[Fic] The Power's Balm - baekyeol
Nov. 29th, 2012 01:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: The Power's Balm
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Rating: R
Genre: AU, smut, angst (though lighter on the angst this time)
Warnings: References to past abuse, rape. Sexual situations.
This is a follow-up to The Secret Smile. Please see warnings in that post.
***
They rode as far as they dared, dressed in clothes Baekhyun had stolen. Until it became dangerous, bobbing on the horses and in danger of falling. They agreed, one hour to sleep, refresh. It would have been easier, riding together, so maybe they could have taken turns napping. Harder on the horses. And Chanyeol was quiet, only speaking to confirm what they needed to do, and only touching him when Baekhyun needed a boost onto the horse’s back. They were both worried. That made sense. And he slept like the dead when they stopped the first time, waking several times thinking someone was attacking them.
The second time he woke, he knew they needed to continue on. But Chanyeol looked so peaceful, not in any pain. Baekhyun’s collar clinked in the bag he’d stuffed it in, and he gently shook Chanyeol’s shoulder. His arms were marked dark from the chains, but that would fade. It had to.
Chanyeol dreamed of fire, and he dreamed of death. He saw the people he was to destroy, and he saw the method they were using to make him destroy himself. There had been no reason to allow him to bond to Baekhyun, unless…
“A gift,” they told him.
When they shoved him out of the wagon, a large and heavy bag fell with him. The wagon left, horses whipped to their fastest, and Chanyeol reached for the bag with a trembling hand. The body had been whipped and tortured, and the face seemed pained even in death. Baekhyun’s eyes, dull and blank.
He walked with Baekhyun’s body in his arms, and his soul breaking, and he gave them what they wanted, and let everything around him come to an end.
“Chanyeol.”
He woke, gasping, choked with sickness, and focused on Baekhyun’s face.
“We should ride a little longer,” Baekhyun said.
Baekhyun ate bread starting to go moldy, and drank water from the rivers that they crossed to hide their trails.
It felt like they were being watched, every moment.
On the fifth day, he roasted a young chicken from a farmer, ate fruit from a passing orchard. Things they could take without hurting the people they passed, and taking note of where they had taken it. Chanyeol felt no hunger, so Baekhyun ate his share. And still, Chanyeol began to look gaunt the longer they went. They rode nearly two weeks, until their bodies could stand it no more, and the horses exhausted beside. They sold the horses one at a time, and continued on foot. The further they got, the better. The fewer people who looked for them, the better.
They found a small pond, in a ravine off the main road. It had been an accident, Baekhyun looking for food and wandering deeper into the underbrush as Chanyeol held the horses. An hour from a small village, with fresh water, his knees almost gave out. They could stay there a while. Gain strength.
And when he ran back to tell Chanyeol of his find, he realized Chanyeol had begun to sweat. The first sign that his power was building.
Chanyeol’s eyes were hollow when they looked at each other.
“Follow me,” Baekhyun said.
***
It was days before Chanyeol would speak to him. Chanyeol spent most of that time mostly immersed in the water as though the coolness would take the pain of the power rising in him. They both knew it would not. Chanyeol seemed to flinch from his voice, so he stayed quiet. He built a fire, foraged for food and rested. Finally, truly rested - and worried.
“It isn’t stopping,” Chanyeol said one day, his face beaded with sweat though he was in the water still.
And Baekhyun waded to him. “I know. Will you let me help you?”
He itched to touch, to smooth back Chanyeol’s hair, but he couldn’t.
Chanyeol nearly whimpered. “I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did,” Baekhyun said, his voice even, and hands steady as Chanyeol started and looked up at him. “I won’t pretend you didn’t. Some of it hurt, but most of it didn’t. But you did your best to make sure you didn’t hurt me, and I know that, too.”
Chanyeol looked down, and Baekhyun reached for him. Taking his arm, and squeezing. Hard. Until Chanyeol would meet his eyes.
“He hurt me worse. Not just physically. The way he talked about you, and the way he treated me.”
“I know. I would have freed you, even if it meant staying,” Chanyeol told him.
“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s other hand raised, holding Chanyeol’s arm between his palms, and unafraid. “I wouldn’t have left without you. I wasn’t afraid of you. I’m not. I—“
He nearly shuddered as Chanyeol pulled away from his grip, hands resting lightly on either side of Baekhyun’s ribs.
“I don’t want you to ever be in pain. I want to see you smile. Chanyeol. Let this be for us. Don’t let— Don’t let him take me from you, too.”
Baekhyun shook his head, and turned, walking away and leaving small waves in his wake as he walked up onto the bank. He couldn’t force Chanyeol to accept that there could be a future for them. Chanyeol thought he had brought Baekhyun pain, when in truth he had given Baekhyun strength. Had the will not been in him to end Chanyeol’s suffering, he might never have escaped for himself. It was love, purely, that allowed him the strength to do something he never thought possible. Lying in his bed and hurting from whatever abuse he’d been subjected to that day, and taking note of the steps of guards, and what freedoms he had. The things he could do without arousing suspicion. The one thing he knew he could not do, was escape knowing his master was alive. He could not live his life looking over his shoulder, wondering if the man was coming after them. True, they might send men after them. But it would not be the same.
It was death to kill his master, and it was death to escape. But it was also a slow death of his soul to stay and yearn for Chanyeol, only to know that the next time he would see Chanyeol he would be half-blind with pain.
He remembered it. The knife in his hand, secreted from a dinner tray during a visit. He’d used his master’s own bathwater to wash the blood from his body. He hadn’t found it hard to kill, to slide the blade between ribs. It had been quick, and horrible, and gratifying. He’d felt manic with it. His master loved long baths, and it would be the longest he ever hard.
The killing done, he took his master’s bag, and he rolled in two blankets from the bed, affixed with cords, and clothes for them both. It was only the first step.
He’d bribed away one guard with a copper coin, large enough to give interest, small enough not to raise suspicion. A boy, he sent to the stable to ready two horses. There would be no cause to question that.
Waterskins and food from the storeroom, something to make fire with, and in his pockets, his master’s keys. One of them, the only one that would open Chanyeol’s cell and chains. His master had loved that power.
The second guard, unaware that his compatriot was gone, left to eat.
And Chanyeol had been so shocked to see Baekhyun enter alone. No mocking man behind him. Each manacle unlocked as Baekhyun whispered, “We’re leaving. Dress quickly.”
Dressed, Chanyeol would draw less suspicion.
“Walk quickly down this hall,” Baekhyun said when he retrieved the pack of supplies. “Do not stop. You are dressed like a lord, and I am your slave. Most of them were too frightened to look on your face.”
Chanyeol walked as though stiff, each step getting looser as Baekhyun’s heart pounded. His only goal was to get to the stables. If they got there, they were free.
“Let us pass,” Baekhyun called, as he had a hundred times. Dipped heads, and the horses that were ready.
As he took the reins, he looked to Chanyeol. “Can you ride?”
“What I don’t remember, I’ll learn,” Chanyeol said, the first words he’d spoken.
And they had ridden as though fire was licking at their heels.
***
It was another half hour before he heard the water stir. He stayed quiet, staring at the glowing coals of the fire as Chanyeol sat near him.
Baekhyun remembered the first time, the desperation on Chanyeol’s face, the way he moved as though agony chased him. But the drive of Chanyeol’s body into his had not been the most painful he had felt. He’d had the luxury of readying himself - and it had been shock, more than pain, at Chanyeol’s need. The man that had backed away from him trembled, weaker than a newborn child. By the time Baekhyun had been pulled back, clutching at his torn shift, Chanyeol had been hanging in his chains and Baekhyun’s heart had moved.
When Chanyeol met his eyes the first time, there had been such shame. Such apology. Such gratitude.
Chanyeol cleared his throat, and Baekhyun turned his head toward where Chanyeol was sitting.
“You could leave. You could get away.”
Baekhyun sat up. “And leave you to… To what? To die? You would choose death before finding someone else.”
“Yes.”
“I killed for you,” he said, and if nothing else, that made Chanyeol’s head raise. “I killed to take that pain from you. And to be with you.”
“I told myself I never would again.”
“It’s different because I am telling you it’s okay.”
And it was different, because they had the choice. He knew his master would have chosen the way most painful, most degrading, most controlling. He would have wanted to see if he could make Chanyeol break.
But Chanyeol’s fear was proof of his master’s meddling. Chanyeol had endured more than Baekhyun had. And it was time for Baekhyun to be strong for them, to show Chanyeol there was another way, or else he risked losing Chanyeol altogether.
“When you’re not in pain, we can… We can do anything. But you won’t hurt me tonight.”
“No,” Chanyeol said, as Baekhyun touched his shoulder. But he moved into Baekhyun’s touch.
“The only way you can hurt me is if I can’t help you,” Baekhyun breathed. “And I think there’s another way. Something we never tried. I don’t think he did that out of selfishness of me. I think he wanted to keep something back. Something he’d never seen done to you.”
Chanyeol sighed. “I wish I could have killed him for you. To make me watch him touch you, I— He made me feel like a monster.”
Baekhyun shook his head. “He showed you he was one instead. I don’t regret killing him. I regret not doing it sooner.”
It was hard to look Chanyeol in the face then, to know he had the freedom to touch him, to do anything he wanted and that Chanyeol still feared it.
“Please,” Baekhyun said, resting his hand on the blanket Chanyeol was clutching. “Please let me try.”
Chanyeol’s hand clenched tight. “I feel sick.”
Baekhyun ran his hands across Chanyeol’s shoulders, and pulled him in. He did nothing to move the blanket or urge Chanyeol. He merely held him.
“What does it feel like?” Baekhyun asked, stroking the back of Chanyeol’s neck.
Chanyeol breathed for several moments before replying.
“My father had a serrated blade for cutting wood,” Chanyeol said. “Every time my blood pumps it feels like that running through me. It’s this burning. Like I’m burning.”
Baekhyun nearly whimpered against Chanyeol’s shoulder to imagine it.
“When it’s worst, everything crackles. Like if a match is lit… I would just flame with it.”
“How do you stand it? When you— How bad it it is, how bad it’ll get.”
“I thought only of you,” Chanyeol said, not answering his question. “While I waited, before the pain. There was nothing. I thought of your body and the sound of your voice, and the taste of your sweat. My life became you. Waiting for you. Watching until he let you come to me.”
Baekhyun shuddered as Chanyeol’s arm wrapped around him and pulled him in. “Chanyeol.”
“Do you know why I can’t… Why I hate this so much?”
Baekhyun shook his head. “No. When I want to.”
“I wanted to… Wanted to ask you if you wanted me without needing to. If we could— If together, we could— Stay.”
That was when the tears threatened, a wet slide down his cheek. “Of course we can stay together. Oh. We’ll make it special. When you’re not in pain, I’ll still want you. And we’re safe now. So we can enjoy it.”
They would have been too afraid, too tired before. He barely had gotten the feeling of the saddle gone when he stood or sat.
“Just us. Just you and me,” Baekhyun kept murmuring, as Chanyeol’s hand fisted and loosened in the back of his shirt over and over. But it was better than it had been, the silence and the distance, and not understanding. It wasn’t that Chanyeol hadn’t wanted him, but that Chanyeol had wanted things to be different, for them to start new. For there to be nothing but want urging them to touch.
“You said there was another way,” Chanyeol said.
“Yes. Will you let me try?”
Chanyeol’s lips were pressed together as they looked at each other.
“Please,” Chanyeol said on a gusting exhale.
And Baekhyun did not delay, tugging gentle at the blanket and baring Chanyeol’s chest. Thinner than he had been, Baekhyun saw with some concern, but great planes of skin and ripples of muscle just barely showing through. He’d watched that chest sweat and heave for hours in agony, and it was his hands smoothing down it then. Down Chanyeol’s stomach, and hearing Chanyeol gasp as the blanket was pushed aside to reveal him hard and wanting.
Baekhyun had barely touched Chanyeol in times before, but to strip the cloth from his waist and lie back for him.
There was no reason that his mouth could not take Chanyeol’s excess power. It would mean that Chanyeol would not worry about causing him pain, or repeating something they had done in misery.
He circled Chanyeol’s erection with his fingers, and felt the shudder.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not there. Only with want.”
And Chanyeol moaned low at the touch of Baekhyun’s tongue. His hand covered the back of Baekhyun’s head, but not to stop him.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
Baekhyun looked up at him. There was fear in Chanyeol’s question. “Then we try something else.”
They could try anything, do anything to stop Chanyeol’s power from building.
If Baekhyun hated it, it would be one thing. But he craved it.
He had never taken a man into his mouth that he truly wanted until right then. And he felt Chanyeol’s moans like solid touches down his spine. Give me your pain, he thought. Give me everything. Let me soothe you. Smile for me again.
And his skin brushed bright with power, as Chanyeol’s body gave in. Pleasure, instead of pain, wringing him.
And Baekhyun rested beside Chanyeol on the blanket.
“Is it abated?”
“Yes,” Chanyeol said, his breathing still heavy.
“I’m glad.”
“I’ve never seen you in the dark like this,” Chanyeol said, reaching to touch Baekhyun’s back. Baekhyun knew his skin shimmered with the power he had been given. He too, could use it, but it wasn’t for destruction. “How long does this last?’’
“A few hours, maybe less. It depends on how long they made you wait, how much power you pushed into me. Tonight it might be less.”
“It felt different. Better. Not being so desperate. We don’t need a fire to see by with you like this.” Chanyeol seemed to hesitate as though wondering if he should taking back his hand, but when Baekhyun sighed Chanyeol kept stroking the skin of his back. “Why do you not fear me?”
Baekhyun’s head turned. “Do you truly not know?”
“I— Your master wanted me, needed my power. But he feared me. I never hurt him.”
“He feared you. But he craved to be feared as he feared you. If he could have walked in and known you would kneel and tremble.”
Chanyeol spoke, and the sound was grim. “I would have burned the balls from his body.”
Baekhyun laughed inside, but it was not truly in humor.
“I guess I should have carved them off,” he mused. And hesitated before he asked, “Sleep close to me?”
“Yes,” Chanyeol said, his hand not leaving Baekhyun.
***
And yet still, it was another week before Chanyeol truly opened up to him. But in small ways things changed. Chanyeol didn’t sleep turned away from him, and didn’t need to try to cool his skin in the water for long hours. It left him time to talk to Baekhyun about what they should do, and how long they should stay. They needed a permanent place, for when the weather began to turn, and to start putting away food. They had Baekhyun’s chain and collar that they could melt down, and sell. It would get them started.
It was a relief, to think more than a day ahead, and to know their food would not just be limited to what Baekhyun could snare.
“You’ve lost weight,” Chanyeol said, fingertips just barely brushing Baekhyun’s arm.
“We’re lucky and there’s a lot of food still growing. Berries. I found some mushrooms. At least I know what won’t kill me.”
“Soon, then. I don’t know what I can do,” Chanyeol said. “I can help you. But this power… When I focus my power, not when it’s out of my control, I could call fire to my hands. It would melt the flesh from your bones and do me no harm.”
Baekhyun wasn’t if Chanyeol was trying to make him afraid, or if he was fearing himself.
“I’m glad I’ll never experience that,” he murmured.
“What if—“
Baekhyun shook his head, raising Chanyeol’s pressing a kiss to his palm. “No.”
When he looked up at Chanyeol, his bottom lip had just begun to slide out into a pout.
“Is there really any chance of you hurting me like that? Have you ever?”
“Only on purpose. To a man who was torturing me.”
“So I won’t do that,” Baekhyun said, and that was that. “Unless you think I would.”
Chanyeol coughed, and it sounded almost like a laugh. “You might glow, and kill men for us, but you never could hurt someone like that.”
For them. That was exactly right. He smiled at Chanyeol, then, and stilled as the tip Chanyeol’s thumb traced around the edge of his lips.
“Baekhyun.”
“Yes?”
Chanyeol’s head rocked back and forth. “I couldn’t ever say your name before, for fear of him hurting you. I wanted to see you. Even when—”
“You can now.”
“And talk to you.”
Baekhyun smiled. “I’ll listen. I want to talk to you, too. Know everything about you.”
He shivered as Chanyeol leaned closer, leaned over him. Not in fear, anticipation. Chanyeol’s eyes were so dark, so worried. But he couldn’t hurt Baekhyun, or disappoint him. Not pushing Chanyeol had been so hard. All he wanted right then was for that want in Chanyeol’s eyes to come true.
“I’ve only read…” Chanyeol said.
They would write their own story. His chest tightened so unbearably, as Chanyeol’s lips pressed to his. It was too much, so much he had wished for. And he startled, inhaling as wet fell against his cheeks.
“Chanyeol,” he breathed, reaching up to wipe the tears away that were wetting Chanyeol’s cheeks. And Chanyeol caught his hands, covering them and holding them against his face.
“I dreamed of this.”
And in Chanyeol’s smile there was no pain or relief. Only joy.
Baekhyun thought that had any of the men seen Chanyeol in that moment, they could not have thought him a monster. But they wouldn’t have seen him as Baekhyun saw him, with Baekhyun’s heart caught tight with unspeakable hope.
Chanyeol’s mouth was so soft, so eager against his. He wanted to kiss Chanyeol until they couldn’t any longer, and feel him—
He inhaled, meeting Chanyeol’s eyes. “Are you ticklish?”
Chanyeol frowned down at him. “I don’t know.”
“Lie back.”
Baekhyun actually bit his lip, hoping he wouldn’t frighten Chanyeol. But he lifted Chanyeol’s shirt, and smiled to make sure Chanyeol knew he wasn’t being threatened. It was hard not to be appreciative with Chanyeol sprawled back on the blanket and just watching him. No matter that Chanyeol had given Baekhyun his excess of power already. There were so many ways they could share their bodies with each other. They’d already begun. Touches. Kisses. And he hoped—
His fingers skimmed the skin of Chanyeol’s stomach, teasing his sides. Chanyeol’s face began to twist in surprise and uncertainty, as his knees rose and hands shot down.
“Baekhyun.”
“Just a moment. Just let—“
The first gusting giggle escaped Chanyeol’s throat and it startled both of them. Chanyeol licked his lips and drew back his hands.
“Again?”
It was like a rusting wheel, Chanyeol’s laughter, much like his smiles had been. Another minute of tickling and laughter rocking Chanyeol’s body, and he hadn’t need the teasing - needing only to laugh as Baekhyun laughed with him. And then they were kissing again, gasping laughter against each other as Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun and rolled with him.
That was the day they were together in the way they should have been. He’d never been less afraid, alone in the woods with Chanyeol pressed against his back and breathing heavily into his hair.
Finally, he thought. It was hope that had led them there. He believed that things could continue. They would find a home together. They were home, together.
***
Baekhyun. His Baekhyun. Or maybe he was Baekhyun’s, it didn’t matter. All he knew was that Baekhyun smiled at him, and face grew bright when he looked at Chanyeol. It made Chanyeol’s heart struggle in his chest, to see Baekhyun like that. Freed from more than chains. Freed from hurt, and most of fear. Sometimes they both jerked when they heard a branch snapping, but it was only a passing animal. Baekhyun slept beside him for so long before Chanyeol would even allow himself to touch. Most of what he had brought to Baekhyun had been pain. But when Baekhyun looked at him, it held no fear. Baekhyun was the strong one. Perhaps his body would kill if the power were not controlled, but Baekhyun was so much stronger than him.
And when Baekhyun offered to take Chanyeol’s pain, he took. Not because he had no choice. Chanyeol could have left in the middle of the night, left to where Baekhyun couldn’t find him. It was because Baekhyun wanted him, wanted to take the pain from him, and chose to. No more an order from a master, or waiting until there was no other option. Baekhyun touched his face. It made him wonder, had Baekhyun had the choice when they were still in chains, if he would have come to him willingly.
He knew the answer was yes. That was why he stayed, why he couldn’t contemplate leaving. It was watching Baekhyun find the joys in the little things. He sang sometimes, as he hung clothes over branches to dry them. Songs that Chanyeol didn’t know, and words in Baekhyun’s voice that became part of him. Sometimes Baekhyun laughed outright as Chanyeol spilled berries all over their bed, and delighted in showing Chanyeol a fluffy flowering weed he’d come across.
Baekhyun crouched beside him, telling him a story from his childhood before he’d been a slave, watching the fluff spread as he stood with his mother.
Baekhyun had freed him, and stayed with him. If Baekhyun had been able to come to him whenever he had wished, there would have been less pain. The cool touches of Baekhyun’s hands as Chanyeol was held fast against the wall. He would have been able to look forward to something each day.
“Baekhyun,” he said, and Baekhyun stopped mid-word and looked up at him.
He looked so handsome, his face speckled in shadows, questions in his lifted eyebrows and the ways his lips parted. And they parted against Chanyeol’s a moment later, as Chanyeol touched his cheek and kissed him. His hand slid into Baekhyun’s hair, longer since they had left. The flower’s seeds scattered between them, falling as Baekhyun reached for him, taking to his knees and moving closer. Chanyeol used that momentum, and rolled Baekhyun beneath him. Panting, and looking up at him with—
Joy.
Sometimes it amazed him he could still recognize it. But it was so plain on Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun let his hands rest on Chanyeol’s shoulders, and they wrapped so tight around him as Chanyeol kissed him again.
And the way Baekhyun kissed him. I am yours and you are mine.
The only heat he felt was the heat of Baekhyun’s body, and the only moans were those of pleasure, not pain. He got to taste the pleasure on Baekhyun’s kisses, and instead of Baekhyun coming to him ready, he watched anxious as Baekhyun begged for his fingers. Not the Baekhyun of bondage. He begged, reached for Chanyeol’s arms and urged him, slick with the oil Baekhyun had thought to bring. For them.
And when Baekhyun reached for him, he saw Baekhyun’s eyes go wide as he stroked into him.
“Chanyeol.”
He kissed Baekhyun’s reaching fingers, his wrist. He lowered himself to kiss across Baekhyun’s shoulders and up his neck.
He didn’t know all of what to do, only what he wanted to do. He knew that Baekhyun was saying his name, that he was shuddering under Chanyeol’s hands and lips.
Baekhyun’s hands held his face as their noses rubbed together, foreheads pressed close as Chanyeol felt too close to stop.
“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun moaned again, and Chanyeol shuddered. He knew only pleasure, lifting Baekhyun’s hips to his and swallowing down the mingled sound of desperation that scraped through him. He exhaled hard into Baekhyun’s neck as Baekhyun’s legs relaxed from around him.
Baekhyun’s fingers through his hair kept him conscious, and he knew that he had been the only one to find his end. His throat was tight as he pushed up onto his elbows. It was possible Baekhyun would want no part of it.
“Do you remember that day in the cell, when I… when I used my mouth on you.”
It might not have been wise to bring up their time in captivity but they also could not bury it. It was part of them. It was the start of them.
And Baekhyun nearly squirmed beneath him.
“It was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt. Oh. Oh Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol nuzzled his way down Baekhyun’s chest and felt his breaths go shallow. Let it be the most amazing thing again, with no fear behind it. No urgency that they could not finish, and no one watching. Just him, and solid slide of his tongue against Baekhyun’s skin. He took his time to see, to feel. There was the squirming of Baekhyun’s hips, and the gasps as traced Baekhyun softly to make him hard with his fingertips. So fragile, so strong, so full of want. Baekhyun’s fingers curled in Chanyeol’s hair and guided him with touches, and exhales. It was the taste of desire against his tongue as he sucked, and Baekhyun’s hips lifted in need.
It was only thought that had him sliding his fingers back into Baekhyun’s body.
And Baekhyun bucked and came for him, pulling painfully at Chanyeol’s hair.
But he still had most of his hair left, when he had finished kissing Baekhyun’s stomach. And when he rested beside Baekhyun, Baekhyun kissed him hard. No thought, no protection in that kiss. Just gratitude, and need. Baekhyun’s cheeks were flushed, and his mouth red, and there was smile shifting his face.
“That is how it should be?” Chanyeol asked.
“That is one way it should be,” Baekhyun agreed.
Chanyeol crept forward, until he could rest his head and hear Baekhyun’s heartbeat. Covered with a blanket, they rested content together. Baekhyun would show him other ways. Show him other smiles.
He curled his hand over Baekhyun’s hip, and for once did not dream of chains dragging them apart.
***
The first time Chanyeol woke with a smile on seeing Baekhyun’s face, Baekhyun had buried his face in Chanyeol’s neck and indulged in a few emotions.
In the coldest nights, Chanyeol was warm against him, and Chanyeol never had to face the pain he had endured before. Baekhyun was there, and soothed him. And instead of Chanyeol feeling as though Baekhyun accepted him because he wanted to keep him from pain, it was Baekhyun who rolled him over and laughed at Chanyeol’s surprised face - pleased face - until the laughter turned to soft moans. Slowly Chanyeol learned not to be afraid of his own strength, and he touched. And touched. Baekhyun’s hair, his face. Back, and belly and legs. Any part of skin that was nearest him as though he were still startled to be allowed to touch and to have someone to touch. He held Chanyeol after his nightmares, and sat with frozen limbs when Chanyeol looked at him one day and said simply, “Love.”
“What?” Baekhyun asked as Chanyeol pulled him closer.
“Love you,” Chanyeol breathed against his cheek.
Baekhyun’s mouth opened silently, and they rocked together, clutching each other tight.
***
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol sighed, half asleep, and Baekhyun curled closer. Their “house” had only one room, so space was precious. But he didn’t think they would ever get used to being apart.
When Chanyeol stroked his side, nuzzling into his hair, he smiled and he shimmered. But that time, not with power.
***
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Rating: R
Genre: AU, smut, angst (though lighter on the angst this time)
Warnings: References to past abuse, rape. Sexual situations.
This is a follow-up to The Secret Smile. Please see warnings in that post.
***
They rode as far as they dared, dressed in clothes Baekhyun had stolen. Until it became dangerous, bobbing on the horses and in danger of falling. They agreed, one hour to sleep, refresh. It would have been easier, riding together, so maybe they could have taken turns napping. Harder on the horses. And Chanyeol was quiet, only speaking to confirm what they needed to do, and only touching him when Baekhyun needed a boost onto the horse’s back. They were both worried. That made sense. And he slept like the dead when they stopped the first time, waking several times thinking someone was attacking them.
The second time he woke, he knew they needed to continue on. But Chanyeol looked so peaceful, not in any pain. Baekhyun’s collar clinked in the bag he’d stuffed it in, and he gently shook Chanyeol’s shoulder. His arms were marked dark from the chains, but that would fade. It had to.
Chanyeol dreamed of fire, and he dreamed of death. He saw the people he was to destroy, and he saw the method they were using to make him destroy himself. There had been no reason to allow him to bond to Baekhyun, unless…
“A gift,” they told him.
When they shoved him out of the wagon, a large and heavy bag fell with him. The wagon left, horses whipped to their fastest, and Chanyeol reached for the bag with a trembling hand. The body had been whipped and tortured, and the face seemed pained even in death. Baekhyun’s eyes, dull and blank.
He walked with Baekhyun’s body in his arms, and his soul breaking, and he gave them what they wanted, and let everything around him come to an end.
“Chanyeol.”
He woke, gasping, choked with sickness, and focused on Baekhyun’s face.
“We should ride a little longer,” Baekhyun said.
Baekhyun ate bread starting to go moldy, and drank water from the rivers that they crossed to hide their trails.
It felt like they were being watched, every moment.
On the fifth day, he roasted a young chicken from a farmer, ate fruit from a passing orchard. Things they could take without hurting the people they passed, and taking note of where they had taken it. Chanyeol felt no hunger, so Baekhyun ate his share. And still, Chanyeol began to look gaunt the longer they went. They rode nearly two weeks, until their bodies could stand it no more, and the horses exhausted beside. They sold the horses one at a time, and continued on foot. The further they got, the better. The fewer people who looked for them, the better.
They found a small pond, in a ravine off the main road. It had been an accident, Baekhyun looking for food and wandering deeper into the underbrush as Chanyeol held the horses. An hour from a small village, with fresh water, his knees almost gave out. They could stay there a while. Gain strength.
And when he ran back to tell Chanyeol of his find, he realized Chanyeol had begun to sweat. The first sign that his power was building.
Chanyeol’s eyes were hollow when they looked at each other.
“Follow me,” Baekhyun said.
***
It was days before Chanyeol would speak to him. Chanyeol spent most of that time mostly immersed in the water as though the coolness would take the pain of the power rising in him. They both knew it would not. Chanyeol seemed to flinch from his voice, so he stayed quiet. He built a fire, foraged for food and rested. Finally, truly rested - and worried.
“It isn’t stopping,” Chanyeol said one day, his face beaded with sweat though he was in the water still.
And Baekhyun waded to him. “I know. Will you let me help you?”
He itched to touch, to smooth back Chanyeol’s hair, but he couldn’t.
Chanyeol nearly whimpered. “I hurt you.”
“Yes, you did,” Baekhyun said, his voice even, and hands steady as Chanyeol started and looked up at him. “I won’t pretend you didn’t. Some of it hurt, but most of it didn’t. But you did your best to make sure you didn’t hurt me, and I know that, too.”
Chanyeol looked down, and Baekhyun reached for him. Taking his arm, and squeezing. Hard. Until Chanyeol would meet his eyes.
“He hurt me worse. Not just physically. The way he talked about you, and the way he treated me.”
“I know. I would have freed you, even if it meant staying,” Chanyeol told him.
“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s other hand raised, holding Chanyeol’s arm between his palms, and unafraid. “I wouldn’t have left without you. I wasn’t afraid of you. I’m not. I—“
He nearly shuddered as Chanyeol pulled away from his grip, hands resting lightly on either side of Baekhyun’s ribs.
“I don’t want you to ever be in pain. I want to see you smile. Chanyeol. Let this be for us. Don’t let— Don’t let him take me from you, too.”
Baekhyun shook his head, and turned, walking away and leaving small waves in his wake as he walked up onto the bank. He couldn’t force Chanyeol to accept that there could be a future for them. Chanyeol thought he had brought Baekhyun pain, when in truth he had given Baekhyun strength. Had the will not been in him to end Chanyeol’s suffering, he might never have escaped for himself. It was love, purely, that allowed him the strength to do something he never thought possible. Lying in his bed and hurting from whatever abuse he’d been subjected to that day, and taking note of the steps of guards, and what freedoms he had. The things he could do without arousing suspicion. The one thing he knew he could not do, was escape knowing his master was alive. He could not live his life looking over his shoulder, wondering if the man was coming after them. True, they might send men after them. But it would not be the same.
It was death to kill his master, and it was death to escape. But it was also a slow death of his soul to stay and yearn for Chanyeol, only to know that the next time he would see Chanyeol he would be half-blind with pain.
He remembered it. The knife in his hand, secreted from a dinner tray during a visit. He’d used his master’s own bathwater to wash the blood from his body. He hadn’t found it hard to kill, to slide the blade between ribs. It had been quick, and horrible, and gratifying. He’d felt manic with it. His master loved long baths, and it would be the longest he ever hard.
The killing done, he took his master’s bag, and he rolled in two blankets from the bed, affixed with cords, and clothes for them both. It was only the first step.
He’d bribed away one guard with a copper coin, large enough to give interest, small enough not to raise suspicion. A boy, he sent to the stable to ready two horses. There would be no cause to question that.
Waterskins and food from the storeroom, something to make fire with, and in his pockets, his master’s keys. One of them, the only one that would open Chanyeol’s cell and chains. His master had loved that power.
The second guard, unaware that his compatriot was gone, left to eat.
And Chanyeol had been so shocked to see Baekhyun enter alone. No mocking man behind him. Each manacle unlocked as Baekhyun whispered, “We’re leaving. Dress quickly.”
Dressed, Chanyeol would draw less suspicion.
“Walk quickly down this hall,” Baekhyun said when he retrieved the pack of supplies. “Do not stop. You are dressed like a lord, and I am your slave. Most of them were too frightened to look on your face.”
Chanyeol walked as though stiff, each step getting looser as Baekhyun’s heart pounded. His only goal was to get to the stables. If they got there, they were free.
“Let us pass,” Baekhyun called, as he had a hundred times. Dipped heads, and the horses that were ready.
As he took the reins, he looked to Chanyeol. “Can you ride?”
“What I don’t remember, I’ll learn,” Chanyeol said, the first words he’d spoken.
And they had ridden as though fire was licking at their heels.
***
It was another half hour before he heard the water stir. He stayed quiet, staring at the glowing coals of the fire as Chanyeol sat near him.
Baekhyun remembered the first time, the desperation on Chanyeol’s face, the way he moved as though agony chased him. But the drive of Chanyeol’s body into his had not been the most painful he had felt. He’d had the luxury of readying himself - and it had been shock, more than pain, at Chanyeol’s need. The man that had backed away from him trembled, weaker than a newborn child. By the time Baekhyun had been pulled back, clutching at his torn shift, Chanyeol had been hanging in his chains and Baekhyun’s heart had moved.
When Chanyeol met his eyes the first time, there had been such shame. Such apology. Such gratitude.
Chanyeol cleared his throat, and Baekhyun turned his head toward where Chanyeol was sitting.
“You could leave. You could get away.”
Baekhyun sat up. “And leave you to… To what? To die? You would choose death before finding someone else.”
“Yes.”
“I killed for you,” he said, and if nothing else, that made Chanyeol’s head raise. “I killed to take that pain from you. And to be with you.”
“I told myself I never would again.”
“It’s different because I am telling you it’s okay.”
And it was different, because they had the choice. He knew his master would have chosen the way most painful, most degrading, most controlling. He would have wanted to see if he could make Chanyeol break.
But Chanyeol’s fear was proof of his master’s meddling. Chanyeol had endured more than Baekhyun had. And it was time for Baekhyun to be strong for them, to show Chanyeol there was another way, or else he risked losing Chanyeol altogether.
“When you’re not in pain, we can… We can do anything. But you won’t hurt me tonight.”
“No,” Chanyeol said, as Baekhyun touched his shoulder. But he moved into Baekhyun’s touch.
“The only way you can hurt me is if I can’t help you,” Baekhyun breathed. “And I think there’s another way. Something we never tried. I don’t think he did that out of selfishness of me. I think he wanted to keep something back. Something he’d never seen done to you.”
Chanyeol sighed. “I wish I could have killed him for you. To make me watch him touch you, I— He made me feel like a monster.”
Baekhyun shook his head. “He showed you he was one instead. I don’t regret killing him. I regret not doing it sooner.”
It was hard to look Chanyeol in the face then, to know he had the freedom to touch him, to do anything he wanted and that Chanyeol still feared it.
“Please,” Baekhyun said, resting his hand on the blanket Chanyeol was clutching. “Please let me try.”
Chanyeol’s hand clenched tight. “I feel sick.”
Baekhyun ran his hands across Chanyeol’s shoulders, and pulled him in. He did nothing to move the blanket or urge Chanyeol. He merely held him.
“What does it feel like?” Baekhyun asked, stroking the back of Chanyeol’s neck.
Chanyeol breathed for several moments before replying.
“My father had a serrated blade for cutting wood,” Chanyeol said. “Every time my blood pumps it feels like that running through me. It’s this burning. Like I’m burning.”
Baekhyun nearly whimpered against Chanyeol’s shoulder to imagine it.
“When it’s worst, everything crackles. Like if a match is lit… I would just flame with it.”
“How do you stand it? When you— How bad it it is, how bad it’ll get.”
“I thought only of you,” Chanyeol said, not answering his question. “While I waited, before the pain. There was nothing. I thought of your body and the sound of your voice, and the taste of your sweat. My life became you. Waiting for you. Watching until he let you come to me.”
Baekhyun shuddered as Chanyeol’s arm wrapped around him and pulled him in. “Chanyeol.”
“Do you know why I can’t… Why I hate this so much?”
Baekhyun shook his head. “No. When I want to.”
“I wanted to… Wanted to ask you if you wanted me without needing to. If we could— If together, we could— Stay.”
That was when the tears threatened, a wet slide down his cheek. “Of course we can stay together. Oh. We’ll make it special. When you’re not in pain, I’ll still want you. And we’re safe now. So we can enjoy it.”
They would have been too afraid, too tired before. He barely had gotten the feeling of the saddle gone when he stood or sat.
“Just us. Just you and me,” Baekhyun kept murmuring, as Chanyeol’s hand fisted and loosened in the back of his shirt over and over. But it was better than it had been, the silence and the distance, and not understanding. It wasn’t that Chanyeol hadn’t wanted him, but that Chanyeol had wanted things to be different, for them to start new. For there to be nothing but want urging them to touch.
“You said there was another way,” Chanyeol said.
“Yes. Will you let me try?”
Chanyeol’s lips were pressed together as they looked at each other.
“Please,” Chanyeol said on a gusting exhale.
And Baekhyun did not delay, tugging gentle at the blanket and baring Chanyeol’s chest. Thinner than he had been, Baekhyun saw with some concern, but great planes of skin and ripples of muscle just barely showing through. He’d watched that chest sweat and heave for hours in agony, and it was his hands smoothing down it then. Down Chanyeol’s stomach, and hearing Chanyeol gasp as the blanket was pushed aside to reveal him hard and wanting.
Baekhyun had barely touched Chanyeol in times before, but to strip the cloth from his waist and lie back for him.
There was no reason that his mouth could not take Chanyeol’s excess power. It would mean that Chanyeol would not worry about causing him pain, or repeating something they had done in misery.
He circled Chanyeol’s erection with his fingers, and felt the shudder.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not there. Only with want.”
And Chanyeol moaned low at the touch of Baekhyun’s tongue. His hand covered the back of Baekhyun’s head, but not to stop him.
“What if it doesn’t work?”
Baekhyun looked up at him. There was fear in Chanyeol’s question. “Then we try something else.”
They could try anything, do anything to stop Chanyeol’s power from building.
If Baekhyun hated it, it would be one thing. But he craved it.
He had never taken a man into his mouth that he truly wanted until right then. And he felt Chanyeol’s moans like solid touches down his spine. Give me your pain, he thought. Give me everything. Let me soothe you. Smile for me again.
And his skin brushed bright with power, as Chanyeol’s body gave in. Pleasure, instead of pain, wringing him.
And Baekhyun rested beside Chanyeol on the blanket.
“Is it abated?”
“Yes,” Chanyeol said, his breathing still heavy.
“I’m glad.”
“I’ve never seen you in the dark like this,” Chanyeol said, reaching to touch Baekhyun’s back. Baekhyun knew his skin shimmered with the power he had been given. He too, could use it, but it wasn’t for destruction. “How long does this last?’’
“A few hours, maybe less. It depends on how long they made you wait, how much power you pushed into me. Tonight it might be less.”
“It felt different. Better. Not being so desperate. We don’t need a fire to see by with you like this.” Chanyeol seemed to hesitate as though wondering if he should taking back his hand, but when Baekhyun sighed Chanyeol kept stroking the skin of his back. “Why do you not fear me?”
Baekhyun’s head turned. “Do you truly not know?”
“I— Your master wanted me, needed my power. But he feared me. I never hurt him.”
“He feared you. But he craved to be feared as he feared you. If he could have walked in and known you would kneel and tremble.”
Chanyeol spoke, and the sound was grim. “I would have burned the balls from his body.”
Baekhyun laughed inside, but it was not truly in humor.
“I guess I should have carved them off,” he mused. And hesitated before he asked, “Sleep close to me?”
“Yes,” Chanyeol said, his hand not leaving Baekhyun.
***
And yet still, it was another week before Chanyeol truly opened up to him. But in small ways things changed. Chanyeol didn’t sleep turned away from him, and didn’t need to try to cool his skin in the water for long hours. It left him time to talk to Baekhyun about what they should do, and how long they should stay. They needed a permanent place, for when the weather began to turn, and to start putting away food. They had Baekhyun’s chain and collar that they could melt down, and sell. It would get them started.
It was a relief, to think more than a day ahead, and to know their food would not just be limited to what Baekhyun could snare.
“You’ve lost weight,” Chanyeol said, fingertips just barely brushing Baekhyun’s arm.
“We’re lucky and there’s a lot of food still growing. Berries. I found some mushrooms. At least I know what won’t kill me.”
“Soon, then. I don’t know what I can do,” Chanyeol said. “I can help you. But this power… When I focus my power, not when it’s out of my control, I could call fire to my hands. It would melt the flesh from your bones and do me no harm.”
Baekhyun wasn’t if Chanyeol was trying to make him afraid, or if he was fearing himself.
“I’m glad I’ll never experience that,” he murmured.
“What if—“
Baekhyun shook his head, raising Chanyeol’s pressing a kiss to his palm. “No.”
When he looked up at Chanyeol, his bottom lip had just begun to slide out into a pout.
“Is there really any chance of you hurting me like that? Have you ever?”
“Only on purpose. To a man who was torturing me.”
“So I won’t do that,” Baekhyun said, and that was that. “Unless you think I would.”
Chanyeol coughed, and it sounded almost like a laugh. “You might glow, and kill men for us, but you never could hurt someone like that.”
For them. That was exactly right. He smiled at Chanyeol, then, and stilled as the tip Chanyeol’s thumb traced around the edge of his lips.
“Baekhyun.”
“Yes?”
Chanyeol’s head rocked back and forth. “I couldn’t ever say your name before, for fear of him hurting you. I wanted to see you. Even when—”
“You can now.”
“And talk to you.”
Baekhyun smiled. “I’ll listen. I want to talk to you, too. Know everything about you.”
He shivered as Chanyeol leaned closer, leaned over him. Not in fear, anticipation. Chanyeol’s eyes were so dark, so worried. But he couldn’t hurt Baekhyun, or disappoint him. Not pushing Chanyeol had been so hard. All he wanted right then was for that want in Chanyeol’s eyes to come true.
“I’ve only read…” Chanyeol said.
They would write their own story. His chest tightened so unbearably, as Chanyeol’s lips pressed to his. It was too much, so much he had wished for. And he startled, inhaling as wet fell against his cheeks.
“Chanyeol,” he breathed, reaching up to wipe the tears away that were wetting Chanyeol’s cheeks. And Chanyeol caught his hands, covering them and holding them against his face.
“I dreamed of this.”
And in Chanyeol’s smile there was no pain or relief. Only joy.
Baekhyun thought that had any of the men seen Chanyeol in that moment, they could not have thought him a monster. But they wouldn’t have seen him as Baekhyun saw him, with Baekhyun’s heart caught tight with unspeakable hope.
Chanyeol’s mouth was so soft, so eager against his. He wanted to kiss Chanyeol until they couldn’t any longer, and feel him—
He inhaled, meeting Chanyeol’s eyes. “Are you ticklish?”
Chanyeol frowned down at him. “I don’t know.”
“Lie back.”
Baekhyun actually bit his lip, hoping he wouldn’t frighten Chanyeol. But he lifted Chanyeol’s shirt, and smiled to make sure Chanyeol knew he wasn’t being threatened. It was hard not to be appreciative with Chanyeol sprawled back on the blanket and just watching him. No matter that Chanyeol had given Baekhyun his excess of power already. There were so many ways they could share their bodies with each other. They’d already begun. Touches. Kisses. And he hoped—
His fingers skimmed the skin of Chanyeol’s stomach, teasing his sides. Chanyeol’s face began to twist in surprise and uncertainty, as his knees rose and hands shot down.
“Baekhyun.”
“Just a moment. Just let—“
The first gusting giggle escaped Chanyeol’s throat and it startled both of them. Chanyeol licked his lips and drew back his hands.
“Again?”
It was like a rusting wheel, Chanyeol’s laughter, much like his smiles had been. Another minute of tickling and laughter rocking Chanyeol’s body, and he hadn’t need the teasing - needing only to laugh as Baekhyun laughed with him. And then they were kissing again, gasping laughter against each other as Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun and rolled with him.
That was the day they were together in the way they should have been. He’d never been less afraid, alone in the woods with Chanyeol pressed against his back and breathing heavily into his hair.
Finally, he thought. It was hope that had led them there. He believed that things could continue. They would find a home together. They were home, together.
***
Baekhyun. His Baekhyun. Or maybe he was Baekhyun’s, it didn’t matter. All he knew was that Baekhyun smiled at him, and face grew bright when he looked at Chanyeol. It made Chanyeol’s heart struggle in his chest, to see Baekhyun like that. Freed from more than chains. Freed from hurt, and most of fear. Sometimes they both jerked when they heard a branch snapping, but it was only a passing animal. Baekhyun slept beside him for so long before Chanyeol would even allow himself to touch. Most of what he had brought to Baekhyun had been pain. But when Baekhyun looked at him, it held no fear. Baekhyun was the strong one. Perhaps his body would kill if the power were not controlled, but Baekhyun was so much stronger than him.
And when Baekhyun offered to take Chanyeol’s pain, he took. Not because he had no choice. Chanyeol could have left in the middle of the night, left to where Baekhyun couldn’t find him. It was because Baekhyun wanted him, wanted to take the pain from him, and chose to. No more an order from a master, or waiting until there was no other option. Baekhyun touched his face. It made him wonder, had Baekhyun had the choice when they were still in chains, if he would have come to him willingly.
He knew the answer was yes. That was why he stayed, why he couldn’t contemplate leaving. It was watching Baekhyun find the joys in the little things. He sang sometimes, as he hung clothes over branches to dry them. Songs that Chanyeol didn’t know, and words in Baekhyun’s voice that became part of him. Sometimes Baekhyun laughed outright as Chanyeol spilled berries all over their bed, and delighted in showing Chanyeol a fluffy flowering weed he’d come across.
Baekhyun crouched beside him, telling him a story from his childhood before he’d been a slave, watching the fluff spread as he stood with his mother.
Baekhyun had freed him, and stayed with him. If Baekhyun had been able to come to him whenever he had wished, there would have been less pain. The cool touches of Baekhyun’s hands as Chanyeol was held fast against the wall. He would have been able to look forward to something each day.
“Baekhyun,” he said, and Baekhyun stopped mid-word and looked up at him.
He looked so handsome, his face speckled in shadows, questions in his lifted eyebrows and the ways his lips parted. And they parted against Chanyeol’s a moment later, as Chanyeol touched his cheek and kissed him. His hand slid into Baekhyun’s hair, longer since they had left. The flower’s seeds scattered between them, falling as Baekhyun reached for him, taking to his knees and moving closer. Chanyeol used that momentum, and rolled Baekhyun beneath him. Panting, and looking up at him with—
Joy.
Sometimes it amazed him he could still recognize it. But it was so plain on Baekhyun’s face. Baekhyun let his hands rest on Chanyeol’s shoulders, and they wrapped so tight around him as Chanyeol kissed him again.
And the way Baekhyun kissed him. I am yours and you are mine.
The only heat he felt was the heat of Baekhyun’s body, and the only moans were those of pleasure, not pain. He got to taste the pleasure on Baekhyun’s kisses, and instead of Baekhyun coming to him ready, he watched anxious as Baekhyun begged for his fingers. Not the Baekhyun of bondage. He begged, reached for Chanyeol’s arms and urged him, slick with the oil Baekhyun had thought to bring. For them.
And when Baekhyun reached for him, he saw Baekhyun’s eyes go wide as he stroked into him.
“Chanyeol.”
He kissed Baekhyun’s reaching fingers, his wrist. He lowered himself to kiss across Baekhyun’s shoulders and up his neck.
He didn’t know all of what to do, only what he wanted to do. He knew that Baekhyun was saying his name, that he was shuddering under Chanyeol’s hands and lips.
Baekhyun’s hands held his face as their noses rubbed together, foreheads pressed close as Chanyeol felt too close to stop.
“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun moaned again, and Chanyeol shuddered. He knew only pleasure, lifting Baekhyun’s hips to his and swallowing down the mingled sound of desperation that scraped through him. He exhaled hard into Baekhyun’s neck as Baekhyun’s legs relaxed from around him.
Baekhyun’s fingers through his hair kept him conscious, and he knew that he had been the only one to find his end. His throat was tight as he pushed up onto his elbows. It was possible Baekhyun would want no part of it.
“Do you remember that day in the cell, when I… when I used my mouth on you.”
It might not have been wise to bring up their time in captivity but they also could not bury it. It was part of them. It was the start of them.
And Baekhyun nearly squirmed beneath him.
“It was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt. Oh. Oh Chanyeol.”
Chanyeol nuzzled his way down Baekhyun’s chest and felt his breaths go shallow. Let it be the most amazing thing again, with no fear behind it. No urgency that they could not finish, and no one watching. Just him, and solid slide of his tongue against Baekhyun’s skin. He took his time to see, to feel. There was the squirming of Baekhyun’s hips, and the gasps as traced Baekhyun softly to make him hard with his fingertips. So fragile, so strong, so full of want. Baekhyun’s fingers curled in Chanyeol’s hair and guided him with touches, and exhales. It was the taste of desire against his tongue as he sucked, and Baekhyun’s hips lifted in need.
It was only thought that had him sliding his fingers back into Baekhyun’s body.
And Baekhyun bucked and came for him, pulling painfully at Chanyeol’s hair.
But he still had most of his hair left, when he had finished kissing Baekhyun’s stomach. And when he rested beside Baekhyun, Baekhyun kissed him hard. No thought, no protection in that kiss. Just gratitude, and need. Baekhyun’s cheeks were flushed, and his mouth red, and there was smile shifting his face.
“That is how it should be?” Chanyeol asked.
“That is one way it should be,” Baekhyun agreed.
Chanyeol crept forward, until he could rest his head and hear Baekhyun’s heartbeat. Covered with a blanket, they rested content together. Baekhyun would show him other ways. Show him other smiles.
He curled his hand over Baekhyun’s hip, and for once did not dream of chains dragging them apart.
***
The first time Chanyeol woke with a smile on seeing Baekhyun’s face, Baekhyun had buried his face in Chanyeol’s neck and indulged in a few emotions.
In the coldest nights, Chanyeol was warm against him, and Chanyeol never had to face the pain he had endured before. Baekhyun was there, and soothed him. And instead of Chanyeol feeling as though Baekhyun accepted him because he wanted to keep him from pain, it was Baekhyun who rolled him over and laughed at Chanyeol’s surprised face - pleased face - until the laughter turned to soft moans. Slowly Chanyeol learned not to be afraid of his own strength, and he touched. And touched. Baekhyun’s hair, his face. Back, and belly and legs. Any part of skin that was nearest him as though he were still startled to be allowed to touch and to have someone to touch. He held Chanyeol after his nightmares, and sat with frozen limbs when Chanyeol looked at him one day and said simply, “Love.”
“What?” Baekhyun asked as Chanyeol pulled him closer.
“Love you,” Chanyeol breathed against his cheek.
Baekhyun’s mouth opened silently, and they rocked together, clutching each other tight.
***
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol sighed, half asleep, and Baekhyun curled closer. Their “house” had only one room, so space was precious. But he didn’t think they would ever get used to being apart.
When Chanyeol stroked his side, nuzzling into his hair, he smiled and he shimmered. But that time, not with power.
***
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2012-11-29 02:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 07:00 am (UTC)poor chanyeol, feeling like he can't be too near baekhyun b/c he though he hurt him ;;
but bacon was badass here! and all to save chanyeol /sniffs
this whole thing was so sweet. and it's pretty amazing that you manged to make a fic with rape sweet, but you did it b/c baekyeol are just precious~
♥
no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 11:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 11:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-30 11:43 am (UTC)At least the guy who needed to be punished did. ;~~; /wraps them up in cute fluff~ <3
no subject
Date: 2012-12-02 07:56 pm (UTC)I'm glad they got their happy ending =D
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Date: 2012-12-05 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-11 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-11 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-27 08:21 am (UTC)If I could put that more eloquently, I would.
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Date: 2013-01-06 06:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-10 07:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-11 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-11 09:27 pm (UTC)when i read firs part i haven't thought that there would be such a happy ending T__T
this so so so beautiful T_________T
soooooo i can't
just amazingly beautiful /crying/
thank you~
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Date: 2013-01-12 09:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-12 09:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-12 09:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-01-12 09:53 am (UTC)/pats your face with a tissue~ <3<3
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Date: 2013-01-31 10:07 pm (UTC)This is really really really. the best fucking fanfic I have ever read.
And I read a lot.
But this is so beautiful and so hearttouching and it makes me happy and sad and happy again and omg THIS is totally my otp forever.
I thank you so much for this awesome story. It's something making me happy when the days are dark and sad.
It's full of hope and love.
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Date: 2013-03-15 12:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-08-22 01:56 pm (UTC)