[Fic] Fall from Grace - 8/9
Dec. 5th, 2009 04:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: Fall from Grace
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R eventually (language, sexual situations)
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung and Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Genre: AU, historical, romance
Summary: Abducted from the people he protects, Prince Han Geng vanishes, lost to men who care nothing for his safety. It is Siwon, a loyal soldier, who is tasked with bringing him back alive.
And while the search continues to save a life, Kyuhyun must find a way to ally himself with his future queen's steward - to overcome mistrust and join two countries.
***
Han Geng woke, head throbbing, face down over a sedately moving horse’s saddle. His wrists were bound, dangling uselessly at the horse’s side. Aside from his head, neck, and wrists hurting… He didn’t seem to be injured. And yet…
His whole body stiffened as he remembered the last thing he had shouted…Siwon’s name. Watching from the ground as Siwon slid from his horse, and past the cliff edge. He had played on the canyon edge his whole life. He knew what was down there. Water. Rocks. Death. He hadn’t seen Siwon’s face as he fell… He hadn’t… And when he had lunged for the edge, as though looking over would tell him where Siwon had fallen, which rocks he had hit, which part of the river had swallowed his body, he had been yanked back by a ham-fisted hand, and knocked unconscious. His nails bit into his palm as he fought to control himself. He wanted to rage, but he couldn’t. Siwon had fallen to his death because of these men. And the last thing he would give them was victory. He would cower. He would make them think he was broken. And he would bring vengeance down on them. On Siwon’s life he swore it.
The horse beneath him danced at his sudden movement, and a hand cuffed his back. “Stay still. You’ll get down when we say you get down.”
He wasn’t sure he could breathe, as the waves of grief pummeled him. He wheezed as he tried to gasp in air, the tightness in his throat, his upside-down position, none of it helping. It felt like his head would explode, and he retched, losing whatever had been left in his stomach. All he heard was laughter as he choked and spat, bone-deep, almost inaudible whines escaping him. His eyes blurred with tears. The pain… he had so many different types of it. They had been so close! So close. Siwon had brought him safely all that way, and to be taken down when they were nearly within sight of safety… Their last kiss flashed through his mind and he pushed it from his head. It was too much. Too much.
It was perhaps another hour before they stopped, and hands drug him down, letting him flop onto the ground as they settled in. Someone half drowned him with water, and he half swallowed, half let it flow out, rinsing his mouth with some relief.
And after eating, they took some time to dress the wounds Siwon had delivered before he had…
Just let one of your necks get within my reach, he thought as they made him stand, moving him further from the fire. And I won’t let go until you’re no longer breathing.
“I don’t know how he got you away from us,” the man who held his elbow said, sneering. “But it doesn’t matter now… It’s hard to steal someone back when you’re dead.”
He mimed someone falling, and the boisterous laughter rang out, the other men chorusing. Amusement, joy… At death.
At Siwon’s death.
His hands balled into fists, he screamed. Rage, blinded by it, he struck out once, again, colliding with the man’s face and sending them both careening over. His fists were bloody by the time the others pulled him up, but he was having none of it, lashing out until they pinned down his arms, shoving him back onto the ground. His head bouncing off of the side of the stump stunning him, gasping, limbs moving as though he were underwater, still trying to fight.
Siwon was dead, and there was nothing he could do to change that. He coughed, swallowing hard, trying to clear his throat of bile, and pressed his forehead hard into the dirt. He wouldn’t show any emotion but defiance. They would slip up, give him a chance to do something. Kill one of them, if he could. If he was lucky, they wouldn’t kill him in retaliation. He breathed an apology to his mother, his brother. To Siwon. He owed it to them to make it back alive, but also to keep the two that were left from danger. If it were safer for them that he was dead… Then it didn’t matter what happened.
***
The man nearest the fire was snoring loudly, the one beyond, sleeping on his back. The one nearest the trees also on his back. That made it easier. And the guard… The guard nodded off every few minutes, jerking awake with a few snorting breaths. That was all there was that stood between him and his goal.
Han Geng. Curled up on himself, barely near the fire to get any benefit from it, and with no blanket to protect himself.
Siwon’s hand tightened on his sword. He could not think of Han Geng and fight. His only goal was to defend him from these men, no matter what the cost. No matter what pain his body felt, there would be nothing, absolutely nothing, standing between Han Geng and home when Siwon was through with them.
It was a messy business, killing. No matter what way it was done. In battle it was kill and move on, kill and move on. There was no stopping for remorse or questioning why. There was have to, and do, or it was lives lost of the men they went in beside.
The first kill was clean, a mortal wound to the neck. He snuck up behind, the dozing cur giving him just that opportunity to end his life. He could not wait, letting him fall with a thud, and with a thrust of his sword, the man nearest him died with a shriek. Siwon slid the dagger from the hilt at the man’s side and continued on.
Two dead. Two to go.
His sword was met with another as he swung around, back to Han Geng’s position. If he could, he would keep them and their swords from Han Geng, but if he could not… Even half asleep, the man he fought was filled with vigor.
“You were dead!” he shouted, striking back. Striking so hard that Siwon’s dagger flew from his hands. A line of blood welled, but Siwon did not feel it.
He twisted as the sword slid from his, catching his tunic, his side, and he used that momentum… Used it to turn, sword catching, striking. Just where he had hoped.
“What demon caught you on the way to hell?” the man asked.
“None that will catch you,” Siwon said, and pushed him down to die.
He swallowed, sword ready, seeing what he was facing without moving an inch. He had not given either of them his back to stab, and the one he was not fighting…
Had a knife to Han Geng’s throat. He kept his eyes from Han Geng’s blank face.
“Will he fight your battle for you?” Siwon asked.
The man laughed. “He’ll fight yours for you. I’m curious. How did you cheat death?”
“Trees that grow out of the toughest rock. Had you spared a moment to make sure, you would have seen me there against the cliff, and your companions would be alive. I cheated death because of your own failure.”
The man’s mouth curled into a scowl, suddenly not as sure of himself. “Lay down your sword, and I won’t kill him.”
It was Siwon’s turn to laugh. Neither of them were stupid. It was a standoff, soldier to soldier. But he knew better. He could lay down his sword, yes, but he would be dead within moments. And the man wasn’t in as secure a position as he would have liked to think. “I know he's worth more to you alive than dead. Fight me.”
“You can’t believe I would…”
“You are a coward. If you cannot win in battle, will he serve as your shield as I run you through? I’m injured and tired, and you can’t beat me?”
Han Geng was pushed roughly down as the man advanced, and Siwon did not spare a glance. All he knew, all he needed to know, was that this man was going to soon be dead, and that Han Geng would be going home with him. That was all.
The clash of their swords sent shudders of pain to his shoulder, twisting, jamming a fist against exposed ribs before retreating. Anything. Any little pain to distract his opponent. He had learned well. Learned hard, for years, from the best fighters that there were. If he could not take down four men, when the life of his prince was at stake, then he had learned for nothing.
The man flinched, a thrown rock nearly catching his face, and that was all the opening Siwon required.
The resistance, the slide of the sword into flesh, was one he knew intimately.
His sword plunged through, and he saw when the man’s life fled, and sagged inside. He had not been brought up callously. He had been taught the value of life. But this was not an innocent stranger. It was battle, and this man was different and to blame… And it had been his only option. It was either his life.- Han Geng’s life - or that of the man. And he chose Han Geng.
Weariness, pain, waved over him, and he sank to a knee, steadying himself with the hilt of his sword. He took a moment to breathe, so that he did not slump over in a faint, and, pushing to his feet, looked to Han Geng.
He was not visibly injured, no blood. Standing there, where he had thrown that rock with which he had saved both of them. Han Geng, sinking unsteadily to his knees with those damned ropes around his hands. Yes, his hands, his wrist, were hurt. And his face… Those dark eyes were huge, staring at Siwon in some sort of disbelief. As though Siwon were a ghost, or…
Han Geng, if he had seen him fall… would have believed him dead, just as the men had.
“Is that all of them? Just four of them?”
He had to be sure, in case there were others that had not been there when they were attacked by the bridged.
“Yes. There were only four. Siwon… It can’t be.”
“It is. You heard me. The tree saved my life. I nearly fell climbing up, and I was hurt, but… Alive.”
He cupped Han Geng’s bound wrists with one hand, drawing the knife from his boot.
“Stay still, and I’ll free you.”
Slowly but surely the fibers split, the ropes loosening around the chafed, raw wrists. Again. He had been hurt again, because of him. Because he had been unable to protect him.
“I’m sorry. Your Highness, it was my fault. I should have taken us the other way. You were hurt, and it was my…”
Han Geng’s arms crushed him close, breath harsh against his neck. “No. Do not say it. You’re alive and you saved my life. You nearly sacrificed your life for me. And I would have lived with that the rest of my life. You do not blame yourself. It is the fault of these men, and they are dead. There is no more blame to be spared to their souls.”
His hands settled soft at Han Geng’s sides. “I would have killed the guards for hurting you. And for taking you this way, for hurting you again… I could not have allowed them their lives.”
“You did what you had to… For you, and for me.”
Siwon pushed back, sending another look along Han Geng’s body. “Are you well? Can you ride?”
“Yes… But, Siwon… Can you?”
It was Han Geng this time who helped him to his feet. It felt as though there were knives in his bones. “I can ride.
Graceless hands traced up Siwon’s neck, across his jaw. Skimming but not touching the scrapes and cuts his fall had left on his face.
“I can’t believe you’re real,” Han Geng whispered. “Siwon…Shiyuan… It’s like you came back from the dead for me.”
He let his hands fall soft at Han Geng’s hips. The slender curves of him. He fought the moan of pain as he moved a sprained finger.
“I swore to you that they would have to kill me to take you back. They didn’t do a very good job.”
He rested his mouth against Han Geng’s. Not a needing kiss, but a comforting one. He couldn’t breathe through his nose, so there was no option to do anything more. And as Han Geng molded himself to Siwon, as the lines of their bodies met, he ignored the hard hitch in Han Geng’s breathing. If it was a sob, it was Han Geng’s alone. And if it was, he knew it was for both of them.
When Han Geng pulled back, he was smiling, a soft, curving smile. Eyes shining in the fire light. He cupped Siwon’s face gently.
“Someone knew I had need of you,” he said softly.
“Then let me be beside you as long as you do,” Siwon answered.
And Han Geng pressed a lingering kiss to Siwon’s lips. He tasted blood, and from the new darkening marks on Han Geng’s face, it meant his mouth had been injured. Someone’s hand striking him hard enough to break the tender skin against his teeth. He gentled the press of his mouth, Han Geng fighting it, pressing closer, even if he was in pain. The kiss spoke of time apart, pain, and longing. And fear. It spoke very deliberately of fear. Of losing each other. That they had lost each other. But no longer.
Together, they set stripped the horses of their tack and set them free. They would find their way back, or be taken in by whoever found them. The bodies, they could do little with, covering them with tree limbs to protect them from animals. At last, they doused the fire.
It was Siwon, slow and careful, who mounted the gelding first. And Han Geng who climbed up nimbly behind, steadying him if he should feel weak. He kicked the gelding into a trot, a canter. All that he wanted then was home.
***
The bed was emptier than it had been the day after the storm, knowing Zhou Mi wasn’t in it. His neck itched where the cord had been, his chest light. It was a strange feeling, feeling naked when he was covered. If Zhou Mi’s habit was to reach to touch it, so had his been. The stone was perpetually warm from being against his skin, and sometimes he would bring it close to his face, as though he could smell Zhou Mi on it. Mostly, it was the stone and himself.
The next day resembled hell, lights too bright, sounds too loud. Head, burning. Even Zhou Mi noticed his half closed eyes when he edged into the room as far as end of the bed.
The maid reported to him that Zhou Mi had levered himself out of bed, steadying himself on the back of a chair that had been left too near. He had just barely made it back onto the bed, huffing and shaking. And Kyuhyun had been far too able to see that, just as the image of Zhou Mi crumpling to the ground was too bright in his head.
“Stay in bed unless there’s someone to help you,” Kyuhyun ordered.
And Zhou Mi’s eyes held a touch of defiance. He deserved it. Had left Zhou Mi to foster it.
“You look terrible,” he was told.
All he wanted was to sleep. And he waited in his bed for sleep. It wasn’t possible that one stone, the lack of it...Could do this to him. It wasn’t that, he realized. When he closed his eyes, to see Zhou Mi flushed with fever. His eyes lowered in disappointment. Or anger. It wasn’t the lack of the stone, it was the offhand way he had given it back as though it had no value to him, and its only value was to Zhou Mi. Which, if it came right down to it, was quite far from the truth.
Zhou Mi had carved his name out of a desire to express his happiness in their friendship. That they worked well together. And in doing that work, it seemed Zhou Mi’s feelings had become something more. Zhou Mi wasn’t just an outsider now. Wasn’t just someone Kyuhyun had to put up with, had to work with. There was a fair about of respect between them. They genuinely liked each other, though why Zhou Mi attached himself to him was a bit of a mystery. There was some want there, something that he very much wanted to explore. That little trickle of joy at seeing Zhou Mi smile.
It wasn’t devotion. He wasn’t writing love letters and sappily sighing over Zhou Mi’s face like a young girl.
But he thought what was scaring him most was that he had never been beside someone who made him feel that way. So to find Zhou Mi, to be with him, feel grateful for his presence… It made him afraid that one day he would wake up, and…
Of course to wake up, first he needed to be able to actually sleep.
He did manage a fair amount of sleep that night. With alcohol as his aid.
***
Zhou Mi looked well. Dressed, sitting up. He had clearly been at his hair because it was neat and orderly. All in all, the image he had come to expect from Zhou Mi.
And because it was expected, he brought with him extra books. He knew Zhou Mi was feeling well. Knew that when Kyuhyun was gone, he was being helped to stand, walk. Knew every day he grew stronger. It was just hard to get past the block in his head that told him he should be doing anything else but revolving around Zhou Mi.
“You’ve been eating well?” he asked, standing back and taking in Zhou Mi’s face. Was it any plumper at all? Certainly the expression was darker, as Zhou Mi frowned at him.
“Will you deny me the right to work if you think I haven’t been? Do you think you have that right over me?”
Kyuhyun frowned at the rather hostile words.
“I don’t think I have right over you at all. Only that a lot of people worked to get you well, and you should think of them before you…”
Zhou Mi shook his head, stopping him. “I am eating. Don’t be concerned for me at all. You may not need to be for long, in any case.”
Kyuhyun frowned, unsure of the new direction. “What do you mean?”
“After the wedding… Maybe they will take me back with them.”
The kingdom would have a new queen and a few new dedicated servants, and the queen’s parents and household remnants would leave, to been seen only so very infrequently. And Zhou Mi with them? When it had been all but guaranteed that he would stay? What of the conversation they had had, laying beside each other while the storm raged outside of the windows, when it sounded like Zhou Mi wanted nothing more that to make sure he wouldn’t leave.
“But you… I thought that their intent was for you to stay. That was why you were placed with me,” Kyuhyun queried. He tried to keep himself from leaping ahead, casting blame where he wasn’t sure any belonged.
Zhou Mi spoke, but did not meet his eyes. “It is not as though I am useless to them. If I asked them, they would…”
“You should keep your agreements to your mistress and the people here,” Kyuhyun argued. “You agreed to come here, knowing it was a new place. To change your mind and scurry home, you’d lose all respect.”
“You do not need me,” Zhou Mi said carefully. “You are fully capable of managing the household accounts and supplies on your own. You did it before I came. I have enjoyed my time here very much, learning what it is like at a castle, what it is like to manage…”
Kyuhyun stepped beside the bed, using his standing position to tower over the sitting Zhou Mi. He wasn’t having it.
“I know I have no right over you. But I don’t accept it. I don’t even want to hear of it again.” He dropped one of the books, not gently, on Zhou Mi’s legs. “So be quiet and start working.”
He sat in the chair beside the bed, muttering of idiots and stupid plans beneath his breath. The tight, sick band of panic around his stomach hadn’t faded, so he played it up with a bluster. He stared at the page blankly in front of him for a long minute, wondering exactly what it was that he was supposed to be looking at.
“I need… Something to write with?” Zhou Mi asked.
Kyuhyun flushed hot as he realized he was holding both their pencils, and handed one over without looking. Both of them careful not to touch the other. He watched Zhou Mi’s feet move beneath the covers, and then forced himself to focus. Zhou Mi’s tiny “thinking sounds” made him smile behind his concealing hand.
When he closed the cover on his last account, he realized that the room was silent, and that Zhou Mi had finished and had been watching him intently.
“Why do you care if I go or stay, Kui Xian?” he asked. And Kyuhyun nearly shuddered at the sensation that swept down his neck.
Of course the appropriate response was, why should he? Of course he shouldn’t. Maybe it was the one response he wished was true. And he couldn’t even claim to not know why, because he did know. He knew that he wanted to climb up onto that bed and grip those thin shoulders, and kiss that mouth until it was smiling and they both were breathless. And then do it again…
“You’re needed here,” he said. And he left the room, not even able to hate that it was the truth.
***
“Go!” Siwon urged the gelding, and Han Geng held tight to Siwon’s waist. They rode as though hellhounds were at their heels, tigers stalking above them.
It took all that time, the rush of the cold wind, the power of the gelding’s hindquarters, the warmth of Siwon’s back, for Han Geng to realize he wasn’t dreaming. The man ahead of him wasn’t a ghost. They were alive, and they were safe, and again on their way.
The wood of the bridge thundered under the horse’s hooves, fading to the dull thud of dirt, and Siwon whooped.
The sun had risen, bathing the valley and the hill ahead of them in warm gold. The fields of grain and hay. The outer villages where Han Geng had been taken. And on the hill, the castle. Where his mother was. His brother. His tears wetted the back of Siwon’s tunic, but he couldn’t help it. Somehow... Siwon was alive to see it with him. Siwon’s hand reached for his, squeezing. And he knew they understood each other.
On even ground, the gelding carried them steadily toward home.
***
Han Geng held his breath as they slowed to a trot, moving up toward the huge outer wall of the castle complex.
“Open the gates!” Siwon roared, as they trotted closer.
“On whose authority?” the guard shouted back, as was his duty.
“The authority of your prince!”
It was Han Geng’s voice that carried then, his head held high over Siwon’s shoulder. And how good it felt to say it.
The guard froze, gaping at the two men on the antsy horse, and scrambled to do as he was ordered. He had surely thought Han Geng likely to be dead.
“Yes, Your Highness!”
The man’s smile was fit to break his face, and Han Geng saw that Siwon returned it wholeheartedly as they slipped between the parted defenses. Here, the horse’s hooves clattered on the laid pave-stone, but he urged him quickly, so close to the castle they could almost smell the scent of breakfast wafting from the kitchens.
The guard at the entrance recognized Siwon right away, gaping as well when he saw who rode with him. They passed without hindrance as shouting came behind them... The news their prince had returned spreading fast through the lower city. Into the front chamber they rode, still on the horse, Siwon guiding the wary gelding toward the audience room where his brother habitually spent the morning with his mother the dowager queen at his side. The entrance was far wide and tall enough to accommodate a horse and rider. And the guards there as well opened the doors. No calling for permission. No fainting, or shouting. Just the slide of heavy doors and sound of hooves and the sight of two, startled, beloved faces staring up at them.
It was his brother that realized it first, staring first at Siwon’s face, and then at his. He knew the moment the connection was made, as their eyes met.
Brother to brother. Twin to twin.
“Geng!” he said, startled, the gelding turning slightly as Siwon slowed, allowing Han Geng the opportunity to slide down to the ground. A night of danger, no sleep, no food, and this overwhelming relief had his legs wobbling. Siwon’s hand on his shoulder from above, and then Han Jun’s, his Jun’s, arms holding him upright. “Geng... Geng...”
Few might call his brother overly emotional, but he could feel it, the way they shook against each other, squeezing tight enough to injure as they assured each other that they were real. And Jun let him go, let him slide into the arms of his weeping mother. His mother who was so strong. Who had lent him so much strength even when she was not beside him.
“Mama...”
“My baby...” she moaned, and Han Jun enfolded them both.
The castle wasn’t home. Or the city. Not his titles, or any of the fineries they afforded. Right here in his arms, surrounding him... That was home.
***
Siwon slid silently off of the deeply breathing horse, watching the tender scene in front of him. Han Geng, in the arms of the king, of his mother. Just that imagined scene that had driven him over miles of ground to find Han Geng, and the one that was now reality. Laying on the cliff face, scratched and bruised by the tree he had fallen through, that scene had flashed through him. That he had failed. But he hadn’t... With Han Geng’s help, they had done it. They had gotten him home.
The king broke away from the little knot they had formed, clearing his throat and stepping up to Siwon.
“I don’t know how I should thank you...” his king said, “Or if thanking you is even possible...”
“Your Majesty,” he said, his voice uncomfortably raspy with tiredness and emotion. “Two hours north of here, I killed four of the men who kidnapped Prince Han Geng. Their belongings are there. I could lead a party to retrieve it.”
“Organize a party,” King Han Jun said, agreeing. “But send it, and do not lead it. You look ready to fall over. I won’t risk your life until I’ve had the chance to thank you for my brother’s safety.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty. I will do that now.”
“No, Siwon, thank you.”
And the king turned to his brother, who spoke softly to their mother. Han Geng. Of course, his place was with his family now. And Siwon turned to the door, the gelding’s reins in his had, and had his orders and his purpose.
He sent the best men to retrieve what they could of the hunting party. What happened to Han Geng never would again. No matter what pressure King Han Jun had to put on the northern kingdom to control their people, Siwon was sure he would do it. Han Geng was not an object to be taken for ransom, even if that ransom was worth a kingdom.
He gave the gelding a thorough rubdown, ordering a mash for him from a passing stable hand.
“You did good my friend,” he said, scratching the horse’s ear.
And Siwon slipped away, into an unused corridor, to a room that was unassigned. He pulled the dustcover from the well-used mattress, draping a blanket over himself. And tumbled into dreamless sleep.
***
Han Geng did not know if there were words for his happiness to be so near his brother. Han Jun had barely left his side the full day, even when Han Geng had lapsed into much needed sleep. They ate supper with their mother, retiring to Han Jun’s own room. And Han Geng told him everything he remembered.
Holding back, for just a while, what he and Siwon had become.
He dried Jun’s tears. Tears that were only for him. Never shed before their mother, and tears he would never tell even Siwon about. He patted his brother’s back.
“Come on. Don’t be a little girl.”
Jun snorted, smacking the side of his head. “You cry more than me.”
He pressed loud kisses to both of Jun’s cheeks, knowing it would make him laugh. “That’s something only you and I know, then.”
“I knew you had to be okay, that Siwon would bring you back. Because...I couldn’t imagine it ending any other way.”
“I knew you’d send him after me.”
“I don’t know what I can give him, to...”
“He doesn’t want anything, really,” Han Geng said, interrupting his brother. “But... There’s something you should know about him...and me. We became…lovers.”
There was no disgust on Jun’s face. Surprise, and processing, yes. But no anger. A little wary and not even knowing how to think, was more accurate.
“He rescued you. You were in bad condition and he took care of you. Maybe that’s…”
Han Geng shook his head, gripping Han Jun’s hand.
“Jun… I love him. I don’t think you want me to go into all the reasons why, or how long its been. I know you see him as your friend and I don’t want this to be uncomfortable between you. It isn’t just that he came after me, I promise you that.”
“I don’t understand… You were hurt. And he took advantage of you like that?”
Han Geng stared at his brother for a moment as the laugh bubbled in him, falling back and all but howling until tears all but ran out the corners of his eyes.
“Take advantage of me. Like I can’t fight back? I didn’t just lay back and let him take me. I seduced him.”
Jun blinked at him. “Oh. Well. Why…?”
“Because I love him, you idiot,” Han Geng said, the words softened by his tone.
“It is something that I wondered,” Jun said slowly. “It is not a surprise, really. He was always special to you, in a way that made wonder. And you meant to keep it up here? I suppose… Everything could be fine... as long as he didn’t get you pregnant.”
Han Geng wondered if it was possible to beat his brother into oblivion. But Jun continued.
“He makes you happy?”
“He does... I want him beside me, if that’s where he wants to be.”
“Since my baby brother is perfect, why wouldn’t he?”
Han Geng rolled his eyes at the trace of sarcasm in Jun’s voice. “For him, it may be different here. And, we need to get you married! I want nieces and nephews right away.”
Of course, if there had been any topic that would shut his brother up, it was impending fatherhood. He felt rather smug about that.
“I want to meet her, this girl you’re going to marry…”
“You will.”
“Is she pretty? Do you like her? Tell me.”
Jun seemed stoic, though his face being that way told the whole story. “She seems nice. And pretty. We spoke, while you were gone, of our families. She held my hand. It was… Different. I have to like her, though, don’t I? There is no way out of this contract without consequences. Not even if I tried to marry her off to you.”
“If your wedding has been postponed all this time, there’s little chance she would marry me since I was the cause of it all.”
“As though it was your fault,” Jun said fondly. “I couldn’t marry her before you got back. I couldn’t.”
He swallowed through the tightness in his throat, clutching Jun’s hand tighter. “There’s always been the two of us,” he said. “Jun… When did we grow up?”
“It’s strange to me, too. Little brother.”
“You’ll love her,” he said, firmly patting Jun’s hand. “You can’t not. Everyone knows you’re weak in the heart.”
“I thought that was you.”
The room fell silent as the finished laughing, and he listened to Jun’s familiar rattled sleeping breath. So many times as children their hands had crept together, soothing each other in the scary, creeping dark. It was comforting to know, in the midst of everything that was changing, that they still had that. He thought of Siwon, and hoped that he was comforted as well.
He wondered for long moments before he slept, if Siwon would seek him out.
***
“He’s here!”
Siwon grunted at the sound, moving the blanket as he peered into the light. “Wuh?”
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” the page told him, still gesturing down the hallway at some unseen person. “No one had seen you since yesterday, and His Majesty is asking for you.”
“Yesterday?” Siwon asked, popping half upright as he realized he felt a bit woozy. Had he slept away a full day? Then he hadn’t eaten in... Almost two and a half days.
“Here, sir,” the page said, stuffing a meat pie into Siwon’s grateful hands. The scent of the rich broth made his stomach growl, and he bit in gratefully. The last time he had seen one... He had bought one for Han Geng.
“Did they find the kidnappers?” Siwon asked as they walked.
“I don’t know sir. I’m to take you to His Majesty.”
Of course, Siwon was in the same dirty clothes he had rode in. He barely had the thought to run his hands through his hair to tame it just a little before the page brought him to the king.
King Han Jun smiled at his entrance, waving the page away, and inviting Siwon to sit.
“Were you able to rest?” he was asked.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Siwon said, trying to hide his gravelly voice.
“Good. They were able to bring back two of the men alive. They wanted to use Han Geng to get to me. Power hungry nobles... Han Geng doesn’t want this to come to war. But we’ll find a way to move them into line. Their kingdom trades heavily with us... So we’ll find a way. What do you think?”
Siwon blinked. “I...think that Prince Han Geng should have a double guard when he visits the villages. Your Majesty.”
The king laughed. “Yes. You know as well as I do that he won’t be frightened into stopping that. Siwon…” The king’s eyes swept over him, lingering at wounds and the state of his clothing, as though finally noticing. “You look terrible.”
“I apologize, Your Majesty. The page said it was urgent. I would have cleaned…”
“No, your condition looked terrible. Have you seen the healer?’
“No, Your Majesty.”
King Han Jun shook his head, scoffing. “Han Geng refused as well. We got him into a warm bath, and food in him, and he slept most of yesterday until this morning. And then we found out that you were missing. I feel lucky the castle still stands. I cannot order my brother, so you’ll forgive me if I take advantage of this. Go see the healer for your wounds. I’ll tell Han Geng to meet you there.”
“Oh, Your Majesty. If I could…” Han Geng could not see him like this. His emotions had scattered so far that he had no way to drag them all back in, and if he saw Han Geng in such a state, if Han Geng tried to speak to him of what he wanted from Siwon now that they were back, Siwon would agree to anything. That spun fantasy of sleeping beside Han Geng night by night, sharing meals, pleasure, by the fireside. He was weak to those. He knew Han Geng was as well. And they could not be those people here. The only place those people existed were in their heads. And reality was far less kind to their fantasies.
“If I could clean myself, and… if it could wait. Prince Han Geng should not see me like this.”
The king looked thoughtful. “You may be right. He would worry, I think. If the healer proclaims you’ll live, and you get food into you… I’ll hold Han Geng back for now. But I won’t forget that promise you made me. You have to tell me what it is that you want from me, as thanks for what you’ve done. I know you’ll tell me that it was your duty and your honor. But this is not just a reward, Siwon. You brought back something to all of us that is without price. It would haunt me the rest of my life if I do not compensate you for that.”
“I will think on it, Your Majesty.”
“Good. Go… Before you collapse right in front of me.”
He bowed, aching, as he moved toward the healer’s quarters. Sat as though frozen as his wounds were cleaned. The food he ate, he ate absently. Thinking of the king’s demand of him, that he come up with a request. The more he thought, the longer he thought, the more it seemed that there was only one best option. Just one.
He stopped at Han Geng’s mare’s stall, running a fond hand down her sleek neck as she greeted him, nuzzling him to see if he had brought treats. Over the top of the stall door, her colt stuck his fuzzy head over, neck arched trying to see what his dam was getting up to.
“Hello friend,” Siwon said, scratching the colt’s neck. The young horse shuddered in pleasure. “You’ll make someone a fine horse one day, just like your dam.”
His attentions were abandoned in favor of feed, and Siwon gave the mare one last pet. He had one real way to clear his mind, and he found the nearest stable boy.
“Which horse is available? My horse is resting, and I need to go out.”
It took only a few minutes to get to the stall of the free mare, saddling her quickly.
A good long run in the fields, and maybe that would make the decision he had made stand that much clearer.
***
Siwon was granted the audience immediately, stepping up to bow before his king. There was talk in the castle that they were preparing some sort of grand feast to be held in conjunction with the king’s wedding. A celebration of Han Geng’s return, an upholding of Siwon’s accomplishment, and the acknowledgement of the nuptials of the king.
“Your Majesty,” he said.
“Siwon… You look much better. Is there something you need?”
“Your Majesty… When you offered something as a thank you, I have thought hard on this. And there is one thing I would request of you.”
King Han Jun leaned forward, as though fascinated that Siwon had come to him, and that he had not had to go chase Siwon down for an answer.
“Of course, Siwon. If it’s in my power, I wouldn’t refuse you.”
Would you accept my presence in your brother’s bed? Siwon wondered silently. But he knew already what he would ask for, and those musings only reinforced it for him.
“There is a village south of here, near the foothills. We toured it once, returning from a skirmish at the border. I would… I would ask your permission to go there, start a life there.”
As a place, it was the furthest he could get from Han Geng without leaving the country entirely. Maybe he wouldn’t stay there forever. Maybe just long enough to get a hold on his feelings, and all that went with them. To where he could look at Han Geng without wanting to speak to him, to touch him. Space and time were the two things he needed most. But he could not see himself being away from the castle for long. Fighting, protecting, was what he had trained to do. And he had little doubt that the king would accept him back, one day.
But he could see that beyond the king hearing his request, he had surprised him. Which Siwon wasn’t sure how to think of.
“Have you spoken with Han Geng of this request?” King Han Jun asked carefully.
“No, Your Majesty. I have not seen Prince Han Geng since we returned.”
“Then he’s dumber than a rock!” the king muttered, but Siwon wasn’t sure he heard that correctly. “Do you think badly of my brother, Siwon? Answer me truthfully. You and I have known each other too long.”
“Of course I do not think badly of him. I respect him, gladly serve under him. It has been my honor to fight for Your Majesty and Prince Han Geng. My head needs…rest.”
“So you would go, even if he wanted you to stay?”
“Why would he?” Siwon asked, obtusely. But it was clear that Han Geng could have wanted him to stay for any number of reasons… To fight. To protect the castle.
“You two are too alike. But I said if it was in my power, I would grant it. And it is. So you have your permission, and are granted anything you require to begin your life there. There is a small caravan heading in that direction in three day’s time, bearing winter supplies. Would it suit you to travel with that?”
“It would, Your Majesty. Thank you.”
King Han Jun nodded, seeming to think. “Good. But I have one request. One demand, really.”
“Of course, Your Majesty.”
“You will go to Han Geng before you leave. I do not care if it is the hour before you get onto your horse to go, but you will see Han Geng before you do.”
At first he wasn’t sure how to respond, staring at his king, his…friend? It was not in him to refuse, and yet a whole hearted answer seemed beyond him. “As you require, Your Majesty.”
King Han Jun smiled, apparently satisfied. “Good. Now, tell me what you plan to do there… Take up farming?”
Siwon could not help but smile back.
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: R eventually (language, sexual situations)
Pairings: Siwon/Hankyung and Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi
Genre: AU, historical, romance
Summary: Abducted from the people he protects, Prince Han Geng vanishes, lost to men who care nothing for his safety. It is Siwon, a loyal soldier, who is tasked with bringing him back alive.
And while the search continues to save a life, Kyuhyun must find a way to ally himself with his future queen's steward - to overcome mistrust and join two countries.
***
Han Geng woke, head throbbing, face down over a sedately moving horse’s saddle. His wrists were bound, dangling uselessly at the horse’s side. Aside from his head, neck, and wrists hurting… He didn’t seem to be injured. And yet…
His whole body stiffened as he remembered the last thing he had shouted…Siwon’s name. Watching from the ground as Siwon slid from his horse, and past the cliff edge. He had played on the canyon edge his whole life. He knew what was down there. Water. Rocks. Death. He hadn’t seen Siwon’s face as he fell… He hadn’t… And when he had lunged for the edge, as though looking over would tell him where Siwon had fallen, which rocks he had hit, which part of the river had swallowed his body, he had been yanked back by a ham-fisted hand, and knocked unconscious. His nails bit into his palm as he fought to control himself. He wanted to rage, but he couldn’t. Siwon had fallen to his death because of these men. And the last thing he would give them was victory. He would cower. He would make them think he was broken. And he would bring vengeance down on them. On Siwon’s life he swore it.
The horse beneath him danced at his sudden movement, and a hand cuffed his back. “Stay still. You’ll get down when we say you get down.”
He wasn’t sure he could breathe, as the waves of grief pummeled him. He wheezed as he tried to gasp in air, the tightness in his throat, his upside-down position, none of it helping. It felt like his head would explode, and he retched, losing whatever had been left in his stomach. All he heard was laughter as he choked and spat, bone-deep, almost inaudible whines escaping him. His eyes blurred with tears. The pain… he had so many different types of it. They had been so close! So close. Siwon had brought him safely all that way, and to be taken down when they were nearly within sight of safety… Their last kiss flashed through his mind and he pushed it from his head. It was too much. Too much.
It was perhaps another hour before they stopped, and hands drug him down, letting him flop onto the ground as they settled in. Someone half drowned him with water, and he half swallowed, half let it flow out, rinsing his mouth with some relief.
And after eating, they took some time to dress the wounds Siwon had delivered before he had…
Just let one of your necks get within my reach, he thought as they made him stand, moving him further from the fire. And I won’t let go until you’re no longer breathing.
“I don’t know how he got you away from us,” the man who held his elbow said, sneering. “But it doesn’t matter now… It’s hard to steal someone back when you’re dead.”
He mimed someone falling, and the boisterous laughter rang out, the other men chorusing. Amusement, joy… At death.
At Siwon’s death.
His hands balled into fists, he screamed. Rage, blinded by it, he struck out once, again, colliding with the man’s face and sending them both careening over. His fists were bloody by the time the others pulled him up, but he was having none of it, lashing out until they pinned down his arms, shoving him back onto the ground. His head bouncing off of the side of the stump stunning him, gasping, limbs moving as though he were underwater, still trying to fight.
Siwon was dead, and there was nothing he could do to change that. He coughed, swallowing hard, trying to clear his throat of bile, and pressed his forehead hard into the dirt. He wouldn’t show any emotion but defiance. They would slip up, give him a chance to do something. Kill one of them, if he could. If he was lucky, they wouldn’t kill him in retaliation. He breathed an apology to his mother, his brother. To Siwon. He owed it to them to make it back alive, but also to keep the two that were left from danger. If it were safer for them that he was dead… Then it didn’t matter what happened.
***
The man nearest the fire was snoring loudly, the one beyond, sleeping on his back. The one nearest the trees also on his back. That made it easier. And the guard… The guard nodded off every few minutes, jerking awake with a few snorting breaths. That was all there was that stood between him and his goal.
Han Geng. Curled up on himself, barely near the fire to get any benefit from it, and with no blanket to protect himself.
Siwon’s hand tightened on his sword. He could not think of Han Geng and fight. His only goal was to defend him from these men, no matter what the cost. No matter what pain his body felt, there would be nothing, absolutely nothing, standing between Han Geng and home when Siwon was through with them.
It was a messy business, killing. No matter what way it was done. In battle it was kill and move on, kill and move on. There was no stopping for remorse or questioning why. There was have to, and do, or it was lives lost of the men they went in beside.
The first kill was clean, a mortal wound to the neck. He snuck up behind, the dozing cur giving him just that opportunity to end his life. He could not wait, letting him fall with a thud, and with a thrust of his sword, the man nearest him died with a shriek. Siwon slid the dagger from the hilt at the man’s side and continued on.
Two dead. Two to go.
His sword was met with another as he swung around, back to Han Geng’s position. If he could, he would keep them and their swords from Han Geng, but if he could not… Even half asleep, the man he fought was filled with vigor.
“You were dead!” he shouted, striking back. Striking so hard that Siwon’s dagger flew from his hands. A line of blood welled, but Siwon did not feel it.
He twisted as the sword slid from his, catching his tunic, his side, and he used that momentum… Used it to turn, sword catching, striking. Just where he had hoped.
“What demon caught you on the way to hell?” the man asked.
“None that will catch you,” Siwon said, and pushed him down to die.
He swallowed, sword ready, seeing what he was facing without moving an inch. He had not given either of them his back to stab, and the one he was not fighting…
Had a knife to Han Geng’s throat. He kept his eyes from Han Geng’s blank face.
“Will he fight your battle for you?” Siwon asked.
The man laughed. “He’ll fight yours for you. I’m curious. How did you cheat death?”
“Trees that grow out of the toughest rock. Had you spared a moment to make sure, you would have seen me there against the cliff, and your companions would be alive. I cheated death because of your own failure.”
The man’s mouth curled into a scowl, suddenly not as sure of himself. “Lay down your sword, and I won’t kill him.”
It was Siwon’s turn to laugh. Neither of them were stupid. It was a standoff, soldier to soldier. But he knew better. He could lay down his sword, yes, but he would be dead within moments. And the man wasn’t in as secure a position as he would have liked to think. “I know he's worth more to you alive than dead. Fight me.”
“You can’t believe I would…”
“You are a coward. If you cannot win in battle, will he serve as your shield as I run you through? I’m injured and tired, and you can’t beat me?”
Han Geng was pushed roughly down as the man advanced, and Siwon did not spare a glance. All he knew, all he needed to know, was that this man was going to soon be dead, and that Han Geng would be going home with him. That was all.
The clash of their swords sent shudders of pain to his shoulder, twisting, jamming a fist against exposed ribs before retreating. Anything. Any little pain to distract his opponent. He had learned well. Learned hard, for years, from the best fighters that there were. If he could not take down four men, when the life of his prince was at stake, then he had learned for nothing.
The man flinched, a thrown rock nearly catching his face, and that was all the opening Siwon required.
The resistance, the slide of the sword into flesh, was one he knew intimately.
His sword plunged through, and he saw when the man’s life fled, and sagged inside. He had not been brought up callously. He had been taught the value of life. But this was not an innocent stranger. It was battle, and this man was different and to blame… And it had been his only option. It was either his life.- Han Geng’s life - or that of the man. And he chose Han Geng.
Weariness, pain, waved over him, and he sank to a knee, steadying himself with the hilt of his sword. He took a moment to breathe, so that he did not slump over in a faint, and, pushing to his feet, looked to Han Geng.
He was not visibly injured, no blood. Standing there, where he had thrown that rock with which he had saved both of them. Han Geng, sinking unsteadily to his knees with those damned ropes around his hands. Yes, his hands, his wrist, were hurt. And his face… Those dark eyes were huge, staring at Siwon in some sort of disbelief. As though Siwon were a ghost, or…
Han Geng, if he had seen him fall… would have believed him dead, just as the men had.
“Is that all of them? Just four of them?”
He had to be sure, in case there were others that had not been there when they were attacked by the bridged.
“Yes. There were only four. Siwon… It can’t be.”
“It is. You heard me. The tree saved my life. I nearly fell climbing up, and I was hurt, but… Alive.”
He cupped Han Geng’s bound wrists with one hand, drawing the knife from his boot.
“Stay still, and I’ll free you.”
Slowly but surely the fibers split, the ropes loosening around the chafed, raw wrists. Again. He had been hurt again, because of him. Because he had been unable to protect him.
“I’m sorry. Your Highness, it was my fault. I should have taken us the other way. You were hurt, and it was my…”
Han Geng’s arms crushed him close, breath harsh against his neck. “No. Do not say it. You’re alive and you saved my life. You nearly sacrificed your life for me. And I would have lived with that the rest of my life. You do not blame yourself. It is the fault of these men, and they are dead. There is no more blame to be spared to their souls.”
His hands settled soft at Han Geng’s sides. “I would have killed the guards for hurting you. And for taking you this way, for hurting you again… I could not have allowed them their lives.”
“You did what you had to… For you, and for me.”
Siwon pushed back, sending another look along Han Geng’s body. “Are you well? Can you ride?”
“Yes… But, Siwon… Can you?”
It was Han Geng this time who helped him to his feet. It felt as though there were knives in his bones. “I can ride.
Graceless hands traced up Siwon’s neck, across his jaw. Skimming but not touching the scrapes and cuts his fall had left on his face.
“I can’t believe you’re real,” Han Geng whispered. “Siwon…Shiyuan… It’s like you came back from the dead for me.”
He let his hands fall soft at Han Geng’s hips. The slender curves of him. He fought the moan of pain as he moved a sprained finger.
“I swore to you that they would have to kill me to take you back. They didn’t do a very good job.”
He rested his mouth against Han Geng’s. Not a needing kiss, but a comforting one. He couldn’t breathe through his nose, so there was no option to do anything more. And as Han Geng molded himself to Siwon, as the lines of their bodies met, he ignored the hard hitch in Han Geng’s breathing. If it was a sob, it was Han Geng’s alone. And if it was, he knew it was for both of them.
When Han Geng pulled back, he was smiling, a soft, curving smile. Eyes shining in the fire light. He cupped Siwon’s face gently.
“Someone knew I had need of you,” he said softly.
“Then let me be beside you as long as you do,” Siwon answered.
And Han Geng pressed a lingering kiss to Siwon’s lips. He tasted blood, and from the new darkening marks on Han Geng’s face, it meant his mouth had been injured. Someone’s hand striking him hard enough to break the tender skin against his teeth. He gentled the press of his mouth, Han Geng fighting it, pressing closer, even if he was in pain. The kiss spoke of time apart, pain, and longing. And fear. It spoke very deliberately of fear. Of losing each other. That they had lost each other. But no longer.
Together, they set stripped the horses of their tack and set them free. They would find their way back, or be taken in by whoever found them. The bodies, they could do little with, covering them with tree limbs to protect them from animals. At last, they doused the fire.
It was Siwon, slow and careful, who mounted the gelding first. And Han Geng who climbed up nimbly behind, steadying him if he should feel weak. He kicked the gelding into a trot, a canter. All that he wanted then was home.
***
The bed was emptier than it had been the day after the storm, knowing Zhou Mi wasn’t in it. His neck itched where the cord had been, his chest light. It was a strange feeling, feeling naked when he was covered. If Zhou Mi’s habit was to reach to touch it, so had his been. The stone was perpetually warm from being against his skin, and sometimes he would bring it close to his face, as though he could smell Zhou Mi on it. Mostly, it was the stone and himself.
The next day resembled hell, lights too bright, sounds too loud. Head, burning. Even Zhou Mi noticed his half closed eyes when he edged into the room as far as end of the bed.
The maid reported to him that Zhou Mi had levered himself out of bed, steadying himself on the back of a chair that had been left too near. He had just barely made it back onto the bed, huffing and shaking. And Kyuhyun had been far too able to see that, just as the image of Zhou Mi crumpling to the ground was too bright in his head.
“Stay in bed unless there’s someone to help you,” Kyuhyun ordered.
And Zhou Mi’s eyes held a touch of defiance. He deserved it. Had left Zhou Mi to foster it.
“You look terrible,” he was told.
All he wanted was to sleep. And he waited in his bed for sleep. It wasn’t possible that one stone, the lack of it...Could do this to him. It wasn’t that, he realized. When he closed his eyes, to see Zhou Mi flushed with fever. His eyes lowered in disappointment. Or anger. It wasn’t the lack of the stone, it was the offhand way he had given it back as though it had no value to him, and its only value was to Zhou Mi. Which, if it came right down to it, was quite far from the truth.
Zhou Mi had carved his name out of a desire to express his happiness in their friendship. That they worked well together. And in doing that work, it seemed Zhou Mi’s feelings had become something more. Zhou Mi wasn’t just an outsider now. Wasn’t just someone Kyuhyun had to put up with, had to work with. There was a fair about of respect between them. They genuinely liked each other, though why Zhou Mi attached himself to him was a bit of a mystery. There was some want there, something that he very much wanted to explore. That little trickle of joy at seeing Zhou Mi smile.
It wasn’t devotion. He wasn’t writing love letters and sappily sighing over Zhou Mi’s face like a young girl.
But he thought what was scaring him most was that he had never been beside someone who made him feel that way. So to find Zhou Mi, to be with him, feel grateful for his presence… It made him afraid that one day he would wake up, and…
Of course to wake up, first he needed to be able to actually sleep.
He did manage a fair amount of sleep that night. With alcohol as his aid.
***
Zhou Mi looked well. Dressed, sitting up. He had clearly been at his hair because it was neat and orderly. All in all, the image he had come to expect from Zhou Mi.
And because it was expected, he brought with him extra books. He knew Zhou Mi was feeling well. Knew that when Kyuhyun was gone, he was being helped to stand, walk. Knew every day he grew stronger. It was just hard to get past the block in his head that told him he should be doing anything else but revolving around Zhou Mi.
“You’ve been eating well?” he asked, standing back and taking in Zhou Mi’s face. Was it any plumper at all? Certainly the expression was darker, as Zhou Mi frowned at him.
“Will you deny me the right to work if you think I haven’t been? Do you think you have that right over me?”
Kyuhyun frowned at the rather hostile words.
“I don’t think I have right over you at all. Only that a lot of people worked to get you well, and you should think of them before you…”
Zhou Mi shook his head, stopping him. “I am eating. Don’t be concerned for me at all. You may not need to be for long, in any case.”
Kyuhyun frowned, unsure of the new direction. “What do you mean?”
“After the wedding… Maybe they will take me back with them.”
The kingdom would have a new queen and a few new dedicated servants, and the queen’s parents and household remnants would leave, to been seen only so very infrequently. And Zhou Mi with them? When it had been all but guaranteed that he would stay? What of the conversation they had had, laying beside each other while the storm raged outside of the windows, when it sounded like Zhou Mi wanted nothing more that to make sure he wouldn’t leave.
“But you… I thought that their intent was for you to stay. That was why you were placed with me,” Kyuhyun queried. He tried to keep himself from leaping ahead, casting blame where he wasn’t sure any belonged.
Zhou Mi spoke, but did not meet his eyes. “It is not as though I am useless to them. If I asked them, they would…”
“You should keep your agreements to your mistress and the people here,” Kyuhyun argued. “You agreed to come here, knowing it was a new place. To change your mind and scurry home, you’d lose all respect.”
“You do not need me,” Zhou Mi said carefully. “You are fully capable of managing the household accounts and supplies on your own. You did it before I came. I have enjoyed my time here very much, learning what it is like at a castle, what it is like to manage…”
Kyuhyun stepped beside the bed, using his standing position to tower over the sitting Zhou Mi. He wasn’t having it.
“I know I have no right over you. But I don’t accept it. I don’t even want to hear of it again.” He dropped one of the books, not gently, on Zhou Mi’s legs. “So be quiet and start working.”
He sat in the chair beside the bed, muttering of idiots and stupid plans beneath his breath. The tight, sick band of panic around his stomach hadn’t faded, so he played it up with a bluster. He stared at the page blankly in front of him for a long minute, wondering exactly what it was that he was supposed to be looking at.
“I need… Something to write with?” Zhou Mi asked.
Kyuhyun flushed hot as he realized he was holding both their pencils, and handed one over without looking. Both of them careful not to touch the other. He watched Zhou Mi’s feet move beneath the covers, and then forced himself to focus. Zhou Mi’s tiny “thinking sounds” made him smile behind his concealing hand.
When he closed the cover on his last account, he realized that the room was silent, and that Zhou Mi had finished and had been watching him intently.
“Why do you care if I go or stay, Kui Xian?” he asked. And Kyuhyun nearly shuddered at the sensation that swept down his neck.
Of course the appropriate response was, why should he? Of course he shouldn’t. Maybe it was the one response he wished was true. And he couldn’t even claim to not know why, because he did know. He knew that he wanted to climb up onto that bed and grip those thin shoulders, and kiss that mouth until it was smiling and they both were breathless. And then do it again…
“You’re needed here,” he said. And he left the room, not even able to hate that it was the truth.
***
“Go!” Siwon urged the gelding, and Han Geng held tight to Siwon’s waist. They rode as though hellhounds were at their heels, tigers stalking above them.
It took all that time, the rush of the cold wind, the power of the gelding’s hindquarters, the warmth of Siwon’s back, for Han Geng to realize he wasn’t dreaming. The man ahead of him wasn’t a ghost. They were alive, and they were safe, and again on their way.
The wood of the bridge thundered under the horse’s hooves, fading to the dull thud of dirt, and Siwon whooped.
The sun had risen, bathing the valley and the hill ahead of them in warm gold. The fields of grain and hay. The outer villages where Han Geng had been taken. And on the hill, the castle. Where his mother was. His brother. His tears wetted the back of Siwon’s tunic, but he couldn’t help it. Somehow... Siwon was alive to see it with him. Siwon’s hand reached for his, squeezing. And he knew they understood each other.
On even ground, the gelding carried them steadily toward home.
***
Han Geng held his breath as they slowed to a trot, moving up toward the huge outer wall of the castle complex.
“Open the gates!” Siwon roared, as they trotted closer.
“On whose authority?” the guard shouted back, as was his duty.
“The authority of your prince!”
It was Han Geng’s voice that carried then, his head held high over Siwon’s shoulder. And how good it felt to say it.
The guard froze, gaping at the two men on the antsy horse, and scrambled to do as he was ordered. He had surely thought Han Geng likely to be dead.
“Yes, Your Highness!”
The man’s smile was fit to break his face, and Han Geng saw that Siwon returned it wholeheartedly as they slipped between the parted defenses. Here, the horse’s hooves clattered on the laid pave-stone, but he urged him quickly, so close to the castle they could almost smell the scent of breakfast wafting from the kitchens.
The guard at the entrance recognized Siwon right away, gaping as well when he saw who rode with him. They passed without hindrance as shouting came behind them... The news their prince had returned spreading fast through the lower city. Into the front chamber they rode, still on the horse, Siwon guiding the wary gelding toward the audience room where his brother habitually spent the morning with his mother the dowager queen at his side. The entrance was far wide and tall enough to accommodate a horse and rider. And the guards there as well opened the doors. No calling for permission. No fainting, or shouting. Just the slide of heavy doors and sound of hooves and the sight of two, startled, beloved faces staring up at them.
It was his brother that realized it first, staring first at Siwon’s face, and then at his. He knew the moment the connection was made, as their eyes met.
Brother to brother. Twin to twin.
“Geng!” he said, startled, the gelding turning slightly as Siwon slowed, allowing Han Geng the opportunity to slide down to the ground. A night of danger, no sleep, no food, and this overwhelming relief had his legs wobbling. Siwon’s hand on his shoulder from above, and then Han Jun’s, his Jun’s, arms holding him upright. “Geng... Geng...”
Few might call his brother overly emotional, but he could feel it, the way they shook against each other, squeezing tight enough to injure as they assured each other that they were real. And Jun let him go, let him slide into the arms of his weeping mother. His mother who was so strong. Who had lent him so much strength even when she was not beside him.
“Mama...”
“My baby...” she moaned, and Han Jun enfolded them both.
The castle wasn’t home. Or the city. Not his titles, or any of the fineries they afforded. Right here in his arms, surrounding him... That was home.
***
Siwon slid silently off of the deeply breathing horse, watching the tender scene in front of him. Han Geng, in the arms of the king, of his mother. Just that imagined scene that had driven him over miles of ground to find Han Geng, and the one that was now reality. Laying on the cliff face, scratched and bruised by the tree he had fallen through, that scene had flashed through him. That he had failed. But he hadn’t... With Han Geng’s help, they had done it. They had gotten him home.
The king broke away from the little knot they had formed, clearing his throat and stepping up to Siwon.
“I don’t know how I should thank you...” his king said, “Or if thanking you is even possible...”
“Your Majesty,” he said, his voice uncomfortably raspy with tiredness and emotion. “Two hours north of here, I killed four of the men who kidnapped Prince Han Geng. Their belongings are there. I could lead a party to retrieve it.”
“Organize a party,” King Han Jun said, agreeing. “But send it, and do not lead it. You look ready to fall over. I won’t risk your life until I’ve had the chance to thank you for my brother’s safety.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty. I will do that now.”
“No, Siwon, thank you.”
And the king turned to his brother, who spoke softly to their mother. Han Geng. Of course, his place was with his family now. And Siwon turned to the door, the gelding’s reins in his had, and had his orders and his purpose.
He sent the best men to retrieve what they could of the hunting party. What happened to Han Geng never would again. No matter what pressure King Han Jun had to put on the northern kingdom to control their people, Siwon was sure he would do it. Han Geng was not an object to be taken for ransom, even if that ransom was worth a kingdom.
He gave the gelding a thorough rubdown, ordering a mash for him from a passing stable hand.
“You did good my friend,” he said, scratching the horse’s ear.
And Siwon slipped away, into an unused corridor, to a room that was unassigned. He pulled the dustcover from the well-used mattress, draping a blanket over himself. And tumbled into dreamless sleep.
***
Han Geng did not know if there were words for his happiness to be so near his brother. Han Jun had barely left his side the full day, even when Han Geng had lapsed into much needed sleep. They ate supper with their mother, retiring to Han Jun’s own room. And Han Geng told him everything he remembered.
Holding back, for just a while, what he and Siwon had become.
He dried Jun’s tears. Tears that were only for him. Never shed before their mother, and tears he would never tell even Siwon about. He patted his brother’s back.
“Come on. Don’t be a little girl.”
Jun snorted, smacking the side of his head. “You cry more than me.”
He pressed loud kisses to both of Jun’s cheeks, knowing it would make him laugh. “That’s something only you and I know, then.”
“I knew you had to be okay, that Siwon would bring you back. Because...I couldn’t imagine it ending any other way.”
“I knew you’d send him after me.”
“I don’t know what I can give him, to...”
“He doesn’t want anything, really,” Han Geng said, interrupting his brother. “But... There’s something you should know about him...and me. We became…lovers.”
There was no disgust on Jun’s face. Surprise, and processing, yes. But no anger. A little wary and not even knowing how to think, was more accurate.
“He rescued you. You were in bad condition and he took care of you. Maybe that’s…”
Han Geng shook his head, gripping Han Jun’s hand.
“Jun… I love him. I don’t think you want me to go into all the reasons why, or how long its been. I know you see him as your friend and I don’t want this to be uncomfortable between you. It isn’t just that he came after me, I promise you that.”
“I don’t understand… You were hurt. And he took advantage of you like that?”
Han Geng stared at his brother for a moment as the laugh bubbled in him, falling back and all but howling until tears all but ran out the corners of his eyes.
“Take advantage of me. Like I can’t fight back? I didn’t just lay back and let him take me. I seduced him.”
Jun blinked at him. “Oh. Well. Why…?”
“Because I love him, you idiot,” Han Geng said, the words softened by his tone.
“It is something that I wondered,” Jun said slowly. “It is not a surprise, really. He was always special to you, in a way that made wonder. And you meant to keep it up here? I suppose… Everything could be fine... as long as he didn’t get you pregnant.”
Han Geng wondered if it was possible to beat his brother into oblivion. But Jun continued.
“He makes you happy?”
“He does... I want him beside me, if that’s where he wants to be.”
“Since my baby brother is perfect, why wouldn’t he?”
Han Geng rolled his eyes at the trace of sarcasm in Jun’s voice. “For him, it may be different here. And, we need to get you married! I want nieces and nephews right away.”
Of course, if there had been any topic that would shut his brother up, it was impending fatherhood. He felt rather smug about that.
“I want to meet her, this girl you’re going to marry…”
“You will.”
“Is she pretty? Do you like her? Tell me.”
Jun seemed stoic, though his face being that way told the whole story. “She seems nice. And pretty. We spoke, while you were gone, of our families. She held my hand. It was… Different. I have to like her, though, don’t I? There is no way out of this contract without consequences. Not even if I tried to marry her off to you.”
“If your wedding has been postponed all this time, there’s little chance she would marry me since I was the cause of it all.”
“As though it was your fault,” Jun said fondly. “I couldn’t marry her before you got back. I couldn’t.”
He swallowed through the tightness in his throat, clutching Jun’s hand tighter. “There’s always been the two of us,” he said. “Jun… When did we grow up?”
“It’s strange to me, too. Little brother.”
“You’ll love her,” he said, firmly patting Jun’s hand. “You can’t not. Everyone knows you’re weak in the heart.”
“I thought that was you.”
The room fell silent as the finished laughing, and he listened to Jun’s familiar rattled sleeping breath. So many times as children their hands had crept together, soothing each other in the scary, creeping dark. It was comforting to know, in the midst of everything that was changing, that they still had that. He thought of Siwon, and hoped that he was comforted as well.
He wondered for long moments before he slept, if Siwon would seek him out.
***
“He’s here!”
Siwon grunted at the sound, moving the blanket as he peered into the light. “Wuh?”
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” the page told him, still gesturing down the hallway at some unseen person. “No one had seen you since yesterday, and His Majesty is asking for you.”
“Yesterday?” Siwon asked, popping half upright as he realized he felt a bit woozy. Had he slept away a full day? Then he hadn’t eaten in... Almost two and a half days.
“Here, sir,” the page said, stuffing a meat pie into Siwon’s grateful hands. The scent of the rich broth made his stomach growl, and he bit in gratefully. The last time he had seen one... He had bought one for Han Geng.
“Did they find the kidnappers?” Siwon asked as they walked.
“I don’t know sir. I’m to take you to His Majesty.”
Of course, Siwon was in the same dirty clothes he had rode in. He barely had the thought to run his hands through his hair to tame it just a little before the page brought him to the king.
King Han Jun smiled at his entrance, waving the page away, and inviting Siwon to sit.
“Were you able to rest?” he was asked.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Siwon said, trying to hide his gravelly voice.
“Good. They were able to bring back two of the men alive. They wanted to use Han Geng to get to me. Power hungry nobles... Han Geng doesn’t want this to come to war. But we’ll find a way to move them into line. Their kingdom trades heavily with us... So we’ll find a way. What do you think?”
Siwon blinked. “I...think that Prince Han Geng should have a double guard when he visits the villages. Your Majesty.”
The king laughed. “Yes. You know as well as I do that he won’t be frightened into stopping that. Siwon…” The king’s eyes swept over him, lingering at wounds and the state of his clothing, as though finally noticing. “You look terrible.”
“I apologize, Your Majesty. The page said it was urgent. I would have cleaned…”
“No, your condition looked terrible. Have you seen the healer?’
“No, Your Majesty.”
King Han Jun shook his head, scoffing. “Han Geng refused as well. We got him into a warm bath, and food in him, and he slept most of yesterday until this morning. And then we found out that you were missing. I feel lucky the castle still stands. I cannot order my brother, so you’ll forgive me if I take advantage of this. Go see the healer for your wounds. I’ll tell Han Geng to meet you there.”
“Oh, Your Majesty. If I could…” Han Geng could not see him like this. His emotions had scattered so far that he had no way to drag them all back in, and if he saw Han Geng in such a state, if Han Geng tried to speak to him of what he wanted from Siwon now that they were back, Siwon would agree to anything. That spun fantasy of sleeping beside Han Geng night by night, sharing meals, pleasure, by the fireside. He was weak to those. He knew Han Geng was as well. And they could not be those people here. The only place those people existed were in their heads. And reality was far less kind to their fantasies.
“If I could clean myself, and… if it could wait. Prince Han Geng should not see me like this.”
The king looked thoughtful. “You may be right. He would worry, I think. If the healer proclaims you’ll live, and you get food into you… I’ll hold Han Geng back for now. But I won’t forget that promise you made me. You have to tell me what it is that you want from me, as thanks for what you’ve done. I know you’ll tell me that it was your duty and your honor. But this is not just a reward, Siwon. You brought back something to all of us that is without price. It would haunt me the rest of my life if I do not compensate you for that.”
“I will think on it, Your Majesty.”
“Good. Go… Before you collapse right in front of me.”
He bowed, aching, as he moved toward the healer’s quarters. Sat as though frozen as his wounds were cleaned. The food he ate, he ate absently. Thinking of the king’s demand of him, that he come up with a request. The more he thought, the longer he thought, the more it seemed that there was only one best option. Just one.
He stopped at Han Geng’s mare’s stall, running a fond hand down her sleek neck as she greeted him, nuzzling him to see if he had brought treats. Over the top of the stall door, her colt stuck his fuzzy head over, neck arched trying to see what his dam was getting up to.
“Hello friend,” Siwon said, scratching the colt’s neck. The young horse shuddered in pleasure. “You’ll make someone a fine horse one day, just like your dam.”
His attentions were abandoned in favor of feed, and Siwon gave the mare one last pet. He had one real way to clear his mind, and he found the nearest stable boy.
“Which horse is available? My horse is resting, and I need to go out.”
It took only a few minutes to get to the stall of the free mare, saddling her quickly.
A good long run in the fields, and maybe that would make the decision he had made stand that much clearer.
***
Siwon was granted the audience immediately, stepping up to bow before his king. There was talk in the castle that they were preparing some sort of grand feast to be held in conjunction with the king’s wedding. A celebration of Han Geng’s return, an upholding of Siwon’s accomplishment, and the acknowledgement of the nuptials of the king.
“Your Majesty,” he said.
“Siwon… You look much better. Is there something you need?”
“Your Majesty… When you offered something as a thank you, I have thought hard on this. And there is one thing I would request of you.”
King Han Jun leaned forward, as though fascinated that Siwon had come to him, and that he had not had to go chase Siwon down for an answer.
“Of course, Siwon. If it’s in my power, I wouldn’t refuse you.”
Would you accept my presence in your brother’s bed? Siwon wondered silently. But he knew already what he would ask for, and those musings only reinforced it for him.
“There is a village south of here, near the foothills. We toured it once, returning from a skirmish at the border. I would… I would ask your permission to go there, start a life there.”
As a place, it was the furthest he could get from Han Geng without leaving the country entirely. Maybe he wouldn’t stay there forever. Maybe just long enough to get a hold on his feelings, and all that went with them. To where he could look at Han Geng without wanting to speak to him, to touch him. Space and time were the two things he needed most. But he could not see himself being away from the castle for long. Fighting, protecting, was what he had trained to do. And he had little doubt that the king would accept him back, one day.
But he could see that beyond the king hearing his request, he had surprised him. Which Siwon wasn’t sure how to think of.
“Have you spoken with Han Geng of this request?” King Han Jun asked carefully.
“No, Your Majesty. I have not seen Prince Han Geng since we returned.”
“Then he’s dumber than a rock!” the king muttered, but Siwon wasn’t sure he heard that correctly. “Do you think badly of my brother, Siwon? Answer me truthfully. You and I have known each other too long.”
“Of course I do not think badly of him. I respect him, gladly serve under him. It has been my honor to fight for Your Majesty and Prince Han Geng. My head needs…rest.”
“So you would go, even if he wanted you to stay?”
“Why would he?” Siwon asked, obtusely. But it was clear that Han Geng could have wanted him to stay for any number of reasons… To fight. To protect the castle.
“You two are too alike. But I said if it was in my power, I would grant it. And it is. So you have your permission, and are granted anything you require to begin your life there. There is a small caravan heading in that direction in three day’s time, bearing winter supplies. Would it suit you to travel with that?”
“It would, Your Majesty. Thank you.”
King Han Jun nodded, seeming to think. “Good. But I have one request. One demand, really.”
“Of course, Your Majesty.”
“You will go to Han Geng before you leave. I do not care if it is the hour before you get onto your horse to go, but you will see Han Geng before you do.”
At first he wasn’t sure how to respond, staring at his king, his…friend? It was not in him to refuse, and yet a whole hearted answer seemed beyond him. “As you require, Your Majesty.”
King Han Jun smiled, apparently satisfied. “Good. Now, tell me what you plan to do there… Take up farming?”
Siwon could not help but smile back.
***
