[Fic] For Always - 17/24
Apr. 14th, 2009 05:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coley_merrinTitle: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen ** Chapter Sixteen ** Chapter Seventeen ** Chapter Eighteen
***
Chapter Seventeen
***
“Are you doing anything tonight?” Kyuhyun asked as Zhou Mi slid a hand over his. He had just returned from lunch, stopping by to say hello to Kyuhyun.
“No! Why?”
“Want some company overnight?” he asked, trying for nonchalance.
“Oh, yes. I can go home for clothes, if...”
“No. I thought I’d come over tonight. If it’s okay.”
Zhou Mi blinked at him, mind clearly racing.
“To my place?”
“Is there a third place we’ve stayed? Yeah.”
“I...Come into the back with me, Kui Xian.”
He waved at Ryeowook, but both he and Henry were used to Kyuhyun disappearing for short periods into the back with Zhou Mi. If Ryeowook’s grins whenever he emerged were indication, he was all in favor of it. It made him want to roll his eyes.
Zhou Mi settled his hands lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
“You know, you can come to visit without staying, right?”
He had been thinking on it for days. Yes, he knew he could just go over and visit, but it defeated the purpose that he was working toward. Independence. He had stayed away from the store once, and that proved what? It could be a fluke for all he knew. Maybe Zhou Mi wouldn’t succeed in calming him again. Maybe he wouldn’t even make it to sleep.
Was it so wrong to want to know? The concern was stark on Zhou Mi’s features, bright and ugly in the face of all his hope. Of course he was worried, for Kyuhyun’s reaction to him and his home. And if Kyuhyun were to fail to stay at Zhou Mi’s? What would Zhou Mi think of him then?
He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Zhou Mi’s middle, squeezing into his warmth. With Zhou Mi, maybe it was impossible for him to fail.
“I’d like to. I need to know.”
“You are welcome. Is there something we can do to make you more comfortable?”
Besides being with Zhou Mi? He thought on it for a moment. “Want to go see a movie? We haven’t together, yet, and it’d be nice...”
“Sounds like fun. Then maybe we can read some more of the book we started at your apartment.”
“Will you read it to me?”
“Out loud? It’s in Korean. I don’t know how good I’d be.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“You like my voice, huh?”
“Yeah. A little,” he said, wrinkling his nose and getting Zhou Mi to laugh at it.
“What movie do you want to see then?”
“You pick... But if you pick some kind of sappy romance story you’re giving up your picking privileges for the next six months.”
“Okay. My choice but only if my choice is okay with you. I see how this works, Kui Xian.”
But he didn’t sound terrible unhappy about it, definitely did not kiss as if he were unhappy about it.
But Zhou Mi had listened. Which was how they ended up in a theater, Kyuhyun’s face frozen in amazement as the latest in Disney animation began to scroll across the screen.
“What’s the deep thematic current in this film?” he whispered to Zhou Mi quite seriously.
“Good always triumphs over evil,” Zhou Mi whispered back, and earned a glare from a mother several rows ahead.
So he smiled, and relaxed, and realized that Zhou Mi somehow knew him better than he had realized.
He jerked as a hand appeared in front of his face. “Wha...”
A piece of popcorn was pushed through his lips, and he chewed, watching Zhou Mi’s satisfied face.
“What was that for?”
“I like your mouth,” Zhou Mi said, grinning.
“Yeah?” Kyuhyun asked, picking up a couple of fluffy kernels, letting his hand drift toward Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi watched with interest, leaning forward in anticipation... And Kyuhyun withdrew his hand, popping them into his own mouth. “Me too.”
Zhou Mi’s jaw dropped as a piece of popcorn bounced off his cheek.
A quarter of their popcorn ended up on the floor, and the movie was only partially watched in the ensuing battle, but it had, as they had hoped, distracted him. Though Zhou Mi’s gleeful smile had been enough for that.
***
After their showers, Zhou Mi patted the bed beside him in invitation, the book already in his hands. The first time they had read in bed, Kyuhyun had been stuck in denial, touching but not giving in.
This time, he was having nothing but the best, pressing himself fully to Zhou Mi’s side, a leg across his thighs, an arm across his chest. As full close as they could be without Kyuhyun actually laying on top of him. And that idea had its merits. But he closed his eyes, soothed by Zhou Mi’s hand along his back and his voice. He only had to help out once or twice as Zhou Mi read aloud, his voice steady and so very Zhou Mi.
He traced Zhou Mi’s throat at he read, the words themselves fading somewhat as he thought. This was Zhou Mi... Zhou Mi the man who had shaken his hand so enthusiastically in hope of seeing the books. Zhou Mi who had cried at a little ballerina’s happiness. Zhou Mi, whose puppy and owl still sat together in his kitchen. And here, they were together in Zhou Mi’s bed. Dating. In love. He would have called anyone a liar if they had accused him of getting here within six months.
“Kui Xian?”
He shook his head, remembering to breathe again as he felt a bit of tension creep into the back of throat. It might have been amazing, but a miracle it was not. Still, as Zhou Mi set the book aside, turned out the light, he didn’t feel like running, unless it was toward Zhou Mi. They kissed in the dark, gentle and sweet, an assurance from Zhou Mi that was worth more than gold.
“I love you,” Zhou Mi whispered, curled tight around him. “Sleep well.”
It took him a while, willing the tension from his body, but he did sleep, lulled by the rhythm of Zhou Mi’s breathing. He woke several times during the night, but the panic was stemmed, only moments of doubt before Zhou Mi had brought his arm around him tighter and morning came, and with it Zhou Mi’s smile.
***
Hankyung watched as Siwon sat on the rubber seat of the swing, Yunjee scrambling into her own swing for Hankyung to send her flying. He pushed her gently at first, watching her climb. Nala was curled up around Siwon’s feet, looking as though she’d like to dart up and chase the laughing girl.
It was the first warm day, warm enough that Siwon had suggested that a picnic was in order. A celebration of sorts... Almost a month to the day that Siwon and Yunjee had moved in. Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun were coming, bringing food to supplement their own. It was different. This knowing he had someone, knowing that Kyuhyun did, too. So much the same and yet so different.
They arrived early, Yunjee and the dog hurrying them out the door with excitement. And they swung, as they had on the winter day with their breath puffing into the air, and a sick ache of longing in at least his heart. In Siwon’s, perhaps a little more hope. Today, nothing but joy. A laughing child, an excited puppy, and Siwon with a smile.
“It’s a really nice day,” Siwon said, a bit unnecessarily and not looking at the weather, rather at the two of them.
“It is.”
“When will we eat?” Yunjee asked.
“As soon as Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun get here.”
“Yay!”
He left her to swing, taking Siwon’s hand.
“Having fun?” he asked, bending to kiss Siwon.
“Is that all you two ever do?” he heard Kyuhyun ask.
He held a bag of food for their picnic, and Zhou Mi was beside him.
“No. Goodbye,” he said genially, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes in response.
Yunjee squealed, dragging her feet on the ground so that she could properly greet the newcomers. Kyuhyun cocked his eyebrows at them, and turned toward the blanket that Siwon had already laid out, Yunjee happily between them to say hello.
“Did you think we’d ever be here?” he asked Siwon softly.
“When we were here before? I don’t know. I do know I wanted you to come over just like this. To hug you... To kiss you.”
He pulled at Hankyung until their balance was nearly lost, only the grip on the chains keeping them from collapsing onto the ground. “Hey!”
Siwon grinned, steadying them, and thoughtfully held Hankyung’s hands, gently contemplating his fingers.
“I love your hands,” he whispered, bouncing onto his feet and guiding Hankyung with him, toward the empty play structure. He used those hands to guide Siwon’s face to his, kissing him gently.
“I love you, Siwon,” he said.
“I love you, too,” Siwon said, somewhat muffled by his face against Hankyung’s neck.
One month in their new house. One month together in the closest way possible. One month learning about each other. One glorious month of Siwon all around him, loving him, holding his hand and talking to him long into the night. A month for the stars in the little girl’s eyes to brighten, for him to love her more than he could have imagined. Siwon could have felt threatened, he realized. That her affection was directed away from Siwon even in that small way. But how many times had he been pulled into a tight hug after she had been tucked in, the joy in their closeness reading bright on Siwon’s face... And there was no threat to Siwon, not from him. Yunjee looked to Siwon as her anchor. If he had to pick moments that stood out most in his mind, so many would be of the heart-melting closeness between man and girl, Siwon savoring the quiet moments when he could still cuddle his small but growing child and Yunjee basking in it. He hoped at ten, at sixteen, at twenty, she held Siwon’s love just as dearly.
“What are you thinking?” Siwon asked him, stroking his back.
“How quickly time goes,” he said, smiling.
“Ah. It seems like Yunjee was a baby just yesterday,” Siwon said, as if he had read Hankyung’s thoughts. “I hear how quickly they grow... Soon she’ll want makeup instead of wanting to be pushed on the swing. You’ll have to help me tell her no. She’s not allowed to get married until she’s at least 80.”
“Siwon...” He laughed.
“You’ll help me, Geng?”
“I’ll do my best. I’m kind of weak, though...”
“Using you shamelessly to appeal to me. She already knows that works. Smart girl.”
“Daddy! Time to eat!” came Yunjee’s voice from wherever the picnic had been set up.
Kyuhyun had collapsed back onto the blanket, Zhou Mi playfully capturing an arm as Yunjee contemplated the treasures of tasty food spread out in front of her. Siwon had his hand.
He kicked the back of Kyuhyun’s knee as he passed, and grinned at the shout.
***
Kyuhyun packed away the last of the food, watching as Zhou Mi stood at Yunjee’s insistence, walking with Siwon toward the slides and tunnels and bars.
“Oh, not you, my girl,” Hankyung said, keeping a firm hold on the puppy’s leash and guiding her back to him. He held her sweet face between his hands, keeping her far enough back to avoid doggy kisses. “What’s wrong? Don’t you love me any more? You used to love spending time with me.”
She collapsed against him in a vision of canine bliss as he rubbed her vigorously, and she lavished his hands with plenty of well-meaning licks.
“I’ll have to wash well before someone else gets there tonight,” he said.
“Siwon licks your hands a lot?” Kyuhyun asked, laughing.
“I’ll never tell. Zhou Mi seems like he’d like to lick yours.”
“I don’t think so.”
Hankyung raised his eyebrows. “He looks at you like he’d like to absorb you.”
“He’s really good at not doing that then. We’re not like you guys. We don’t...”
“Well, I know you haven’t done that.”
“Or anything. We kiss, that’s all.” And it galled him to say it. If Hankyung hadn’t put on his “now now, tell me all about it” look he probably wouldn’t have said that much.
“Oh?”
“Yep. It’s really nice. He kisses me and pats me on the head, and then we sleep. I’m his adorable little brother.”
“I...don’t think so. You must not see the way he looks at you.”
“No. I do. Looking must be enough for him.”
“Have you asked him why?”
He scoffed, looking at Hankyung. “Really? “Hey, Zhou Mi, why won’t you touch me?””
“Yes, really. Because you obviously want him to. How are you going to know why he isn’t if you don’t ask? And how will he know you want him to unless you tell him?”
“I’ve shown him.”
“There’s a reason it’s called “show and tell,” Kyu. The two don’t equal each other.”
He scowled, but it softened as Yunjee came laughing down the slide and chased after the slowly moving Zhou Mi. “It’s just not like I expected. It seems so easy in the books and movies. The person finds someone, and they like each other, they date and have eye contact and make out. There aren’t clandestine conversations about when and why and why not.”
“That’s not how it happens with everyone.”
“I know. But couldn’t I have gotten the easy route just this once? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“It’ll be worth the effort.”
“I hope so.”
“But you love him, right?”
“Well, yeah, but...” He stopped, felt the blood drain from his face.
Hankyung stared at him in confusion for a long moment. “Wait. Wait, wait. You haven’t told him?”
“I... No? I don’t need another lesson about show versus tell. I know.”
“Why haven’t you told him?” Hankyung asked quietly.
“I don’t know. It’s like pushing a boulder over a mountain. I get to the top and just can’t make it over.”
“Do you think he won’t stay? After he worked so long to get you?”
“I don’t know! It’s not like we’ve pledged to die together or anything. Obviously I want him to stay, but, I mean. You know I want him to stay.”
“Have you told him that at least?”
“Well. Ugh. I can’t do anything.”
“Maybe he needs to get you drunk. Lower your inhibitions.”
Kyuhyun laughed. “Maybe not in the way he’d want. I want to do it on my own.”
“Just don’t forget he’s there. You can’t do it totally on your own, you know. Someone has to be there to hear it.”
“Yeah.”
“He loves you a lot.”
“He’s obviously crazy. That must mean we’re perfect for each other.”
They looked up to see Siwon gesturing at the metal tubing above his and Zhou Mi’s heads. His gestures indicated he was talking about pull ups. Kyuhyun looked between the fit and muscular Siwon and the tall,lanky but decidedly not muscular Zhou Mi.
“Sorry, does Siwon realize who he’s talking to?” he asked Hankyung. “Mr. Fitness Zhou Mi is not.”
“He doesn’t lift any weights?” Hankyung asked, amused.
“His laptop?”
They watched as Siwon quite easily pulled his chin up and over the bar, sending a wink toward Hankyung before turning back to Zhou Mi.
“Close your mouth, you’re drooling,” he told Hankyung, who waved him off but checked his mouth anyway.
Zhou Mi was looking up at the bar rather dubiously after having seen Siwon perform with such ease. He got a good solid grip on the bar, listening to Siwon’s obvious last moment pointers. Zhou Mi’s whole body swayed as though he were trying to launch himself into orbit. If the bar had been another inch higher, he thought there would have been failure. It wasn’t nearly as pretty as Siwon’s, not by far, and Kyuhyun didn’t breathe the last three inches, inclining his chin as though that would help Zhou Mi’s get there. But just when it seemed like it was the end, Zhou Mi’s chin scraped over the top, and he dropped like a piece of limp spaghetti, laughing as Siwon clapped enthusiastically and gave his playfully lolling self a hug.
Zhou Mi collapsed beside him, grinning despite his quick breath. Kyuhyun leaned close, hovering over him, taking in the flushed cheeks and shining eyes.
“Not bad for a nerd,” he said, poking Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “Exercise suits you.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.”
Zhou Mi was warm, just a bit sweaty, and he wanted to lap at his skin just to taste him. He meant to keep the kiss sweet, but Zhou Mi was still huffing and puffing, and he smelled like grass stains and sweat and kimchee, and tasted even better. The slender chest rumbled with a moan, and he fuzzily thought that there were people around, maybe they should stop... But Zhou Mi’s lips were so soft, his hair cool and thick between his fingers.
Zhou Mi twisted his head away, sitting up and crushing Kyuhyun to him.
“Gonna go get some water.”
Then he was on his feet, rapidly fleeing to where Siwon and Yunjee were bathing their hands in the cool water spray.
“That is a man who wants you badly,” Hankyung observed.
The frown on Kyuhyun’s face must have prompted Hankyung to continue.
“You didn’t see what I did. His hands were so tight on the blanket trying not to touch you...”
“Then I don’t understand why he stops.”
“Do you know what is so amazing about him for you?” Hankyung asked. “You ask why he stopped, but it’s a public park. He should have stopped you. You forget yourself with him.”
“And when we’re alone? Should I forget I want him?”
“Believe me, he wasn’t disinterested. You should talk to him if you’re worried.”
It made him feel marginally better, that and laughing at Zhou Mi being owned in a water fight with a six year-old.
***
They went back to Kyuhyun’s place after leaving the other three, happily calling for food in to rest from their exhausting afternoon. Zhou Mi’s exhausting afternoon.
Kyuhyun watched with a frown as Zhou Mi gathered his things. They had eaten dinner together, were relaxing together. It seemed like he was always the one to say hey, why don’t you stay? He kept waiting for Zhou Mi to ask or offer, but the nights stretched two, three long between Kyuhyun finally making the move.
His bed was empty without Zhou Mi in it.
He had even had to invite himself back to Zhou Mi’s apartment. That made sense, since Zhou Mi had clearly worried about Kyuhyun’s response being bad toward him. But even that had not gone nearly as badly as the first time.
But that didn’t explain why Zhou Mi wasn’t staying with him. How many times had he asked Kyuhyun out to dinner before being accepted? The man was not incapable of asking a question. Maybe sleeping beside each other every night was too much for him. Maybe he needed time alone. Kyuhyun had thought that was the case for him, relieved when he could relax and sprawl and be all for himself. No one was there to hear him burp, and he didn’t have to close the bathroom door. It was good.
Until he had started clutching a pillow to fall asleep. It didn’t seem fair that he seemed to want more. Finally he gathered the courage to ask, before Zhou Mi could go for his shoes or his coat.
“Do you like staying over here? Or having me over?”
Zhou Mi cocked his head at him. “Of course. I love being with you, Kui Xian.”
“Then why don’t you stay here more often? You never ask to. Are you afraid I’ll say no?”
With a sigh, Zhou Mi sank into the couch’s cushions. “Oh. That. I... Do you remember when I told you I wasn’t perfect either? That’s one of those things. That you let me close, that you wanted me here with you meant so much to me. To ask you to stay seemed like I was asking for too much when I was so happy already. I didn’t want you to feel like you ever had to hide to get away from me.”
That insecurity was written on Zhou Mi’s face. Wanting to be close but not wanting to smother, fearing it. It made him want to laugh.
“You’re always welcome,” he said, stepping up between Zhou Mi’s knees. “I swear.”
“Then I could stay tonight?”
“Please. You don’t...” he paused, before pushing himself out there. “You don’t ever have to ask.”
Zhou Mi’s lips parted at that pronouncement, eyes huge.
“That’d be kind of rude, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah, maybe.” He tugged Zhou Mi to his feet.
“I like when you’re there. I like knowing you’re sleeping next to me, and that I’ll have to shovel you out of bed, and that I can talk to you when I close up the store. I even like arguing with you about what we’re eating. I...”
Zhou Mi’s arms were warm around him. “I like all of those things, too.”
“Surely there’s something you don’t like.”
“Well, at least you’ve gotten better about waking me up.”
“I’ll have to work on that then. What have you done to me?”
“Nothing you haven’t done to me, Kui Xian.”
He was so in love with Zhou Mi. The shivers he caused, the warmth he spread, the joy that just a simple smile could bring. If he left...
“I’d get by. I’d get by,” he muttered into Zhou Mi’s shoulder, eyes clenched tightly closed as he gripped Zhou Mi’s shirt with both hands.
“What?”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly.
“Me too. Is there something you don’t like about me?”
“Your face,” he said flippantly, and Zhou Mi’s eyes were curious. “Makes me want to do this.”
Zhou Mi hummed in amusement against his lips, arms tight around Kyuhyun’s waist as they showed each other just how much they “disliked” what they were doing. He sighed as Zhou Mi kissed the junction of his jaw and ear.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Zhou Mi asked, incongruous to what his mouth was doing in turning Kyuhyun’s bones to liquid.
“My shower is your shower, and all that. Feel free.”
“Pajamas in the same place?”
“Yep.”
He wished he knew what was on Zhou Mi’s mind as he listened to the shower running. Why did he keep pulling away?
He was pulling his pajama shirt on when Zhou Mi emerged, just a bit damp and flushed with the warmth of the shower. He pressed his face into the curve of Zhou Mi’s neck just to smell him.
“Good shower?”
“Yeah. You have a nice back, Kui Xian.”
Ah, he had seen. He bit his tongue before he could say that he bet it felt nice, too, because Zhou Mi’s posture was holding their bodies apart rather deliberately, even as another chaste kiss was being pressed to his lips.
“I’m sure yours is too,” he said, but was disrupted as Zhou Mi turned to pull back the covers. He was sure that it was, as he watched the cloth drape over dips and planes of Zhou Mi’s back. It felt nice under the cloth when they hugged. He was sure it would skin to skin as well.
It would be a lot easier if he didn’t find Zhou Mi attractive. And that was stupid, because he did. He had. It had been the hole he couldn’t plug up, the one Zhou Mi’s initial attention had wormed through against all of the screaming better judgement in his head. And if anything, he found him more attractive now. It was the stupid/love thing, he knew. The thing that sent prickles down his neck when Zhou Mi’s breath was there, and made his skin heat where Zhou Mi had touched. The thing that made him want to part his lips against Zhou Mi’s and kiss him until the lines of their mouths were blurred and his mind was empty of everything but Zhou Mi, and his mouth and his taste...
He was not a saint or a monk. He had not been expecting to be given a handsome, sexy, adorable man and then to have to play some chaste form of house with him.
It was beginning to give him a complex. Did Zhou Mi not want him like that? But that was silly because you didn’t try to start dating someone you didn’t find attractive. Unless you started finding them less attractive later. But there were the compliments. Zhou Mi thought he had a nice back? Good. And the way Zhou Mi kissed him was not like he was disinterested. Only very, very careful. Zhou Mi initiated kisses, hugs, said “I love you” with an unregulated sort of frequency, and stared at Kyuhyun with those eyes...
So if Zhou Mi did want him, then was it something he had done?
“Does it bother you to be touched while you sleep, Kui Xian?” Zhou Mi asked as they settled in.
“You were touching me just about the whole night both times I stayed at your apartment and I slept fine. Why?”
Zhou Mi made some kind of indistinguishable noise that at first sounded like embarrassment, but the more he thought on it sounded more and more like a plea.
“You want that? Why can’t you just ask? You think I won’t tell you if I’m uncomfortable with something? Are you afraid of me?” he asked, his tone a bit joking, as though the thought of it was almost too strange to contemplate.
He wasn’t expecting Zhou Mi’s quiet, “Yes.”
He pushed himself up, struggling to make out Zhou Mi’s features in the dark.
“What? Why?”
“I’m still figuring you out, Kui Xian. How to be with you.”
“Like not being able to ask me if you can stay, or asking if you can cuddle? Will I bite you?”
“It’s complicated.”
“If you want to touch me, touch me. If you want to kiss me, do it. I’ll tell you no if I don’t want it. I have practice at telling you no.”
“It’s not the no I’m worried about.”
“Can I come stay with you tomorrow night?”
“Oh. Yes!”
“See? Not so hard.”
Is that why Zhou Mi would hardly touch him?
“Sorry for making you worry,” Zhou Mi said, following his lead and wrapping around him, his nose pressed to the back of Kyuhyun’s head.
“Just...” He hugged Zhou Mi’s forearm to his chest, dipping down a moment to kiss his wrist. “Don’t be quiet about it. Are there other things you want?”
“I think... Probably.”
“Then ask, or do, or whatever. I can’t do everything for you.”
“Thank you, Kui Xian.” There was quiet, and soft breathing. “I love you.”
The one thing he couldn’t give back. He squeezed his eyes closed, hands tightening over Zhou Mi’s arm. It made him so happy, hearing those words, and so discontent because he could not say them himself. He imagined the wonder, the happiness on Zhou Mi’s face. It would make Zhou Mi happy. It would be better than this tightened throat, the apology he left unspoken. But beyond that... He had a feeling, though, one as real as the pulse in Zhou Mi’s wrist, that it would make him happy, too. It was not just for Zhou Mi that he would say anything, but for himself. It was nothing that was untrue. He loved Zhou Mi, knew that or this worry would not sting so badly. He hoped that this arm around him was helping to form the key that would unlock it.
They fell asleep that way, one heart troubled, the other desperately seeking.
***
The house was about 95% put together, if Hankyung had to put an estimate on it. Yunjee’s room had been finished first, and their room. The mingling of the rest of their belongings in the room where he kept his computer desk had been the slowest, with boxes still stacked in the corners (his and Siwon’s - they needed to go shopping for additional furniture, help them both.)
The kitchen was solidly together, though, and not any too soon. He was a little neurotic about his kitchen organization, and he wanted to know where he could find his tools. There was nothing like rifling through five drawers to find a spatula. He had thought Siwon had been listening very intently the first time he tried to explain his method to kitchen friendliness. Siwon had been distracted by his hands or his ears, or something else entirely from the explanation he had received. It had gotten better from there. There were a few small snafus, but Siwon gave him that puppy dog grin and he patiently explained it again.
He really couldn’t complain... Siwon was a very prompt clothes-washer. His clothes were always neat and properly stored. And he always made sure that Hankyung had a clean pair of underwear in his gym bag, because apparently the thought of Hankyung not wearing any home drove Siwon to distraction.
To have kissed Siwon on that swing where they had talked all that time ago... To see where they were now.
“Geng...”
“Hm?” He looked up as Siwon sat beside him. “What’s up?”
Siwon took the book he had been debating getting rid of from him, setting it gently aside and taking both his hands. “I love you, and I want to spend forever with you.”
But? Hankyung wondered. Was there a “but” coming?
“And I wanted to show you,” Siwon said. “I hope I show you every day, but I wanted...Something you could see.”
He was sure his eyes were wide as cool metal slipped over the skin of his finger. It was a plain gold band, nothing flashy, but solid. Their eyes locked, and Siwon tucked a second ring into Hankyung’s palm.
“I had them engraved,” Siwon continued. “Here, look.”
He tilted the ring into the light, his hands shaking ever so slightly, the weight of the ring on his own finger overwhelming him.
“‘Siwon ♥ Geng Forever,’” he read aloud.
“Yours reads ‘Geng ♥ Siwon.’ Are... Are they okay?”
“Okay? Okay doesn’t even begin... I don’t think I’ve seen anything so damn amazing in my entire life.”
His voice broke on the end of his sentence, and Siwon gathering him close did little to stem it.
“I love you,” Siwon told him, kissing the tears from his face. “I love you so much.”
He breathed deeply, composing himself as he looked at Siwon, saw so clearly.
“I love you too,” he said, and slipped the ring onto Siwon’s finger. Their hands twined together, rings meeting with a satisfying clink.
“Siwon...”
They kissed, Siwon guiding him onto his lap so he could hold him closer.
“Forever,” Siwon told him, muffled by Hankyung’s neck.
He chuckled, squeezing Siwon.
“We’ll never finish getting the house put together at this rate.”
“That’s okay,” Siwon said, kissing him again. “Yunjee will just have to visit her friends instead of them coming here until she’s about 20.”
“At the rate time is going, that’ll be tomorrow.”
He yelped as Siwon stood, hitching him up in both arms.
“Siwon?”
“We have a couple hours till the kid gets out of school. Let’s see if these rings change anything.”
He laughed, helpless to do anything else as Siwon half danced them across the living room floor.
“You think they would?”
“No... But it’s really our duty to find out, isn’t it? I heard somewhere you need to find a threshold, too. So here we go.”
“Should we have a party? Celebrate?”
Siwon grinned, planting them both on their bed. “Oh you mean one for everyone else? Sure. But let’s have our own first.”
There wasn’t any arguing with that.
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen ** Chapter Sixteen ** Chapter Seventeen ** Chapter Eighteen
***
Chapter Seventeen
***
“Are you doing anything tonight?” Kyuhyun asked as Zhou Mi slid a hand over his. He had just returned from lunch, stopping by to say hello to Kyuhyun.
“No! Why?”
“Want some company overnight?” he asked, trying for nonchalance.
“Oh, yes. I can go home for clothes, if...”
“No. I thought I’d come over tonight. If it’s okay.”
Zhou Mi blinked at him, mind clearly racing.
“To my place?”
“Is there a third place we’ve stayed? Yeah.”
“I...Come into the back with me, Kui Xian.”
He waved at Ryeowook, but both he and Henry were used to Kyuhyun disappearing for short periods into the back with Zhou Mi. If Ryeowook’s grins whenever he emerged were indication, he was all in favor of it. It made him want to roll his eyes.
Zhou Mi settled his hands lightly on Kyuhyun’s shoulders.
“You know, you can come to visit without staying, right?”
He had been thinking on it for days. Yes, he knew he could just go over and visit, but it defeated the purpose that he was working toward. Independence. He had stayed away from the store once, and that proved what? It could be a fluke for all he knew. Maybe Zhou Mi wouldn’t succeed in calming him again. Maybe he wouldn’t even make it to sleep.
Was it so wrong to want to know? The concern was stark on Zhou Mi’s features, bright and ugly in the face of all his hope. Of course he was worried, for Kyuhyun’s reaction to him and his home. And if Kyuhyun were to fail to stay at Zhou Mi’s? What would Zhou Mi think of him then?
He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Zhou Mi’s middle, squeezing into his warmth. With Zhou Mi, maybe it was impossible for him to fail.
“I’d like to. I need to know.”
“You are welcome. Is there something we can do to make you more comfortable?”
Besides being with Zhou Mi? He thought on it for a moment. “Want to go see a movie? We haven’t together, yet, and it’d be nice...”
“Sounds like fun. Then maybe we can read some more of the book we started at your apartment.”
“Will you read it to me?”
“Out loud? It’s in Korean. I don’t know how good I’d be.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“You like my voice, huh?”
“Yeah. A little,” he said, wrinkling his nose and getting Zhou Mi to laugh at it.
“What movie do you want to see then?”
“You pick... But if you pick some kind of sappy romance story you’re giving up your picking privileges for the next six months.”
“Okay. My choice but only if my choice is okay with you. I see how this works, Kui Xian.”
But he didn’t sound terrible unhappy about it, definitely did not kiss as if he were unhappy about it.
But Zhou Mi had listened. Which was how they ended up in a theater, Kyuhyun’s face frozen in amazement as the latest in Disney animation began to scroll across the screen.
“What’s the deep thematic current in this film?” he whispered to Zhou Mi quite seriously.
“Good always triumphs over evil,” Zhou Mi whispered back, and earned a glare from a mother several rows ahead.
So he smiled, and relaxed, and realized that Zhou Mi somehow knew him better than he had realized.
He jerked as a hand appeared in front of his face. “Wha...”
A piece of popcorn was pushed through his lips, and he chewed, watching Zhou Mi’s satisfied face.
“What was that for?”
“I like your mouth,” Zhou Mi said, grinning.
“Yeah?” Kyuhyun asked, picking up a couple of fluffy kernels, letting his hand drift toward Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi watched with interest, leaning forward in anticipation... And Kyuhyun withdrew his hand, popping them into his own mouth. “Me too.”
Zhou Mi’s jaw dropped as a piece of popcorn bounced off his cheek.
A quarter of their popcorn ended up on the floor, and the movie was only partially watched in the ensuing battle, but it had, as they had hoped, distracted him. Though Zhou Mi’s gleeful smile had been enough for that.
***
After their showers, Zhou Mi patted the bed beside him in invitation, the book already in his hands. The first time they had read in bed, Kyuhyun had been stuck in denial, touching but not giving in.
This time, he was having nothing but the best, pressing himself fully to Zhou Mi’s side, a leg across his thighs, an arm across his chest. As full close as they could be without Kyuhyun actually laying on top of him. And that idea had its merits. But he closed his eyes, soothed by Zhou Mi’s hand along his back and his voice. He only had to help out once or twice as Zhou Mi read aloud, his voice steady and so very Zhou Mi.
He traced Zhou Mi’s throat at he read, the words themselves fading somewhat as he thought. This was Zhou Mi... Zhou Mi the man who had shaken his hand so enthusiastically in hope of seeing the books. Zhou Mi who had cried at a little ballerina’s happiness. Zhou Mi, whose puppy and owl still sat together in his kitchen. And here, they were together in Zhou Mi’s bed. Dating. In love. He would have called anyone a liar if they had accused him of getting here within six months.
“Kui Xian?”
He shook his head, remembering to breathe again as he felt a bit of tension creep into the back of throat. It might have been amazing, but a miracle it was not. Still, as Zhou Mi set the book aside, turned out the light, he didn’t feel like running, unless it was toward Zhou Mi. They kissed in the dark, gentle and sweet, an assurance from Zhou Mi that was worth more than gold.
“I love you,” Zhou Mi whispered, curled tight around him. “Sleep well.”
It took him a while, willing the tension from his body, but he did sleep, lulled by the rhythm of Zhou Mi’s breathing. He woke several times during the night, but the panic was stemmed, only moments of doubt before Zhou Mi had brought his arm around him tighter and morning came, and with it Zhou Mi’s smile.
***
Hankyung watched as Siwon sat on the rubber seat of the swing, Yunjee scrambling into her own swing for Hankyung to send her flying. He pushed her gently at first, watching her climb. Nala was curled up around Siwon’s feet, looking as though she’d like to dart up and chase the laughing girl.
It was the first warm day, warm enough that Siwon had suggested that a picnic was in order. A celebration of sorts... Almost a month to the day that Siwon and Yunjee had moved in. Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun were coming, bringing food to supplement their own. It was different. This knowing he had someone, knowing that Kyuhyun did, too. So much the same and yet so different.
They arrived early, Yunjee and the dog hurrying them out the door with excitement. And they swung, as they had on the winter day with their breath puffing into the air, and a sick ache of longing in at least his heart. In Siwon’s, perhaps a little more hope. Today, nothing but joy. A laughing child, an excited puppy, and Siwon with a smile.
“It’s a really nice day,” Siwon said, a bit unnecessarily and not looking at the weather, rather at the two of them.
“It is.”
“When will we eat?” Yunjee asked.
“As soon as Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun get here.”
“Yay!”
He left her to swing, taking Siwon’s hand.
“Having fun?” he asked, bending to kiss Siwon.
“Is that all you two ever do?” he heard Kyuhyun ask.
He held a bag of food for their picnic, and Zhou Mi was beside him.
“No. Goodbye,” he said genially, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes in response.
Yunjee squealed, dragging her feet on the ground so that she could properly greet the newcomers. Kyuhyun cocked his eyebrows at them, and turned toward the blanket that Siwon had already laid out, Yunjee happily between them to say hello.
“Did you think we’d ever be here?” he asked Siwon softly.
“When we were here before? I don’t know. I do know I wanted you to come over just like this. To hug you... To kiss you.”
He pulled at Hankyung until their balance was nearly lost, only the grip on the chains keeping them from collapsing onto the ground. “Hey!”
Siwon grinned, steadying them, and thoughtfully held Hankyung’s hands, gently contemplating his fingers.
“I love your hands,” he whispered, bouncing onto his feet and guiding Hankyung with him, toward the empty play structure. He used those hands to guide Siwon’s face to his, kissing him gently.
“I love you, Siwon,” he said.
“I love you, too,” Siwon said, somewhat muffled by his face against Hankyung’s neck.
One month in their new house. One month together in the closest way possible. One month learning about each other. One glorious month of Siwon all around him, loving him, holding his hand and talking to him long into the night. A month for the stars in the little girl’s eyes to brighten, for him to love her more than he could have imagined. Siwon could have felt threatened, he realized. That her affection was directed away from Siwon even in that small way. But how many times had he been pulled into a tight hug after she had been tucked in, the joy in their closeness reading bright on Siwon’s face... And there was no threat to Siwon, not from him. Yunjee looked to Siwon as her anchor. If he had to pick moments that stood out most in his mind, so many would be of the heart-melting closeness between man and girl, Siwon savoring the quiet moments when he could still cuddle his small but growing child and Yunjee basking in it. He hoped at ten, at sixteen, at twenty, she held Siwon’s love just as dearly.
“What are you thinking?” Siwon asked him, stroking his back.
“How quickly time goes,” he said, smiling.
“Ah. It seems like Yunjee was a baby just yesterday,” Siwon said, as if he had read Hankyung’s thoughts. “I hear how quickly they grow... Soon she’ll want makeup instead of wanting to be pushed on the swing. You’ll have to help me tell her no. She’s not allowed to get married until she’s at least 80.”
“Siwon...” He laughed.
“You’ll help me, Geng?”
“I’ll do my best. I’m kind of weak, though...”
“Using you shamelessly to appeal to me. She already knows that works. Smart girl.”
“Daddy! Time to eat!” came Yunjee’s voice from wherever the picnic had been set up.
Kyuhyun had collapsed back onto the blanket, Zhou Mi playfully capturing an arm as Yunjee contemplated the treasures of tasty food spread out in front of her. Siwon had his hand.
He kicked the back of Kyuhyun’s knee as he passed, and grinned at the shout.
***
Kyuhyun packed away the last of the food, watching as Zhou Mi stood at Yunjee’s insistence, walking with Siwon toward the slides and tunnels and bars.
“Oh, not you, my girl,” Hankyung said, keeping a firm hold on the puppy’s leash and guiding her back to him. He held her sweet face between his hands, keeping her far enough back to avoid doggy kisses. “What’s wrong? Don’t you love me any more? You used to love spending time with me.”
She collapsed against him in a vision of canine bliss as he rubbed her vigorously, and she lavished his hands with plenty of well-meaning licks.
“I’ll have to wash well before someone else gets there tonight,” he said.
“Siwon licks your hands a lot?” Kyuhyun asked, laughing.
“I’ll never tell. Zhou Mi seems like he’d like to lick yours.”
“I don’t think so.”
Hankyung raised his eyebrows. “He looks at you like he’d like to absorb you.”
“He’s really good at not doing that then. We’re not like you guys. We don’t...”
“Well, I know you haven’t done that.”
“Or anything. We kiss, that’s all.” And it galled him to say it. If Hankyung hadn’t put on his “now now, tell me all about it” look he probably wouldn’t have said that much.
“Oh?”
“Yep. It’s really nice. He kisses me and pats me on the head, and then we sleep. I’m his adorable little brother.”
“I...don’t think so. You must not see the way he looks at you.”
“No. I do. Looking must be enough for him.”
“Have you asked him why?”
He scoffed, looking at Hankyung. “Really? “Hey, Zhou Mi, why won’t you touch me?””
“Yes, really. Because you obviously want him to. How are you going to know why he isn’t if you don’t ask? And how will he know you want him to unless you tell him?”
“I’ve shown him.”
“There’s a reason it’s called “show and tell,” Kyu. The two don’t equal each other.”
He scowled, but it softened as Yunjee came laughing down the slide and chased after the slowly moving Zhou Mi. “It’s just not like I expected. It seems so easy in the books and movies. The person finds someone, and they like each other, they date and have eye contact and make out. There aren’t clandestine conversations about when and why and why not.”
“That’s not how it happens with everyone.”
“I know. But couldn’t I have gotten the easy route just this once? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
“It’ll be worth the effort.”
“I hope so.”
“But you love him, right?”
“Well, yeah, but...” He stopped, felt the blood drain from his face.
Hankyung stared at him in confusion for a long moment. “Wait. Wait, wait. You haven’t told him?”
“I... No? I don’t need another lesson about show versus tell. I know.”
“Why haven’t you told him?” Hankyung asked quietly.
“I don’t know. It’s like pushing a boulder over a mountain. I get to the top and just can’t make it over.”
“Do you think he won’t stay? After he worked so long to get you?”
“I don’t know! It’s not like we’ve pledged to die together or anything. Obviously I want him to stay, but, I mean. You know I want him to stay.”
“Have you told him that at least?”
“Well. Ugh. I can’t do anything.”
“Maybe he needs to get you drunk. Lower your inhibitions.”
Kyuhyun laughed. “Maybe not in the way he’d want. I want to do it on my own.”
“Just don’t forget he’s there. You can’t do it totally on your own, you know. Someone has to be there to hear it.”
“Yeah.”
“He loves you a lot.”
“He’s obviously crazy. That must mean we’re perfect for each other.”
They looked up to see Siwon gesturing at the metal tubing above his and Zhou Mi’s heads. His gestures indicated he was talking about pull ups. Kyuhyun looked between the fit and muscular Siwon and the tall,lanky but decidedly not muscular Zhou Mi.
“Sorry, does Siwon realize who he’s talking to?” he asked Hankyung. “Mr. Fitness Zhou Mi is not.”
“He doesn’t lift any weights?” Hankyung asked, amused.
“His laptop?”
They watched as Siwon quite easily pulled his chin up and over the bar, sending a wink toward Hankyung before turning back to Zhou Mi.
“Close your mouth, you’re drooling,” he told Hankyung, who waved him off but checked his mouth anyway.
Zhou Mi was looking up at the bar rather dubiously after having seen Siwon perform with such ease. He got a good solid grip on the bar, listening to Siwon’s obvious last moment pointers. Zhou Mi’s whole body swayed as though he were trying to launch himself into orbit. If the bar had been another inch higher, he thought there would have been failure. It wasn’t nearly as pretty as Siwon’s, not by far, and Kyuhyun didn’t breathe the last three inches, inclining his chin as though that would help Zhou Mi’s get there. But just when it seemed like it was the end, Zhou Mi’s chin scraped over the top, and he dropped like a piece of limp spaghetti, laughing as Siwon clapped enthusiastically and gave his playfully lolling self a hug.
Zhou Mi collapsed beside him, grinning despite his quick breath. Kyuhyun leaned close, hovering over him, taking in the flushed cheeks and shining eyes.
“Not bad for a nerd,” he said, poking Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “Exercise suits you.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.”
Zhou Mi was warm, just a bit sweaty, and he wanted to lap at his skin just to taste him. He meant to keep the kiss sweet, but Zhou Mi was still huffing and puffing, and he smelled like grass stains and sweat and kimchee, and tasted even better. The slender chest rumbled with a moan, and he fuzzily thought that there were people around, maybe they should stop... But Zhou Mi’s lips were so soft, his hair cool and thick between his fingers.
Zhou Mi twisted his head away, sitting up and crushing Kyuhyun to him.
“Gonna go get some water.”
Then he was on his feet, rapidly fleeing to where Siwon and Yunjee were bathing their hands in the cool water spray.
“That is a man who wants you badly,” Hankyung observed.
The frown on Kyuhyun’s face must have prompted Hankyung to continue.
“You didn’t see what I did. His hands were so tight on the blanket trying not to touch you...”
“Then I don’t understand why he stops.”
“Do you know what is so amazing about him for you?” Hankyung asked. “You ask why he stopped, but it’s a public park. He should have stopped you. You forget yourself with him.”
“And when we’re alone? Should I forget I want him?”
“Believe me, he wasn’t disinterested. You should talk to him if you’re worried.”
It made him feel marginally better, that and laughing at Zhou Mi being owned in a water fight with a six year-old.
***
They went back to Kyuhyun’s place after leaving the other three, happily calling for food in to rest from their exhausting afternoon. Zhou Mi’s exhausting afternoon.
Kyuhyun watched with a frown as Zhou Mi gathered his things. They had eaten dinner together, were relaxing together. It seemed like he was always the one to say hey, why don’t you stay? He kept waiting for Zhou Mi to ask or offer, but the nights stretched two, three long between Kyuhyun finally making the move.
His bed was empty without Zhou Mi in it.
He had even had to invite himself back to Zhou Mi’s apartment. That made sense, since Zhou Mi had clearly worried about Kyuhyun’s response being bad toward him. But even that had not gone nearly as badly as the first time.
But that didn’t explain why Zhou Mi wasn’t staying with him. How many times had he asked Kyuhyun out to dinner before being accepted? The man was not incapable of asking a question. Maybe sleeping beside each other every night was too much for him. Maybe he needed time alone. Kyuhyun had thought that was the case for him, relieved when he could relax and sprawl and be all for himself. No one was there to hear him burp, and he didn’t have to close the bathroom door. It was good.
Until he had started clutching a pillow to fall asleep. It didn’t seem fair that he seemed to want more. Finally he gathered the courage to ask, before Zhou Mi could go for his shoes or his coat.
“Do you like staying over here? Or having me over?”
Zhou Mi cocked his head at him. “Of course. I love being with you, Kui Xian.”
“Then why don’t you stay here more often? You never ask to. Are you afraid I’ll say no?”
With a sigh, Zhou Mi sank into the couch’s cushions. “Oh. That. I... Do you remember when I told you I wasn’t perfect either? That’s one of those things. That you let me close, that you wanted me here with you meant so much to me. To ask you to stay seemed like I was asking for too much when I was so happy already. I didn’t want you to feel like you ever had to hide to get away from me.”
That insecurity was written on Zhou Mi’s face. Wanting to be close but not wanting to smother, fearing it. It made him want to laugh.
“You’re always welcome,” he said, stepping up between Zhou Mi’s knees. “I swear.”
“Then I could stay tonight?”
“Please. You don’t...” he paused, before pushing himself out there. “You don’t ever have to ask.”
Zhou Mi’s lips parted at that pronouncement, eyes huge.
“That’d be kind of rude, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah, maybe.” He tugged Zhou Mi to his feet.
“I like when you’re there. I like knowing you’re sleeping next to me, and that I’ll have to shovel you out of bed, and that I can talk to you when I close up the store. I even like arguing with you about what we’re eating. I...”
Zhou Mi’s arms were warm around him. “I like all of those things, too.”
“Surely there’s something you don’t like.”
“Well, at least you’ve gotten better about waking me up.”
“I’ll have to work on that then. What have you done to me?”
“Nothing you haven’t done to me, Kui Xian.”
He was so in love with Zhou Mi. The shivers he caused, the warmth he spread, the joy that just a simple smile could bring. If he left...
“I’d get by. I’d get by,” he muttered into Zhou Mi’s shoulder, eyes clenched tightly closed as he gripped Zhou Mi’s shirt with both hands.
“What?”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly.
“Me too. Is there something you don’t like about me?”
“Your face,” he said flippantly, and Zhou Mi’s eyes were curious. “Makes me want to do this.”
Zhou Mi hummed in amusement against his lips, arms tight around Kyuhyun’s waist as they showed each other just how much they “disliked” what they were doing. He sighed as Zhou Mi kissed the junction of his jaw and ear.
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Zhou Mi asked, incongruous to what his mouth was doing in turning Kyuhyun’s bones to liquid.
“My shower is your shower, and all that. Feel free.”
“Pajamas in the same place?”
“Yep.”
He wished he knew what was on Zhou Mi’s mind as he listened to the shower running. Why did he keep pulling away?
He was pulling his pajama shirt on when Zhou Mi emerged, just a bit damp and flushed with the warmth of the shower. He pressed his face into the curve of Zhou Mi’s neck just to smell him.
“Good shower?”
“Yeah. You have a nice back, Kui Xian.”
Ah, he had seen. He bit his tongue before he could say that he bet it felt nice, too, because Zhou Mi’s posture was holding their bodies apart rather deliberately, even as another chaste kiss was being pressed to his lips.
“I’m sure yours is too,” he said, but was disrupted as Zhou Mi turned to pull back the covers. He was sure that it was, as he watched the cloth drape over dips and planes of Zhou Mi’s back. It felt nice under the cloth when they hugged. He was sure it would skin to skin as well.
It would be a lot easier if he didn’t find Zhou Mi attractive. And that was stupid, because he did. He had. It had been the hole he couldn’t plug up, the one Zhou Mi’s initial attention had wormed through against all of the screaming better judgement in his head. And if anything, he found him more attractive now. It was the stupid/love thing, he knew. The thing that sent prickles down his neck when Zhou Mi’s breath was there, and made his skin heat where Zhou Mi had touched. The thing that made him want to part his lips against Zhou Mi’s and kiss him until the lines of their mouths were blurred and his mind was empty of everything but Zhou Mi, and his mouth and his taste...
He was not a saint or a monk. He had not been expecting to be given a handsome, sexy, adorable man and then to have to play some chaste form of house with him.
It was beginning to give him a complex. Did Zhou Mi not want him like that? But that was silly because you didn’t try to start dating someone you didn’t find attractive. Unless you started finding them less attractive later. But there were the compliments. Zhou Mi thought he had a nice back? Good. And the way Zhou Mi kissed him was not like he was disinterested. Only very, very careful. Zhou Mi initiated kisses, hugs, said “I love you” with an unregulated sort of frequency, and stared at Kyuhyun with those eyes...
So if Zhou Mi did want him, then was it something he had done?
“Does it bother you to be touched while you sleep, Kui Xian?” Zhou Mi asked as they settled in.
“You were touching me just about the whole night both times I stayed at your apartment and I slept fine. Why?”
Zhou Mi made some kind of indistinguishable noise that at first sounded like embarrassment, but the more he thought on it sounded more and more like a plea.
“You want that? Why can’t you just ask? You think I won’t tell you if I’m uncomfortable with something? Are you afraid of me?” he asked, his tone a bit joking, as though the thought of it was almost too strange to contemplate.
He wasn’t expecting Zhou Mi’s quiet, “Yes.”
He pushed himself up, struggling to make out Zhou Mi’s features in the dark.
“What? Why?”
“I’m still figuring you out, Kui Xian. How to be with you.”
“Like not being able to ask me if you can stay, or asking if you can cuddle? Will I bite you?”
“It’s complicated.”
“If you want to touch me, touch me. If you want to kiss me, do it. I’ll tell you no if I don’t want it. I have practice at telling you no.”
“It’s not the no I’m worried about.”
“Can I come stay with you tomorrow night?”
“Oh. Yes!”
“See? Not so hard.”
Is that why Zhou Mi would hardly touch him?
“Sorry for making you worry,” Zhou Mi said, following his lead and wrapping around him, his nose pressed to the back of Kyuhyun’s head.
“Just...” He hugged Zhou Mi’s forearm to his chest, dipping down a moment to kiss his wrist. “Don’t be quiet about it. Are there other things you want?”
“I think... Probably.”
“Then ask, or do, or whatever. I can’t do everything for you.”
“Thank you, Kui Xian.” There was quiet, and soft breathing. “I love you.”
The one thing he couldn’t give back. He squeezed his eyes closed, hands tightening over Zhou Mi’s arm. It made him so happy, hearing those words, and so discontent because he could not say them himself. He imagined the wonder, the happiness on Zhou Mi’s face. It would make Zhou Mi happy. It would be better than this tightened throat, the apology he left unspoken. But beyond that... He had a feeling, though, one as real as the pulse in Zhou Mi’s wrist, that it would make him happy, too. It was not just for Zhou Mi that he would say anything, but for himself. It was nothing that was untrue. He loved Zhou Mi, knew that or this worry would not sting so badly. He hoped that this arm around him was helping to form the key that would unlock it.
They fell asleep that way, one heart troubled, the other desperately seeking.
***
The house was about 95% put together, if Hankyung had to put an estimate on it. Yunjee’s room had been finished first, and their room. The mingling of the rest of their belongings in the room where he kept his computer desk had been the slowest, with boxes still stacked in the corners (his and Siwon’s - they needed to go shopping for additional furniture, help them both.)
The kitchen was solidly together, though, and not any too soon. He was a little neurotic about his kitchen organization, and he wanted to know where he could find his tools. There was nothing like rifling through five drawers to find a spatula. He had thought Siwon had been listening very intently the first time he tried to explain his method to kitchen friendliness. Siwon had been distracted by his hands or his ears, or something else entirely from the explanation he had received. It had gotten better from there. There were a few small snafus, but Siwon gave him that puppy dog grin and he patiently explained it again.
He really couldn’t complain... Siwon was a very prompt clothes-washer. His clothes were always neat and properly stored. And he always made sure that Hankyung had a clean pair of underwear in his gym bag, because apparently the thought of Hankyung not wearing any home drove Siwon to distraction.
To have kissed Siwon on that swing where they had talked all that time ago... To see where they were now.
“Geng...”
“Hm?” He looked up as Siwon sat beside him. “What’s up?”
Siwon took the book he had been debating getting rid of from him, setting it gently aside and taking both his hands. “I love you, and I want to spend forever with you.”
But? Hankyung wondered. Was there a “but” coming?
“And I wanted to show you,” Siwon said. “I hope I show you every day, but I wanted...Something you could see.”
He was sure his eyes were wide as cool metal slipped over the skin of his finger. It was a plain gold band, nothing flashy, but solid. Their eyes locked, and Siwon tucked a second ring into Hankyung’s palm.
“I had them engraved,” Siwon continued. “Here, look.”
He tilted the ring into the light, his hands shaking ever so slightly, the weight of the ring on his own finger overwhelming him.
“‘Siwon ♥ Geng Forever,’” he read aloud.
“Yours reads ‘Geng ♥ Siwon.’ Are... Are they okay?”
“Okay? Okay doesn’t even begin... I don’t think I’ve seen anything so damn amazing in my entire life.”
His voice broke on the end of his sentence, and Siwon gathering him close did little to stem it.
“I love you,” Siwon told him, kissing the tears from his face. “I love you so much.”
He breathed deeply, composing himself as he looked at Siwon, saw so clearly.
“I love you too,” he said, and slipped the ring onto Siwon’s finger. Their hands twined together, rings meeting with a satisfying clink.
“Siwon...”
They kissed, Siwon guiding him onto his lap so he could hold him closer.
“Forever,” Siwon told him, muffled by Hankyung’s neck.
He chuckled, squeezing Siwon.
“We’ll never finish getting the house put together at this rate.”
“That’s okay,” Siwon said, kissing him again. “Yunjee will just have to visit her friends instead of them coming here until she’s about 20.”
“At the rate time is going, that’ll be tomorrow.”
He yelped as Siwon stood, hitching him up in both arms.
“Siwon?”
“We have a couple hours till the kid gets out of school. Let’s see if these rings change anything.”
He laughed, helpless to do anything else as Siwon half danced them across the living room floor.
“You think they would?”
“No... But it’s really our duty to find out, isn’t it? I heard somewhere you need to find a threshold, too. So here we go.”
“Should we have a party? Celebrate?”
Siwon grinned, planting them both on their bed. “Oh you mean one for everyone else? Sure. But let’s have our own first.”
There wasn’t any arguing with that.
