you been doing? You look half frozen. What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been walking… An hour… I think…” Hankyung whispered, as though his throat was too tight to speak the words. “I think I just broke up with Siwon.”
“What?” Of all the bad things he imagined, this was the last on the list. Had he not just seen the two of them oozing joy all over just yesterday?
He would have thought on it more, but the trembles started, seeming to come from inside Hankyung, not stopping until he shook violently all over.
“Hey, hey… You need to get warmed up. Come with me. Come with me…”
He got a solid arm around Hankyung’s middle, shocked at how cold he was even through his clothes.
“Ryeowook, I’m going up!” he called.
He didn’t wait for an answer as he half guided, half pulled Hankyung through the back room, waving Zhou Mi back as the other stood. Somehow, they made it up the outer stairs, through the door and into the bathroom. Hankyung was shaking too hard still, to be of any use. His shoes at the door, Kyuhyun pushed him into the shower stall fully dressed, stripping him of his coat and outer shirt and jeans. He made him sit, not at all sure he would not slip and break himself on the wet floor. The water he turned lukewarm at first, warming it just a bit more… Knowing the warmth on Hankyung’s cold skin had to be painful. But the pain seemed to knock him out of his stupor, as he raised trembling hands to his face and softly sobbed. They sat there together for several minutes, Hankyung under the warm water, and Kyuhyun nearly beyond it outside. Kyuhyun was silent. He didn’t have words for this. He could not say it would be okay. Only knew that this emptying was needed. The shudders began to calm, the sobs lessened. He could feel Hankyung begin to relax under the water’s spray.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, touching Hankyung’s hand. Hankyung nodded, and Kyuhyun hurried out. Sympathetic tear ducts, he cursed, wiping his own face. He put water on to boil, and thundered down the stairs to the back room.
“Getting soup,” he gasped as he darted into the kitchen, coming back with several packets. Zhou Mi did not stand, but he looked like wanted to as he watched Kyuhyun breathe beside him.
“Is something wrong?”
Kyuhyun was still processing. “It seems like he broke up with Siwon.”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened. “What?”
“I know… No. I don’t know. I have no idea. I can’t… I can’t go with you tonight.”
“Of course you can’t. A-another time, maybe.”
“Definitely.” He was so scattered. What was he doing? “I have to go back up.”
“Take good care of him.”
“I’ll try.”
“If you need anything…”
The look of concern on Zhou Mi’s face was suddenly too much for him to take, and he wrapped his arms around Zhou Mi’s neck, hugging hard enough to press his face to Kyuhyun’s slightly damp shirt and cutting off whatever he’d been about to say.
“I’ll call,” he whispered into Zhou Mi’s hair. “Thanks.”
Soup, he thought as he reentered his apartment. Clothes for Hankyung. And then he would find out what had made his best friend cry.
***
Hankyung was steadier, after eating with blank eyes. They sat cross legged on his bed, knee to knee. Hankyung sighed, chafing his hands.
The story came out slowly, Hankyung’s words failing him more than once as he tried to assemble what had happened, what had sent him wandering the streets for so long.
“And then... Then I broke up with him.”
Kyuhyun chewed on his lip, wondering what to say. Siwon seemed like such a teddy bear... The thought of anyone breaking up with him easily was rather beyond the question. And easily in this case, was so far from the mark. Siwon obviously adored Hankyung, and the opposite was true. “And why isn’t he here telling you it’ll all be rainbows, anyway?”
“Probably because I told him not to. Not to come after me, not to see me anymore. I think I told him in Korean. Even if I didn’t, he probably understood. He speaks… speaks really good Chinese. Oh. What did I do?”
“Was... Did she really say she wanted him to get married?”
“No... Not that I could tell. But to be worried about him being alone, if she did tell him...”
“But he isn’t alone. His parents? You? Your mother? Everyone here at the store? Half the world that we know think he’s the best father known to man. And if his sister gave her child away, and has been away all these years, why would she want her back? If she wants Siwon married, then it sounds like she’s wanting Siwon to stay with Yunjee, not that she’s threatening to take her back.”
“Are... Do you think so?”
“Hankyung.” He put both hands on Hankyung’s shoulders. “Have I lied to you? He loves you. He’ll fight for you.”
“I can’t go to him tonight... I can’t. Yunjee is asleep by now, and I don’t even know what to say...”
“Sleep on it. You’ll figure it out.”
“He loves me.”
“I know he does. He’s not going to stop.”
Or at least he’d better not, he thought as he turned out the light and returned to the bed. Yunjee was too cute to have to see her father getting beat up.
He left Hankyung to get ready as he opened the store. He had woken to Hankyung jerking out of sleep several times during the night, resting a hand on his shoulder once as he sank back into the pillows. Hankyung had whispered Siwon’s name, and it tore at him. They would fix it. Hankyung was ready to put his own happiness on the line to ensure Siwon was whole, even when the situation wasn’t calling for it. Siwon would surely be able to see that as well.
And after he had left Zhou Mi last night...
Where was the man when he needed him? He could still feel squeezing Zhou Mi tight last night, and Zhou Mi hadn’t even had chance to respond. He wanted Zhou Mi to hug him back with an intensity that shocked him.
He found the next best thing in Ryeowook, who cuddled Kyuhyun with concern as soon as he arrived.
“Hard night?”
“Harder for Hankyung.”
“Zhou Mi didn’t say anything, but it wasn’t hard to guess it probably had something to do with Siwon.”
“If they can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have? You talked with Zhou Mi?”
“He helped me close up last night. He told me to tell you he’d be in a little later today.
Like he would expect him on time. Yes, he did expect him on time. That five minute window when the door cheered a greeting, and Zhou Mi and his “good morning” and his smile were acknowledged by an imperceptible nod. And he might not seem like he was looking, but he saw everything, down to the different scarves (there were three) that were wrapped around the long neck. When he began to sound a little like Hankyung, even in his head, that worried him. He frowned at his register. The two of them had to make it. There was just no other option.
***
Hankyung felt thinner somehow. Not breakable so much as see-through. As if he had been shaved in half. He’d slept, but badly. Waking through nightmares of different ways the fight could have gone, sweet kisses, sweeter love. Harsh words, angry words, instead of resigned fear, hate...
He lay awake long stretches seeing the trouble on Siwon’s face, wanting to kiss it away, to say softly that he wanted to hear Siwon’s problems, that it was okay, he was here. If Siwon’s sister decided she wanted Yunjee back, what really could Siwon do but fight? She had abandoned her child, and yet she was her mother... It made little difference in the end. But Siwon’s parents surely would fight for their son. They saw, they knew the care Siwon had for her. He had not considered that in his consuming fear. How noble he was! To give up Siwon so that he could keep his child. How utterly stupid to think that he could. It was not noble at all. It was hateful and cruel, to both of them, to Yunjee. Siwon would have had to have picked her up at school, woken her up, sent her off again with this weighing on him. Siwon would have every reason to reject him for this.
He all but flew down the back stairs and into the just-opened bookstore, ready to tell Kyuhyun he was leaving, that he needed to see Siwon, needed to... He glanced up as he passed the door jamb, seeing a familiar silhouette against the light. His heart constricted.
“Siwon.”
“Geng. Geng…”
Hankyung drew himself together, every argument through the night... He hadn’t even rehearsed what he had to say! Only a thousand times, but suddenly none of it fit.
“Please don’t.”
Siwon’s eyes widened in shock, turning quickly, his hand fisting in his hair. He swung back around.
“I love you! And I don’t know how else to say it. What else to tell you. Can we...” His hand dropped to his side. “Please, can we talk?”
“What if you... I... I don’t... I don’t want you to be hurt,” Hankyung said, settling on his previous argument as he propped himself against the doorframe.
Siwon’s eyes lowered, seeing how closed off Hankyung was being. He spoke, his words punctuated and clear. “But I want you. I don’t want you to have to watch me from your window. I want you to be with me, and live with me, and listen to my problems so I can hear yours. I want you to love my daughter, and hold my hand. I want to take care of you… If you just…stay with me. I love you.” He stopped, breathed, swallowing. Clearly struggling. “I’ll… I’ll go. For now.”
He added that last part almost like a threat, and as the door chimes jingled Hankyung began to laugh through the tears that had silently begun to run down his face.
“He’s so stupid. Why did I fall in love with such a stupid man?”
It seemed a rhetorical question as he raced for the door. If all the occupants of the bookstore raced for the nearest window, well. It was to be expected.
He wrapped his arms around Siwon’s waist, nearly making them stumble as Siwon stopped abruptly.
“Choi Siwon, you’re so stupid. Are you really so naïve as to believe that love solves everything?”
Siwon turned, gripping Hankyung’s hands.
“I want to be naïve if it’s with you.”
Hankyung groaned out loud at the completely cheesy line.
“But I know I can’t be,” Siwon continued. “I know there will be problems. But not everyone finds what we have. It’s been months and I feel like I’ve known you all my life. I need you in my life. I know you feel that way too. I need you. We need you.”
“No more,” Hankyung said, barely holding in hysterical laughter. “I love you, but no more talking. I didn’t want our first fight to be like this. But I don’t want it to be our last.”
“Me either. If…When you’re ready, that is. Would you move in with me? If you want your own room, or if you want to… share… If you have a lease, we can break it. I don’t want to be away from you again.”
“I own that building, Siwon,” he said, eyes laughing up at him.
“I love a rich man, then,” Siwon teased, before his breath shuddered out of him, eyes closing as Hankyung’s hand stroked his face.
“Can we argue about breakfast next time?” he asked softly.
“Yes.”
“I need you, too,” Hankyung told him. “And when I thought that I, that we...”
His words stopped up in his throat and Siwon clutched him tight. He soaked in the strength of Siwon’s body, feeling not so see-through any more. What a sloppy grin he saw on Siwon’s face. He knew his own was the same.
“Let’s go sit and talk some more,” Siwon suggested, squeezing the hand he still held. “We’ll figure it out. If you’re with me...”
“Okay.”
Neither moved.
“They’re all watching us, aren’t they?”
Siwon looked up. “Yes,” he said, but kissed him anyway. They heard the faint cheers and whoops, as they walked away together.
***
Kyuhyun realized he had latched onto the nearest person as they watched the brief scene outside. And it was Zhou Mi’s arm he held. Siwon’s smile all but lit up the gloom of the day as he reacted to something Hankyung was saying.
He needed… something, as he looked up at the soft smile on Zhou Mi’s face.
He pushed Zhou Mi away from him, pushing him toward the back room.
“Hey!”
“Go!”
Kyuhyun followed at his heels, dragging the door of the back room closed behind him.
“What’s wrong?” Zhou Mi asked.
Zhou Mi was warm and solid, and he smelled faintly of detergent and soap and man. Kyuhyun wanted to lose himself just there on his shoulder and possibly never emerge. Zhou Mi’s arms took only a few moments to wrap around him and he leaned harder, the coiled, hard ball inside him too tight to release.
“Tighter,” he murmured, and felt the compliance immediately. Felt part of him crumble.
Zhou Mi’s hand gently worked his back, smoothing tight muscles, tighter emotions, and he could have purred, feeling some of the aching tenseness drain as he was no longer responsible for holding himself upright.
He did not know how long he stood like that, Zhou Mi’s arm tight around him, his opposite hand rubbing in soothing circles.
He let his head rest lightly against Zhou Mi’s, and felt the gentle push back.
“If Siwon hadn’t come this morning, Hankyung was going to him...” Kyuhyun mused out loud, staring at the shelf behind Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “I think he would have gone back last night if he hadn’t tried to freeze himself half to death. Why are all the men I’m close to such idiots about the weather?”
“Are you close to me?”
“Shut up,” Kyuhyun said, feeling Zhou Mi grip him with both arms. “Will you… stay again tonight? Like last time?”
He so very much did not want to be alone tonight.
Zhou Mi made an indistinguishable noise.
“Will you promise not to wake me up with your scarf again?”
Kyuhyun laughed softly against Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “No.”
There was a harrumph from the other man, but his arms did not falter.
“Okay. I might go home and get clothes first.”
“Bring back food… Anything. I’m tired of ramen.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”
Just Zhou Mi, he thought, and this shoulder.
He sighed a bit. “You probably have to let me go so I can work.”
“Mm,” Zhou Mi agreed. But didn’t actually let him go.
“Maybe today.”
He felt the laugh before he heard it, and oh, then it was a little awkward, as they stood still close together. He shuffled a little further away before daring to look up.
“I’ll be…” Kyuhyun pointed toward the store.
Zhou Mi smiled. “I’ll be…” And pointed to the table.
He grinned. Sheepishly? Stupidly? He didn’t know, but it hadn’t quite been wiped off his face when Henry and Ryeowook descended to talk about what they had just seen. Of Siwon and Hankyung, that was.
***
Hankyung called hours later, voice soft, but strong. They had talked, it seemed. Hankyung had told Siwon everything, all of his fears, really told him instead of running. It was strange how alike they were.
There was soft murmuring on the other side of the line, and a deeper voice came on.
“Thanks for looking after him,” Siwon said, clearly chuckling at something Hankyung had said.
“You’d better keep him,” he told Siwon, who chuckled again.
“I will.”
He sent Ryeowook and Henry away early, turning off lights here and there in anticipation of closing. He stood at the counter with his checklist clipboard, bored out of his mind when Zhou Mi finally returned. A small travel bag was slung over one shoulder, and on his hip? A pizza box. It was definitely not ramen.
“Pizza?”
Zhou Mi looked down at the box. “Yeah... Er. Do you not like pizza? We can get something else?”
“I like it. Who doesn’t like pizza?”
“People who don’t like cheese...?”
He shrugged at that, coming up behind Zhou Mi to lock the doors. “A sad thing then.”
“Have you heard anything?”
‘Yeah,” he said, smiling as the overhead lights dimmed, and they moved toward the back. “They’re good again.”
“Siwon wouldn’t have let him get away.”
“No, he wouldn’t have...” He eyed Zhou Mi as the back was locked behind them. “Did you give him lessons on how to keep after people?”
Zhou Mi stared. “Lessons? Oh. Oh! No. I think he’d have done just fine on his own.”
He couldn’t resist a peek in the box as Zhou Mi took his bag back into his bedroom. He pulled down plates and hummed in pleasure. They had pretty similar tastes in pizza toppings it looked like.
“Did you need me to do anything?” Zhou Mi asked.
“No... Just sit and eat. I swear, I thought I was about to start bleeding ramen. And tea.”
“That sounds uncomfortable...”
He laughed. “I know, right?”
Zhou Mi spoke to him of China, of his parents, his grandparents, his cousins. They had both wanted a sibling growing up, he pondered. Wanted another person that belonged. It was...strange to think of. How different their lives had been, and how similar. He stacked their dishes in the sink, rinsing them a bit but not bothering to wash them.
“I was thinking of reading a while,” he said, turning back to Zhou Mi. “Does that sound...?”
“That’s fine!”
He thought maybe, reading the books all day, or his notes, or whatever... Maybe not the thing that would be top on the list to do. But instead the idea seemed to please him.
Zhou Mi stood back, eyeing the bookshelf with concentration. “What do you recommend?”
Kyuhyun thought a moment. Nothing too demanding... “Have you read this?” he asked, pulling down a popular novel. “It’s good. Funny.”
“No, I haven’t. I’ll try that then.”
Zhou Mi smiled and Kyuhyun picked a book at random. Any book.
He put back the covers as Zhou Mi prepared to sleep. He’d had the forethought to change the sheets, at least. If he had to be sitting, waiting for the sun himself to emerge from the bathroom, then at least there were going to be clean sheets. The hem of Zhou Mi’s shirt, he saw, had a thread hanging from it, just starting to unravel. And as he hid his smile in his hand, he didn’t feel quite so weird.
Zhou Mi was propped against the pillows, eyebrows knit as he read, when Kyuhyun emerged. Kyuhyun hadn’t even gotten settled when laughter nearly had him jumping straight onto the floor.
“What?”
“Sorry... Sorry. The... When the man falls off of the sidewalk?”
Oh. For the love of... He had nearly had a heart attack, and Zhou Mi was laughing at the book. Disgruntled, he scooted closer.
“No, I don’t remember. Where?”
He had such a vague recollection... But Zhou Mi held the book open for him, leaning in close. His eyes were as much on Zhou Mi as they were on the book, the scent of mint and soap, his soap, wafting as he read.
“Oh yeah,” he said, chuckling. “I remember that. On the next page...”
“Shh! I haven’t gotten there!”
He waited an interminable moment for Zhou Mi to finish reading the page he was on, flipping it over. He didn’t move, reading on, and laughing for real this time as he reached the part he had been speaking of.
“Hey!” Zhou Mi complained, lifting the book out of his range of sight. “No reading ahead!”
“You read too slow!”
“I’m reading to comprehend!”
“Then start reading. You’ll take a week to finish the chapter at the rate you’re going.”
Zhou Mi stared hard at him. “Are you going to read this with me?”
“Yeah.” It was more interesting that what he had picked up. The Art of Farming? Fascinating. Why did he own that, anyway? “Going to get tired sitting like this though.
Zhou Mi scooted further upright so that he sat straighter, dropping his shoulder as Kyuhyun leaned against him. “Better?”
“Much,” he said, letting his cheek rest on Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
He tried to read as slowly as possible, reading sentences two, three times in order not to zoom ahead of the decently paced but still slower Zhou Mi. Somewhere in chapter two they discussed vocabulary. Zhou Mi’s laugh as the humor hit him was easy, free. He could have listened to it all night. And when he couldn’t help himself... Kyuhyun tried to suppress a snicker against Zhou Mi’s arm. Zhou Mi simply sighed.
He was very much in danger of falling asleep on Zhou Mi’s shoulder by the end of chapter three...
“Sleep,” he muttered, feeling the loss of heat between his arm and Zhou Mi’s.
“Okay,” Zhou Mi said, and handed Kyuhyun the book. He blinked at it a moment before realizing... Oh. It was his book.
“You can borrow it, if you want,” he offered, and realized he was still on the wrong side of the bed. He found a scrap of paper on the bedside table that would serve as a bookmark, and flicked off the light. There were grunts and rustles as they reassembled their pillows, and then... Silence. Only the light sound of their breathing was heard, the quiet movement of skin against cloth. He knew Zhou Mi was not asleep yet, but neither seemed to know what to say.
“Thank you for coming tonight. I didn’t want to be...”
“I know, Kui Xian. It’s okay.”
He heard Zhou Mi drawn in a breath as though he was going to say something else, but nothing came, and he slept, knowing that up till then their eyes had been searching for each other in the dark.
***
He poked Zhou Mi’s shoulder and got little response. Poked the length of his arm. Still nothing. He pinched Zhou Mi’s stomach and finally felt a rumble as Zhou Mi came into consciousness.
“You have terrible ways of waking people up, Kui Xian.”
“I wouldn’t, if you woke up like a normal human being. I’m heading down now, so you should get up.”
One eye cracked open. “Is there breakfast?”
“Last night’s leftovers. You can warm some up. Or coffeecake downstairs.”
The eyelid slid closed in disinterest.
“Hey. Hey!” He put one knee on the bed so he could look properly down into Zhou Mi’s face, waiting until both eyes were open. “Let’s go out to dinner tonight.”
Zhou Mi blinked several times. “Am I still thanking you?”
“No, this time I’m thanking you. So get up already, before you eat breakfast for dinner.”
He knuckled Zhou Mi’s forehead and heard the laugh as he gathered his bag.
“And good morning!” he shouted back, before he closed the outside door behind him.
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen
***
Chapter Twelve
***
Police visited the store, a follow-up to the investigation of all of the events. There were no fingerprints. No one saw anything. Probably some teenagers playing a prank. And really, everything they said was what he expected. This stretch of street was hardly well traveled at night, so who really would have seen anything? Even while upstairs, he would have been unlikely to. The notes were a prank, the fire was a prank... The break in was a coincidence? Even he could not see the logic in that. But with better security, he was unlikely to see a repeat, the assured him. How apologetic they were as they left, telling him that everything that could be done had been. It still made his stomach turn when he thought about it too hard.
All the anxiety he had pushed away because of the dinner invitation came roaring back by the time the store was locked, and Zhou Mi was gone for the day - having left with a shy sort of grin that he had never before seen. It had raised his apprehension about twofold, before Hankyung peered in and tapped on the door.
And without a hello or a how do you do, the whole story came tumbling out of him.
“I am such an idiot. What possessed me to agree to go to dinner with him?”
Hankyung, sitting on the counter, looked amused.
“What possessed you to suggest it?”
“There were glasses, and I don’t even know.” The whys were piling up on him like the book from his t-shirt. “And like you can talk, master of ‘he really doesn’t like me, duh’ 101.”
“Zhou Mi in glasses? I see where your mind was.”
“I hate you,” he said without heat.
“You know how I felt when you were teasing me about Siwon, then.”
“Surely I wasn’t that cruel.”
“I spent a whole night thinking he was dating you.”
“Okay. You have a point.” Ouch. Of course if Hankyung had just answered his phone...
“You want to go, though? Really want to? You weren’t just distracted by his face, or feeling sorry, or...”
A small part of him that was scared out of his mind shouted No! But every other part of him...
“Yeah. I really want to go.”
Hankyung grinned, hearing apparently what he wanted to hear. “Good. You know, Siwon is bringing food over to my place. Come over and we’ll talk some more?”
“Oh, you guys don’t need me...”
“Yunjee will love to see you. She’ll get to interrogate you about those clay animals of yours. I think she’s secretly hoping Zhou Mi will give her one.”
He chuckled. “I’ll have to tell him that.”
“Then get your coat. Maybe Siwon will help me bully you if he doesn’t know that’s what I’m doing.”
“You’re really weird, Hankyung.”
“I know,” Hankyung told him airily. “I think my mom told me that when I was born.”
***
Kyuhyun watched as Siwon’s hand brushed Hankyung’s jaw as he turned back to the stove. There was such affection in the gesture, in the quiet laugh Hankyung shared with him. And he wasn’t they only one who saw it.
“They’re silly,” Yunjee whispered to him from her place in his lap.
“Yes, they are.”
“They’re in lo~~ve. Daddy says he’ll love me forever and ever. Will he love Geng forever and ever, too?”
He hoped so, but surely wouldn’t tell her that.
“Doesn’t that happen in fairy tales?”
“Daddy said they’re the “Prince and the Pea.” Geng just stayed long enough until he had to climb down and find him.
Kyuhyun laughed and Siwon turned to them, looking a bit pained.
“Are you telling my secrets?”
“How did I get to be the pea, anyway?” Hankyung wondered.
Pea-brained, Kyuhyun mouthed at Hankyung and received an eye roll in return.
“Did Zhou Mi get you the dolphin yet?” she asked, clearly having imparted the information she needed.
“Not yet. I’ll have to ask where it is, huh?”
“He’ll remember,” she said, confident.
Dinner conversation was split between listening to recitation of Yunjee’s school project, origami cranes and the antics of the begging puppy beneath the table.
“One pair of shoes have been lost to the mighty dog’s teeth,” Hankyung said, petting the quivering-with-glee Nala with a foot. “Yunjee scolded her on the poor sole’s behalf.”
They all groaned at the terrible pun.
Of course, Hankyung had told him later as they cleaned in the kitchen, while Yunjee and Siwon wrestled with the the dog on the floor, that Yunjee had sat Nala down and given her a very solemn, sad-faced talking-to on. One that Hankyung thought was terribly reflective of how Siwon was with Yunjee herself. That thought was enough to make Hankyung all soft in the eyes, especially as the laughter rolled in from the living room.
Hankyung had not, despite his threat, prodded him very much about Zhou Mi at all, having apparently gotten what he needed out of their earlier conversation.
What was he supposed to do on the date? he wondered. What would they talk about? And did Zhou Mi have friends like these to distract him from worrying as well?
***
Siwon hadn’t even had to ask the night before whether Hankyung would see him the next day... At Siwon’s apartment, or his house, it made little difference. Walking Siwon back to his apartment after Kyuhyun had left had been... Wonderful. They walked slowly, hands clasped as Yunjee dozed against Siwon’s shoulder, and all around them was dark and quiet. They could even see a few stars peeking through the persistent winter clouds.
“See you tomorrow,” Siwon had whispered, and Hankyung had nodded. It was understood now. They needed that. Needed each other. And parting like this, watching Siwon climb the stairs with the sleeping child, knowing his place was somewhere else... It was harder than he had ever imagined.
So he had come by during the afternoon, fresh from his classes, expecting that they would go together to pick up Yunjee from school. Siwon was on the phone when he walked in, giving him the briefest peck in acknowledgement. The same frown was on his face that he had seen in the dance studio, a frown not often crossing Siwon’s face. It worried him. And he could not help but eavesdrop, Siwon pacing only feet from him.
“No. You know I’m not married. I’m in love with... No.” A pause. “I’m not alone. No. I love her! You know I do. I would love any child. I don’t... No, I will not marry. I have someone who loves her. It doesn’t matter if there were two or ten of her. I love him. I’m doing my best for her. He’s best for both of us, don’t worry. I know you love her, too. I want to see you more. Mom and Dad want to... Will you call again? Is there a number... Hello? Hello?”
The phone was tossed down with a flick of his wrist, and Siwon sank into the cushions, curling around him with a sigh.
“Oh Geng,” he said, pressing his face to Hankyung’s neck. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Hankyung felt cold creep down his spine, words echoing in his ears, his head.
“Your sister?” he asked softly.
“Yes,” Siwon said, making a sound of disgust. “She decided it would be fun to interrogate me... She’s done it a few times over the last six months. It gets crazier every time. ‘When are you getting married, Siwon?’ and ‘Why do you want to take care of a kid on your own?’ I’ve been doing just fine, haven’t I? And that if I wanted more kids, I surely couldn’t do that on my own... And why not? She drives me crazy.”
“Would she... Try to take Yunjee back?”
“I’d like to see her try. She’s so pleased living her own life... Maybe there’d be an argument, an easier time trying because I wasn’t married, but she couldn’t...”
“Then maybe it would be best for you and Yunjee if you did get married. So she couldn’t.”
“What?” Siwon asked, half joking. He shook his head. “And push myself into a loveless marriage? What kind of father would I be to Yunjee then, if I left someone I loved, and made myself miserable? I’d never even think of it. I don’t think she...”
“Then maybe it would have been better if we’d never met.”
Siwon recoiled, clearly shocked. “How could you say that?”
“If we’d never met, you wouldn’t have someone dragging you back. You need Yunjee, and she needs you. If you took a wife, you would love her, Siwon. It’s written all over you.”
“Geng… You’re not dragging me back. I love you.”
“And if you lose Yunjee because of me?”
“I won’t lose her. I won’t lose you either.”
Who would deny a woman her child? And what chance did an unmarried man, a man with no intention to marry, stand against the mother? If she could show she intended to take good care of Yunjee, even if she had been away? The law favored women; favored mothers. It was only human nature to soften at the love of a mother, and had always been that way. He could not have imagined being raised by his father. But Siwon? He and Yunjee were so close, unbelievably, adorably so. She was so secure in him, so in adoration of him. And Siwon returned that, always aware of her, caring for her, feeding her that love and security with a firm but patient hand. What place was there for him there? And if he would endanger it?
He could see it, the little girl tearfully waving goodbye at Siwon, calling back for him, “Daddy! Daddy!” The tears on Siwon’s face, the sorrow. The regret. He saw everything they had crumble. Suddenly in his imagination it was real, Siwon’s sister was waiting for that opportunity, pressing Siwon on it. Waiting for it.
“I’m sorry, Siwon,” he said, pushing the hand off of his knee and standing.
“Sorry? For what?”
“I don’t know if I can watch you do this. I think we need to take some time, make sure this is right. For you. For Yunjee. Maybe it will be and maybe it won’t be.”
He pulled on his coat, fastening with increasingly awkward fingers.
“Watch me do what? What are you... Are you trying to break up with me?” Siwon asked, suddenly beside him.
“I’m not trying to. I think I am. Don’t come after me. Take some time, think it through, okay?”
His last words echoed in his ears as he shut the door. He wished desperately that he hadn’t looked up, as all he saw was Siwon’s stricken face, and it followed him down the stairs and onto the street.
***
Kyuhyun looked up as the bells rang nearly at closing time, about to call a welcome when he saw Hankyung’s reddened, shocked face. Kyuhyun was out from behind the counter in a moment.
“Hankyung? What have you been doing? You look half frozen. What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been walking… An hour… I think…” Hankyung whispered, as though his throat was too tight to speak the words. “I think I just broke up with Siwon.”
“What?” Of all the bad things he imagined, this was the last on the list. Had he not just seen the two of them oozing joy all over just yesterday?
He would have thought on it more, but the trembles started, seeming to come from inside Hankyung, not stopping until he shook violently all over.
“Hey, hey… You need to get warmed up. Come with me. Come with me…”
He got a solid arm around Hankyung’s middle, shocked at how cold he was even through his clothes.
“Ryeowook, I’m going up!” he called.
He didn’t wait for an answer as he half guided, half pulled Hankyung through the back room, waving Zhou Mi back as the other stood. Somehow, they made it up the outer stairs, through the door and into the bathroom. Hankyung was shaking too hard still, to be of any use. His shoes at the door, Kyuhyun pushed him into the shower stall fully dressed, stripping him of his coat and outer shirt and jeans. He made him sit, not at all sure he would not slip and break himself on the wet floor. The water he turned lukewarm at first, warming it just a bit more… Knowing the warmth on Hankyung’s cold skin had to be painful. But the pain seemed to knock him out of his stupor, as he raised trembling hands to his face and softly sobbed. They sat there together for several minutes, Hankyung under the warm water, and Kyuhyun nearly beyond it outside. Kyuhyun was silent. He didn’t have words for this. He could not say it would be okay. Only knew that this emptying was needed. The shudders began to calm, the sobs lessened. He could feel Hankyung begin to relax under the water’s spray.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, touching Hankyung’s hand. Hankyung nodded, and Kyuhyun hurried out. Sympathetic tear ducts, he cursed, wiping his own face. He put water on to boil, and thundered down the stairs to the back room.
“Getting soup,” he gasped as he darted into the kitchen, coming back with several packets. Zhou Mi did not stand, but he looked like wanted to as he watched Kyuhyun breathe beside him.
“Is something wrong?”
Kyuhyun was still processing. “It seems like he broke up with Siwon.”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened. “What?”
“I know… No. I don’t know. I have no idea. I can’t… I can’t go with you tonight.”
“Of course you can’t. A-another time, maybe.”
“Definitely.” He was so scattered. What was he doing? “I have to go back up.”
“Take good care of him.”
“I’ll try.”
“If you need anything…”
The look of concern on Zhou Mi’s face was suddenly too much for him to take, and he wrapped his arms around Zhou Mi’s neck, hugging hard enough to press his face to Kyuhyun’s slightly damp shirt and cutting off whatever he’d been about to say.
“I’ll call,” he whispered into Zhou Mi’s hair. “Thanks.”
Soup, he thought as he reentered his apartment. Clothes for Hankyung. And then he would find out what had made his best friend cry.
***
Hankyung was steadier, after eating with blank eyes. They sat cross legged on his bed, knee to knee. Hankyung sighed, chafing his hands.
The story came out slowly, Hankyung’s words failing him more than once as he tried to assemble what had happened, what had sent him wandering the streets for so long.
“And then... Then I broke up with him.”
Kyuhyun chewed on his lip, wondering what to say. Siwon seemed like such a teddy bear... The thought of anyone breaking up with him easily was rather beyond the question. And easily in this case, was so far from the mark. Siwon obviously adored Hankyung, and the opposite was true. “And why isn’t he here telling you it’ll all be rainbows, anyway?”
“Probably because I told him not to. Not to come after me, not to see me anymore. I think I told him in Korean. Even if I didn’t, he probably understood. He speaks… speaks really good Chinese. Oh. What did I do?”
“Was... Did she really say she wanted him to get married?”
“No... Not that I could tell. But to be worried about him being alone, if she did tell him...”
“But he isn’t alone. His parents? You? Your mother? Everyone here at the store? Half the world that we know think he’s the best father known to man. And if his sister gave her child away, and has been away all these years, why would she want her back? If she wants Siwon married, then it sounds like she’s wanting Siwon to stay with Yunjee, not that she’s threatening to take her back.”
“Are... Do you think so?”
“Hankyung.” He put both hands on Hankyung’s shoulders. “Have I lied to you? He loves you. He’ll fight for you.”
“I can’t go to him tonight... I can’t. Yunjee is asleep by now, and I don’t even know what to say...”
“Sleep on it. You’ll figure it out.”
“He loves me.”
“I know he does. He’s not going to stop.”
Or at least he’d better not, he thought as he turned out the light and returned to the bed. Yunjee was too cute to have to see her father getting beat up.
He left Hankyung to get ready as he opened the store. He had woken to Hankyung jerking out of sleep several times during the night, resting a hand on his shoulder once as he sank back into the pillows. Hankyung had whispered Siwon’s name, and it tore at him. They would fix it. Hankyung was ready to put his own happiness on the line to ensure Siwon was whole, even when the situation wasn’t calling for it. Siwon would surely be able to see that as well.
And after he had left Zhou Mi last night...
Where was the man when he needed him? He could still feel squeezing Zhou Mi tight last night, and Zhou Mi hadn’t even had chance to respond. He wanted Zhou Mi to hug him back with an intensity that shocked him.
He found the next best thing in Ryeowook, who cuddled Kyuhyun with concern as soon as he arrived.
“Hard night?”
“Harder for Hankyung.”
“Zhou Mi didn’t say anything, but it wasn’t hard to guess it probably had something to do with Siwon.”
“If they can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have? You talked with Zhou Mi?”
“He helped me close up last night. He told me to tell you he’d be in a little later today.
Like he would expect him on time. Yes, he did expect him on time. That five minute window when the door cheered a greeting, and Zhou Mi and his “good morning” and his smile were acknowledged by an imperceptible nod. And he might not seem like he was looking, but he saw everything, down to the different scarves (there were three) that were wrapped around the long neck. When he began to sound a little like Hankyung, even in his head, that worried him. He frowned at his register. The two of them had to make it. There was just no other option.
***
Hankyung felt thinner somehow. Not breakable so much as see-through. As if he had been shaved in half. He’d slept, but badly. Waking through nightmares of different ways the fight could have gone, sweet kisses, sweeter love. Harsh words, angry words, instead of resigned fear, hate...
He lay awake long stretches seeing the trouble on Siwon’s face, wanting to kiss it away, to say softly that he wanted to hear Siwon’s problems, that it was okay, he was here. If Siwon’s sister decided she wanted Yunjee back, what really could Siwon do but fight? She had abandoned her child, and yet she was her mother... It made little difference in the end. But Siwon’s parents surely would fight for their son. They saw, they knew the care Siwon had for her. He had not considered that in his consuming fear. How noble he was! To give up Siwon so that he could keep his child. How utterly stupid to think that he could. It was not noble at all. It was hateful and cruel, to both of them, to Yunjee. Siwon would have had to have picked her up at school, woken her up, sent her off again with this weighing on him. Siwon would have every reason to reject him for this.
He all but flew down the back stairs and into the just-opened bookstore, ready to tell Kyuhyun he was leaving, that he needed to see Siwon, needed to... He glanced up as he passed the door jamb, seeing a familiar silhouette against the light. His heart constricted.
“Siwon.”
“Geng. Geng…”
Hankyung drew himself together, every argument through the night... He hadn’t even rehearsed what he had to say! Only a thousand times, but suddenly none of it fit.
“Please don’t.”
Siwon’s eyes widened in shock, turning quickly, his hand fisting in his hair. He swung back around.
“I love you! And I don’t know how else to say it. What else to tell you. Can we...” His hand dropped to his side. “Please, can we talk?”
“What if you... I... I don’t... I don’t want you to be hurt,” Hankyung said, settling on his previous argument as he propped himself against the doorframe.
Siwon’s eyes lowered, seeing how closed off Hankyung was being. He spoke, his words punctuated and clear. “But I want you. I don’t want you to have to watch me from your window. I want you to be with me, and live with me, and listen to my problems so I can hear yours. I want you to love my daughter, and hold my hand. I want to take care of you… If you just…stay with me. I love you.” He stopped, breathed, swallowing. Clearly struggling. “I’ll… I’ll go. For now.”
He added that last part almost like a threat, and as the door chimes jingled Hankyung began to laugh through the tears that had silently begun to run down his face.
“He’s so stupid. Why did I fall in love with such a stupid man?”
It seemed a rhetorical question as he raced for the door. If all the occupants of the bookstore raced for the nearest window, well. It was to be expected.
He wrapped his arms around Siwon’s waist, nearly making them stumble as Siwon stopped abruptly.
“Choi Siwon, you’re so stupid. Are you really so naïve as to believe that love solves everything?”
Siwon turned, gripping Hankyung’s hands.
“I want to be naïve if it’s with you.”
Hankyung groaned out loud at the completely cheesy line.
“But I know I can’t be,” Siwon continued. “I know there will be problems. But not everyone finds what we have. It’s been months and I feel like I’ve known you all my life. I need you in my life. I know you feel that way too. I need you. We need you.”
“No more,” Hankyung said, barely holding in hysterical laughter. “I love you, but no more talking. I didn’t want our first fight to be like this. But I don’t want it to be our last.”
“Me either. If…When you’re ready, that is. Would you move in with me? If you want your own room, or if you want to… share… If you have a lease, we can break it. I don’t want to be away from you again.”
“I own that building, Siwon,” he said, eyes laughing up at him.
“I love a rich man, then,” Siwon teased, before his breath shuddered out of him, eyes closing as Hankyung’s hand stroked his face.
“Can we argue about breakfast next time?” he asked softly.
“Yes.”
“I need you, too,” Hankyung told him. “And when I thought that I, that we...”
His words stopped up in his throat and Siwon clutched him tight. He soaked in the strength of Siwon’s body, feeling not so see-through any more. What a sloppy grin he saw on Siwon’s face. He knew his own was the same.
“Let’s go sit and talk some more,” Siwon suggested, squeezing the hand he still held. “We’ll figure it out. If you’re with me...”
“Okay.”
Neither moved.
“They’re all watching us, aren’t they?”
Siwon looked up. “Yes,” he said, but kissed him anyway. They heard the faint cheers and whoops, as they walked away together.
***
Kyuhyun realized he had latched onto the nearest person as they watched the brief scene outside. And it was Zhou Mi’s arm he held. Siwon’s smile all but lit up the gloom of the day as he reacted to something Hankyung was saying.
He needed… something, as he looked up at the soft smile on Zhou Mi’s face.
He pushed Zhou Mi away from him, pushing him toward the back room.
“Hey!”
“Go!”
Kyuhyun followed at his heels, dragging the door of the back room closed behind him.
“What’s wrong?” Zhou Mi asked.
Zhou Mi was warm and solid, and he smelled faintly of detergent and soap and man. Kyuhyun wanted to lose himself just there on his shoulder and possibly never emerge. Zhou Mi’s arms took only a few moments to wrap around him and he leaned harder, the coiled, hard ball inside him too tight to release.
“Tighter,” he murmured, and felt the compliance immediately. Felt part of him crumble.
Zhou Mi’s hand gently worked his back, smoothing tight muscles, tighter emotions, and he could have purred, feeling some of the aching tenseness drain as he was no longer responsible for holding himself upright.
He did not know how long he stood like that, Zhou Mi’s arm tight around him, his opposite hand rubbing in soothing circles.
He let his head rest lightly against Zhou Mi’s, and felt the gentle push back.
“If Siwon hadn’t come this morning, Hankyung was going to him...” Kyuhyun mused out loud, staring at the shelf behind Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “I think he would have gone back last night if he hadn’t tried to freeze himself half to death. Why are all the men I’m close to such idiots about the weather?”
“Are you close to me?”
“Shut up,” Kyuhyun said, feeling Zhou Mi grip him with both arms. “Will you… stay again tonight? Like last time?”
He so very much did not want to be alone tonight.
Zhou Mi made an indistinguishable noise.
“Will you promise not to wake me up with your scarf again?”
Kyuhyun laughed softly against Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “No.”
There was a harrumph from the other man, but his arms did not falter.
“Okay. I might go home and get clothes first.”
“Bring back food… Anything. I’m tired of ramen.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”
Just Zhou Mi, he thought, and this shoulder.
He sighed a bit. “You probably have to let me go so I can work.”
“Mm,” Zhou Mi agreed. But didn’t actually let him go.
“Maybe today.”
He felt the laugh before he heard it, and oh, then it was a little awkward, as they stood still close together. He shuffled a little further away before daring to look up.
“I’ll be…” Kyuhyun pointed toward the store.
Zhou Mi smiled. “I’ll be…” And pointed to the table.
He grinned. Sheepishly? Stupidly? He didn’t know, but it hadn’t quite been wiped off his face when Henry and Ryeowook descended to talk about what they had just seen. Of Siwon and Hankyung, that was.
***
Hankyung called hours later, voice soft, but strong. They had talked, it seemed. Hankyung had told Siwon everything, all of his fears, really told him instead of running. It was strange how alike they were.
There was soft murmuring on the other side of the line, and a deeper voice came on.
“Thanks for looking after him,” Siwon said, clearly chuckling at something Hankyung had said.
“You’d better keep him,” he told Siwon, who chuckled again.
“I will.”
He sent Ryeowook and Henry away early, turning off lights here and there in anticipation of closing. He stood at the counter with his checklist clipboard, bored out of his mind when Zhou Mi finally returned. A small travel bag was slung over one shoulder, and on his hip? A pizza box. It was definitely not ramen.
“Pizza?”
Zhou Mi looked down at the box. “Yeah... Er. Do you not like pizza? We can get something else?”
“I like it. Who doesn’t like pizza?”
“People who don’t like cheese...?”
He shrugged at that, coming up behind Zhou Mi to lock the doors. “A sad thing then.”
“Have you heard anything?”
‘Yeah,” he said, smiling as the overhead lights dimmed, and they moved toward the back. “They’re good again.”
“Siwon wouldn’t have let him get away.”
“No, he wouldn’t have...” He eyed Zhou Mi as the back was locked behind them. “Did you give him lessons on how to keep after people?”
Zhou Mi stared. “Lessons? Oh. Oh! No. I think he’d have done just fine on his own.”
He couldn’t resist a peek in the box as Zhou Mi took his bag back into his bedroom. He pulled down plates and hummed in pleasure. They had pretty similar tastes in pizza toppings it looked like.
“Did you need me to do anything?” Zhou Mi asked.
“No... Just sit and eat. I swear, I thought I was about to start bleeding ramen. And tea.”
“That sounds uncomfortable...”
He laughed. “I know, right?”
Zhou Mi spoke to him of China, of his parents, his grandparents, his cousins. They had both wanted a sibling growing up, he pondered. Wanted another person that belonged. It was...strange to think of. How different their lives had been, and how similar. He stacked their dishes in the sink, rinsing them a bit but not bothering to wash them.
“I was thinking of reading a while,” he said, turning back to Zhou Mi. “Does that sound...?”
“That’s fine!”
He thought maybe, reading the books all day, or his notes, or whatever... Maybe not the thing that would be top on the list to do. But instead the idea seemed to please him.
Zhou Mi stood back, eyeing the bookshelf with concentration. “What do you recommend?”
Kyuhyun thought a moment. Nothing too demanding... “Have you read this?” he asked, pulling down a popular novel. “It’s good. Funny.”
“No, I haven’t. I’ll try that then.”
Zhou Mi smiled and Kyuhyun picked a book at random. Any book.
He put back the covers as Zhou Mi prepared to sleep. He’d had the forethought to change the sheets, at least. If he had to be sitting, waiting for the sun himself to emerge from the bathroom, then at least there were going to be clean sheets. The hem of Zhou Mi’s shirt, he saw, had a thread hanging from it, just starting to unravel. And as he hid his smile in his hand, he didn’t feel quite so weird.
Zhou Mi was propped against the pillows, eyebrows knit as he read, when Kyuhyun emerged. Kyuhyun hadn’t even gotten settled when laughter nearly had him jumping straight onto the floor.
“What?”
“Sorry... Sorry. The... When the man falls off of the sidewalk?”
Oh. For the love of... He had nearly had a heart attack, and Zhou Mi was laughing at the book. Disgruntled, he scooted closer.
“No, I don’t remember. Where?”
He had such a vague recollection... But Zhou Mi held the book open for him, leaning in close. His eyes were as much on Zhou Mi as they were on the book, the scent of mint and soap, his soap, wafting as he read.
“Oh yeah,” he said, chuckling. “I remember that. On the next page...”
“Shh! I haven’t gotten there!”
He waited an interminable moment for Zhou Mi to finish reading the page he was on, flipping it over. He didn’t move, reading on, and laughing for real this time as he reached the part he had been speaking of.
“Hey!” Zhou Mi complained, lifting the book out of his range of sight. “No reading ahead!”
“You read too slow!”
“I’m reading to comprehend!”
“Then start reading. You’ll take a week to finish the chapter at the rate you’re going.”
Zhou Mi stared hard at him. “Are you going to read this with me?”
“Yeah.” It was more interesting that what he had picked up. The Art of Farming? Fascinating. Why did he own that, anyway? “Going to get tired sitting like this though.
Zhou Mi scooted further upright so that he sat straighter, dropping his shoulder as Kyuhyun leaned against him. “Better?”
“Much,” he said, letting his cheek rest on Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
He tried to read as slowly as possible, reading sentences two, three times in order not to zoom ahead of the decently paced but still slower Zhou Mi. Somewhere in chapter two they discussed vocabulary. Zhou Mi’s laugh as the humor hit him was easy, free. He could have listened to it all night. And when he couldn’t help himself... Kyuhyun tried to suppress a snicker against Zhou Mi’s arm. Zhou Mi simply sighed.
He was very much in danger of falling asleep on Zhou Mi’s shoulder by the end of chapter three...
“Sleep,” he muttered, feeling the loss of heat between his arm and Zhou Mi’s.
“Okay,” Zhou Mi said, and handed Kyuhyun the book. He blinked at it a moment before realizing... Oh. It was his book.
“You can borrow it, if you want,” he offered, and realized he was still on the wrong side of the bed. He found a scrap of paper on the bedside table that would serve as a bookmark, and flicked off the light. There were grunts and rustles as they reassembled their pillows, and then... Silence. Only the light sound of their breathing was heard, the quiet movement of skin against cloth. He knew Zhou Mi was not asleep yet, but neither seemed to know what to say.
“Thank you for coming tonight. I didn’t want to be...”
“I know, Kui Xian. It’s okay.”
He heard Zhou Mi drawn in a breath as though he was going to say something else, but nothing came, and he slept, knowing that up till then their eyes had been searching for each other in the dark.
***
He poked Zhou Mi’s shoulder and got little response. Poked the length of his arm. Still nothing. He pinched Zhou Mi’s stomach and finally felt a rumble as Zhou Mi came into consciousness.
“You have terrible ways of waking people up, Kui Xian.”
“I wouldn’t, if you woke up like a normal human being. I’m heading down now, so you should get up.”
One eye cracked open. “Is there breakfast?”
“Last night’s leftovers. You can warm some up. Or coffeecake downstairs.”
The eyelid slid closed in disinterest.
“Hey. Hey!” He put one knee on the bed so he could look properly down into Zhou Mi’s face, waiting until both eyes were open. “Let’s go out to dinner tonight.”
Zhou Mi blinked several times. “Am I still thanking you?”
“No, this time I’m thanking you. So get up already, before you eat breakfast for dinner.”
He knuckled Zhou Mi’s forehead and heard the laugh as he gathered his bag.
“And good morning!” he shouted back, before he closed the outside door behind him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 12:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 01:44 am (UTC)The angst could've lasted longer ;D
says the angstwhore part of me roflmaono, seriously, back to sanity OMG WHAT THE HECK IS WITH STUPID HANNIE AND HIS ASSUMPTIONS SEIROUSLY I WANT TO KILL THE GUY SOMETIMES AND HE'S MY FAVORITE.Favorite parts? Moving in.♥
let the sexual tension increase galore~and Kyumi. Just. Simply...♥ The slight role reversal has me chucking a lot, Kyu initiating hugs, asking Mi over, etc. (:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 12:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 03:23 am (UTC)Thanks! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 05:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 04:17 am (UTC)HANNIE. WHAT THE HECK. I THOUGHT WE GOT OVER THIS WHOLE DOUBTING-THE-AMAZING-RELATIONSHIP-THAT-IS-PERFECT-AND-JUST-ACCEPT-IT THING >O!!!!!!! Buttttt, then you fixed it :D! Which is understandable because I dont think that the SiHan can stay apart for too long anyways. Though, if Siwon's sister is trying to make trouble for the SiHan,she's gonna get some trouble from me >/!!!!
Also, the HanKyu friendship is love
“Are... Do you think so?”
“Hankyung.” He put both hands on Hankyung’s shoulders. “Have I lied to you? He loves you. He’ll fight for you.”
Friends forever~ <3
AND OMG THE QMI.
QMI
QMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND KYU WITH INITIATING EVERYTHING AND THE CUDDLING AND THE QMI. DLKFJGLSKFJS;KLJFG. QMI.
Zhou Mi was warm and solid, and he smelled faintly of detergent and soap and man. Kyuhyun wanted to lose himself just there on his shoulder and possibly never emerge. Zhou Mi’s arms took only a few moments to wrap around him and he leaned harder, the coiled, hard ball inside him too tight to release.
“Tighter,” he murmured, and felt the compliance immediately. Felt part of him crumble.
AEIFJAFAOPFJK. O_O QMI.
-is now completely incoherent-
Can't wait for the next one!!!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 03:47 am (UTC)--- However, this kept popping up over at miracle, and being the sucker that I am for QMi, eventually I couldn't resist coming over to take a look. And I'm thanking my lucky stars that I actually did, because this caught me completely and utterly off guard. I can tell you've put some serious thought and care into what you've written, and it really pays off. The world you've created here has literally sucked me in. It's all the little details that make this fic memorable: the carved animals in the windowsill, the armchair in the back room that Kyuhyun falls asleep in, Henry and Donghae as endearing university students.... Really, those little moments make it all worthwhile. It's quite magical.
(You know what the atmosphere of this fic reminds me of? Have you seen the movie April Story? It's got the same sort of charm. ♥)
Please don't take this the wrong way, but in terms of constructive criticism, there are a few grammatical errors that are somewhat distracting. I think they're likely typos, since in general your grammar is fine. I know from firsthand experience how hard it is for one person proofreading to catch all the little typos that crop up. (That's why the publishing industry relies on so many editors! XD)Again, this is nothing big and it's totally understandable. I just thought I'd point some of them out to make the fic easier to read:
Yunjee scolder her on the poor sole’s behalf Should be "scolded" (I love the bad pun though, haha)
terrible reflective of how Siwon... I think you mean "terribly reflective"?
Hankyung had not, despite his threat, prod him very much... Prodded
Sorry, I didn't mean to write you an essay, haha. But I did want to leave you something meaningful and not a completely incoherent keyboard smash. A thoughtful fic deserves a thoughtful comment, after all. :)
P.S.
“And good morning!” he shouted back, before he closed the outside door behind him.
Oh how I love this last line and the image this whole scene creates. Simply adore it.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 03:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 05:45 am (UTC)Thanks so much! <3
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 04:33 am (UTC)amd qmi!! omgomgomg *runs around in circles in my weird form of OTP worship* they're so cute~~
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ a string of hearts for you~
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 05:56 am (UTC)*runs around with you* They kill me... I think I'll have to keep them. :P
Yay, hearts! :D :D <3 Thanks~~!
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
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From:no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 05:53 am (UTC)And fast? xD By the time I saw your reply to my other comment, the next chapter is up already. xD wth? not a bad thing... NOT BAD AT ALL. :D quite the opposite, in fact. BUT DANG. xDDD
I'll babysit your muse ALL YOU WANT. Just keep writing good fic like this XD
Srsly?
Zhou Mi was warm and solid, and he smelled faintly of detergent and soap and man. Kyuhyun wanted to lose himself just there on his shoulder and possibly never emerge.
;___; sigh... all the things that you make Zhou Mi smell like to Kyu... I think I trick myself into thinking I smell it too... and it's SO WEIRD. XD If I haven't told you you enough, here I go again: ILU. Y SO OSM YOU OSM PERSON? XD ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 06:03 am (UTC)*gets bandaid for your broken heart which is hopefully better by now*
Oh, good! Free muse sitting, come on down!
I was snuggling my couch cushion when I was writing the reading-together part, so! We can be similarly weird. Oh Kyu and Mi, what you do to me...
(will not tell you how many moments I sat reading "OSM? OSM? ...Oh wait. OH. *slaps forehead*" Oh brain, why do you fail me.)
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 06:23 am (UTC)The QMi is so adorable it hurts XDDD
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 07:47 am (UTC)They do try hard, I tell you... Hijackers, both of them. >.>
<3 Thanks! :D :D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 10:02 am (UTC)I see Kyu has the same kinks I have 8DD
How could you make Kyu cancel the dinner! That was too cruel for us, poor readers... that's what I was about to say, but then you finished the chapter with a sleepover and I promise of a dinner (initiated by Kyu OMG) so all my QMi need have been satisfied 8DD
Hannie... the way you think makes me want to strangle you lol Good thing Siwon was there to take all the stupid thoughts out of your head <333
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 08:57 pm (UTC)If I had been really cruel, he'd not have mentioned it again. XD XD And I am so not that cruel. >.> 0:) See? No one wants Resigned Mimi.
Siwon has a nice two-handed hold, now. XD Must not let boy out of sight...
Thank youu~~! :D
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 11:47 am (UTC)HANNIE, YOU AND YOUR WILD IMAGINATION ~~ seriously this guy is driving me crazy with ... everything xD
but I'm sooo happy that they got together again! i would have cried otherwise! and now they are even moving together! ^____^
and god the kyumi as just super adorable! kyu, by now he should realize his feelings for zhoumi ^^ because it's just OBVIOUS XD
go for him kyu! ^^
thank you so much for this shocking but adorable chapter! ^^
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 09:10 pm (UTC)Kyu... What can be said, hehe. Maybe seeing things our way eventually...
People will get bored without a shock now and again? >.> <.< :D; Thanks~~!! :D
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 12:18 pm (UTC)oh....i love the progression...
sihan is just adorable!
and kyumi!!! i can't say more about them!!^^
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 09:42 pm (UTC)Thank you! <3
no subject
Date: 2009-03-29 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-30 06:50 pm (UTC)Hannie's thought just runs ahead of them all... and he's such a worry-ward... but still he thinks Siwon is cheesy :P... they are both (+Yunjee) so much ♥♥♥ ...
And the adorable Qmi ♥... hihi now we are getting somewhere...
Still the Kyuhan friendship is so precious, they are alike and special in their own way... Can't wait for next chapter! FIGHTING!
(no subject)
From:I so need a SiHan icon right now
Date: 2009-03-30 01:54 am (UTC)And OMG SiHan, you both make my heart breakkkkkk. Don't make them break up anymore please! T____________T Thank goodness they came to their senses and actually TALKED♥(and thus my heart heals). And the Kyumi was just so adorable and sweet and fluffy and so much LOVE. Hehe. Can't wait for more!
Re: I so need a SiHan icon right now
Date: 2009-03-31 01:53 am (UTC)Glasses? Oh, me either. XD XD Never.
*pets SiHan* They deserve happiness... (always, forever, lol) Talking is what adults do, right? :D *pokes Geng* <3 <3
Thanks so much! <3
no subject
Date: 2009-03-30 06:22 am (UTC)I felt bad for the cancelled QMi date, but not only did MiMi spend the night and have precious time with Kyuhyun (where they were so cute together, mind you) they're gonna go tonight so that sad feeling evaporated quick as all hell! XD It's the best thing ever, watching Kyu grow to love Mi and start to open his heart to him. Just fantastic.
I can't wait for the next chapter! I'm bouncing in my seat over here! XD ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-03-30 06:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2009-04-01 03:31 am (UTC)I also like how Zhoumi and Kyuhyun have started co-habituating before Shihan.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-12 03:35 am (UTC)Kyuhyun! *waggly eyebrows* hehe!!! Just be. Just let him love you, and just let yourself feel. He'll be there for yuo, *smile*, anytime. <3
>.<
no subject
Date: 2009-04-27 07:56 pm (UTC)Q
Date: 2009-05-22 12:18 am (UTC)I am so glad that this was merely a small bump in the road and nothing serious and dramatic. I mean, it was dramatic but at least it was only for a night. Hannie seems to like those one-night tortures. And making it hard for Shiwon to love him.♥ He's not easy! He needs to love himself more. And lol at him owning the building. Maybe they can move in there instead? I mean, there's a whole building to play around with, right?
“Let’s go out to dinner tonight.” Omo, Kyu-bb is asking again? so daring! He's really let go of everything, didn't he? He doesn't need that shred of dignity either? I guess compared to the soothing presence of Zhoumi, it's nothing. ♥ reading together was really sweet. It's nice that Kyuhyun is discovering that he has a lot in common with Zhoumi. Opposites may attract, but you need some common ground, right? They're getting along just fine, settling into each other's rhythm. I'm happy for Kyuhyun; he finally found somebody he can open his heart to.♥
Looking forward to reading about more Shihan antics and the progress of the QMi relationship!♥