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coley_merrinTitle: Dissolving
Genre: Angst/(?)
Pairing: Hankyung/Siwon
Rating: R
Warnings: Sexual situations
Author's note AKA me hearing my head rattle: Incidentally, this was the first SiHan/Super Junior fic I wrote... The fifth time watching Hankyung breaking down in tears and clinging to Siwon apparently told my brain "WRITE." Second fic, aka "Siwon knits!" came later... And the other two don't have names yet, nor an end in sight, for that matter. And though SiHan is quite mightily stuck in the muse... The lineup for me posting completed fics now somewhat looks like.... K.R.Y... and... did I just write KyuMi? *futilely tosses myself back under the couch to escape* /end longest most useless author's note ever
No beta so I can guarantee any errors are mine.
***
***
Hands fist tightly on the headboard as his lips smooth along toned stomach, unable to keep himself from spending a long moment, tongue tracing, dipping into the hollow of his stomach to tease that place that causes Siwon’s breath to hitch.
That innocent wisdom in Siwon’s eyes, he takes it, so freely given, to see if it could heal that place in him that had been scuffed and cracked.
He knows full well that he could be tossed aside, but he is not.
As clothing is peeled, and he touches, tastes, he hears everything.
Every soft, throaty moan, every time his name comes through with affection.
It nearly does not arouse him, this Siwon, even so beautiful as he is, as he sounds, as he feels.
He wonders if he is more broken than he thought.
Until Siwon’s hand grips his shoulder, and he looks. Siwon’s eyes are half unfocused, his breathing sharp. He seemed to be trying to say something through expression alone, but it is the hand that tells him the most.
He is touching that place again, that speaks to him of Siwon, even now telling him it would be okay to lean.
That hand does not move, not even as Siwon gives one last soft cry, and all the tenseness drains from him, like a river settling back into its banks.
His name again. Even unfailingly polite Siwon cannot wrest the words from his mouth.
On impulse, he kisses the sweaty face and Siwon nuzzles against him, sweetly.
“Why do you keep holding on?” he asks in Chinese. “Why do you know I need that?”
Siwon’s brows furrow as Hankyung talks, as he struggles to process the words. But it would not have mattered what Hankyung had asked.
He thinks the answer would have been the same.
Siwon strokes Hankyung’s hair with his newly free hand, and barely smiles.
“Because I love you.”
He wants to say “Kiss me” but it is something they have never done… Even as he traces the curve of Siwon’s cheek, where he knows dimples come out to play with light and shadow, he does not try. Siwon would do it, he knows, if he asked, as he lies there with hair gone a bit shaggy from being dragged against the pillow, and mouth that can so sweetly pout.
From this scene he feels so distanced from, another would see something different. Siwon, his shirt opened, pants undone, one hand still on Hankyung’s shoulder as the other rests in his hair. Could they see the look of longing in Hankyung’s eyes? What he wants, he cannot say. Only that… But he thinks Siwon needs more than this, even as the thought of the man beside him touching a woman, loving her, brings a well of anger and despair so swift and sharp that it has him twisting up, dislodging Siwon’s hands. For himself, for Siwon, he could not do more than this.
“I can’t,” he says back over his shoulder.
The gentle face was marred with a frown, eyes hidden behind tightly closed eyes. It was a face Siwon so rarely showed. Never to him. Never like this.
“Stop!” he commands, shoving Siwon’s hip and barely moving him. He makes a sound of disgust, pivoting to press his knees to either side of Siwon’s ribs.
Right now he should be leaving, finding a refuge in some distant room, hiding... Leaving Siwon here to… To what? What does Siwon do after he leaves him alone like this? Undress, baring long limbs… Wash, cleansing all traces of Hankyung from his body. He has never stayed this long. He does not know. Siwon’s face can hold no secrets from him, but he has ignored the ones it spoke of.
Siwon expects him to leave, even as he reaches for Hankyung. His hand is finer, Siwon’s more manly, and yet still they fit, fingers lacing together. How many times had they done this in friendship? How many times has he wanted to rest that hand against his face? It is warm… Siwon is warm all over. His hand is squeezed.
“Hyung, this will never change.”
His eyes skim Siwon’s chest, focusing for a moment on the necklace that rests there. The tangled rose, still with thorns, but cast in silver and black, dark and muted against Siwon’s skin. He had brought it back from China… Bought it at the time on impulse.
It had disappeared and it had been months since he had seen it again. It showed up on Siwon. How he had wondered if he had been able to hide his realization. He had schooled his face … but Siwon’s eyes were quick. Perhaps he had seen the pleasure it had given him to see it around Siwon’s neck. It was like his mark had been placed there. And it had not been too many days before he had found Siwon alone, the rush of performance still singing in him, and had feasted on the luxury of Siwon’s skin. It had been like a fire inside of him, then, as Siwon’s hands gently gripped his head. And then to see Siwon, with only the wall supporting him, flushed and beautiful… He had kissed a trail up Siwon’s chest, until his nose nudged that stupid rose. Without thought, his tongue had lifted it into his mouth. He had heard the surprised gasp, the tiny moan. Saw it reflected in Siwon’s eyes. Why had he not kissed him then? It had been a knock on the door that had drawn him from those heavily-lidded eyes. He did not think he had ever looked back.
He wondered if there had been poison on one of those rose’s thorns, because it all gone wrong since then.
Siwon, the friend he had longed for. Siwon, the lover he had desired. But he had denied Siwon everything, everything but singular pleasure, and the occasional touch to hand or shoulder.
It was never enough, he realizes, and the rose had bloomed, for both of them. To be picked or left to wither.
“Close your eyes,” he says awkwardly, watching as the dark lashes sweep closed to cover questioning eyes. He does not stir even as Hankyung’s hand covers his cheek. A strong face. It made him stronger… Even though he hadn't known it.
“Will you… Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” Siwon replies, his lips curving.
And Hankyung discovers what it is like to kiss a smile.
Genre: Angst/(?)
Pairing: Hankyung/Siwon
Rating: R
Warnings: Sexual situations
Author's note AKA me hearing my head rattle: Incidentally, this was the first SiHan/Super Junior fic I wrote... The fifth time watching Hankyung breaking down in tears and clinging to Siwon apparently told my brain "WRITE." Second fic, aka "Siwon knits!" came later... And the other two don't have names yet, nor an end in sight, for that matter. And though SiHan is quite mightily stuck in the muse... The lineup for me posting completed fics now somewhat looks like.... K.R.Y... and... did I just write KyuMi? *futilely tosses myself back under the couch to escape* /end longest most useless author's note ever
No beta so I can guarantee any errors are mine.
***
***
Hands fist tightly on the headboard as his lips smooth along toned stomach, unable to keep himself from spending a long moment, tongue tracing, dipping into the hollow of his stomach to tease that place that causes Siwon’s breath to hitch.
That innocent wisdom in Siwon’s eyes, he takes it, so freely given, to see if it could heal that place in him that had been scuffed and cracked.
He knows full well that he could be tossed aside, but he is not.
As clothing is peeled, and he touches, tastes, he hears everything.
Every soft, throaty moan, every time his name comes through with affection.
It nearly does not arouse him, this Siwon, even so beautiful as he is, as he sounds, as he feels.
He wonders if he is more broken than he thought.
Until Siwon’s hand grips his shoulder, and he looks. Siwon’s eyes are half unfocused, his breathing sharp. He seemed to be trying to say something through expression alone, but it is the hand that tells him the most.
He is touching that place again, that speaks to him of Siwon, even now telling him it would be okay to lean.
That hand does not move, not even as Siwon gives one last soft cry, and all the tenseness drains from him, like a river settling back into its banks.
His name again. Even unfailingly polite Siwon cannot wrest the words from his mouth.
On impulse, he kisses the sweaty face and Siwon nuzzles against him, sweetly.
“Why do you keep holding on?” he asks in Chinese. “Why do you know I need that?”
Siwon’s brows furrow as Hankyung talks, as he struggles to process the words. But it would not have mattered what Hankyung had asked.
He thinks the answer would have been the same.
Siwon strokes Hankyung’s hair with his newly free hand, and barely smiles.
“Because I love you.”
He wants to say “Kiss me” but it is something they have never done… Even as he traces the curve of Siwon’s cheek, where he knows dimples come out to play with light and shadow, he does not try. Siwon would do it, he knows, if he asked, as he lies there with hair gone a bit shaggy from being dragged against the pillow, and mouth that can so sweetly pout.
From this scene he feels so distanced from, another would see something different. Siwon, his shirt opened, pants undone, one hand still on Hankyung’s shoulder as the other rests in his hair. Could they see the look of longing in Hankyung’s eyes? What he wants, he cannot say. Only that… But he thinks Siwon needs more than this, even as the thought of the man beside him touching a woman, loving her, brings a well of anger and despair so swift and sharp that it has him twisting up, dislodging Siwon’s hands. For himself, for Siwon, he could not do more than this.
“I can’t,” he says back over his shoulder.
The gentle face was marred with a frown, eyes hidden behind tightly closed eyes. It was a face Siwon so rarely showed. Never to him. Never like this.
“Stop!” he commands, shoving Siwon’s hip and barely moving him. He makes a sound of disgust, pivoting to press his knees to either side of Siwon’s ribs.
Right now he should be leaving, finding a refuge in some distant room, hiding... Leaving Siwon here to… To what? What does Siwon do after he leaves him alone like this? Undress, baring long limbs… Wash, cleansing all traces of Hankyung from his body. He has never stayed this long. He does not know. Siwon’s face can hold no secrets from him, but he has ignored the ones it spoke of.
Siwon expects him to leave, even as he reaches for Hankyung. His hand is finer, Siwon’s more manly, and yet still they fit, fingers lacing together. How many times had they done this in friendship? How many times has he wanted to rest that hand against his face? It is warm… Siwon is warm all over. His hand is squeezed.
“Hyung, this will never change.”
His eyes skim Siwon’s chest, focusing for a moment on the necklace that rests there. The tangled rose, still with thorns, but cast in silver and black, dark and muted against Siwon’s skin. He had brought it back from China… Bought it at the time on impulse.
It had disappeared and it had been months since he had seen it again. It showed up on Siwon. How he had wondered if he had been able to hide his realization. He had schooled his face … but Siwon’s eyes were quick. Perhaps he had seen the pleasure it had given him to see it around Siwon’s neck. It was like his mark had been placed there. And it had not been too many days before he had found Siwon alone, the rush of performance still singing in him, and had feasted on the luxury of Siwon’s skin. It had been like a fire inside of him, then, as Siwon’s hands gently gripped his head. And then to see Siwon, with only the wall supporting him, flushed and beautiful… He had kissed a trail up Siwon’s chest, until his nose nudged that stupid rose. Without thought, his tongue had lifted it into his mouth. He had heard the surprised gasp, the tiny moan. Saw it reflected in Siwon’s eyes. Why had he not kissed him then? It had been a knock on the door that had drawn him from those heavily-lidded eyes. He did not think he had ever looked back.
He wondered if there had been poison on one of those rose’s thorns, because it all gone wrong since then.
Siwon, the friend he had longed for. Siwon, the lover he had desired. But he had denied Siwon everything, everything but singular pleasure, and the occasional touch to hand or shoulder.
It was never enough, he realizes, and the rose had bloomed, for both of them. To be picked or left to wither.
“Close your eyes,” he says awkwardly, watching as the dark lashes sweep closed to cover questioning eyes. He does not stir even as Hankyung’s hand covers his cheek. A strong face. It made him stronger… Even though he hadn't known it.
“Will you… Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” Siwon replies, his lips curving.
And Hankyung discovers what it is like to kiss a smile.
