coley_merrin: (KyuMi - SJM2)
[personal profile] coley_merrin
Title: Endlessly
Pairing: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun
Rating: up to NC-17
Genre: AU, romance, smut

Summary: Kyuhyun's life changes when he gets the chance to meet his favorite singer. (Or, as the prompt put it: fanboy!kyu finally meets his bias.)


Part One * Part Two * Part Three * Part Four * Part Five * Part Six * Part Seven


Ryeowook knew a little. Kyuhyun hadn’t just come out and said, “Hey, I’m dating the guy I was head over heels for as a fan,” though he’d kept Ryeowook up to date on the basis that if he hadn’t he’d have lived a sad life inside of his own head. Even then, he was paranoid, never referring to Zhou Mi by his name if he was talking about him in texts. He always referred to Zhou Mi as “G” for his Gentleman Mimi phase, though Ryeowook got snarky sometimes and asked how his outing with the gentleman was. The revelation wasn’t going to be that much of a shock, anyway. And the only other person he could get out his thoughts with was Zhou Mi himself, and that wasn’t happening.

It had seemed like he was fine with everything. The dates, the affection, the snuggles, the kissing. He’d been okay meeting Zhou Mi’s friends, and teasing Zhou Mi, and he’d have said his heart had stopped skipping every time Zhou Mi smiled but it would’ve been a lie. Maybe it was because Zhou Mi didn’t know all of what Kyuhyun felt. When they’d just been floating along getting to know each other, taking out his feelings and examining them hadn’t been so important. They’d leaped from friendly to dating before Kyuhyun felt he ever got a handle on his “emotions.” That hadn’t changed, but the thing was, Zhou Mi didn’t know. And they’d gone a lot further than just kissing. But telling Zhou Mi, ah.

He wasn’t getting any further turning it over in his own head.

“If you got the chance to start dating some celebrity you liked, would you wonder about your feelings if you’d liked her as a fan first?” Kyuhyun wondered.

Ryeowook thought about that for a moment. “Would I just be dating her as a fan? I hope I’d know her better than that if she accepted when I asked her out.”

“Well, yeah. Sure, you got to know her better first.”

“Am I trying to use her?” Ryeowook asked. “Do I gain something by dating her?”

“No! You just…you just really care about her, and want to make her happy.”

“Then why am I worrying?” Ryeowook asked.

“Does it make it less real? Since the feelings started as a fan first?”

“So, on that logic, is a relationship less real if it starts with friendship feelings before changing to romantic ones? All feelings change. Besides, what is being a fan to you, anyway? Admiring someone, caring about their wellbeing, wanting to be around them. If those feelings changed and grew, that wouldn’t mean they weren’t legitimate. Zhou Mi would be happy that they changed, right?”

“I’m sure, but—“ Kyuhyun stopped, glared. Ryeowook just sipped his drink for a moment.

“If he’d asked you out, back when all he knew about you was that you were a fan, and you had a face and a penis, what would you have thought?”

“That he was desperate. Or wanted to get laid. But what if he thinks—“

Ryeowook held up a finger and Kyuhyun simmered just under boiling.

“Do you think of him as a celebrity or the guy you’re dating? Actually, that’s kind of a trick question, because he’s always going to be both, and it may take a while to stop being quite so amazed that hey, you’re with him, he chose you, you have feelings for each other. But that’s kind of the way everyone is at times? If you have a crush on the unattainable upperclassman in school and then end up dating, wow! Or the person in the other department, or your best friend, or whatever. But the part where you’re dating is the most important part. Like, if he decided he wanted to go raise goats, would you still love him? Obviously, because you don’t love his celebrity, you love him.”

“Why am I a part of this conversation if you’re just going to keep answering your own questions,” Kyuhyun complained.

“If I answer my own questions, at least I know the answers are right,” Ryeowook said, and looked way too smug.

“But is he going to wonder Is he going to think I care just…just because.”

“The part where you got to know him? He also got to know you,” Ryeowook pointed out. “We’re all looking for something real, and I bet for a celebrity it’s even harder. Didn’t he make the first move?”

Kyuhyun hesitated, but the answer never changed. “Yeah, he did. But if it was some kind of test, then I failed.”

“If it was some kind of test, then flying away wouldn’t be too fast to get away.”

It wasn’t like he missed the part where Ryeowook was judging him.

“He wouldn’t have tested me. Not like that. The only reason he’d have made a move was because he wanted it. Ugh.”

Kyuhyun pressed his palms against his forehead, because that was clearly obvious, and something he knew. But saying it out loud and to Ryeowook made him feel so ridiculous, doubting himself for doubting himself, and Ryeowook patted his shoulder.

“Are you happy?” Ryeowook asked.

“I don’t think… I don’t think happy really covers it all?”

“Then be happy and everything else,” Ryeowook advised. “You’re a real boy. But so is he. And it’s not like this happened yesterday. It’s going well?”

“Yeah, it’s going really well, I think. He’s just— Zhou Mi. Though sometimes it doesn’t feel real, and then it feels too real.”

Kyuhyun sighed, and put his cheek down on the table, pouting in the direction of Ryeowook’s tacky shirt.

“Your dates must be fascinating if you just sit there like that all the time.”

Ryeowook laughed at him, and deftly avoided Kyuhyun’s attempted smack.

“I’ve never felt like this about anyone,” Kyuhyun said. “I should probably tell him that.”

“Showing’s important, too. But I bet he’d be happy,” Ryeowook told him.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll buy your dinner,” Kyuhyun said.

Ryeowook snorted at him, because Kyuhyun had already promised him that before they’d met up.


The first thing that Kyuhyun had to do was make a time. He couldn’t just blurt it out when they were in public, and considering what they’d gotten up to the last time in Zhou Mi’s apartment, he wondered if Zhou Mi was going to think that Kyuhyun wanted to come back for more making out. On his to-do agenda that definitely ranked high, but he needed the whole feelings thing off of his chest. He was going to give them to Zhou Mi, and Zhou Mi could do what he wanted. Maybe he’d look at Kyuhyun with his little heart eyes. If he was going to get naked with Zhou Mi, he wanted it with Zhou Mi knowing that he wasn’t there just because Zhou Mi was hot and Kyuhyun had some boner for his celebrity. He tried to rehearse saying just that without sounding like he’d complely lost control of his ability to speak.

Sometimes it ended in a mess. As long as he got across what he felt.

And just because the world hated him, it was almost a week and a half before they had a chance to meet up. The coffee-in-the-car for a while five minutes didn’t count, either. Though Zhou Mi had been contrite.

“I feel like I’m making you my delivery boy,” he’d grumbled, hugging Kyuhyun before he was whisked on his way to some other schedule.

“I don’t have anything better to do,” Kyuhyun told him.

Which, he didn’t. It had been a weekend day, and flying out of his apartment in grubby pants so he could pick up a drink and take it to Zhou Mi was good for his heart rate. Or he was telling himself that.

It just made their hug twice as long when Kyuhyun stepped into his apartment.

“I have food,” he said, all weird because his cheeks were squished.

“Who needs food!” Zhou Mi teased, kissing him. Twice, for good measure as he unloaded the food from one of Kyuhyun’s hands.

“Since it fits into your diet, I got extra,” Kyuhyun said, blowing out a breath and lifting the other bag onto the counter. “Maybe enough for you to eat tomorrow if you need something.”

“Looking out for me,” Zhou Mi mumbled, squeezing him into another hug.

“I don’t want you disappearing,” Kyuhyun told him. He patted at Zhou Mi’s back, and they settled into the very important task of feeding themselves. They didn’t bother with the table, sitting on the couch. Kyuhyun sat sideways, not that he figured Zhou Mi needed the pleasure of watching him stuff his face, but he liked the way Zhou Mi leaned in, the way they talked easier that way. Zhou Mi’s grins. Pointing out that he had food in his teeth. Zhou Mi had horrible faces as he dealt with that, and Kyuhyun spent far too long laughing into his plate.

“A burp would round that off,” Kyuhyun told him.

And Zhou Mi seemed to take that as a personal mission. Though luckily Kyuhyun had already swallowed. Still, he waved his hand, chuckling as Zhou Mi let out the tiniest little belch.

“Bravo,” Kyuhyun said, applauding by patting his hand on his thigh. “Bravo!”

Zhou Mi rudely dug his knuckles into Kyuhyun’s knee, and Kyuhyun growled at him, getting back at him in the nicest way by shoving a piece of chicken into Zhou Mi’s mouth.

He wondered if he sat that way, too, because it gave him a little distance. Like he was surveying the battlefield, waiting for the best time. It didn’t matter, after they finished eating, putting aside their plates. He had nothing left to keep him from getting closer, and he leaned in to Zhou Mi’s side, tracing along his fingers as Zhou Mi lamented almost getting stabbed in the eye with an eyeliner pencil because someone had made a joke and he’d tried to hold back a laugh. It had just erupted at the worst time, was all.

“I don’t have any eyeliner pencils tonight,” Kyuhyun chuckled and Zhou Mi rocked against him in retaliation.

“I’m safe then,” Zhou Mi declared, with the demeanor of a king.

And as Kyuhyun laughed, his mind was racing. Was then the time? Or later? He didn’t want to make it grandiose, but he didn’t know how to not make it grandiose, either. He didn’t want to say it while they were making out, because he didn’t want Zhou Mi to think it was lust speaking. He didn’t want to make Zhou Mi choke on their food if they were eating, or say it right before he left so that he was just dropping it and running. He definitely wasn’t going to say it by text.

“I’ll go put the rest of the food away. Did you want anything else?” Zhou Mi asked as he wiggled forward.

Oh, then. Right then. Kyuhyun caught Zhou Mi’s hand before he could stand, his mouth working for a moment as he met Zhou Mi’s eyes.

“I love you,” he said. There was no embellishment to it, just words that came out just the tiniest bit rushed, something expedient to get from him to Zhou Mi’s heart. It was no arrow flying through the air, but Zhou Mi’s eyes widened like it was.

He reached out, touching Kyuhyun’s face as he got close and when his lips parted, instead of words Zhou Mi started to laugh.

Dear Diary, today I told a guy I loved him, and he laughed at me.

But he did it so cutely. Maybe it was hard to believe, and Kyuhyun would have worried, if Zhou Mi wasn’t smiling so brightly. By the time Zhou Mi gasped and spoke, a whole eternity of seconds, Kyuhyun was so deeply, irreversibly enthralled that he’d almost forgotten what he’d said.

Zhou Mi worked up to it, their faces close and the back of Kyuhyun’s neck prickling as Zhou Mi first spoke in Mandarin, then Cantonese, English.

“I love you,” again, again, until Kyuhyun found it hard to breathe, shaking a little in his lower back and wanting to shout to let some of the feelings trapped out. Zhou Mi, instead of questioning him had instead dropped the same feelings right back on him. If someone had asked “Do you think Zhou Mi loves you?” he probably would’ve answered in sentences about butterflies and sunbeams. But that wasn’t the type of love that Zhou Mi was confessing, when he looked into Kyuhyun’s eyes as though he was someone precious.

“I love you, too, Kyuhyun,” Zhou Mi ended on, his voice so light, happy, like he’d said something he’d wanted to for a long time. “Oh, that feels good to say. I didn’t want to go too fast, and chase you off. But! When…?”

“A long time,” Kyuhyun admitted. Longer maybe that Zhou Mi even realized. “I loved you back then, before we met. The idea of you, anyway. A lot of the things I thought I knew, you confirmed, or changed. And it’s more now.”

“You loved me before you knew me. Kind of sounds like a fairy tale almost.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Kyuhyun murmured. Though he had a confession, to toss away a worry as well. “I wondered maybe, if you’d wish I hadn’t been a fan first, or if you’d doubt my feelings or something.”

“How could I have wished away the reason we met?” Zhou Mi asked, stroking his thumb along Kyuhyun’s neck.

Kyuhyun squinted. Why was everyone so much better at figuring that stuff out. “Okay, you have a point. Feelings are feelings.”

“I knew who you were when we started, and all I knew was that this guy admired me, and thinks I’m talented, and is caring enough to tell me to be happy. And he was someone I could relate to, and trust.” Zhou Mi waggled his eyebrows a little. “Someone I could fall for.”

“It’s kind of weird,” Kyuhyun said, and tried to let out a slow breath. “If I’d have told you back when I really realized it it still would’ve been different to now.”

“Yeah? Me, too.”

They just sort of smiled at each other. He didn’t know about Zhou Mi but he had a dozen excuses, explanations, and consolations running around his head and none of them were right for right then. He’d gotten it out. Zhou Mi knew.

“We should go put away the food,” Kyuhyun said. The words almost laughed their way out of him, standing up and letting Zhou Mi catch onto his arm as he stood as well. He did laugh, helplessly so as Zhou Mi linked their arms together and played escort the whole way. That was normal, and good, putting away food, teasing, debating what they wanted to drink, tea, or water.

He thought maybe they needed to spend another month rehashing their feelings or also maybe never to speak of them again. But it didn't change things, not much. They didn't love each other less for having said it, and they weren't going to treat each other worse. But having spoken aloud, it changed only their perception of each other's actions, not the cause of them.

Zhou Mi smiled that silly smile because he loved Kyuhyun, and he wanted Kyuhyun to come over because of that and a dozen other things. It made it easier to sigh, to let it go and enjoy the precious limited time they had.

Maybe it made him a little giddy though. Zhou Mi was a little more effervescent, for that matter. And they hadn't even had wine.

“What time do you have to be up in the morning?” Kyuhyun asked. The little nose wrinkle told him everything. “I can stay a bit longer?”

It was both an offer and a question.

“Let’s go relax, then,” Zhou Mi said. And his offer was accepted without any lack of enthusiasm.

They made it back to the couch, not like it was far. His glass was way less interesting, and so he abandoned it to the table - vivid flashes of picking up a glass of wine from right there while in Zhou Mi’s lap coming out to play - and focused on getting close. He’d been a rather snuggling person as a child, but he’d gained a few natural warinesses as an adult. That didn’t stop him in the least from getting his arm over Zhou Mi’s shoulders, and it was an entirely new angle altogether.

“I think I like this,” Kyuhyun said, arching his chin.

Zhou Mi judged him from his slightly lower position, but that just made it easier for Kyuhyun to lean in and steal a kiss. They wiggled and got comfortable and Zhou Mi’s head rubbed against his like a cat as they sighed. The way that Zhou Mi ran his hand over Kyuhyun’s fingers, it was almost like he liked them. He had no complaints.

Though he couldn’t, in fact, stay forever. Maybe it was the leaning together, but Zhou Mi seemed to read his mind.

“When my schedule allows it, you should come over and stay the night,” Zhou Mi told him.

“Oh?” Kyuhyun asked. He fought the urge to chuckle in awkward delight and against the thoughts that blossomed up unbidden. “We’re going to have a slumber party?”

“Whatever you want. If you want to sleep, we can do that, too.”

Kyuhyun couldn’t help gasping out a laugh then. “Promises. Sometime you don’t have to get up early, so you don’t have to kick me out.”

“Would I ever kick you out of bed?”

Kyuhyun hadn’t even mentioned a bed, and he was trying to get his brain back on track when Zhou Mi looked both serene and utterly filthy with the way he was trying to waggle his eyebrows suggestively. It was nice just relaxing together like they were, and it had been nice the last time getting more intimately acquainted. Want was not an issue, and it was just nice to— It was nice, he concluded, a far more pale a word than he would have used in a normal situation when he had full control of his brain.

“I hope not?” Kyuhyun ventured. He wondered if Zhou Mi had a nicer bed than he did. He wondered if Zhou Mi’s bed was bigger. Bigger was good. He almost guffawed, and smacked himself in the face mentally.

“Though, I want to see your place sometime, too.”

Kyuhyun was struck unable to speak, gurgling.

“What!” Zhou Mi squawked. “Is your apartment messy? Do you have pictures of me on the wall or something? I promise, I’d like that.”

“You’re horrible!”

Zhou Mi just shot him a grin. Of course, he didn’t want Zhou Mi to think that he didn’t want him there, either.

“Any time,” Kyuhyun affirmed. “It’s not as nice, and it’s busier so you’d have to wear sunglasses to get in the door, but… I only have a couple of pictures on the wall. And a poster. I have a calendar, too.”

And albums on his shelf, and one of his remotes possibly had a chibi Zhou Mi fanart sticker attached to it. He had Zhou Mi’s book, too, and he had Zhou Mi’s signature displayed, and—

Zhou Mi hummed, closing his eyes for a moment as though enjoying Kyuhyun’s embarrassment. “I like the thought of you keeping time by my face.”

He waited a bit for effect. “It’s not a clock.

“I know that!” Zhou Mi tsked. And he gave Kyuhyun The Eyes. The puppy dog eyes. “Do you stare at them and sigh?”

Oh, two could play that game.

“Something like that,” Kyuhyun said.

They gasped at each other in unison, leaning back and forth as they laughed.

“No, they’re too cute for that. Stop being dirty,” Kyuhyun grumbled, pressing his face down against Zhou Mi’s neck.

“You stop then!”

“No, you stop,” Kyuhyun said. Zhou Mi just snorted at him and Kyuhyun leaned into him a little harder, trying to get a little bit more of that scent to carry around with him until the next time they got to see each other.

“Where do I get a poster of you anyway?” Zhou Mi asked.

Kyuhyun opened one eye and examined the walls around them. “I think that would be weird, coming over and having my face on the wall.”

“Then I want pictures!”

He’d bee supposed to suggest that he go, but fifteen minutes making various faces beside Zhou Mi as they took pictures together didn’t change much one way or the other. It got them untangled, anyway, and he patted Zhou Mi’s thigh as he stood up.

“All right. I need to go, and you need to sleep.”

“Probably,” Zhou Mi agreed begrudgingly.

He made sure he had all of his things, his shoes ready to step into, and he turned back for hug.

Only to be swept into a kiss. He groaned a little, kissing back and bracing his hands on Zhou Mi’s shoulders. He didn’t know how Zhou Mi did that. One second he was fine, the next he was all caught up with Zhou Mi’s arm bracing him and Zhou Mi and his eager lips destroying him. He wasn’t sure if he’d been arriving or leaving.

He gasped as Zhou Mi’s thumb swept up under his shirt, brushing over his side. It broke the spell, but didn’t stop one last kiss from happening.

Kyuhyun tilted his head, laughing a little shakily. “Okay, no, I really do need to get home.”

Zhou Mi was the smallest bit sheepish, squeezing him tightly and keeping an arm on him so he didn’t fall over getting into his shoes.

“See you soon. I hope,” Kyuhyun said.

“I hope, too.”

Going back in for another hug wasn’t an option, so going out the door was all he had. He waved, and the door closed, and that was that. On his way home, Zhou Mi sent him a heart by text, something he’d done many times before. But accompanying it were the words, “You know what this means now.”

Kyuhyun sent back a heart of his own.


Kyuhyun was groaning his enjoyment of his back muscles relaxing as he climbed into bed when his phone rang. It was late, later than most people called, so his first thought was something wrong with his family. But when he brought it close to his face, he read the screen and grinned.

“Hey,” he said, as the line opened up.

“Hi! I hope I didn’t wake you up?”

Kyuhyun hummed, pulling up his blanket a little. “No. I’d just gotten into bed, so I wasn’t asleep. What’s up?”

“I won’t keep you very long. I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit to wind me down. Nothing’s wrong, it was just a very long day. How are you?”

Kyuhyun could hear that Zhou Mi was tired, but it was easy enough to tell a funny little story about his day, and how he’d nearly dumped his dinner into the sink. He liked hearing the little laughs from Zhou Mi, how rapt he was even when he was tired.

“I ended up changing clothes a hundred times today, I think,” Zhou Mi sad. He sighed, too, but his voice was bright. “Some of them were really cool, though! I made a list for when they’re released. I think the designer is going to send me a couple of pieces, too. I saw some of the pictures, and I think you’ll like them.”

“You look hot in them? Wait, you look hot in anything. No one is more handsome than Zhou Mi in full force.”

Zhou Mi laughed, but Kyuhyun could tell he was preening. That was laying it on a little thick, but he couldn’t detect a lie in it, either.

“I can show you the pictures my manager took next time we meet up,” Zhou Mi promised. “I’d love to see you in some of those, too.”

Kyuhyun didn’t spend a lot of his life thinking about clothes, but if it pleased Zhou Mi to dress him up, he wasn’t going to argue.

“Well, just let me know. Hey, since we’re talking about clothes. What are you wearing now?”

There was utter silence from the other end of the line and Kyuhyun was two seconds from fearing that he had gone too far when Zhou Mi hummed.

“Right now…nothing. Well. A sheet, I guess.”

He guessed. And suddenly, Kyuhyun understood Zhou Mi’s pause. Kyuhyun regretted asking because he had all those images in his head. Not that he’d seen Zhou Mi in nothing but a sheet, but he’d seen him shirtless and in the tiniest of shorts which didn’t leave a lot of real estate in between. His trim little hips, and—

“Is that how you sleep?” Kyuhyun asked. He needed to know. For science.

“Sometimes, but not always. What about you?”

“It depends. Usually in summer, a pair of shorts or something. In winter, usually pajamas.”

“Sounds nice to cuddle.”

Naked Zhou Mi cuddling—

He rolled onto his belly to try and delay the throbbing that had started up.

“It’s interesting,” Zhou Mi said, his voice unreadable over the phone. “I hadn’t thought about how empty my bed felt until we got closer. I just imagined turning over and having you right there to talk to, and hold, and kiss.”

Kyuhyun considered the pillow beside his, imagined Zhou Mi right there. Zhou Mi’s cheek a little squished into the pillow, one eye drooping sleepily, smiling at him. He wondered how compatible they would be, sleeping next to each other.

“I hope you don’t hog blankets.”

Zhou Mi laughed, clearly turning away from the phone so he didn’t deafen Kyuhyun.

“Maybe, if it makes you get closer?”

“Depends on if you’re naked under the blankets,” Kyuhyun joked.

“I could be.”

Oh. Oh, well. He muffled a moan into his pillow, and turned back to the phone.

“Thank you for that. That’s going to make it easier to sleep with those thoughts.”

“Oh really?” Zhou Mi asked. He sounded far too smug. Forget cuddling with a pillow, Kyuhyun was going to throw one. “Would you be naked, too?”

Kyuhyun was going to give him a taste of his own medicine. “For you I could be.”

“Oh! That makes it a lot easier to get close. Really close. I wish you were here right now.”

If they were both naked and together right then, he didn’t think rest was going to happen. “You think we’d actually sleep?”

“Not the way I’m feeling,” Zhou Mi said.

Kyuhyun hissed and rolled right back over, giving his body a little relief. “You’re killing me.”

“I just want to feel you against me. To be all over…each other. Do you like everything?”

“Everything?” Kyuhyun asked, his voice forcefully calm, and his control rapidly breaking.

“Mmhmm. Having a man, or having a man inside you.”

Oh, it was so cute, he was trying to dance around saying it.

“I like sex,” Kyuhyun said. Zhou Mi giggled a little breathlessly on the other end of the line. “And yeah, I like giving and taking both. I’ve thought about that, when I was in your lap. How good you’d feel.”

“Oh. There’s always a place for you in my lap.”

Fuck it, he thought, and squeezed himself through his shorts. He couldn’t help the moan and Zhou Mi’s sigh was pleased.

“Are you touching yourself, too?” Zhou Mi asked.

The words were not sweet or light. That was the question of a man who had thoughts of getting him naked in bed and quite a bit more than that.

“I am now,” he said.

There were moments full of breathing, and Kyuhyun was imagining Zhou Mi’s fingers rubbing against his own skin. He wondered how big Zhou Mi felt against his fingers, how firm and warm. Maybe he used lube, or liked to stroke himself without.

“What are you thinking about?” Kyuhyun asked.

“How much I want to kiss you right now. I wish you were touching me.”

Kyuhyun groaned a little. “I bet your hands feel good.”

“Yours, too. If you were in my lap… I’d touch you all over and tease your neck with my mouth until you can’t be still. You’d try to move into my hand.”

“I’d be moaning for you,” Kyuhyun wheezed. He was nearly writhing then at the scene Zhou Mi set up, stroking himself quicker, completely under Zhou Mi’s spell.

“Are you moaning my name?”

Kyuhyun nodded, and realized Zhou Mi couldn’t see him. “Yeah. Yeah. Uh. Zhou Mi.”

“You’re so hot, all over me, rubbing against my fingers. You’re so desperate and you feel so good. I want you to come all over me, and come because I’m touching you.”

Him coming for Zhou Mi’s stroking fingers, coming all over Zhou Mi’s stomach, coming with Zhou Mi’s lips against his neck. His moan was sharp, and his body shuddered as he came to the images and Zhou Mi’s voice. He came into his shorts, stroking himself, and he couldn’t even parse the words then, just knowing Zhou Mi was still talking as began to pant. He relaxed, spent, and throbbed again to hear Zhou Mi take a ragged breath.

“Did you just…?”

“You don’t leave me a lot of control,” Kyuhyun admitted. He was half embarrassed to have gotten off - again - before Zhou Mi.

“I bet you’re really good at that.”

“Getting myself off?”

“No, though that too,” Zhou Mi said, and his voice was soft. “Touching.”

“I could show you,” Kyuhyun suggested. Though. Showing could mean Zhou Mi just watching him, which wasn’t what he meant. “I mean. Demonstrating. Helping you out.

Zhou Mi had started huffing in laughter by the end of Kyuhyun’s little speech and Kyuhyun groaned at him.

“I’d enjoy being shown. And being helped.”

How much he would like to help. But Zhou Mi hadn’t come yet, and maybe there was only one way to help, but he was essentially hearing Zhou Mi jerking off, and he wasn’t going to leave Zhou Mi hanging.

“I’d help you any time. You said you loved my mouth, and I’d love making you moan with it. Run my lips all over you, feel you get hard against my tongue.” He felt shameless, thrilled and driven by Zhou Mi’s desperate little sounds. “I’d keep sucking until you couldn’t help moaning my name. I’d be moaning around you because it turned me on so much to feel you so—“

Zhou Mi drew in a ragged breath, a groan rolling out of him, and Kyuhyun couldn’t speak then, listening to his moans, imagining his desperate, stroking hand. Zhou Mi was coming. Zhou Mi had gotten off while Kyuhyun was talking to him. It made Kyuhyun blow out a slow breath.

It took a bit but Zhou Mi put his face closer to the phone, and Kyuhyun heard him hum.

“Why haven’t we done that sooner?”

Kyuhyun laughed, delighted. “Better late than never.”

“You had such good ideas,” Zhou Mi teased. “Oh, I’ll be thinking about that. I just needed to call. I needed to hear your voice, too. I like your voice. You make me feel connected.”

The conversation shifted sharply from charged, to sweet and Kyuhyun sent a helpless look at his phone.

“I like your voice a bit, too,” he said, and Zhou Mi cooed.

“Just a bit?”

“Maybe a little more than a bit.”

“Should I sing you to sleep?”

Kyuhyun closed his eyes as Zhou Mi hummed a little at him. He sighed a little when Zhou Mi paused.

“I don’t know if I should tell you that’s going to put me to sleep or keep me awake.”

“Maybe I should do an album of lullabies,” Zhou Mi teased.

“I’d be okay with that.”

And then a yawn made his jaw pop and he could hear Zhou M laughing.

“Okay. Sounds like time to sleep.” Zhou Mi pressed a kiss against his phone. “Sleep well. I love you.”

It actually ran a chill through him, hearing it so casually, unprompted.

“Yeah, love you, too. For real, go to sleep.”

“I will,” Zhou Mi promised.

Kyuhyun stayed where he was after the phone beeped, indicating the call was over. He was tempted for a half of a second to just roll over and pass out, until he realized how sticky he felt. He sent Zhou Mi one last text when he climbed back into bed. He anticipated waking up to outrage. All the text said was: “You’re right. Just a sheet is nice.”

He put his hand near the other pillow, imagining Zhou Mi covering his hand and squeezing. It helped him slip right into sleep.


To go out on a public date felt like a decadence and a danger. Zhou Mi had sworn he owed Kyuhyun a meal, and he had saw this cute place he wanted to try. Saying no to Zhou Mi when they didn’t have all that much time together anyway was impossible. He’d felt like he’d been wearing some kind of awkward fan billboard when he’d been meeting with Zhou Mi to start with, but walking in felt even more conspicuous. He wasn’t wearing some neon sign that shouted “MAN DATING A MALE CELEBRITY RIGHT HERE” or something, and as long as he didn’t act suspicious, he was invisible. Zhou Mi was less so, leggy and gorgeous, and even if he wore sunglasses, his bone structure stood out. But Kyuhyun couldn’t admire Zhou Mi’s jawline as they settled into a table across from each other when he was worried about…everything. The waiter didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, and Kyuhyun’s heart sort of leaped when their legs brushed under the table.

Even the food arrived without note, but Kyuhyun had this gnawing feeling he couldn’t shake. Every time someone laughed, it felt like his glances were sharper, trying to see if anyone was looking, if anyone noticed. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye, absently agreeing with something Zhou Mi said before relaxing because no, it wasn’t someone with a camera.

“Is your food okay?” Zhou Mi asked.

“What? Oh, yeah, it’s good.” He took another spoonful of the broth to taste it and felt like he actually did taste it that time. It really was good, and he nodded at Zhou Mi to emphasize that.

He blinked, because Zhou Mi was leaning closer to him. No, they couldn’t be too close, if someone saw— He leaned back, and there was something shrewd in the way that Zhou Mi looked at him then.

“I’ve seen you be nervous around me, but this is new. Are you worried someone is going to see…?”

“Something like that?” Kyuhyun said. “You might be uncomfortable, or—“

“I love meeting people. It’s an inconvenience to people I’m with sometimes, but usually it doesn’t take much of my time. I tried to be really careful when we met at first because I wanted…I wanted that time with you. You don’t have to be afraid. If anyone sees, they’ll see two friends having a meal.”

What Zhou Mi said made sense. Zhou Mi was notorious for being really good to his fans, and two guys having a meal together wouldn’t start a rumor unless they started making out across the table. It just made him embarrassed, taking a few quick bites and grumbling a bit at Zhou Mi tapping their shoes together.

“So cute,” Zhou Mi said, and it wasn’t said to make Kyuhyun more embarrassed but it managed to anyway. He wanted to move his collar away from his heated neck, but he thought Zhou Mi might have really started teasing him then.

“Eat before it gets cold,” Kyuhyun settled on, which was a total copout.

Zhou Mi smirked at him a little, which sent Kyuhyun on a completely different mental trajectory. It let him relax, though, expounding on one of the stories that he’d texted Zhou Mi about one of his coworkers who’d managed to douse his nice gray slacks in toner. It was good to see Zhou Mi eating, because he could see the strain of tiredness around his eyes. It made him worry, as a— A boyfriend? He didn’t know why that was a word that suddenly made him squirmy, when they’d been on dates, had gotten off together.

He cleared his throat, needing to get far away from those thoughts. No, maybe no one would divine why two men were out eating, but he was pretty sure those thoughts would be dangerously close to being broadcasted citywide.

“I kind of wanted to tell you in private,” Zhou Mi said, draining his bowl and getting his elbows on the table so he could lean forward. “But I don’t want to have to wait. We know when I’m flying out for the award ceremony, and… I got confirmation of a ticket for you.”

“Oh!” He’d been quietly making plans when Zhou Mi had mentioned it to get a day or two off around the ceremony itself. Even if Zhou Mi hadn’t been able to get him a ticket, he figured it’d be good time off and he’d at least be able to watch it on TV. “What day do you go? I’ll start looking for a plane ticket.”

“I’ll go the day before, so you can go any time that’s convenient. I wish we could fly together,” Zhou Mi said, and sighed. “But! I’ll be busy that day I get there, because of a few schedules, but we might be able to meet up before I get whisked off to get ready. You’ll have a hotel room there in the hotel for two nights, too. Hopefully close to mine.”

That seemed to make Zhou Mi pleased to tell him that, and Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if he should trust that look.

“Do I just pay when I check in, or…?”

“No. The room is taken care of. You’re going! Besides, a plane ticket might not be cheap.”

“Yeah, but—“

Zhou Mi was a mule. A sunshine-emitting, actual piece of granite when he wasn’t willing to budge. Kyuhyun had to shelve the argument or he was just going to continue running into Zhou Mi’s easy refusals. It was hard to argue with a man like that.

“Then, thank you,” Kyuhyun said “For putting all of that together. My vacation time is settled, so there won’t be anything to stop me from going.”

Zhou Mi grinned at him, and it was Zhou Mi’s turn to look around, frustrated for a split second that there were people around them to keep him from dancing right over the table to squeeze Kyuhyun into three pieces.

“You’re going to go,” Zhou Mi said, shaking his fists and cheerleading there right from his seat.

“You’re really going to make people stare,” Kyuhyun scolded, and Zhou Mi laughed.

It was fun to make plans, to make dreams. Even if they couldn’t travel together, Zhou Mi had a lot to tell him about the city, links he promised to send, and a general excitement about the ceremony itself. It was a big deal, being nominated. It was a big deal that Zhou Mi wanted him there. That pleased him, and it ate away any resistance he might have had for how Zhou Mi was setting up and paying for part of the trip for him. He didn’t want to wash away any of that happiness.

When the taxi to take Zhou Mi away pulled up, Zhou Mi was wrapped around Kyuhyun almost immediately.

“I want to kiss you so much right now,” Zhou Mi murmured into his neck.

“I know,” Kyuhyun said, patting his back. He did, too. He did way too much of the time, like when he stood still and relived their first kiss.

“Soon,” Zhou Mi promised.

Their faces brushed as they pulled back, and Kyuhyun patted at Zhou Mi’s arm.

“Get some rest.”

“I will,” Zhou Mi said, and looked tempted to go right back in for another hug. Instead he nodded a little, smiling and ducking into the car. They waved as long as they could as the car pulled out into traffic, and it left Kyuhyun alone and feeling itchy in the weirdest way.

He’d thought he’d be better at the whole relationship thing. Or at least, more disconnected, more selfish. He usually hated having his time infringed on, weird interruptions, not having some semblance of control. The thought of a relationship had been a bit soul-sucking, but his need eclipsed his every expectation. To touch, to talk.

Maybe it was because he’d never loved anyone he’d dated before, not like that. He just hadn’t known how he’d be until he was there. Even if he’d never actually said anything to his friends he’d silently judged, he crafted a tiny silent apology anyway.

Kyuhyun made a bit of a kissy face in the selca that he sent. To most people it just looked like a cute picture. He knew Zhou Mi would understand.


It was not as though Zhou Mi was something that Kyuhyun had created himself, like a mug or a painting. The feeling of pride in showing Zhou Mi off was great, though seeing him accomplish something wasn’t something he could take credit for. Zhou Mi’s parents got credit for his looks, and Zhou Mi himself got credit for his personality.

He wasn’t even sure why he was thinking about it. It had taken a lot of schedule massaging, but when Kyuhyun had brought up the idea of Zhou Mi meeting Ryeowook, he’d been wholeheartedly into it. When they barely had time to get together as it was, Kyuhyun still wanted that to happen. At least from his end to somehow show, hey, here’s this great guy and yes he was somehow in a relationship. It wasn’t as though Ryeowook was a man without taste so Kyuhyun had no doubts about Ryeowook liking Zhou Mi. And Ryeowook was his friend and a good person, so Zhou Mi was going to like him, too. He’d liked Zhou Mi’s friends, and from what Zhou Mi had said they’d seemed to like him.

But Kyuhyun had a larger problem in that, for the first time, Zhou Mi was coming over to his apartment. It was probably a good thing that he wasn’t alone, because he asked Ryeowook about five times to be sure everything looked okay. He’d scrubbed down the bathroom, shined up the kitchen. He’d put away a couple of Zhou Mi-related items for the sake of his soul, but he still had things scattered and pictures on the wall.

There was stuff in his bedroom, but they weren’t going to get to see that while Ryeowook was there. Which was probably good. Maybe. If they were going to get naked, he almost preferred it to be at Zhou Mi’s place. Though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because that was where everything else started, though that was a weird reason, too.

Kyuhyun almost stumbled onto his feet the door chime, and Ryeowook blatantly laughed at him. Zhou Mi had texted not 20 minutes earlier indicating he was getting closer, so it wasn’t like Kyuhyun was unprepared. Still, it was his home, and his… His…

Zhou Mi was taking off his sunglasses as Kyuhyun opened the door, and he only had half a second for his heart to stop because of it while getting Zhou Mi waved in.

“You found it! Ryeowook got here just a bit a ago, and oh, you didn’t have to bring any—“

“Hi,” Zhou Mi said, And when Kyuhyun would have taken whatever it was Zhou Mi had in the box he’d brought, Zhou Mi reached and cupped his elbow. Kyuhyun’s brain fluttered right off as Zhou Mi’s lips brushed against his.

“Hi,” Kyuhyun replied, and they beamed at each other for a moment before Ryeowook’s chuckle broke through to him. Zhou Mi had just kissed him in front of someone. Zhou Mi had just kissed him in front of someone. Zhou Mi had just—

Kyuhyun walked on absolute autopilot with Zhou Mi over to where Ryeowook had stood.

“You know who Zhou Mi is,” Kyuhyun said to Ryeowook, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears. “This is my friend, Ryeowook.”

The only one who knew about “them.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Ryeowook said, ignoring Kyuhyun and whatever his face was doing. “I knew of you but I’ve heard a lot about you since.”

“Not a lot!” Kyuhyun clarified, smacking at Ryeowook’s arm. “Ryeowook is a fan, too. Not as big a fan as I am, but— As I was. As I am,” he settled on. Because he still was. That hadn’t—

He had two men laughing at him and he gave them both a stare of death and took Zhou Mi’s box the two steps to the kitchen.

“I’m glad Kyuhyun hasn’t figure out how to be cool around you yet,” Ryeowook said.

“He’s been wonderful,” Zhou Mi said. Ah, loyalty. “Don’t tell him I said that though.”

Okay, maybe not. Kyuhyun snorted just as audibly as Zhou Mi’s warning had been, and peeked into the box. He didn’t think Zhou Mi would bring something he had to be wary of, but it made sense to be cautious. But no, nothing risqué was in the box, just the wafting of sweet and chocolate.

“Zhou Mi wants me to have to roll to work,” Kyuhyun teased. Zhou M just blinked all innocence at him.

It was fun to sit and pass out drinks once his stress had dropped. No more waiting, no more last minute panics, just Zhou Mi and Ryeowook who were chatting easily. Enviously easily, as he glanced between them. He half thought of taking a chair further away from Zhou Mi, like they had to be subtle somehow, but he sat down, spread out, his knee pressing noticeably into Zhou Mi’s. Zhou Mi’s hand darted out immediately, squeezing Kyuhyun’s leg, and Kyuhyun buzzed a little as Zhou Mi smiled at him. It was like being thrown into a relaxing hot tub. He had two of his favorite people in the universe nearby, and he almost couldn’t believe how things had changed. He’d have pinched himself that yes, Zhou Mi was right there next to him had Zhou Mi not been worrying the fabric of Kyuhyun’s pants.

He didn’t think that Ryeowook had thought he’d been making it all up but there they were, all three of them.

“The way Kyuhyun talked, I wondered if he might have wallpaper of my face,” Zhou Mi said, craning his neck to look around.

Kyuhyun almost jerked his knee away at that.

“Oh no,” Ryeowook said. There, that was his support. “Though he probably could with your last album. He bought… how many did you buy? At least twenty of your albums trying to get into a fan sign once.”

It was probably closer to 25, but Kyuhyun wasn’t going to stick his foot in that trap even as Zhou Mi exclaimed, “Twenty!”

“I didn’t keep them all,” Kyuhyun insisted. “Some people bought them from me.”

A few of them anyway, Ryeowook being one of them. And Ryeowook was completely unaffected by throwing Kyuhyun under the bus.

“But even with all that you didn’t get in,” Zhou Mi said, patting Kyuhyun’s knee in apology.

“You remember every person you’ve ever signed for, is that it?”

“I’d have remembered you,” Zhou Mi said, and Kyuhyun could nearly believe it. “Plus you’d have told me if we’d met before the meet and greet, too.”

“Fair enough.”

They eyed each other, and let that go. All Kyuhyun really had to do was sit back and let the two of them get acquainted, correcting, interjecting, laughing and trying not to get smacked. It was just normal conversation, just had in his apartment was all. It washed over him, again. Zhou Mi, overlord of Kyuhyun’s little fanboy heart, champion and emperor of his warm and fuzzy feelings, was in his apartment. Kyuhyun couldn’t help the sort of intense grin that jerked up the corners of his mouth, and Zhou Mi smiled at him a bit tentatively back like he wasn’t sure what all that smile was about. He was fairly sure tackling Zhou Mi and rolling around with him in ecstatic glory wasn’t the appropriate response.

There wasn’t enough room, for one thing.

And his bladder was calling to him. Damn adrenaline.

“I have to go for a minute,” Kyuhyun said, mourning the loss of Zhou Mi’s hand but not exactly being able to take him into the bathroom with him. It was just outside of his bedroom, around the corner from where they’d been sitting, so it wasn’t like he was going far.

Bodily functions, they happened. He made a couple of faces at the mirror as he passed, hearing conversation continuing in his absence, which was good. He was a good boy and didn’t try to strain to hear what they were talking about while he was gone. He didn’t tarry overly long, either, and there was nothing but innocent faces when he went back out, Zhou Mi at the fridge getting himself more water.

“We missed you,” Zhou Mi told him.

“Did you?”

“At least you’re finally out,” Ryeowook said. “My turn.”

“Finally— Don’t fall in!” Kyuhyun shot after him.

“I’ll be back in a second. Not everyone’s bowels are as slow as yours are.”

Kyuhyun didn’t know if he should be offended or not, but whatever else he thought, Zhou Mi was laughing at least. And instead of wanting to talk about how weird his friends were, Zhou Mi just guided him right in, putting his hands on Kyuhyun’s back and waist and taking the time they had alone to kiss him, a kiss that Kyuhyun felt right down on through. The counter’s stability made it easy to lean in, and that was something he definitely took advantage of.

“I like your place,” Zhou Mi said.

“Oh yeah?” Kyuhyun asked. He almost shivered at the fingers that Zhou Mi trailed up his spine.

“Yeah. You’re in it.”

Zhou Mi just mocked his groan, teasing him into another kiss. Or three, so easy to fall into the luxury of Zhou Mi’s mouth. He thought he heard a sound, and his sense of place began to filter in.

“Ryeowook will be back soon,” Kyuhyun said.

“Don’t mind me,” he heard from behind him, and Kyuhyun turned his head so fast he nearly became an owl. And there was Ryeowook, sitting there in his chair like he’d been there for a long time actually. Kyuhyun extracted himself from Zhou Mi’s arms and swiped his hand across his mouth. He was only flushing a little, glancing to see if Zhou Mi had reacted at all. But no, Zhou Mi was 100% shameless, sitting down like he was caught kissing every day of the week.

Though, he was used to people gawking at him as a celebrity, so there was that.

Kyuhyun had never quite met someone as pleased and amused to watch two people bicker as Zhou Mi was to watch Kyuhyun with Ryeowook. Most people rolled their eyes. In fact, Kyuhyun thought maybe he should’ve been on better behavior, but he wasn’t being mean. He was just…being himself.

“He may be dating you, but he is also dating his computer,” Ryeowook said.

“Hey!” Kyuhyun said. “Though. That may be true.”

Zhou Mi nudged him. “We should introduce our computers.”

“Do I even want to know what e-mails from you look like? Do you typo?”

“Kyuhyun!” Zhou Mi burst out, laughing. He’d had Zhou Mi’s email for a little while, Zhou Mi having forwarded him some information about the hotel, but they’d mostly been in contact via text or by phone.

Kyuhyun made fun of the typos but he wasn’t even the littlest bit begrudging of the mistakes since most of the time Zhou Mi was so good about it, and added to the fact that if Zhou Mi hadn’t taken the effort, they would have to be communicating in gestures and stick figures. Kyuhyun’s Mandarin was far and away not nearly as good. Though he maybe had bought something to help. He stared at the ceiling as Ryeowook showed Zhou Mi pictures of them as teenagers, Zhou Mi cooing like he was looking at baby pictures or something.

“This was a school trip. I think we were 18 in this one,” Ryeowook said.

“I’m still 18,” Zhou Mi quipped.

“You look good for your age,” Kyuhyun said.

Zhou Mi preened a little despite the teasing, but then sighed when he looked down at his phone.

“I need to get going. I’m flying out in the morning for a schedule.”

“At least you got to come out for a while,” Kyuhyun said. He was fighting the urge to pout a little. He knew that Zhou Mi needed rest and to get ready, and he was grateful that Zhou Mi had been able to visit at all.

“It was really nice meeting you,” Zhou Mi said, reaching out and grasping Ryeowook’s hand warmly. Ryeowook actually looked a little surprised and Kyuhyun just rocked a bit, to see them smiling at each other. It was up to him to show Zhou Mi out, though. With the goodbyes done, he followed Zhou Mi toward the door and all he had to do was walk into Zhou Mi’s arms.

It was some kind of a test to see who could squeeze each other tighter, humming as Zhou Mi rocked him, rubbed against his back. He was trying to absorb everything he could of that hug so he could write it into himself until he could have another one.

“Best hugs,” Kyuhyun mumbled, because his face was being squished.

“Thank you for having me over,” Zhou Mi said, as they both reluctantly started to let go.

“Thank you for coming over,” Kyuhyun said. “Now you know where it is.”

“Ooh,” Zhou Mi said, and nuzzled right in, kissing him again. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll be too busy to miss me. But I’ll miss you for both of us,” Kyuhyun said.

It almost made him groan the second he said it, but Zhou Mi’s grin kept him from actively regretting saying such a ridiculous thing.

“I love you,” Zhou Mi said, and Kyuhyun all but swelled with emotion, nodding.

“Love you, too,” Kyuhyun said, and that was another kiss, and it wasn’t supposed to be that hard to get someone out the door.

“Okay, okay. I hope we can meet up again,” Zhou Mi called to Ryeowook. Ryeowook responded in kind and Kyuhyun lifted his head, getting one last kiss before Zhou Mi sighed out all of his regret and opened the door. He left with a wave, in a quick motion, like if he didn’t get the door closed behind him, then he’d just come right back in.

Kyuhyun wandered back to the table in a bit of daze, and the look on Ryeowook’s face had him putting his head down on the table. Zhou Mi had been in his apartment, and Zhou Mi had gone, and he didn’t have a Zhou Mi to hug or kiss for a while.

“What,” Kyuhyun said, feeling Ryeowook’s stare on the top of his head.

“I’m just trying to divine how to get a relationship like that. No wonder you couldn’t keep yourself together. You were wondering if everything was off because you’d started as a fan, but he just… He left today with a giant Kyuhyun-sized cutout missing from his heart.”

Kyuhyun tilted his head up. “And?”

Ryeowook smirked and just shook his head. “There’s no hope for either of you. You need to spray your cologne on a sachet or something so he can carry around a piece of you. Or give hm a locket. Hair would probably be a little creepy.”

“A sachet,” Kyuhyun laughed.

At least laughing with Ryeowook helped him forget for a while what felt like the Zhou-Mi sized piece missing from his own heart.

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January 2017


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