[Fic] All That I Am - 6/12
Aug. 22nd, 2010 04:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: All That I Am
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven
***
It was no surprise that Kyuhyun did not enjoy entertaining at his house. Even with event planners or staff taking care of meals, it was still people in his space. No matter how little he identified with it as his home, it made his head ache. As his own worst critic, he critiqued every inch of his hosting duties. And it didn’t matter how big or how small, how many people he had to oversee, he was always ready for a stiff drink and oblivion. Honestly, he didn’t know how some of the people did it. They had huge events, so many times bigger than he’d ever even attempted. And they could keep their crazy because there wasn’t any way he was trying it, too.
The first time he entertained in his own house with Zhou Mi was a test of will on his part. Watching Zhou Mi greet the two CEOs, show them inside. Shaking their hands and making sure all was set for dinner. All Kyuhyun had to do was sit and talk, and not put his foot in his mouth as dinner went on, try not to watch the way the Zhou Mi ate, or get distracted by the flash of his ring beside him. It was dry dinner conversation, talk of companies, the weather, the upcoming conferences. But Zhou Mi was as attentive as usual, even adding his opinions a few times. Kyuhyun merely smiled at him in approval. How many times had he entertained alone, he wondered, leading the men into the living area.
“Can I get you a drink?” Zhou Mi asked, polite, as though it were his own house and he were host in it. And oh, Kyuhyun admired that easy question, Zhou Mi picking up so easily the rhythm of his life. There were things even he had trouble with sometimes. He wouldn’t call himself the best host. And apparently he didn’t have to be, with Zhou Mi there. He was so comfortable, in fact that for a moment Kyuhyun was drawn in again to the idea that Zhou Mi was some permanent fixture there to help him out. Among other things.
Still, he had no compunction about sitting Zhou Mi down on the small, decorative couch beside him, sipping his own drink as the conversation flowed. He wasn’t as much a host as he was a facilitator, and he had a warm hip pressed to his, so how bad could it be? At least until Zhou Mi shifted for the thirtieth time. Kyuhyun’s hand started at Zhou Mi’s knee, getting progressively higher up his leg.
And higher.
And higher.
Zhou Mi was hissing at him, flicking at his hand, with a finger, and all with a straight face. Even crossing his legs to hide where Kyuhyun’s hand was kneading his thigh. And that almost gave him more freedom, because with Zhou Mi's knee up, no one could see what he was doing from the angled couch the guests sat on. Part of it he could blame on the liquid courage, but part of it was just boredom. And another piece? Remembering that basketball game, Zhou Mi sweaty, kissing him. Laying on the floor with their pillows, kissing. They’d never resolved it, except for the part where Zhou Mi had all but admitted wanting him. It was because he’d wanted to kiss Zhou Mi and get that mouth in other places, that he’d forced himself upright and to sleep instead. He didn’t think Zhou Mi had protested that decision, just getting his pillow and getting back into bed. A quiet goodnight, and he’d been asleep. At the very least he hadn’t been aroused, just achy with the possibilities. It really had been too long since he’d rolled around with a man. It made him way too itchy for his own peace of mind.
So he amused himself imagining that Zhou Mi’s thighs were naked, responding blithely to a question about stocks. And he got bold, letting his little and ring fingers stretch, reaching almost to Zhou Mi’s zipper, tracing over, down. What he felt there had his own legs crossing. Zhou Mi was no longer the engaging sidekick, he was stone-faced, white knuckled, and quite turned on. Kyuhyun let his opposite hand rub the smirk from his lips, watching the clock. Twenty minutes, fifteen if he was lucky, before he could start nudging the men on their way.
“Do you two have much in common?” he was asked, and he thought about it a moment. They didn’t do the same work, but yeah. He could see it. He didn’t feel out of place with Zhou Mi around. It was a novel feeling, actually.
“Yeah, we have a lot in common actually.”
His fingers rubbed just a little more vigorously at that statement, letting his shoulder drift into Zhou Mi’s suggestively.
“Would you excuse us a minute?” Zhou Mi said, his words clipped as he got an iron grip on Kyuhyun’s wrist.
“Of course…?”
He saw on their faces confusion, but confused wasn’t part of Kyuhyun’s reaction. Zhou Mi all but dislocated his shoulder pulling him up, yanking him along like a recalcitrant dog toward their bedroom. He thought of their bed as sort of the Romulan neutral zone. Both parties had their sides and opinions in it, but more or less it was there to mitigate conflicts. Of course, if he’d been asked at the beginning of this charade, he’d have sworn there was no need even to imagine the need for that. Him and the leggy, too-wide smile?
It wasn’t neutral right now. Why exactly had he teased Zhou Mi like that? If it had been a real fight, with the look of determination on Zhou Mi’s face, he might have started wondering if he should surrender. But the door had been locked behind them, Zhou Mi wrestling with him every step of the way, pushing him, covering him on the bed. Cutting his air off for a second as their weight settled, gasping at a total disadvantage as Zhou Mi kissed him. It wasn’t really personal, it was sexual. Maybe that made it okay. Maybe it was some of both. He never forgot who it was trying to pin him down, who lined up their bodies with needy precision, who moaned at the touch of Kyuhyun’s hand on his neck. Maybe if this was some kind of show, he could rationalize it. Maybe everyone assumed why they had come in, but did that mean they actually had to do it?
“They can’t see us in here,” he grunted, Zhou Mi’s hips working at his as though they did this every day.
“Don’t care,” Zhou Mi gusted back at him. “I need…”
To get off? Needed Kyuhyun? He moaned and just went with it, not caring who was out there waiting for them, or that Zhou Mi was hard and rubbing against him. He was lost somewhere in that mouth, that broad lower lip there for him to catch. He didn’t know how to tear himself away. The rational part of his mind was saying move, and his body was saying totally the opposite.
Maybe, if they just got their clothes off… Zhou Mi was trying his best, working at Kyuhyun’s pants.
The tap on the door was as good as a gunshot, both of them jerking against each other.
“I need to get going,” the voice called through the door.
“Okay, goodbye!” Kyuhyun half yelled, nearly choking himself as Zhou Mi finally wrenched his pants open.
“Tell him you’ll be there in a minute,” Zhou Mi said, muffling his protest reprovingly, working his hand into Kyuhyun’s underwear.
“Why, you…” He groaned, muffled by Zhou Mi’s hand, and swatted it away. Finally he called out, “I’ll be out in two minutes!”
Zhou Mi’s hand was quick, tight, solid, and wet as he could get it, twisting those long fingers and stroking, and he was lucky he lasted that minute, all his sounds echoed into Zhou Mi’s mouth. They didn’t have time for him to come down slowly, and he was in a haze, watching as Zhou Mi slid down, using his discarded shirt to clean Kyuhyun, redoing his pants, and tugging his hands to get him upright. He sagged a little, and Zhou Mi chuckled, pressing a swift kiss to his mouth.
“There, you look presentable,” he said, and Kyuhyun remembered how to walk on his own power, belatedly patting at his hair as Zhou Mi shoved him out the door. The heat was already high in his face, or he’d have turned red just going out there. He knew what he looked like. Knew that it was obvious what they had been doing. He clenched his fists to keep his fingers from shaking and tried to get a smile stable to send the men away.
He knew what was waiting for him back in that room.
***
Zhou Mi was in bed already, resting on his back as though nothing was up. It had been ten minutes at most, so unless Zhou Mi had taken care of himself, he was trying to calm himself. He had a hunch on which that might be. They could just leave it at that, that Kyuhyun had teased too much, working Zhou Mi into some kind of frenzy. Okay, so he could’ve argued that easier if it hadn’t been him moaning into Zhou Mi’s mouth.
“Tonight went well,” he said lightly, changing into his pajamas like some kind of sneaky.
“I think so, too,” Zhou Mi agreed. “It’s a lot different having to keep people happy rather than just attending something.”
“Yeah.” He contemplated whether he should say something or not, and decided he might as well. “You did really good. I’m usually a wreck after these things, so I really appreciated your help.”
“I was glad to. I’m glad it was small though. It’s really interesting seeing all the things you do, entertaining, going places. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t have have thought of.”
“It’s not like my life is normal,” Kyuhyun said, yanking his shirt down. “I just get lucky in these circles I guess.”
And he intended to get lucky in quite a different way entirely. He climbed into his own side of the bed, but he knew what he was doing. Zhou Mi would kick him out if he tried to crawl in the other side. Zhou Mi grabbed for his hand, an injured sound out of his mouth as Kyuhyun gripped him through his pajama pants. No, not still hard, but they’d fix that.
“No, no, you don’t have to,” Zhou Mi protested.
Kyuhyun shook his head, sliding his hand into Zhou Mi’s pants.
“No, no way. You’re not going to hold this over me. We’ll be even after this.”
He gave in, kissing Zhou Mi, holding back a laugh as the man almost burrowed into him. Sure, he said that Kyuhyun didn’t have to, but if it was any indication, he’d been hoping that he would, because it didn’t take long until Zhou Mi was moaning, warm against his hand. Knowing it was his hand Zhou Mi was rocking into, and his mouth Zhou Mi was desperate for. He saw the pleasure written all over that face, and fed on it, drew it out, teasing, until Zhou Mi couldn’t hold on any more. And it was satisfaction as he watched Zhou Mi come for him.
He waited a moment, for their eyes to meet, humming inaudibly. And when he saw that the gulping breaths had slowed, almost as a dare, he pressed his wet fingers to Zhou Mi’s mouth. His own sound embarrassed him, as Zhou Mi’s lips parted, taking both of Kyuhyun’s fingers deep. The sucking heat, it nearly made him moan again, that and the look in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Where else did Kyuhyun want that mouth wrapping around? Zhou Mi’s teeth scraped delicately at his skin as he drew back his hand, and he was drawn to that mouth, damp lips against damp lips, little more than chaste touches and long exhales. And it was still one of the most erotic kisses he’d ever known.
And what if, what if Zhou Mi was taking it as the end of some kind of romantic interlude? He pulled back, clearing his throat. “Well. Now we’re even.”
“We’re even,” Zhou Mi agreed a bit too willingly, and pulled him into another kiss.
He told himself it was good practice. Just more pretend. It didn’t explain why they were all but attached at the mouth until they fell asleep.
***
Kyuhyun forgot at the best of times that there were things going on beyond his control. Not everyone had loved his father, but he had kept the company on an even keel. He’d never heard of problems, of threats. Violence, danger? Maybe corporate spying, but nothing that made his father fear for himself or his family.
The letters had started six months after his father had officially stepped down. At first he thought it was a joke, and discarded the pithy letter.
But it had just kept going. Year after year, letter after letter. Pictures, shredded photocopies of his face. All warning him against taking too much control. He did what he had to do and ignored them.
Eeteuk knew, because he touched every piece of Kyuhyun’s mail. But Eeteuk did not keep any of it from him. There was nothing worse to him than betrayal, and Eeteuk knew that Kyuhyun would not stand for it. If he had found out that Eeteuk had hidden any of the threatening letters, he would have fired Eeteuk immediately. Trust was one thing that his father had taught him to value above all things. And if he could not trust the man at his right hand, then he was there for nothing.
Eeteuk’s face was twisted in disgust as Kyuhyun reached into the small box that had been delivered.
“Step down and take your place,” the note read. And beneath it, dead, twisted, rotting vegetation. Flowers, grass. Who knew what else. Just disgusting enough to make a point, that he could be dead and rotting like it was.
“I know we’ve looked at board members to see who is the most discontent with my being here, but I’m thinking we need to look again,” he told Eeteuk, brushing a leaf from his hand.
“I agree. It worries me, Kyuhyun. It used to just be letters telling you that you’d ruin the company. This is different. This feels different.”
And it wasn’t just that Eeteuk worried, he knew that. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that somehow, whoever pasted his name onto envelopes had gone from disgruntled to angry. How angry, was the question.
“You’ll take this to the police?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Yes, of course. I’ll make sure they know to keep it under wraps, as usual.”
He sat in his office chair for long minutes after that, massaging his temples and wondering how he was going to get through the gathering that night. Even if he told himself he wasn’t bothered by the notes, the “gifts,” he was. To some extent, he had always been. He wanted so badly to show that he deserved the chair he sat in, that it was some kind of curse to have doses of doubt delivered straight into his craw.
But Zhou Mi would be there, and that would distract him from the worry, watching Zhou Mi’s face as he observed the people around them. He comforted himself with that.
***
For once, Kyuhyun was ready before Zhou Mi. And it was entertaining to sit on the side of the bed and watch Zhou Mi scramble to find his belt and choose his tie.
“Just a second, just a second,” Zhou Mi muttered, disappearing into the closet and coming out with what he’d be looking for.
“Did Eeteuk tell you about this charity weekend thing coming up?”
“The one at the hotel? Yeah,” Zhou Mi said, looping his tie.
A fun, fun weekend away, or at least that was how the organizers were trying to bill it. A top rate hotel for two nights, special dinner, extra expensive night at the opera, and masked ball the following day. All going to benefit various children’s charities. If it had been his call, he’d have just written an extra large check and skipped the “festivities” entirely. But the force of Hurricane Teuk was strong, arguing that he had someone to go with him, at least.
Of course he did. The hapless Zhou Mi, yanking on dark socks. Opera and a ball. Yeah, it’d be interesting to see how they’d get along together. Maybe they could make out during the opera intermission or something. That sure would make it a lot more fun for him.
“You know the famous thing at that hotel? Eeteuk’s always complaining it would do me good.”
“What famous thing?” Zhou Mi asked, finally solid on both feet.
“Couples massages.”
He relished the surprise he saw on Zhou Mi’s face, kind of bug eyed with shock.
“Just a possibility,” he said lightly, and let the subject drop in favor of getting out the door on time.
***
Zhou Mi’s shock at the mention of a massage carried him through the whole first half of the party. The amusement quotient was apparently high, with any of Zhou Mi’s varied reactions. It made him want to make Zhou Mi detail each and every image that had surely popped through his brain because of Kyuhyun’s words. And it wasn’t like he’d been joking, particularly. The hotel was known for it, and for all he knew, Eeteuk had signed them up already. Though, thinking of it, he wondered if laying in a room together and hearing Zhou Mi moan while trying to keep himself under control might not be the best idea ever. Still he managed to make intelligent adult conversation while contemplating it.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” Zhou Mi murmured, edging away into the sparse crowd before he got an answer.
Maybe it was intuition. Or something. He didn’t know why that night he watched. Usually he assumed Zhou Mi was heading for the bathroom, or to get a drink.
But not that night.
No, he stepped up to a man Kyuhyun didn’t recognize, clearly greeting him. The man also, smiling, giving Zhou Mi a rather obvious once over. That was bad enough, watching them stand and talk, until the man patted at Zhou Mi’s arm, gesturing away. And because his eyes were there, that was why he saw Zhou Mi being led into a room, and the door shutting behind him. Right there. In front of every single eye, going into a room alone with a man. Which meant it had to be nothing, right? No one was stupid enough to sneak away to a room in front of everyone. If he’d had x-ray vision, he’d have employed it without second thought.
“Kyuhyun?”
“What?” the man he’d been talking to looked at him strangely. What had they been talking about? Gas prices? “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.”
“You want another drink?”
“Sure, that sounds good,” he said, trying out a bit of a smile. Anything to get him out of an awkward conversation when he was currently plotting murder. Or at least marching up to that door and dismantling the first person he could reach inside it, depending upon what he saw.
But just as he was getting ready to step forward, making some kind of scene, the door opened, Zhou Mi making a swift break to the bathroom and out of Kyuhyun’s sight. He was ready to go find that drink himself when the second man emerged, straightening his suit jacket. Like it had been out of place. Like someone’s hands had been on it.
“Drink?” his companion asked.
He took it, gulping it, hoping his brain froze with it.
“You look like you could use a pain pill.”
And he knew where the man could shove that sympathy, too.
“Thanks.”
The man with Zhou Mi was out of sight, gone, by the time Zhou Mi emerged. Barely a minute or two, probably freshening up in the bathroom from whatever had gone on in that room. He was searching the room, and seemed to find it. Him. Kyuhyun. There was the beginnings of a smile on Zhou Mi’s face, and then surprise. No guilt, but he hardly expected that. He turned his face away, and waited for Zhou Mi to come to him.
***
Zhou Mi gripped the bathroom counter with hands that he hoped were steady. Running into the one man in South Korea that he’d dated hadn’t been part of the plan. Not one, at least, who knew anything, who could compromise anything about his job with Kyuhyun, but not something he wanted to deal with either. Getting led away to chat, that hadn’t been in the plan either. Getting kissed? Way outside of his expectations for the night. Over a year since they’d seen each other, and even as he detailed that he was dating Kyuhyun, living with him, he realized something was wrong.
Wet lips pressing to his, familiar in some way. Like some kind of memory he’d been caught in. It had been good once, maybe better than good. But when he thought about it, even considered getting into it, it was Kyuhyun’s moan he heard, feeling his thighs jerk and tremble as he came. It almost made him want to kiss back, to erase that, because the fact that it took him over meant he had fallen more than he thought. And having to struggle away, protesting. He was with Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun, and that didn’t mean going around kissing other men, even if they wanted it for some unknown reason.
He’d locked the bathroom door behind him, just in case, washing his face with a groan. Since when had Kyuhyun written himself that deeply? Sure, there they were wrestling on the bed, making out on the basketball court. Kyuhyun curling close and sliding his hand into his pants and kissing him like there was nothing else he wanted. Sure he hadn’t forgotten that. But that was nothing, really. Those weren’t the only images that flashed up. Kyuhyun laughing as they wrestled with pillows, griping at him over dinner. The way Kyuhyun looked at him.
By the time he’d collected himself, it had been no more than a minute, heading back to main room with a clear head. He had avoided a terrible mistake, and received clarity. It didn’t matter when Kyuhyun had wormed his way inside, it only mattered that he had.
At least until he caught sight of Kyuhyun and his cold eyes.
***
They stayed twenty minutes, his stomach grinding metal as he stood next to Kyuhyun. He tried to keep himself calm, but it was hard when Kyuhyun barely looked at him. So much tension those shoulders, the tendons of his neck. What had he seen? What did he know? The kiss had happened in a closed room, so it was hard to think he knew anything about that. But why else did he have reason to be angry with him?
“Kyuhyun?” he ventured, when the doors of the car had shut around them.
“Just shut up until we get home, unless you want me to crash the car,” Kyuhyun barked.
So he balled his fists on his thighs and tried to breathe. Trying to partition his brain so that worry was on one side, and everything else was on the other. Whatever it was, they could get through it. He hadn’t done anything. It hadn’t been his fault. Okay, maybe going back had been stupid, but he couldn’t have know he’d be attacked.
The sound of Kyuhyun’s car door slamming had his insides shaking as he followed Kyuhyun into the house. Kicking aside his shoes and following him to their bedroom. The walk went on forever, and it ended too fast.
“What happened there tonight?” Kyuhyun demanded.
He just went with what he assumed Kyuhyun was angry about. “It was nothing. I saw someone who I’d dated a year or so ago, and we talked.”
“You can’t go screwing around like some fucking slut and expect to come crawling back here,” Kyuhyun bit out, as he slammed down his jacket. “You can find another place to sleep.”
Zhou Mi was frozen in shock. “I didn’t sleep with him!”
“I saw you,” Kyuhyun snarled, slamming the pillow back down and stripping off his shirt. “He came out of that room all rumpled. You can’t tell me you didn’t—”
“He kissed me!” Zhou Mi admitted. “But I didn’t ask him to. We weren’t in there more than a few minutes just talking, and when he tried, I pushed him away!”
“Yeah, cause sucking face with your ex is a good way do your job. You’re welcome to him, you stupid—”
“I left him, didn’t I?” Zhou Mi protested, reaching for Kyuhyun. “I promised you when we started this that we’d see it through.”
“Then keep your mouth to yourself. If someone had seen you, you’re putting everything we’ve done in danger.”
That had been the last thing he’d wanted, to put what they were doing in danger. And making Kyuhyun doubt him? That had fallen even further down the list.
“Is that all you care about? Not that it’s me, but what we’re trying to accomplish?”
Kyuhyun just sneered at him and climbed into the bed, all but covering himself with the blanket.
No. No, it was not like that. It was not. That anger he was seeing, it was as though Kyuhyun felt betrayed. Jealous, betrayed, and hurt. And it showed in his anger.
He threw down his shirt, stripping his pants on the way to the bed. And Kyuhyun yelped as Zhou Mi tossed back the covers, staring with anger written in every angle of his body.
“Hey!” he got out, as Zhou Mi grabbed his pajama bottoms, yanking them down and off, and climbing onto the bed. He’d stunned Kyuhyun. He saw that. And when those hands came up to push at him, he pinned them down. He lowered with them, all that was between them the cloth of their underwear, just his body and Kyuhyun’s. More contact than they had ever had. He kissed Kyuhyun then, not so much desperate as hungry, moving until both his knees were between Kyuhyun’s, and when he moved, Kyuhyun felt every bit of it. Kyuhyun resisted, as he knew he would, before rebounding. Using all of that anger to counter that kiss. Nearly throwing Zhou Mi off his body as they grappled, Kyuhyun’s legs coming up around him, making him moan. They moved together almost frantically, in harmony, as arousal replaced everything else. Blocking back the sick fear, or the pain, or the hope. Here they were equal, aroused, needing. Needing each other, their movement together, and none other.
“You want me on top of you like this, Kui Xian? You want me holding you down? Do you want me, Kui Xian?”
The friction of their bodies was almost too much to take as he stared down at Kyuhyun.
“Yes,” Kyuhyun choked out, and opened his mouth against Zhou Mi’s.
He wondered if the pleasure was going to end, Kyuhyun’s soft moans against his face like staccato echoes to his joy. They had touched each other before, but not like this. This had been too deeply personal, too deeply sensual, to be anything easy or casual. Kyuhyun’s face was damp, flushed, pieces of hair clinging wetly to him. He saw Kyuhyun’s tongue peeking between his lips, and thought he’d never seen anything so appealing. The way that mouth quirked at the edges when he met Zhou Mi’s eyes.
Whatever they felt then, they felt together. Kyuhyun’s legs loosened but still around him, skin to skin, mouth to mouth.
“Kui Xian,” he said, mouthing it against Kyuhyun’s lips. “Couldn’t stand it any more. Needed you.”
***
Did he believe it, Kyuhyun wondered. Pretty words, after sexual gratification. Of course Zhou Mi would say that, when he got what he wanted. And he’d found it after looking in at least one other place. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to know what had gone on behind those doors, though Zhou Mi seemed adamant that it hadn’t been something for him to worry about. No matter what way he sliced it, they were still stuck with each other. No matter who they found to date, it was switching horses midstream. Too difficult. And that was why keeping their relationship strictly professional had been the best idea. But it was hard, stupidly hard, to reason that when Zhou Mi was panting above them.
“Desperate because he…he wouldn’t put out?” Kyuhyun asked, his words slow and broad, hand tight on Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
Zhou Mi pressed kisses to Kyuhyun’s damp skin, beneath his ear, along his jaw, the corner of his mouth. “Desperate because you aren’t in my past. I want you so much. I want you.”
“Oh.” Kyuhyun closed his eyes a moment, still trying to gather himself. “If you touch him again, I’ll find a cliff to throw you both over.”
“You have my word, Kui Xian. Only you.”
“That’s not what I asked for.”
“Yeah,” Zhou Mi told him, kissing him. “It is.”
His hand clamped hard, probably painfully, in the space between Zhou Mi’s neck and shoulder. There were words he didn’t want to say, words that were too revealing of himself, but it wasn’t a game. He wasn’t playing any more. He could kick Zhou Mi out of the bed right then, reverse the path they’d taken. Maybe at their roots, he was Zhou Mi’s boss, but that made it no less the closest relationship he’d had in years. No one would blame him for wanting to hold on.
“I need to know I can trust you,” he said softly. Counterpoint to his tight hands.
“You can,” Zhou Mi assured him. “Tonight, I got myself in a bad situation. I’m sorry for that. Not just because of the job. I told him— I told him I was with you. That, you, was all I could think about.”
“Why do we make stupid decisions even when we know better? I could’ve had a different date every night and saved myself a lot of trouble.”
Zhou Mi licked his lips, swallowing as he searched Kyuhyun’s eyes. He had no idea what Zhou Mi saw there. “Would you rather have that now? A stranger?”
“Someone stranger than you?” He snorted out a laugh, shaking his head. “Stupidly, no.”
Zhou Mi’s kiss was fluid, warm. Reassurance in a single mating as Zhou Mi cupped the back of his head, his jaw. If only somehow they didn’t fit, it would’ve been so much easier.
And so much less satisfying.
Zhou Mi pushed himself up onto his elbows, a peculiar smile on his face. “How about sharing a shower, stranger?”
He guessed they had made a mess of themselves, and agreed. He groaned a bit, sitting up as Zhou Mi swung away to stand.
“I didn’t know you had it in you, attacking me like that.”
“Would you have listened to me otherwise?”
“Probably not. I’d have made you sleep in the closet until I was done being pissed at you. Which probably would’ve been never.”
“Aww,” Zhou Mi sighed, kissing Kyuhyun’s neck as they leaned together.
Well, fuck. He’d just gotten to his feet and Zhou Mi was trying to knock him right back down. Maybe Zhou Mi thought orgasms solved all problems. He couldn’t exactly tell him he was wrong. After all, they were talking and cozy and interested again already. Maybe it was stupid of him to believe it, but if Zhou Mi was lying, if he wasn’t worthy of being trusted, then he sure had an emphatic way of trying to prove himself.
“We’re not just showering, right?” he asked, sending a speculative look down Zhou Mi’s body.
Zhou Mi’s mouth dropped open, before curving in something close to glee.
“I think we could arrange anything,” Zhou Mi told him.
Anything under sluicing hot water, Zhou Mi’s teeth on his shoulder as they stood skin to skin. Mimicry, hands between them, Zhou Mi’s back braced on cool tile as they moaned.
“Stop teasing,” he demanded, when Zhou Mi’s fist stilled on him.
“Not,” Zhou Mi murmured against his ear. And he realized what Zhou Mi was doing. Hand sliding along Kyuhyun’s lower back. At first, almost thinking Zhou Mi was trying to cop a feel before the hand traced lower. Fingers teasing. Not trying to slide inside him, but there like a promise, what those fingers could be doing, what else Zhou Mi could be rubbing against him. The same of which throbbed hot in Kyuhyun’s hand. And Zhou Mi’s stroking resumed, his point made, the rumbling moans Zhou Mi made against Kyuhyun’s neck only masking his own. And it was only his arm around Zhou Mi’s neck, and Zhou Mi’s arm around him, that kept him upright when the end came. He wanted nothing less than to fall into Zhou Mi’s body and just languish there for ages. But he had the presence of mind, as Zhou Mi begged him, to quicken his own hand. Until Zhou Mi was gasping, grunting, rambling unfamiliar words into his skin under the relentless water spray.
The only other thing he really remembered was Zhou Mi helping to dry his hair, feeling rather flushed and sated as he let the towel drop from his hand. Normally he hated sleeping naked, but he couldn’t even think of clothes, beelining for the blissful darkness and the sheltering covers.
He slept, knowing there was a man stretched out beside him, equally naked. Zhou Mi’s hand on his stomach. And in the dark, he needed nothing more than that.
***
In the dark, Zhou Mi dreamed.
His father’s instructions, barked to a group of men. Some wise to the ways of rescue, some not. Learning to enter houses unseen, take out targets, rescue hostages. Storming in like a well-regimented army, albeit one that had never seen combat. His heart clattered in his chest, scanning the dark for any sign of an enemy.
Get the person out alive. Do what was necessary. If that meant killing, kill. If it meant a fight, take them down.
Shouting, and a paintball exploded against his chest. He was hit, down. One more bruise on his body. And his father would look very stressed to see him. Of course they didn’t use real ammunition, of course. They were just games.
For now.
But to his father, training men had been his life. And he had made it his son’s life.
Zhou Mi woke, staring at the ceiling with the sinking feeling that he had let his father down yet again. Pulling away from the training to enter college, training on evenings and weekends instead. It was all his father wanted from him, that Zhou Mi could do what his father had been unable to because of physical limitations. Diving into the fray, becoming a police office, detective, or even more. Secret government positions. Where that training of search and rescue, the fact that he could take down a man in seconds using only his fists and feet, would be put to use.
The first time he fired a gun, he was 15. Even with his ears protected he had been startled. Not only by the sound, but by the force of gun itself. And watching a hole appear above the target, far above where he’d been aiming. He felt shaky, like his knees were filled with water. It was supposed to empower him, his father said. Make him feel more like a man. Instead it made him feel like he’d been stripped of control. This seemingly small thing was larger really. That little hole he made could have killed someone. And all the ones he made after that. Over weeks and months, adjusting his safety goggles and learning to aim at not only stationary things, but those in motion. It did become less frightening, after a while, the more skill he gained. But he never felt truly in control of it. They said one day that skill could be used to save a life. Every time he locked the gun away, he prayed it would never be used to take one.
He turned a little closer, glad his dream had not woken Kyuhyun, and pressed a kiss to the bare shoulder nearest him. Not even being this close kept the nightmares away. Maybe he had let his father down in a way, though Zhou Mi knew beyond a doubt that his father was proud of his son. This job was going to be a way to pay them back. The money he made was going to help his parents so much. But with a stupid decision, he had nearly destroyed Kyuhyun’s fragile trust in him. He thought he had made it better. He would sign in blood if he had to guarantee himself. Anything for Kyuhyun to keep looking at him like he had after their shower, dark and intimate, leaning into his kiss. He wouldn’t let Kyuhyun down. He promised himself that.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Genre: AU, Romance
Summary: To find a date that Kyuhyun can stomach is impossible - unless they hire one to pretend. But not even the perfect companion can stop years worth of threats, or keep their acting from becoming all too real.
***
Chapter One * Chapter Two * Chapter Three * Chapter Four * Chapter Five * Chapter Six * Chapter Seven
***
It was no surprise that Kyuhyun did not enjoy entertaining at his house. Even with event planners or staff taking care of meals, it was still people in his space. No matter how little he identified with it as his home, it made his head ache. As his own worst critic, he critiqued every inch of his hosting duties. And it didn’t matter how big or how small, how many people he had to oversee, he was always ready for a stiff drink and oblivion. Honestly, he didn’t know how some of the people did it. They had huge events, so many times bigger than he’d ever even attempted. And they could keep their crazy because there wasn’t any way he was trying it, too.
The first time he entertained in his own house with Zhou Mi was a test of will on his part. Watching Zhou Mi greet the two CEOs, show them inside. Shaking their hands and making sure all was set for dinner. All Kyuhyun had to do was sit and talk, and not put his foot in his mouth as dinner went on, try not to watch the way the Zhou Mi ate, or get distracted by the flash of his ring beside him. It was dry dinner conversation, talk of companies, the weather, the upcoming conferences. But Zhou Mi was as attentive as usual, even adding his opinions a few times. Kyuhyun merely smiled at him in approval. How many times had he entertained alone, he wondered, leading the men into the living area.
“Can I get you a drink?” Zhou Mi asked, polite, as though it were his own house and he were host in it. And oh, Kyuhyun admired that easy question, Zhou Mi picking up so easily the rhythm of his life. There were things even he had trouble with sometimes. He wouldn’t call himself the best host. And apparently he didn’t have to be, with Zhou Mi there. He was so comfortable, in fact that for a moment Kyuhyun was drawn in again to the idea that Zhou Mi was some permanent fixture there to help him out. Among other things.
Still, he had no compunction about sitting Zhou Mi down on the small, decorative couch beside him, sipping his own drink as the conversation flowed. He wasn’t as much a host as he was a facilitator, and he had a warm hip pressed to his, so how bad could it be? At least until Zhou Mi shifted for the thirtieth time. Kyuhyun’s hand started at Zhou Mi’s knee, getting progressively higher up his leg.
And higher.
And higher.
Zhou Mi was hissing at him, flicking at his hand, with a finger, and all with a straight face. Even crossing his legs to hide where Kyuhyun’s hand was kneading his thigh. And that almost gave him more freedom, because with Zhou Mi's knee up, no one could see what he was doing from the angled couch the guests sat on. Part of it he could blame on the liquid courage, but part of it was just boredom. And another piece? Remembering that basketball game, Zhou Mi sweaty, kissing him. Laying on the floor with their pillows, kissing. They’d never resolved it, except for the part where Zhou Mi had all but admitted wanting him. It was because he’d wanted to kiss Zhou Mi and get that mouth in other places, that he’d forced himself upright and to sleep instead. He didn’t think Zhou Mi had protested that decision, just getting his pillow and getting back into bed. A quiet goodnight, and he’d been asleep. At the very least he hadn’t been aroused, just achy with the possibilities. It really had been too long since he’d rolled around with a man. It made him way too itchy for his own peace of mind.
So he amused himself imagining that Zhou Mi’s thighs were naked, responding blithely to a question about stocks. And he got bold, letting his little and ring fingers stretch, reaching almost to Zhou Mi’s zipper, tracing over, down. What he felt there had his own legs crossing. Zhou Mi was no longer the engaging sidekick, he was stone-faced, white knuckled, and quite turned on. Kyuhyun let his opposite hand rub the smirk from his lips, watching the clock. Twenty minutes, fifteen if he was lucky, before he could start nudging the men on their way.
“Do you two have much in common?” he was asked, and he thought about it a moment. They didn’t do the same work, but yeah. He could see it. He didn’t feel out of place with Zhou Mi around. It was a novel feeling, actually.
“Yeah, we have a lot in common actually.”
His fingers rubbed just a little more vigorously at that statement, letting his shoulder drift into Zhou Mi’s suggestively.
“Would you excuse us a minute?” Zhou Mi said, his words clipped as he got an iron grip on Kyuhyun’s wrist.
“Of course…?”
He saw on their faces confusion, but confused wasn’t part of Kyuhyun’s reaction. Zhou Mi all but dislocated his shoulder pulling him up, yanking him along like a recalcitrant dog toward their bedroom. He thought of their bed as sort of the Romulan neutral zone. Both parties had their sides and opinions in it, but more or less it was there to mitigate conflicts. Of course, if he’d been asked at the beginning of this charade, he’d have sworn there was no need even to imagine the need for that. Him and the leggy, too-wide smile?
It wasn’t neutral right now. Why exactly had he teased Zhou Mi like that? If it had been a real fight, with the look of determination on Zhou Mi’s face, he might have started wondering if he should surrender. But the door had been locked behind them, Zhou Mi wrestling with him every step of the way, pushing him, covering him on the bed. Cutting his air off for a second as their weight settled, gasping at a total disadvantage as Zhou Mi kissed him. It wasn’t really personal, it was sexual. Maybe that made it okay. Maybe it was some of both. He never forgot who it was trying to pin him down, who lined up their bodies with needy precision, who moaned at the touch of Kyuhyun’s hand on his neck. Maybe if this was some kind of show, he could rationalize it. Maybe everyone assumed why they had come in, but did that mean they actually had to do it?
“They can’t see us in here,” he grunted, Zhou Mi’s hips working at his as though they did this every day.
“Don’t care,” Zhou Mi gusted back at him. “I need…”
To get off? Needed Kyuhyun? He moaned and just went with it, not caring who was out there waiting for them, or that Zhou Mi was hard and rubbing against him. He was lost somewhere in that mouth, that broad lower lip there for him to catch. He didn’t know how to tear himself away. The rational part of his mind was saying move, and his body was saying totally the opposite.
Maybe, if they just got their clothes off… Zhou Mi was trying his best, working at Kyuhyun’s pants.
The tap on the door was as good as a gunshot, both of them jerking against each other.
“I need to get going,” the voice called through the door.
“Okay, goodbye!” Kyuhyun half yelled, nearly choking himself as Zhou Mi finally wrenched his pants open.
“Tell him you’ll be there in a minute,” Zhou Mi said, muffling his protest reprovingly, working his hand into Kyuhyun’s underwear.
“Why, you…” He groaned, muffled by Zhou Mi’s hand, and swatted it away. Finally he called out, “I’ll be out in two minutes!”
Zhou Mi’s hand was quick, tight, solid, and wet as he could get it, twisting those long fingers and stroking, and he was lucky he lasted that minute, all his sounds echoed into Zhou Mi’s mouth. They didn’t have time for him to come down slowly, and he was in a haze, watching as Zhou Mi slid down, using his discarded shirt to clean Kyuhyun, redoing his pants, and tugging his hands to get him upright. He sagged a little, and Zhou Mi chuckled, pressing a swift kiss to his mouth.
“There, you look presentable,” he said, and Kyuhyun remembered how to walk on his own power, belatedly patting at his hair as Zhou Mi shoved him out the door. The heat was already high in his face, or he’d have turned red just going out there. He knew what he looked like. Knew that it was obvious what they had been doing. He clenched his fists to keep his fingers from shaking and tried to get a smile stable to send the men away.
He knew what was waiting for him back in that room.
***
Zhou Mi was in bed already, resting on his back as though nothing was up. It had been ten minutes at most, so unless Zhou Mi had taken care of himself, he was trying to calm himself. He had a hunch on which that might be. They could just leave it at that, that Kyuhyun had teased too much, working Zhou Mi into some kind of frenzy. Okay, so he could’ve argued that easier if it hadn’t been him moaning into Zhou Mi’s mouth.
“Tonight went well,” he said lightly, changing into his pajamas like some kind of sneaky.
“I think so, too,” Zhou Mi agreed. “It’s a lot different having to keep people happy rather than just attending something.”
“Yeah.” He contemplated whether he should say something or not, and decided he might as well. “You did really good. I’m usually a wreck after these things, so I really appreciated your help.”
“I was glad to. I’m glad it was small though. It’s really interesting seeing all the things you do, entertaining, going places. There are a lot of things I wouldn’t have have thought of.”
“It’s not like my life is normal,” Kyuhyun said, yanking his shirt down. “I just get lucky in these circles I guess.”
And he intended to get lucky in quite a different way entirely. He climbed into his own side of the bed, but he knew what he was doing. Zhou Mi would kick him out if he tried to crawl in the other side. Zhou Mi grabbed for his hand, an injured sound out of his mouth as Kyuhyun gripped him through his pajama pants. No, not still hard, but they’d fix that.
“No, no, you don’t have to,” Zhou Mi protested.
Kyuhyun shook his head, sliding his hand into Zhou Mi’s pants.
“No, no way. You’re not going to hold this over me. We’ll be even after this.”
He gave in, kissing Zhou Mi, holding back a laugh as the man almost burrowed into him. Sure, he said that Kyuhyun didn’t have to, but if it was any indication, he’d been hoping that he would, because it didn’t take long until Zhou Mi was moaning, warm against his hand. Knowing it was his hand Zhou Mi was rocking into, and his mouth Zhou Mi was desperate for. He saw the pleasure written all over that face, and fed on it, drew it out, teasing, until Zhou Mi couldn’t hold on any more. And it was satisfaction as he watched Zhou Mi come for him.
He waited a moment, for their eyes to meet, humming inaudibly. And when he saw that the gulping breaths had slowed, almost as a dare, he pressed his wet fingers to Zhou Mi’s mouth. His own sound embarrassed him, as Zhou Mi’s lips parted, taking both of Kyuhyun’s fingers deep. The sucking heat, it nearly made him moan again, that and the look in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Where else did Kyuhyun want that mouth wrapping around? Zhou Mi’s teeth scraped delicately at his skin as he drew back his hand, and he was drawn to that mouth, damp lips against damp lips, little more than chaste touches and long exhales. And it was still one of the most erotic kisses he’d ever known.
And what if, what if Zhou Mi was taking it as the end of some kind of romantic interlude? He pulled back, clearing his throat. “Well. Now we’re even.”
“We’re even,” Zhou Mi agreed a bit too willingly, and pulled him into another kiss.
He told himself it was good practice. Just more pretend. It didn’t explain why they were all but attached at the mouth until they fell asleep.
***
Kyuhyun forgot at the best of times that there were things going on beyond his control. Not everyone had loved his father, but he had kept the company on an even keel. He’d never heard of problems, of threats. Violence, danger? Maybe corporate spying, but nothing that made his father fear for himself or his family.
The letters had started six months after his father had officially stepped down. At first he thought it was a joke, and discarded the pithy letter.
But it had just kept going. Year after year, letter after letter. Pictures, shredded photocopies of his face. All warning him against taking too much control. He did what he had to do and ignored them.
Eeteuk knew, because he touched every piece of Kyuhyun’s mail. But Eeteuk did not keep any of it from him. There was nothing worse to him than betrayal, and Eeteuk knew that Kyuhyun would not stand for it. If he had found out that Eeteuk had hidden any of the threatening letters, he would have fired Eeteuk immediately. Trust was one thing that his father had taught him to value above all things. And if he could not trust the man at his right hand, then he was there for nothing.
Eeteuk’s face was twisted in disgust as Kyuhyun reached into the small box that had been delivered.
“Step down and take your place,” the note read. And beneath it, dead, twisted, rotting vegetation. Flowers, grass. Who knew what else. Just disgusting enough to make a point, that he could be dead and rotting like it was.
“I know we’ve looked at board members to see who is the most discontent with my being here, but I’m thinking we need to look again,” he told Eeteuk, brushing a leaf from his hand.
“I agree. It worries me, Kyuhyun. It used to just be letters telling you that you’d ruin the company. This is different. This feels different.”
And it wasn’t just that Eeteuk worried, he knew that. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that somehow, whoever pasted his name onto envelopes had gone from disgruntled to angry. How angry, was the question.
“You’ll take this to the police?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Yes, of course. I’ll make sure they know to keep it under wraps, as usual.”
He sat in his office chair for long minutes after that, massaging his temples and wondering how he was going to get through the gathering that night. Even if he told himself he wasn’t bothered by the notes, the “gifts,” he was. To some extent, he had always been. He wanted so badly to show that he deserved the chair he sat in, that it was some kind of curse to have doses of doubt delivered straight into his craw.
But Zhou Mi would be there, and that would distract him from the worry, watching Zhou Mi’s face as he observed the people around them. He comforted himself with that.
***
For once, Kyuhyun was ready before Zhou Mi. And it was entertaining to sit on the side of the bed and watch Zhou Mi scramble to find his belt and choose his tie.
“Just a second, just a second,” Zhou Mi muttered, disappearing into the closet and coming out with what he’d be looking for.
“Did Eeteuk tell you about this charity weekend thing coming up?”
“The one at the hotel? Yeah,” Zhou Mi said, looping his tie.
A fun, fun weekend away, or at least that was how the organizers were trying to bill it. A top rate hotel for two nights, special dinner, extra expensive night at the opera, and masked ball the following day. All going to benefit various children’s charities. If it had been his call, he’d have just written an extra large check and skipped the “festivities” entirely. But the force of Hurricane Teuk was strong, arguing that he had someone to go with him, at least.
Of course he did. The hapless Zhou Mi, yanking on dark socks. Opera and a ball. Yeah, it’d be interesting to see how they’d get along together. Maybe they could make out during the opera intermission or something. That sure would make it a lot more fun for him.
“You know the famous thing at that hotel? Eeteuk’s always complaining it would do me good.”
“What famous thing?” Zhou Mi asked, finally solid on both feet.
“Couples massages.”
He relished the surprise he saw on Zhou Mi’s face, kind of bug eyed with shock.
“Just a possibility,” he said lightly, and let the subject drop in favor of getting out the door on time.
***
Zhou Mi’s shock at the mention of a massage carried him through the whole first half of the party. The amusement quotient was apparently high, with any of Zhou Mi’s varied reactions. It made him want to make Zhou Mi detail each and every image that had surely popped through his brain because of Kyuhyun’s words. And it wasn’t like he’d been joking, particularly. The hotel was known for it, and for all he knew, Eeteuk had signed them up already. Though, thinking of it, he wondered if laying in a room together and hearing Zhou Mi moan while trying to keep himself under control might not be the best idea ever. Still he managed to make intelligent adult conversation while contemplating it.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” Zhou Mi murmured, edging away into the sparse crowd before he got an answer.
Maybe it was intuition. Or something. He didn’t know why that night he watched. Usually he assumed Zhou Mi was heading for the bathroom, or to get a drink.
But not that night.
No, he stepped up to a man Kyuhyun didn’t recognize, clearly greeting him. The man also, smiling, giving Zhou Mi a rather obvious once over. That was bad enough, watching them stand and talk, until the man patted at Zhou Mi’s arm, gesturing away. And because his eyes were there, that was why he saw Zhou Mi being led into a room, and the door shutting behind him. Right there. In front of every single eye, going into a room alone with a man. Which meant it had to be nothing, right? No one was stupid enough to sneak away to a room in front of everyone. If he’d had x-ray vision, he’d have employed it without second thought.
“Kyuhyun?”
“What?” the man he’d been talking to looked at him strangely. What had they been talking about? Gas prices? “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.”
“You want another drink?”
“Sure, that sounds good,” he said, trying out a bit of a smile. Anything to get him out of an awkward conversation when he was currently plotting murder. Or at least marching up to that door and dismantling the first person he could reach inside it, depending upon what he saw.
But just as he was getting ready to step forward, making some kind of scene, the door opened, Zhou Mi making a swift break to the bathroom and out of Kyuhyun’s sight. He was ready to go find that drink himself when the second man emerged, straightening his suit jacket. Like it had been out of place. Like someone’s hands had been on it.
“Drink?” his companion asked.
He took it, gulping it, hoping his brain froze with it.
“You look like you could use a pain pill.”
And he knew where the man could shove that sympathy, too.
“Thanks.”
The man with Zhou Mi was out of sight, gone, by the time Zhou Mi emerged. Barely a minute or two, probably freshening up in the bathroom from whatever had gone on in that room. He was searching the room, and seemed to find it. Him. Kyuhyun. There was the beginnings of a smile on Zhou Mi’s face, and then surprise. No guilt, but he hardly expected that. He turned his face away, and waited for Zhou Mi to come to him.
***
Zhou Mi gripped the bathroom counter with hands that he hoped were steady. Running into the one man in South Korea that he’d dated hadn’t been part of the plan. Not one, at least, who knew anything, who could compromise anything about his job with Kyuhyun, but not something he wanted to deal with either. Getting led away to chat, that hadn’t been in the plan either. Getting kissed? Way outside of his expectations for the night. Over a year since they’d seen each other, and even as he detailed that he was dating Kyuhyun, living with him, he realized something was wrong.
Wet lips pressing to his, familiar in some way. Like some kind of memory he’d been caught in. It had been good once, maybe better than good. But when he thought about it, even considered getting into it, it was Kyuhyun’s moan he heard, feeling his thighs jerk and tremble as he came. It almost made him want to kiss back, to erase that, because the fact that it took him over meant he had fallen more than he thought. And having to struggle away, protesting. He was with Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun, and that didn’t mean going around kissing other men, even if they wanted it for some unknown reason.
He’d locked the bathroom door behind him, just in case, washing his face with a groan. Since when had Kyuhyun written himself that deeply? Sure, there they were wrestling on the bed, making out on the basketball court. Kyuhyun curling close and sliding his hand into his pants and kissing him like there was nothing else he wanted. Sure he hadn’t forgotten that. But that was nothing, really. Those weren’t the only images that flashed up. Kyuhyun laughing as they wrestled with pillows, griping at him over dinner. The way Kyuhyun looked at him.
By the time he’d collected himself, it had been no more than a minute, heading back to main room with a clear head. He had avoided a terrible mistake, and received clarity. It didn’t matter when Kyuhyun had wormed his way inside, it only mattered that he had.
At least until he caught sight of Kyuhyun and his cold eyes.
***
They stayed twenty minutes, his stomach grinding metal as he stood next to Kyuhyun. He tried to keep himself calm, but it was hard when Kyuhyun barely looked at him. So much tension those shoulders, the tendons of his neck. What had he seen? What did he know? The kiss had happened in a closed room, so it was hard to think he knew anything about that. But why else did he have reason to be angry with him?
“Kyuhyun?” he ventured, when the doors of the car had shut around them.
“Just shut up until we get home, unless you want me to crash the car,” Kyuhyun barked.
So he balled his fists on his thighs and tried to breathe. Trying to partition his brain so that worry was on one side, and everything else was on the other. Whatever it was, they could get through it. He hadn’t done anything. It hadn’t been his fault. Okay, maybe going back had been stupid, but he couldn’t have know he’d be attacked.
The sound of Kyuhyun’s car door slamming had his insides shaking as he followed Kyuhyun into the house. Kicking aside his shoes and following him to their bedroom. The walk went on forever, and it ended too fast.
“What happened there tonight?” Kyuhyun demanded.
He just went with what he assumed Kyuhyun was angry about. “It was nothing. I saw someone who I’d dated a year or so ago, and we talked.”
“You can’t go screwing around like some fucking slut and expect to come crawling back here,” Kyuhyun bit out, as he slammed down his jacket. “You can find another place to sleep.”
Zhou Mi was frozen in shock. “I didn’t sleep with him!”
“I saw you,” Kyuhyun snarled, slamming the pillow back down and stripping off his shirt. “He came out of that room all rumpled. You can’t tell me you didn’t—”
“He kissed me!” Zhou Mi admitted. “But I didn’t ask him to. We weren’t in there more than a few minutes just talking, and when he tried, I pushed him away!”
“Yeah, cause sucking face with your ex is a good way do your job. You’re welcome to him, you stupid—”
“I left him, didn’t I?” Zhou Mi protested, reaching for Kyuhyun. “I promised you when we started this that we’d see it through.”
“Then keep your mouth to yourself. If someone had seen you, you’re putting everything we’ve done in danger.”
That had been the last thing he’d wanted, to put what they were doing in danger. And making Kyuhyun doubt him? That had fallen even further down the list.
“Is that all you care about? Not that it’s me, but what we’re trying to accomplish?”
Kyuhyun just sneered at him and climbed into the bed, all but covering himself with the blanket.
No. No, it was not like that. It was not. That anger he was seeing, it was as though Kyuhyun felt betrayed. Jealous, betrayed, and hurt. And it showed in his anger.
He threw down his shirt, stripping his pants on the way to the bed. And Kyuhyun yelped as Zhou Mi tossed back the covers, staring with anger written in every angle of his body.
“Hey!” he got out, as Zhou Mi grabbed his pajama bottoms, yanking them down and off, and climbing onto the bed. He’d stunned Kyuhyun. He saw that. And when those hands came up to push at him, he pinned them down. He lowered with them, all that was between them the cloth of their underwear, just his body and Kyuhyun’s. More contact than they had ever had. He kissed Kyuhyun then, not so much desperate as hungry, moving until both his knees were between Kyuhyun’s, and when he moved, Kyuhyun felt every bit of it. Kyuhyun resisted, as he knew he would, before rebounding. Using all of that anger to counter that kiss. Nearly throwing Zhou Mi off his body as they grappled, Kyuhyun’s legs coming up around him, making him moan. They moved together almost frantically, in harmony, as arousal replaced everything else. Blocking back the sick fear, or the pain, or the hope. Here they were equal, aroused, needing. Needing each other, their movement together, and none other.
“You want me on top of you like this, Kui Xian? You want me holding you down? Do you want me, Kui Xian?”
The friction of their bodies was almost too much to take as he stared down at Kyuhyun.
“Yes,” Kyuhyun choked out, and opened his mouth against Zhou Mi’s.
He wondered if the pleasure was going to end, Kyuhyun’s soft moans against his face like staccato echoes to his joy. They had touched each other before, but not like this. This had been too deeply personal, too deeply sensual, to be anything easy or casual. Kyuhyun’s face was damp, flushed, pieces of hair clinging wetly to him. He saw Kyuhyun’s tongue peeking between his lips, and thought he’d never seen anything so appealing. The way that mouth quirked at the edges when he met Zhou Mi’s eyes.
Whatever they felt then, they felt together. Kyuhyun’s legs loosened but still around him, skin to skin, mouth to mouth.
“Kui Xian,” he said, mouthing it against Kyuhyun’s lips. “Couldn’t stand it any more. Needed you.”
***
Did he believe it, Kyuhyun wondered. Pretty words, after sexual gratification. Of course Zhou Mi would say that, when he got what he wanted. And he’d found it after looking in at least one other place. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to know what had gone on behind those doors, though Zhou Mi seemed adamant that it hadn’t been something for him to worry about. No matter what way he sliced it, they were still stuck with each other. No matter who they found to date, it was switching horses midstream. Too difficult. And that was why keeping their relationship strictly professional had been the best idea. But it was hard, stupidly hard, to reason that when Zhou Mi was panting above them.
“Desperate because he…he wouldn’t put out?” Kyuhyun asked, his words slow and broad, hand tight on Zhou Mi’s shoulder.
Zhou Mi pressed kisses to Kyuhyun’s damp skin, beneath his ear, along his jaw, the corner of his mouth. “Desperate because you aren’t in my past. I want you so much. I want you.”
“Oh.” Kyuhyun closed his eyes a moment, still trying to gather himself. “If you touch him again, I’ll find a cliff to throw you both over.”
“You have my word, Kui Xian. Only you.”
“That’s not what I asked for.”
“Yeah,” Zhou Mi told him, kissing him. “It is.”
His hand clamped hard, probably painfully, in the space between Zhou Mi’s neck and shoulder. There were words he didn’t want to say, words that were too revealing of himself, but it wasn’t a game. He wasn’t playing any more. He could kick Zhou Mi out of the bed right then, reverse the path they’d taken. Maybe at their roots, he was Zhou Mi’s boss, but that made it no less the closest relationship he’d had in years. No one would blame him for wanting to hold on.
“I need to know I can trust you,” he said softly. Counterpoint to his tight hands.
“You can,” Zhou Mi assured him. “Tonight, I got myself in a bad situation. I’m sorry for that. Not just because of the job. I told him— I told him I was with you. That, you, was all I could think about.”
“Why do we make stupid decisions even when we know better? I could’ve had a different date every night and saved myself a lot of trouble.”
Zhou Mi licked his lips, swallowing as he searched Kyuhyun’s eyes. He had no idea what Zhou Mi saw there. “Would you rather have that now? A stranger?”
“Someone stranger than you?” He snorted out a laugh, shaking his head. “Stupidly, no.”
Zhou Mi’s kiss was fluid, warm. Reassurance in a single mating as Zhou Mi cupped the back of his head, his jaw. If only somehow they didn’t fit, it would’ve been so much easier.
And so much less satisfying.
Zhou Mi pushed himself up onto his elbows, a peculiar smile on his face. “How about sharing a shower, stranger?”
He guessed they had made a mess of themselves, and agreed. He groaned a bit, sitting up as Zhou Mi swung away to stand.
“I didn’t know you had it in you, attacking me like that.”
“Would you have listened to me otherwise?”
“Probably not. I’d have made you sleep in the closet until I was done being pissed at you. Which probably would’ve been never.”
“Aww,” Zhou Mi sighed, kissing Kyuhyun’s neck as they leaned together.
Well, fuck. He’d just gotten to his feet and Zhou Mi was trying to knock him right back down. Maybe Zhou Mi thought orgasms solved all problems. He couldn’t exactly tell him he was wrong. After all, they were talking and cozy and interested again already. Maybe it was stupid of him to believe it, but if Zhou Mi was lying, if he wasn’t worthy of being trusted, then he sure had an emphatic way of trying to prove himself.
“We’re not just showering, right?” he asked, sending a speculative look down Zhou Mi’s body.
Zhou Mi’s mouth dropped open, before curving in something close to glee.
“I think we could arrange anything,” Zhou Mi told him.
Anything under sluicing hot water, Zhou Mi’s teeth on his shoulder as they stood skin to skin. Mimicry, hands between them, Zhou Mi’s back braced on cool tile as they moaned.
“Stop teasing,” he demanded, when Zhou Mi’s fist stilled on him.
“Not,” Zhou Mi murmured against his ear. And he realized what Zhou Mi was doing. Hand sliding along Kyuhyun’s lower back. At first, almost thinking Zhou Mi was trying to cop a feel before the hand traced lower. Fingers teasing. Not trying to slide inside him, but there like a promise, what those fingers could be doing, what else Zhou Mi could be rubbing against him. The same of which throbbed hot in Kyuhyun’s hand. And Zhou Mi’s stroking resumed, his point made, the rumbling moans Zhou Mi made against Kyuhyun’s neck only masking his own. And it was only his arm around Zhou Mi’s neck, and Zhou Mi’s arm around him, that kept him upright when the end came. He wanted nothing less than to fall into Zhou Mi’s body and just languish there for ages. But he had the presence of mind, as Zhou Mi begged him, to quicken his own hand. Until Zhou Mi was gasping, grunting, rambling unfamiliar words into his skin under the relentless water spray.
The only other thing he really remembered was Zhou Mi helping to dry his hair, feeling rather flushed and sated as he let the towel drop from his hand. Normally he hated sleeping naked, but he couldn’t even think of clothes, beelining for the blissful darkness and the sheltering covers.
He slept, knowing there was a man stretched out beside him, equally naked. Zhou Mi’s hand on his stomach. And in the dark, he needed nothing more than that.
***
In the dark, Zhou Mi dreamed.
His father’s instructions, barked to a group of men. Some wise to the ways of rescue, some not. Learning to enter houses unseen, take out targets, rescue hostages. Storming in like a well-regimented army, albeit one that had never seen combat. His heart clattered in his chest, scanning the dark for any sign of an enemy.
Get the person out alive. Do what was necessary. If that meant killing, kill. If it meant a fight, take them down.
Shouting, and a paintball exploded against his chest. He was hit, down. One more bruise on his body. And his father would look very stressed to see him. Of course they didn’t use real ammunition, of course. They were just games.
For now.
But to his father, training men had been his life. And he had made it his son’s life.
Zhou Mi woke, staring at the ceiling with the sinking feeling that he had let his father down yet again. Pulling away from the training to enter college, training on evenings and weekends instead. It was all his father wanted from him, that Zhou Mi could do what his father had been unable to because of physical limitations. Diving into the fray, becoming a police office, detective, or even more. Secret government positions. Where that training of search and rescue, the fact that he could take down a man in seconds using only his fists and feet, would be put to use.
The first time he fired a gun, he was 15. Even with his ears protected he had been startled. Not only by the sound, but by the force of gun itself. And watching a hole appear above the target, far above where he’d been aiming. He felt shaky, like his knees were filled with water. It was supposed to empower him, his father said. Make him feel more like a man. Instead it made him feel like he’d been stripped of control. This seemingly small thing was larger really. That little hole he made could have killed someone. And all the ones he made after that. Over weeks and months, adjusting his safety goggles and learning to aim at not only stationary things, but those in motion. It did become less frightening, after a while, the more skill he gained. But he never felt truly in control of it. They said one day that skill could be used to save a life. Every time he locked the gun away, he prayed it would never be used to take one.
He turned a little closer, glad his dream had not woken Kyuhyun, and pressed a kiss to the bare shoulder nearest him. Not even being this close kept the nightmares away. Maybe he had let his father down in a way, though Zhou Mi knew beyond a doubt that his father was proud of his son. This job was going to be a way to pay them back. The money he made was going to help his parents so much. But with a stupid decision, he had nearly destroyed Kyuhyun’s fragile trust in him. He thought he had made it better. He would sign in blood if he had to guarantee himself. Anything for Kyuhyun to keep looking at him like he had after their shower, dark and intimate, leaning into his kiss. He wouldn’t let Kyuhyun down. He promised himself that.
***
